Do Gay Men Hate Fat Guys?

Do you like fat guys?


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Godslittlejoke

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I'm crippled from a training incident in the army. I used to be fit as hell. Unfortunately my back was broken in 3 places and my knees and hips are almost completely shot; not to mention my right leg has no feeling in it due to partial paralysis. I also have the added benefit of ED to top things off as well as a permanent radiation burn on my abdomen right above my dick (thanks to the medics burning me with a faulty xray machine. Its extremely difficult for me to exercise now. I'm now at 260 pounds with a fat pad on my abdomen that's swallowing my already small dick. I don't find comfort in food or anything really. My ptsd keeps my mind going in a thousand different directions. I tried going to a gym to exercise and socialize a bit but that blew up in my face as I was told I made people uncomfortable because I am openly gay. Keep in mind I'm more masculine than most straight men I've caught meat gazing in the locker room. I continue to try to lose weight through diet and exercise, but depression defeats my efforts. My meds only put a band aid over the depression and ptsd so others around me aren't made to feel uncomfortable. In the meantime I get to deal with all the aforementioned as well as rejection and loneliness as I'm not an Adonis or mister party party happy sunshine.
Honestly, the only time I laugh is when someone says being gay is a choice. Who in their right fucking mind would choose to live like this?
 

malakos

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I'm crippled from a training incident in the army. I used to be fit as hell. Unfortunately my back was broken in 3 places and my knees and hips are almost completely shot; not to mention my right leg has no feeling in it due to partial paralysis. I also have the added benefit of ED to top things off as well as a permanent radiation burn on my abdomen right above my dick (thanks to the medics burning me with a faulty xray machine. Its extremely difficult for me to exercise now. I'm now at 260 pounds with a fat pad on my abdomen that's swallowing my already small dick. I don't find comfort in food or anything really. My ptsd keeps my mind going in a thousand different directions. I tried going to a gym to exercise and socialize a bit but that blew up in my face as I was told I made people uncomfortable because I am openly gay. Keep in mind I'm more masculine than most straight men I've caught meat gazing in the locker room. I continue to try to lose weight through diet and exercise, but depression defeats my efforts. My meds only put a band aid over the depression and ptsd so others around me aren't made to feel uncomfortable. In the meantime I get to deal with all the aforementioned as well as rejection and loneliness as I'm not an Adonis or mister party party happy sunshine.
Honestly, the only time I laugh is when someone says being gay is a choice. Who in their right fucking mind would choose to live like this?

That sounds pretty rough man. o_O
 

tsfan1

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Everyone has a type.
This is like asking do straight men like fat women?

Exactly what i was thinking when i read the first page.

In general MEN dont like fat partners. This has nothing to do with the men being straight or gay.

What s up with this self hate? Why as a gay person try to push gays under the bus? Example: When a straight guy gets a much younger girl, it s accepted. When a gay guy does the same people tend to make him out out to be some kind of cradle robber/pervert
 

DBlast

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I think this descriptive, "gay", will eventually disappear. It'll soon have served it's purpose and we'll all move on.
I was in high school in the '70s, and I don't recall ever hearing the word gay, except in reference to happiness. The word has a long history (see below) but most powerfully, it was adopted by communities of "homosexuals" (gays and lesbians) in the 60's to galvanize those communities towards "gay" liberation. And it worked to a large degree!! THANK FUCKIN GOD!!!

Origin of Everything | History of the Word “Gay” | Season 1 | Episode 32

Anyway, stick with me, I'll get to the question, "Do gay men hate fat guys?".

Firstly, the word gay is now becoming a limitation because people (like the person posting this question) have come to believe that it represents a class of people. No such classification actually exists. Human beings come (cum) in all shapes and sizes. And the range and degree of desire that various people have for various types of people, is limitless. So there's actually no such thing as a gay man. The term is just a limiting classification.

What there are, are men and women in all kinds of shapes and sizes, looking for others in all shapes and sizes, and degrees of femininity and masculinity. There's no master type of "gay"—there's a generic branding of homosexuals under the banner of "gay" but the brand only exists to sell products. It doesn't define real people.

While it continues to be difficult to make connections with those we're attracted to—because the capitalist side of our culture encourages these classifications in order to make money—we need to look beyond limiting classifications: gay, lesbian, fat, top, bottom, fem, butch, etc. It would be more helpful if we could find the language to talk about our preferences.

