Do gay men ever have straight experiences after they come out as gay?

[bigboaster]

Logic does not dictate sexual orientation. I am not sure where you are going with that. Sexual orientation often defies logic.

I define my sexual orientation by which gender I am attracted to.

Look at it this way, if I close my eyes and get a blow job by a girl or a guy, could you tell the difference? The fact that I would enjoy a woman giving me a BJ does not make me straight.

With my specific case, it may be more complicated but the point I want to make still holds. Imagine back in the day when gay men got married and had kids because they couldn't come out. Those guys have often said sex with woman was OK. They enjoyed it just enough.

What makes me identify as gay is that I don't see myself dating or marrying a woman. I have no interest in living with a woman or having an emotional relationship with one. I am exclusively attracted to men. Sex with a woman would just be sex. Yes, I enjoy occasionally (like once in a blue moon) watching a woman finger herself or something like that lol but I would never prefer that over a guy.

It may be difficult to understand for you because maybe you don't have any kinks like that. We are all a little different.

I think you can be in the middle of the Kinsey scale but still self identify as gay. Key here is self identity. You need to realize and respect ppls identity.

Don't even bother. This person doesn't seem to be engaging in good faith to me. Lol

Obviously anyone can choose to identify however they wish to. That isn't anyone else's decision to make nor is it "logic's" decision? Such a strange point. Lol

Yes sexual orientation for many goes beyond purely the physical biological facts. For some they do choose to identify based on that but for others they will not. And that's their right to. Often lifestyle, romance play significantly in the decision as opposed to just attractions.

There is a wide spectrum of bisexuality but not everyone wants to identify that way (esp if their dual attractions are vastly disparate)

 

[Justin_James]

Logic does not dictate sexual orientation. I am not sure where you are going with that. Sexual orientation often defies logic.

I define my sexual orientation by which gender I am attracted to.

Look at it this way, if I close my eyes and get a blow job by a girl or a guy, could you tell the difference? The fact that I would enjoy a woman giving me a BJ does not make me straight.

With my specific case, it may be more complicated but the point I want to make still holds. Imagine back in the day when gay men got married and had kids because they couldn't come out. Those guys have often said sex with woman was OK. They enjoyed it just enough.

What makes me identify as gay is that I don't see myself dating or marrying a woman. I have no interest in living with a woman or having an emotional relationship with one. I am exclusively attracted to men. Sex with a woman would just be sex. Yes, I enjoy occasionally (like once in a blue moon) watching a woman finger herself or something like that lol but I would never prefer that over a guy.

It may be difficult to understand for you because maybe you don't have any kinks like that. We are all a little different.

I think you can be in the middle of the Kinsey scale but still self identify as gay. Key here is self identity. You need to realize and respect ppls identity.

Everything is dictated by logic. That's how the universe works. Nothing exists outside of it. If you're sexually attracted to males and females, you're bisexual to one degree or another. There's nothing logic-defying about it.

 

[jafar]

There are many right wing lgbt people, I am centrist myself and even liberal people use woke in a prerogative manner considering what "woke" is now. Also checking my comment history is kinda creepy. Considering that I just started posting and I only post on things that annoy me (such as bisexuals like you identifying as gay and making it look like homosexuality is a choice) it is rich of you to assume so much about me. Insecure is what you and the other bisexuals on this site are by not assuming it. How am I insecure by not thinking you and me are not the same type of gay? When super straight and super gay labels appeared you wete all against it because it was "transphobic" for people to not want to have sex with people born as female or male. You are just a homophobic bisexual who cant respect others' sexuality. You identifying as gay when your action clearly indicate you are bisexual is as stupid and as offensive to me as people being transracial are towards the race they are transitioning to. And it is "natural" for men to be attracted to females? Yeah, right, maybe if they didnt know that the said person had a vagina, but wanting to fuck them knowing that? No way in hell that's gay. Vaginal sex was never and will never be gay. I asked straight men if they would have sex with a trans person and they all said they would rather have with a transman who has a vagina than with someone who has a penis so it is obvious that your views on gay men are distorted by the bisexuals you know whom identify as gay although they arent.

Political leanings have nothing to do with sexual orientations. I find it odd that some people would automatically assume that being gay must be left wing. The same goes for race.

 

[Fishsqueezee69]

Everything is dictated by logic. That's how the universe works. Nothing exists outside of it. If you're sexually attracted to males and females, you're bisexual to one degree or another. There's nothing logic-defying about it.

The issue is how you define attraction and how you define degrees of bisexuality. We don't agree on these terms.

