Divorce?

[Drifterwood]

I am interested in members' views on divorce. There are many members here who have been divorced, nothing unusual about that, and please don't be limited by the poll. I don't have any first hand experience of what the real issues are or may have been for you.

 

[irox19]

i recently broke off my engagement for fear that divorce was where we would be headed once we got married. I hope that if I ever meet someone who I want to marry and will want to marry me, that divorce will never be a consideration. Maybe that is too idealistic.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Divorce is not surprising...

When it was hard to get them, the only difference was that lots of people lived in miserable relationships... or simply went on with their lives with the marriage being little more than a legal entanglement.

Today, divorce rates accurately reflect that fact that people change over time.
It is hard to maintain a high regard for our mates, because we have come to expect so much more out of life in terms of its meeting our expectations.

We get bored with each other, or just annoyed with each other... and it is truly rare for any of us to find that person who can match our growth, or lack thereof, over the long haul.


I was married for 14 years... had two children, now in their late 20s... it started wonderfully, and got worse with the years, but I can not say I regret the marriage. It was a time of personal growth, a career established, ever increasing income and ease... and the origin of a family and the raising of two fine sons.

It may have ended badly, but all in all it was time well spent.

And let's face it... even if you have only one relationship, your whole life long, it will be wrested from you...
Everything of any value will be stripped away, either somehow along the way, or thru death....
It is all so transient... so evanescent...

take what you can from everything you go thru...

 

[coachreffn]

Damn, Phil, that was so wise. Thanks for posting that...life is transient...and damn, I like that word evanescent. Thanks!

 

[Countryguy63]

Can a person regret the marriage, while still being thankful for his children? I don't think you can at the same time, so I guess I don't regret it

 

[Drifterwood]

Can a person regret the marriage, while still being thankful for his children? I don't think you can at the same time, so I guess I don't regret it

I think so CG, or at least that is how it sometimes seems to me, but then I have never been there which is why I am asking. I have never heard anyone say that they regret their kids, so I added the option so that love of one's kids didn't stop people from saying that they otherwise regretted the relationship.

 

[helgaleena]

I think so CG, or at least that is how it sometimes seems to me, but then I have never been there which is why I am asking. I have never heard anyone say that they regret their kids, so I added the option so that love of one's kids didn't stop people from saying that they otherwise regretted the relationship.

You are very lucky to have never heard anyone say that. Even children have heard that. :sad:

 

[Drifterwood]

You are very lucky to have never heard anyone say that. Even children have heard that. :sad:

Indeed.

 

[Drifterwood]

Do we really not have any women here who do not regret a divorced relationship?

I appreciate that the sample is small (20 responses as I write, and only four women), but 50% not regretting, and all those being men, is interesting.

 

[223790]

I am so fortunate to be in a happy marriage. I have been with my wife for over 14 years now, and we love each other even more today. I waited until I was older to get married because I needed to do everything that I wanted to do first. My parents divorced when I was young and it was tramuatic for the entire family. My brother went off the deep end, and my sister bounced from one bad relationship to another until she married at the age of 19 looking for stability that was not present in our family. She has been seperated and now divorced from her husband for almost 10 years. I'm at the age in my life where I'm seeing a lot of friends marriages fall apart. I just found out yesterday that another friend of mine has just seperated from her husband. It's funny how you go through stages in your life. In one stage all of your friends are going to university, then they are all getting married, then they are all having kids, and now divorces are happening. After finding out that my friend is seperating, I gave my wife a big hug and a kiss when she got home yesterday. I told her how thankful I am for our relationship and strong marriage.

 

[Big Del]

After we divorced my ex wife sent me some photos of my cock with the title - "this is the only thing I miss about you" Sweet!

 

[Drifterwood]

It's funny how you go through stages in your life. In one stage all of your friends are going to university, then they are all getting married, then they are all having kids, and now divorces are happening.

I am currently seeing a very similar thing with friends and family. There seems to be this sort of 12 year itch.

 

[ramwella]

I don't regret the relationship, b/c she is truly a wonderful person.

I regret that I was not courageous enough to own up to my bi-sexuality and not pull her into a doomed marriage.

I'm almost 40yo and realize that I will probably be a bachelor for the rest of my life. I enjoy sex with men too much to totally give it up, but not enough to ever be in a actual "relationship" with another dude. Also, I'm still turned on by women, but I could never tell her about my bisexuality and totally trust her with my biggest personal secret.

I portray an image to people that is partially false, and now I feel trapped in it!

 

[helgaleena]

Drifter, I think that if I did not regret a relationship I would still be in it. Marriage is a big heavy deal. It was far harder to get out of than it was to get into as well. The number of couples who stay out of inertia alone may be large.

 

[Drifterwood]

Drifter, I think that if I did not regret a relationship I would still be in it.

I am not sure that my experience is the same. Mostly I have not gone into relationships unless I really thought that they would work even if not in the long term, and secondly, I can't think of any that did not have some redeeming qualities at various stages. That the relationship didn't work out at a later stage, would not make me regret the whole.

Maybe men and women have a slightly different view here.

 

[helgaleena]

I can't talk for all females, only me. I Always have regrets about Everything. Makes it hard to have undiluted Fun.

 

[Drifterwood]

Makes it hard to have undiluted Fun.

Finlandia's loss is your gain. :wink:

 

[Ethyl]

Do we really not have any women here who do not regret a divorced relationship?
.

*raises hand*

I've had two marriages and regret nothing. The experiences from those relationships (amoung other relationships and events) molded me into the person I am today - and i'm very happy with myself.

 

[Hoss]

I am interested in members' views on divorce. There are many members here who have been divorced, nothing unusual about that, and please don't be limited by the poll. I don't have any first hand experience of what the real issues are or may have been for you.

I've been married and divorced a few times, no regrets about any of the relationships, they all contributed at the time to my happiness, and maybe I did the same for them. I became the person I am today because of those relationships and wouldn't change that for anything.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

I am struck to recall the words of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah"

" there was a time, when you let me know
what's really going on below
but now you never show that to me, do ya?

Remember when I moved in you
the holy dove was moving, too
and every breath we drew was Hallelujah...

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I learned to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool ya

And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah.