divorce

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by honeydew, Jan 5, 2010.

  1. honeydew

    honeydew New Member

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    Okay, this one is not for everyone, I just needed to vent.

    I will be filing for divorce soon and just want to explode. He knows this could be coming so has gone out of his way to be Mr nice guy and do all the things he couldn't seem to do for the last 8 months. Get up off his ass and at least see if anything needed to be done around the house.
    I knew when we got married he was diabetic and had ED problems, no problem. What I could not deal with was him not even trying to get help for this along with his own general health. He even went to get Androgel now. A little to late dude!!! If you cant talk to me nicely what makes you think I want to have sex with you????(rhetorical, just venting )As things got more tense(I can't seem to do anything correctly) he got really cruel with his comments even going to the point of telling me "I didn't deserve any better" as we were talking about trying to make things right. Thank you for the wake up call. I DO DESERVE BETTER as does all women here. No one has to take verbal abuse EVER!!!!
    I will never get married again. I think I will try the friends with benefits route for now.
     
  2. sprout

    sprout New Member

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    I feel for you Honeydew. Going through something similar myself. Hang in there sister! :)
     
  3. DGirl

    Gold Member

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    Hugs, babe!!

    I hope you get through this!!

    I have some friends that went this and it is NEVER easy!!!
    Keep your head straight though..
     
  4. Eisenhower

    Eisenhower Member

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    Sorry for your pain. Went through a bad breakup myself in 2009. Sometimes, I wonder if "love" is really worth it, or ever really lasts.
     
  5. Principessa

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    Damn, another one bites the dust. :frown1: I find it sad when a marriage ends, I really do.

    Sounds like you are completely justified in filing. Of course you deserve better. :yup: I was in a relationship with a verbally and emotionally abusive man and it sucks!

    Get out, and get better, but you will love again. Just give it time. :hug:
     
  6. voidout

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    dang, ya'll. that blows.
     
  7. MidwestGal

    MidwestGal Member

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    Hang in there, there is life after divorce. It's different for all of us depending what we want. I wish you the best of luck in finding happiness and getting through this difficult time. Email me if you need any support!
     
  8. EllieP

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    My divorce was one of the most difficult things I have ever done, but one of the most necessary. It happened on a down slide for me, and I kept on going down afterwards. But when the pendulum started swinging the other way life got so much better. It's a very dark time, I know, and you may be feeling very weak and vulnerable. But there is a strength in you that will pull you through it all. You need to find that strength and hold on to it.

    My ex never started to come around and be nice. He remained an asshole through the whole thing. He even said I left him since I filed for the divorce even though he was the one cheating. He still maintains it's my fault for the marriage breaking up because I filed. Personally, I don't think there was ever a marriage in the first place.

    Keep your head high, Honeydew. You're doing what's best for you.
     
  9. 4inchsoft

    4inchsoft New Member

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    So when you stood before God and said 'Yes' to the question of 'til death do you part', did you actually think about all of the ramifications involved in that statement??? It's not always easy being married, I am 33 and have been married since 1997. It has not been 'all roses'. You need to communicate, and both work together to overcome differences. It takes a lot of effort to stay in a relationship, something I believe is getting to be too much trouble for the majority of the world!!!
     
  10. helgaleena

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    If the man is diabetic that can cause Jekyll and Hyde mood swings. It is very sad that he did not get help sooner and put you through his evil moods when he could have gotten them fixed.

    I cannot tell you when enough is enough. If you have children it might be wise to consider what kind of father he is being.

    For my part I stayed with an excellent father for the sake of the kids for far too long. I knew it was too much when my son began defending me against his belittling. Before that I actually thought it was justified. Maybe some of it, but not all. And the amount of bias against everything I did kept growing. He refused to try counseling and could not even agree with me if I was agreeing with him anymore-- would rather contradict himself! I think he actually went a bit insane. The only relief I could offer was to leave.

    He was not the diabetic; that was other family members btw. But my sister's husband has diabetes and also three nearly grown children and a happy home life. It is not an excuse.
     
  11. AlteredEgo

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    I'm so sorry, honeydew, about your pain, and impending divorce.
     
  12. ManlyBanisters

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    I don't think it helps to judge the OP and ask her stuff like did she not think about what her vows meant in the first place.

    No one should stay in an abusive relationship. It is harmful not only to the person being abused but to any children. If you have been in an abusive relationship you will understand, if you haven't you won't.

    Only the OP knows her own situation.
     
  13. honeydew

    honeydew New Member

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    Thanks for all the support guys/gals.
    4inches, I took my vows seriously but that has to go both ways. When your partner won't even allow a starting point for reconsiliation I don't know what else to do. When the verbal abuse got worse, even after talking about it, I had enough. Am I perfect, far from it. I have a daughter from a previous marriage and she has had enough as well. She is tired of seeing me cry. Counseling... we did that before we got married then after I was told I had the problem I needed to go. When you walk in my shoes, then come talk to me.
     
  14. eyescream

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    Yes, you deserve better! I wish you all the best of luck and happiness!
     
  15. EllieP

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    Yes, I did understand all of the ramifications. He, apparently, did not. The whole monogamous thing completely escaped him. After what he did I guess I should have taken that whole "till death" thing into account, however, I'd probably still be serving my 10 to 20.
     
  16. voidout

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    I really hope that your divorce is not as painful as my mother's was, and please, PLEASE...

    I am begging you...
    do NOT lose yourself.

    Do NOT let yourself go. Remember that you're worth living.
    Remember who you are. It's so incredibly important, especially if you have kids.

    Good luck with everything.
     
  17. NotSoDumb_Blonde

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    Wow, that is tough! And way hard and no, no one has to listen to verbal abuse. I hope you are being careful with yourself. ((((hugs))))
     
  18. honeydew

    honeydew New Member

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    Thanks and thanks!!!!!

    Billiejean others, I am keeping myself up and I am now at the state of lets get this over. No sadness, no beating myself up just ready to move foward. I am blessed to have a wonderful daughter who keeps me going and I have my hobbies, and of course my job(blessed to do something i love).
    My philosophy is "shit happens , move on".
     
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