 

[Justin_James]

Don't even bother. This person doesn't seem to be engaging in good faith to me. Lol

Obviously anyone can choose to identify however they wish to. That isn't anyone else's decision to make nor is it "logic's" decision? Such a strange point. Lol

Yes sexual orientation for many goes beyond purely the physical biological facts. For some they do choose to identify based on that but for others they will not. And that's their right to. Often lifestyle, romance play significantly in the decision as opposed to just attractions.

There is a wide spectrum of bisexuality but not everyone wants to identify that way (esp if their dual attractions are vastly disparate)

Someone 'choosing' to not identify a certain way doesn't change their sexual orientation. This is about logic and fact, not feelings.

The issue is how you define attraction and how you define degrees of bisexuality. We don't agree on these terms.

If naked girls give you boners, you're bisexual. Its SEXual orientation. Not romantic orientation.

You're ashamed of being bisexual, which I find very strange. Just own it and move on.

 

[Fishsqueezee69]

Someone 'choosing' to not identify a certain way doesn't change their sexual orientation. This is about logic and fact, not feelings.

If naked girls give you boners, you're bisexual. Its SEXual orientation. Not romantic orientation.

You're ashamed of being bisexual, which I find very strange. Just own it and move on.

Answers to your questions for a better understanding of sexual orientation and homosexuality

For your reference. The APA defines sexual orientation using the term "persistent pattern" and also injecting "and/or" between the terms sexual and romantic. What that means is that professional psychologist (which I assume you are not) define it very different than you.

I can't be classified as bisexual based on this definition because it says that you have to have a persistent pattern (I just get the occasional desire) and it has to be both romantic and sexual. I have never explored the sexual part fully and I definitely and without any doubt feel 0 romantic attraction towards women.

There is nothing wrong with being bisexual. I think what ppl lack is an understanding that sexual orientation is a continum. I happen to be a bit more leaning towards that middle area but maybe by a notch or two.

We can agree that there is a bit of shame on both sides: straight men don't want to accept the value and significance of the gay experiences they have had or the homosexual feelings they may experience from time to time, while gay men like you want to erase the possibility of gay men having occasional heterosexual desires. You yell denial, but it is you who lives in denial. And no amount of explaining or appeals to reason (or authority) will ever change that.

What's funny is that in my experience, straight men and women tend to understand these fleeting desires better than most gay ppl. My guess is because like you, many feel threatened by the thought of gay men "turning" heterosexual out of convenience. But that's just a guess...

 

[Justin_James]

Answers to your questions for a better understanding of sexual orientation and homosexuality

For your reference. The APA defines sexual orientation using the term "persistent pattern" and also injecting "and/or" between the terms sexual and romantic. What that means is that professional psychologist (which I assume you are not) define it very different than you.

I can't be classified as bisexual based on this definition because it says that you have to have a persistent pattern (I just get the occasional desire) and it has to be both romantic and sexual. I have never explored the sexual part fully and I definitely and without any doubt feel 0 romantic attraction towards women.

There is nothing wrong with being bisexual. I think what ppl lack is an understanding that sexual orientation is a continum. I happen to be a bit more leaning towards that middle area but maybe by a notch or two.

We can agree that there is a bit of shame on both sides: straight men don't want to accept the value and significance of the gay experiences they have had or the homosexual feelings they may experience from time to time, while gay men like you want to erase the possibility of gay men having occasional heterosexual desires. You yell denial, but it is you who lives in denial. And no amount of explaining or appeals to reason (or authority) will ever change that.

What's funny is that in my experience, straight men and women tend to understand these fleeting desires better than most gay ppl. My guess is because like you, many feel threatened by the thought of gay men "turning" heterosexual out of convenience. But that's just a guess...

The APA definiton says 'and/or'. Meaning romantic attraction isn't required to be bisexual. If bisexuality required both, they would have simply said 'and' and left out 'or'. You proved my point, silly.

Your fear of bisexuality is rather strange. Just be bi. There is no need to change the definition of gay to suit you. We already have a word to describe you. You're a bisexual who prefers men. I'm gay because girls don't give me boners but men do.

 

[Fishsqueezee69]

The APA definiton says 'and/or'. Meaning romantic attraction isn't required to be bisexual. If bisexuality required both, they would have simply said 'and' and left out 'or'. You proved my point, silly.

Your fear of bisexuality is rather strange. Just be bi. There is no need to change the definition of gay to suit you. We already have a word to describe you. You're a bisexual who prefers men. I'm gay because girls don't give me boners but men do.

Eh? They would have left the OR out if it was a requirement for their definition. They put both and and or because they see the need for this definition to be flexible.

Even if you stuck and "and" in their I still don't fit the definition or did u forget the use of the word "persistent"?

