Divorce vs. Long-Term Separation

[indyguy9791]

My ex and I had an amicable break up and stayed married for a time while we dated other people. It can and does happen and fuck what any outsider thinks about your relationships. They are yours for a reason.

Exactly my thoughts. My ex-wife and I met when I was 15. We got married whle I was in college and had a fantastic life together. But guess what.?.?.....we become different people when we are 30 or 35 versus age 15. And while we had a happy life, I always kinda knew something was missing so I "manned up" a few years ago (on Christmas eve of all days) and shared that I probably was more than a little curious about sex with guys. She couldn't have been more understanding and supportive about my decision to the point she was at least as concerned about me hurting as I was about her hurting.
Anyway, not that there weren't any complications, etc. what it came down to was that we both totallly and truly loved and respected each other. So we stayed married for a couple years mainly because of insurance and working on the house to get it ready to sell. And we both dated others and supported each other thru the ups and downs of that. And we grew even closer as result of going thru this whole experience. She met a great guy and they got engaged and we were like, "Oh Shit, we gotta get a divorce (there's a 6-month "cooling off period" in our state before it can finalize) so she could get married.
Many of our family and friends thought/think we are nuts, but it simply worked for us. We're still best friends. Always will be. And I have dinner with her and her husband prolly twice a month. There are all sorts of relationships and families out there --- people just need to open their eyes and their minds and remember that your family are those select few people that you decide to spend your life with, no matter what the title or legalitiy of the situation is.

 

[hud01]

Exactly my thoughts. My ex-wife and I met when I was 15. We got married whle I was in college and had a fantastic life together. But guess what.?.?.....we become different people when we are 30 or 35 versus age 15. And while we had a happy life, I always kinda knew something was missing so I "manned up" a few years ago (on Christmas eve of all days) and shared that I probably was more than a little curious about sex with guys. She couldn't have been more understanding and supportive about my decision to the point she was at least as concerned about me hurting as I was about her hurting.
Anyway, not that there weren't any complications, etc. what it came down to was that we both totallly and truly loved and respected each other. So we stayed married for a couple years mainly because of insurance and working on the house to get it ready to sell. And we both dated others and supported each other thru the ups and downs of that. And we grew even closer as result of going thru this whole experience. She met a great guy and they got engaged and we were like, "Oh Shit, we gotta get a divorce (there's a 6-month "cooling off period" in our state before it can finalize) so she could get married.
Many of our family and friends thought/think we are nuts, but it simply worked for us. We're still best friends. Always will be. And I have dinner with her and her husband prolly twice a month. There are all sorts of relationships and families out there --- people just need to open their eyes and their minds and remember that your family are those select few people that you decide to spend your life with, no matter what the title or legalitiy of the situation is.

People who have never been there can't comment on what they have not experienced. I love that you are still best friends.

 

[lickme69]

This is absolutley incorrect. The only debt you are responsible for is joint debt. If you have a joint credit card or mortgage yes, but if your spouse buys a car on his or her own and then defaults, you are not liable.

Sorry but I have seen too many "married" people become responsible for their spouses debts.

 

[flaman]

I have to add a few comments. I too am still legally married to my wife. We have been apart for many years, which is how long I have been with my partner.
She is one of my best friends. She and he also get along very well. We go to her house for some of the holidays, and she to our home. I used to say when the kids were grown, we would get a divorce. It never happened.
She has her own home near by, and has her own health insurance from her job at the university. My partner used to complain about me not getting a divorce, but doesn't say much anymore. I give her money when she needs it. She is my true friend.
There are so many people that say "Why are you not divorced"? Some also say you had the best of both worlds, "gay" and "straight." That is not true. It was rough when I first came out, being married and having 3 young kids. We went through some very hard times. It was extremely hard on my Father. It took him 10 years to accept my relationship with my partner.
If things were bitter between She and I, we probably would of divorced years ago. Some people think we are crazy. My partner can't collect my social security if something was to happen to me. Atleast She can still get that. Sometimes I feel guilty about not getting a divorce. Besides, what would people gossip about about once we are divorced? My partner is the only one I have to answer to. After all these years, he knows he has me. We have a great life together.

 

[hud01]

Sorry but I have seen too many "married" people become responsible for their spouses debts.

Then they were idiots. After my wife left the credit card company called and said I know you are not responsible for her debts, but can you pay it anyway. So I have been there and know what it is.

 

[lickme69]

Then they were idiots. After my wife left the credit card company called and said I know you are not responsible for her debts, but can you pay it anyway. So I have been there and know what it is.

I still get calls to this day regarding my ex husbands debts. these companies would like to make me think I am still responsible for his debts, but I shut them up by telling them what my divorce decree states. Although when I went to get my divorce after a lengthy separation, my ex was trying to get me to share some of the debts he incurred during our separation. Thankfully I got out of it, but I bet there are alot of people out there that got screwed over in the process. I guess it depends upon how good your lawyer is. :biggrin1:

 

[lickme69]

Here is another horror story. A good friend of mine had been separated for a long time and they were 2 weeks away from finally finalizing their divorce. Well, she won the lottery. He got half of it. She was so sick about it. She tried to fight it because she showed they were separated at the time she bought the lottery ticket. The judge basically told her she should have waited to play the lottery until after the divorce. Your spouse is entitled to at least half of your things. This is another thing people should think about when choosing a long term separation over a divorce. Unless of course like many people on here have stated thay they do not care and actually would want their spouse to receive benefits or money.

 

[hud01]

Here is another horror story. A good friend of mine had been separated for a long time and they were 2 weeks away from finally finalizing their divorce. Well, she won the lottery. He got half of it. She was so sick about it. She tried to fight it because she showed they were separated at the time she bought the lottery ticket. The judge basically told her she should have waited to play the lottery until after the divorce. Your spouse is entitled to at least half of your things. This is another thing people should think about when choosing a long term separation over a divorce. Unless of course like many people on here have stated thay they do not care and actually would want their spouse to receive benefits or money.

If she were smart she would not have looked at the ticket until after the divorce.

 

[lickme69]

If she were smart she would not have looked at the ticket until after the divorce.

She wanted to but she was in a group pool for the lottery and of course everyone else in the pool wanted to get the ball rolling. She did not think he would get any. He didn;t start the process until he found out. It was a long drawn out process, but in the end he got half.

 

[mako shark]

Sometimes it is difficult to understand each situation but some folks like the former mayor of SF and Speaker of the House (W. Brown) has done this for 30 years... I myself was married for 13yrs, separated for 10yrs before she called it quits. Worked out good with the corporate businesses, taxes,raising our daughter, and the lawyer made $200 off of me and and maybe $2K off of her. If you are worried about legalities, there are many instuments of law that care care of that.

Divorce vs. Long-Term Separation

I recently learned that a cousin by marriage has relatives who never divorced. They just have lived separate lives for about 30 years now. Both husband and wife have gone on to have a second family with new people and everyone is fine with this.

Obviously this is none of my business; but I am puzzled as to why one would want to remain married to someone you clearly no longer love. What happens with health insurance and wills? Technically your legal spouse is entitled to that. Then again in some states after 7 years you are considered to have a common law marriage. Does this make the people involved bigamists?

I'm sure some of you have been in, or are currently involved in a situation like this and I am really curious as to why. What do you gain by staying married to one person while living a completely separate life with another?