Saw something very broadly similar in the New Foresters a few years back
Do gay guys actually have sex in public at gay bars?
- Thread starter timbuktu
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It has been my experience that if the opportunity presents itself it will happen
I was once spiked with a date rape drug and if it hadn't been for the bouncer I'd of been raped in a nightclub! He got me to the toilet and my pants down, but I was saved just in time, I had to be tested as a precaution, but the man who did it had tried for weeks to get off with me, but I wasn't interested, so he took the action of attempting to get what he wanted by using a date rape drug! It was a horrible six months for me, as i had to be tested twice! I didn't feel I had been penetrated but I had to make sure and had tests and then had blood tests three months later and then three months after than, incase he had and to make sure I hadn't got HIV from him! Along with other std tests! I never accepted a drink and never leave my drink ever as a result! & it effected me a great deal, psychologically...
I truthfully have very radical views on this and cannot help as a gay man push my feelings of how gay society is sexualised and there are no real role models for young gay people! Commitment and love being over run by promiscuity and sending the wrong message of free liberalised sex, without young gays having an experience of being in a committed relationship and never experiencing love! The other night I had to comfort someone who had tried to hang himself after his boyfriend of two months did a u turn and said he didn't want to be in a committed relationship! He is having a really bad time right now and the world that feeds into sex being all that matters sends a bad message to the young who by rights are searching for something else 'Commitment'!
Sex does continue to dominate gay bars and clubs, particularly bars, with dark rooms and places set aside where men have oral and anal sex and there is a rise in gay saunas where it is really like prostitution when your being forced to pay £15 to enter, only its the owners of the saunas who are making the money, where the clients get nothing but sex and not always because they are not always that lucky, because their own expectations are far to high on what they think they can achieve, when their knocked back, over and over by an elite class of gays who are everything they want, but can't attract and as a result, laws are continued to be broken when they resort to using date rape drugs, to attempt to get off with gays beyond their reach!
There are many reasons why I advocate the desexualisation of gay bars, saunas etc, because it sends the wrong message and doesn't advocate relationships or commitment!
These are only my personal views....
A lot of people won't know that I was me who created the secure condom and lube in a cardboard envelop and a tamper proof seal when I approached the NHS and told them about people puncturing free condoms in bars with needles, they asked what I think they can do, so I suggested the envelopes and seals and they worked with organizations like MESMAC to achieve this and now we have the sealed envelopes, with two free condoms and two lube sachets in them.
Sex does continue to dominate gay bars and clubs, particularly bars, with dark rooms and places set aside where men have oral and anal sex and there is a rise in gay saunas where it is really like prostitution when your being forced to pay £15 to enter, only its the owners of the saunas who are making the money, where the clients get nothing but sex and not always because they are not always that lucky, because their own expectations are far to high on what they think they can achieve, when their knocked back, over and over by an elite class of gays who are everything they want, but can't attract and as a result, laws are continued to be broken when they resort to using date rape drugs, to attempt to get off with gays beyond their reach!
There are many reasons why I advocate the desexualisation of gay bars, saunas etc, because it sends the wrong message and doesn't advocate relationships or commitment!
These are only my personal views....
A lot of people won't know that I was me who created the secure condom and lube in a cardboard envelop and a tamper proof seal when I approached the NHS and told them about people puncturing free condoms in bars with needles, they asked what I think they can do, so I suggested the envelopes and seals and they worked with organizations like MESMAC to achieve this and now we have the sealed envelopes, with two free condoms and two lube sachets in them.
I guess this can only happen if societal homophobia is reduced. Have you ever stop to think how discontinued gay dating is from our regular lifes? Straight people may find their partners at work, school, college, church, market, etc., but we are simply not safe enough to do so. Don't you see how connected this is: 1) gay people are not safe to express their sexuality in their normal life, and 2) gay people often have partners who are only for sex and not for sharing part of their normal life?
This is not something that can change by advocating monogamy and faithfulness to gay people. You are attempting to produce a fragile artificiality if you try to instill in gay people's minds the value of commitment while society still devalue and ridicule gay love. I believe gay culture will change automatically when the material reality imposed on us change.