 

[SkiCop]

Not THIS gay man LOL

 

[Christopher Chamberlain]

To answer the original question without getting wrapped in the drama, yes. I, as a queer man, once believed that I was 100% gay because during my pubescent years when my sexual hormones were hyperactive, all of my attractions, fantasies and browser histories definitely pointed to me being gay. That is not to say that I didn't think women were beautiful. I absolutely did. But the beauty I saw in women was equivalent to the beauty I saw in a garden of roses or a Hawaiian beach or the full moon on a clear, starry night. They were gorgeous to look at, but I had no desire to fuck them. It wasn't until recently (Just before COVID) that I met a girl who actually made me question my sexuality. Suddenly, my attractions became more complicated, as did my browser history , and although I still find myself more drawn to the male figure, and when I think about my future, I definitely see myself settled down with a man instead of a woman, all in all, I would no longer consider myself 100% gay like I originally believed. Hope that answer helps.

 

[Fishsqueezee69]

If sexuality is fluid then conversion therapy shouldn’t be banned everyone is say that being gay is a choice

Talk about tangents !! lol

I love how this thread is challenging your perceptions of sexual identity and what it means to be gay.

 

[Fishsqueezee69]

To answer the original question without getting wrapped in the drama, yes. I, as a queer man, once believed that I was 100% gay because during my pubescent years when my sexual hormones were hyperactive, all of my attractions, fantasies and browser histories definitely pointed to me being gay. That is not to say that I didn't think women were beautiful. I absolutely did. But the beauty I saw in women was equivalent to the beauty I saw in a garden of roses or a Hawaiian beach or the full moon on a clear, starry night. They were gorgeous to look at, but I had no desire to fuck them. It wasn't until recently (Just before COVID) that I met a girl who actually made me question my sexuality. Suddenly, my attractions became more complicated, as did my browser history , and although I still find myself more drawn to the male figure, and when I think about my future, I definitely see myself settled down with a man instead of a woman, all in all, I would no longer consider myself 100% gay like I originally believed. Hope that answer helps.

Wow! Interesting!

Was it a romantic attraction or was it more of a sexual thrist with the woman? How did you met her?

 

[Christopher Chamberlain]

Wow! Interesting!

Was it a romantic attraction or was it more of a sexual thrist with the woman? How did you met her?

Both.

 

[Justin_James]

To answer the original question without getting wrapped in the drama, yes. I, as a queer man, once believed that I was 100% gay because during my pubescent years when my sexual hormones were hyperactive, all of my attractions, fantasies and browser histories definitely pointed to me being gay. That is not to say that I didn't think women were beautiful. I absolutely did. But the beauty I saw in women was equivalent to the beauty I saw in a garden of roses or a Hawaiian beach or the full moon on a clear, starry night. They were gorgeous to look at, but I had no desire to fuck them. It wasn't until recently (Just before COVID) that I met a girl who actually made me question my sexuality. Suddenly, my attractions became more complicated, as did my browser history , and although I still find myself more drawn to the male figure, and when I think about my future, I definitely see myself settled down with a man instead of a woman, all in all, I would no longer consider myself 100% gay like I originally believed. Hope that answer helps.

Basically the relentless propaganda in the gay porn and LGBT world got you to 'question' your sexuality. Congrats, you should become a consultant at a conversion therapy center.

 

[Justin_James]

N

Talk about tangents !! lol

I love how this thread is challenging your perceptions of sexual identity and what it means to be gay.

It's not a tangent, and you haven't addressed his point. It's a valid one.

 

[StarGazer95]

If sexuality is 'fluid' and a mere 'social construct' then conversion therapy programs have an intellectual justification and many gay men can in fact be taught to embrace heterosexuality, including straight marriage.

The far-left and the far-right finally agree on something. It's the horseshoe theory of politics in action.

 

[StarGazer95]

N

It's not a tangent, and you haven't addressed his point. It's a valid one.

It's a valid point for sure. That's why he dodged it.

 

[deleted5247941]

I'm a gold star and as I get older I now realise that I can only be confortable and feel secure with other gold star when it comes to intimacy (feelings and relation, not sexuality).

Despite this, I try to respect others experiences, cause I know that there's many ways to reach a true self.

 

[deleted9128101]

As a gay man I have found myself curious about being with a woman. I just wonder what it would be like even just as a one time experience. I'm in a committed relationship so now I wouldn't have the chance to try it but if I wasn't I don't see why not. I'm not really turned on by women but I do notice women with certain features and think wow she's attractive. I notice many gay men online seem to be grossed out by seeing a women's private parts (for example in bi porn) and I don't feel the same. Im just indifferent about seeing it. I like watching bi porn videos but I'm mostly looking at the men and sometimes how the woman seems to enjoy it.

 

[Fishsqueezee69]

N

It's not a tangent, and you haven't addressed his point. It's a valid one.

I never even used the term fluid. Fluidity implies malleability and I certainly did not say that sexuality is malleable.