Divorce?

[irox19]

Is anyone divorced and remarried? If yes, what changed the second time around? Were you better prepared for the commitment? What were you looking for the second time around?

 

[Phil Ayesho]

I was divorced after 14 years... she was miserable, and preferred drinking to me...

The next relationship, I would have married her, but she kept saying she didn't want to... that lasted 17 years.


Now... in a new relationship I fully intend to stay in the rest of my life....


what changed? I was always ready for a commitment.
The only thing that changed was the attitude of my mate and their treatment of me, as a person.

It seems really common, in this country at least, that people simply can not maintain any sense of real graciousness with each other.

I was no different a man when we split than when we met. Same habits, same qualities, both stellar and aggravating.

What changed was that they stopped seeing, or appreciating my better traits that had so attracted them at first... having that every day... they became their daily expectation, rather than something special or sought after...
And that left only those things about me that annoyed, or chafed...

I never lost appreciation for them... tho I did grow to resent the ill treatment they felt they were entitled to dole out.


I suppose what has changed, recently, is that I no longer believe that people can learn to be self aware. That if they can not see their own responsibility for how they choose to see their mate... that there is nothing you can do to change that perspective.

I suppose what changed was what I look for in another human being... someone who starts off with a perspective more like mine... with a similar spiritual outlook, and similar willingness to take responsibility for their own happiness... and their own assumptions about others.

Also what has changed is my own assessment of what I do not have to tolerate from a mate.
I am gracious to my mate, and, from now on, I will insist on the same treatment in return.

It is sad that most couples do not seem to offer each other even the level of courtesy and consideration that they would reserve for perfect strangers.

 

[badgirl22]

I'm divorced and actually, I do regret the relationship for the most part. I gave up my money, career and sex for 13 years. I'm broke but happier than I've ever been now that it's ending (still trying to actually get divorced for over 2 years now). I'd have been better off not ever meeting the man even though I have three great kids.

But, I also believe all things happen for a reason and some day I'll understand what it was. Might be as simple as bringing these three amazing humans into the world. I guess thats reason enough.

Am afraid to ever do it again though I like being in a relationship - just feels good.

 

[B_curiousme01]

I sincerely regret my first marriage. I was a baby, he was twice my age and scared me into it during a "weekend trip to Mexico." He was a bully and manipulator. Whenever I think of him, I think of how lucky I am to have escaped. I barely made it out.

I do not regret my marriage now. We have been married for seven years and together more than 12.

 

[DorothySMatthews]

I filed for divorce last month because my husband put in enough effort to destroy our marriage. Neither of us wants to see each other anymore.

 

[Infernal]

I'm a child of divorce but happily married myself. My husband was married for 21 years. He and his ex-wife are good friends. They have 3 (now adult) children and collectively we have 6 grandchildren. The reasons for divorce are theirs alone. Obviously, he likes dick or we wouldn't be married, but there was more to it than that and none of that concerns me. They kept a united front for their children and were both engaged in their kids lives as they entered high school and college. I don't believe either of them regrets the relationship.