But if gay people saw their own potential and worked harder to form strength of self, and fight for freedoms, I was the hardest kid on my school on the 3rd year, that's 13, I beat kids who were much bigger then me, I did boxing, judo ams karate and mix karate and boxing together you have kick boxing, I ruled with an iron fist and game out totally at 14 years old, I fought for gay people and stood by my own and hung around with straight people and fought my way through any shit and no one was bothered I was gay at all, I had proper red neck lads who were straight love me and kiss me on the lips when I saw them, that's how close we are, I have about five straight friends even today who kiss me on the lips and not by my choice, they kiss me! But if gay people don't stand up and be counted then it will never go forward, and promiscuity is a trait of gay people with no interest in commitment because they can get sex so easy!! But we shall see if when they all start to turn into 50 if it will be so easy, because that is the road down, the start and sex will get less and less and when you looks fade and you body starts to sag, each day will be harder and harder! It is not only the fact that people are promiscuous but there are people deliberately infecting others, young and old, whilst other decent kind people with HIV are penalised for being honest about their situation! & are ostracised because of the fact that people puncture condoms with needles and others who know they have to on my country to inform anyone they are infected before having sex DON'T! & say its up to the other person to protect themselves, even young boys who first come out and get drunk and are picked up by these people. I love my fellow man, I have fought for gay rights, at one point with my fists, and later with negotiations and I in my country worked with the NHS to get condoms housed in cardboard envelopes with tamper proof seals, they worked with MESMAC to get this pushed through and it has been in effect for over five years. Relationships are important, how can a straight world except us, if we cannot even prove that we are not promiscuous and are for relationships and marriage, instead of undermining the cause by casual sex and infidelity, we have to be strong, committed and work to find love, and if not, and you have sex, use a blob/condom, I can go on, but ears have to be open, life isn't a game and people have feelings and yes coming on line like this, is just letting people see what their getting before they take as a relationship, it doesn't have to be addiction to cock, people are more than a cock, and what's a cock without a face? I mean someone can have a 20 inch cock, but if you don't see their face, your not going to go with them! Are you? We as gay people have to be stronger! Fight for what we believe in, you can meet some one anywhere, in the shop, in the street, I had a six year relationship and I met my ex in the street, he asked foe mu number and I was so taken back, I gave him it, but I did a few days before flirt with him, but he did chase me for over a year before I gave in and had a relationship with him for six years, but anyone who says you can't find love, is wrong!! Am i not good enough for some one on here?? Do I not deserve to lay my cards with all my pix and say, I am here, show me who you ate and tell me what you want, I don't care if you have a 10, 11, or 12 inch cock, I don't care if your cock is 9 or 8 inches, what's a cock with some one who thinks their cock makes them important because its over a certain size, when you have which I have had and 11 inch cock bf, who cares, believe me, he wasn't all that, he literally was pump pump squirt, he didn't satisfy me, or my needs, just his own, I mean if a man, can't fuck you for at least an hour, what is the fkin point?
I could go on, stop being afraid and step out and seek something more!! YOUR WORTH IT!!
You make some very interesting points. You have also been willing to stand up and act on your beliefs. Bravo.
Rather than think you will ever eliminate the hook up culture you describe, it would be better to make greater efforts to divert people into different venues and social opportunities. Bars as pick up spots are ubiquitous - str8 or gay. Internet hook up sites have pout the scene on steroids. It is not going to go away, rather alternatives need to be developed and expanded. Part of the problem is that there is still a lot of societal scorn towards LGTB people - being open at a young age is more common that it has ever been, but there are still many places where that is nearly impossible. For many the bars and baths were and remain the only places they feel safe being open and able to satisfy the need for human sexual contact.
Again, interesting posts.
I completely understand what your saying!! I understand that particularly for bi sexual men, its difficult to get a wife that will except him liking men, and if he has children it would also again be very difficult to explain his sexuality! I understand that a lot of men are shy and or not confident, but I'm not against the or how they proceed, I just say, bw careful, the last thong you want to do is give your wife HIV and leave your kids with no parents, that would be devastating foe them! But again for gay men, I am just trying to build their confidence to be confident to demand their worth more! I do agree there is still a lot of discrimination against gay and bi sexual men, particularly in the workplace or social scenes they go to!! I just want them to take care of themselves and be careful! I can fight for fun, and I'd although I am very passive in every way, I'd be straight there for any gay person, I've defended a gay man a good few times against a gang of straight lads, they kicked this man once till he bleed all over, I jumped in, booted this big guy in the face, and ordered my other pals to help against the others, I went to the man after getting some tissue from a cafe, and he was saying no, no don't touch me, straight away I knew he was protecting me, he had AIDS, I said its okay, calm down, it alright I've no cuts on my hands I will be okay, he sobbed his heart out and we called him an ambulance, he was saying but I, I, I have, I said, its alright, you won't give me anything! & we got him to hospital, but these four hairy arsed blokes and their bitches, didn't count on me, with judo, karate and boxing being in my forte and i chanced them all away!
I'd defend my own kind and I may be passive, quiet, demure even, buy when I get mad, I can be a 24k cunt!
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......well I'm gay, I've witnessed sex in bars (and lots of places) and when I was lucky enough, I actually got to partake as well. So, yes, it's true that consenting gay adults have sex in bars.
So I have a question for you. Is it true that male executives have little secret door-locking buttons hidden under their desks in their office where they demand blowjobs from their female subordinates whom careers could be ruined if they don't go along?
So look, I don't think you've chosen the correct object of your disgust.
Having sex in a bar is vulgar, uncooth, disgusting, etc... However, you're assigning those traits are associated with being gay, and that's where your mistaken. Just leave the gayness out of it. MEN are disgusting pigs, and if more women would let them, they'd be having raunchy sex too...so please be careful about attributing traits and behaviors to certain segments of populations before thinking it true. So, what I'm asking is: you feel the need to objectify whole groups of people, just be sure to get the object of your objectivatations correct....
So I have a question for you. Is it true that male executives have little secret door-locking buttons hidden under their desks in their office where they demand blowjobs from their female subordinates whom careers could be ruined if they don't go along?
So look, I don't think you've chosen the correct object of your disgust.
Having sex in a bar is vulgar, uncooth, disgusting, etc... However, you're assigning those traits are associated with being gay, and that's where your mistaken. Just leave the gayness out of it. MEN are disgusting pigs, and if more women would let them, they'd be having raunchy sex too...so please be careful about attributing traits and behaviors to certain segments of populations before thinking it true. So, what I'm asking is: you feel the need to objectify whole groups of people, just be sure to get the object of your objectivatations correct....
I have had so much sex at one of the sleazier bars here. Literally got my cock sucked at the bar, got fucked in the middle of the bar bareback and barebacked the go go boy in the middle of the dance floor on his platform then sucked his huge cock by the bar.
I can only speak for Europe: it depends on the door policy. Gay bars with open doors for all will not allow it. Gay bars with closed doors and entrance control probably will allow it. But it depends on the mood of the moment and the staff. In some bars there are darkrooms anyway.
On a trip to New Orleans, I had witnessed a fucking in a bar. Not sure which one, but it was Southern Decadence weekend. Later I went to a place that had a pool, where being nude was allowed. I layed on a chaise lounger and a hot younger man noticed me and gave me a lap dance until I came. Then he ask me to fuck him, but it was too late that evening.
First gay bar I ever went to was in Sacramento. Was nice to find out a lot of guys played there. Besides the standard bathroom adventures, the patio and alley between the building next door were always busy.
I haven't been to a bar in quite some time....but when I was growing up in Manhattan and lived in Greenwich Village that was a common occurrence..entire bars just for having sex...The Barn...The Triangle..The Caldron..Hell...The Zoo...The Village People's Indain danced on the bar at The Triangle....He was a very cute Puerto Rican with a fat cock....He came back to our apartment with his suitcase full of costumes...a very fun guy....a great kisser....smooth warm tan skin....Lost of good times in the 70's..that came to an abrupt halt with AIDS....
My straight friends regularly finger girls on the dance floor. One even brings a small vibrator. Straight sex in bathroom stalls happens at clubs too.
So I really don't understand the implied double standard for gay men.
So I really don't understand the implied double standard for gay men.
Straight men are the same as gay men. Straight men see it as a badge of honor to have sex with as many women as possinle. The only reason why there are more long term relationships in straight couples is because the women want them. Lesbians are virtually married within 3 days of meeting each other!!! (Joking)
I think it come down to the question of whether sex is sleazy and dirty or not. I know of one in NYC still where it is common. The problem there is that it is really dark and while the tension is high, it tends to still be this dirty little secret thing. I find bars where the crown is older tends to be more open - there tends to be more occasions sex happens, but conversely the sex itself only makes up a smaller portion of the overall activity.
In my experience, this is not a regular occurrence in the 2010s in the US, generally speaking.
In NYC and Chicago and SF there are certain gay bars where guys have sex in the bar on the (fairly) reg, yes.
In many other cities there are not places where that ever happens period, much less regularly, and plenty of gay bars, including in those three cities, would be certain to not allow such a thing either.
In Europe's major cities that I've been to there is much more of a culture of "certain bars have back rooms" than in US.
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