I'm a 62 year old man. I don't care if you're a bit chubby, have a few wrinkles or speak in a whispy voice. If you're a strong minded, thoughtful and kind person with an 8" dick I'll happily marry you!
 
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deleted1074483

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Confidence is key.

i think that is the key phrase irrespective of how big/small/whatever you are; confidence (not arrogance) is incredibly sexy and will attract others to you - being happy in yourself and liking yourself are part and parcel of that.

so i don't think its being big or chunky that turns people off, its the lack of confidence or not liking oneself - if you don't like yourself why expect others to do so?
 
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MusicBear88

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Before I was out, I went to a luxury department store in Boston mostly to window shop. I saw a coat on sale that I liked a lot and when I asked if they had it in a 44L was told that "we don't have clothing in your size." I'm 5'8" and 220lbs. I'm not small, but I'm not enormous either, and this is where my body goes naturally. I can lose weight and it comes back to here as soon as I stop actively trying to lose it, so I stay here rather than go up and down. That interaction probably kept me in the closet for a couple more years because I was convinced that not only do I not like a lot of the things that "typical" gay people like, but I was too hideous to ever find another man, so I might as well be alone and not have to deal with it.

Fast forward a decade, I'm out, I'm happy, and I'm in San Francisco for a wedding and despite packing a ton (hey, some stereotypes hold true...) I have nothing to wear for it, so I go into the same store. First of all, the sales clerk that I encounter in the men's department is shorter and wider than me, and I had a GREAT time shopping and flirting with him, and I still wear the outfit that I bought there and it's been eight years. I discovered that bears and chubs are a thing, and that there are quite a few people who not only don't mind that I'm bigger, but they prefer it! That sent my confidence way up and as soon as I stopped apologizing in my head for who I am naturally, not only did I feel a lot better but I started to attract more attention. Yeah, there will always be people who look at you and say "eww" but there will be at any size/shape/age/race/hairiness/smoothness/whatever.
 

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yeah i hope my poll went through if not, just tell me straight forward. is there any possibility a gay man would like a fat guy. because as far as i know, all gay men LOVE athletic guys with big dicks etc. as much muscle as possible, right?

anyway, i remember walking in downtown at one point and this obese individual, not just fat, but HUGE! so he walked past this gay guy, and the gay guy just went "UGH" in complete disgust, very openly, showing disgruntled look. i thought that was so rude! i sure hope not everyone reacts the same way :/
What a great question to open a thread with.

Do gay men hate fat guys? Rarely do they hate them. More often they simply don’t notice them. Sometimes they openly project their own insecurities and body issues onto them in the form of insults and slights and that’s unfortunate, but it’s done more out of insecurity that mean-spiritedness.

The reason that “Depends” was the most selected option on this poll is because it truly does depend. I bet most of the people who answered “Depends” are not stocky guys, but rather fit guys who have found themselves genuinely into bigger guys at some point in their life for reasons they struggle to explain.

So, what does it depend on? It comes down to how a bigger guy carries his weight and how he carries himself.

Now, let’s be clear -- someone who is morbidly obese and has to shop at XL clothing stores won’t be able to compensate for that. Sure, there are few guys out there that fetishize them, but everything will be done behind closed doors most of the time.

If you are merely stocky, it’s like being bald: It makes you rejectable compared to a guy’s other options. Because gay men are such a small percentage of the overall population, we tend to cluster in order to increase the density of gays in an area and give ourselves a fighting chance of finding someone we like as opposed to just settling for what’s nearby. This means that gay man, on average, will have a good number of dating options. This means that a bigger guy will usually be fighting an uphill battle.

As a big guy, you have two options to overcome this disadvantage: 1) Lower your standards; 2) Make the object(s) of your desire a compelling offer that alters their calculation and puts you in the running for their attention.

Lowering your standards it’s self-explanatory.

Let’s focus on how you can capture their attention if you’re a big guy. Here you have two paths: 1) Make yourself appealing; 2) Target guys who are more likely to give you an audience.

Option 2 is easiest… how do you target guys who are more likely to give you an audience? Target guys who are younger and self-conscious about being skinny. There are many gay men who are slim and who don’t like being slim. The younger these types are the more pronounced this will be because they haven’t accepted themselves yet or filled-out. That’s your time to pounce. Often these guys don’t know that they fetishize bigger guys until they meet once but, once they do, they fall hard. Some signs that a guy is self-conscious about being slim include him not hanging out with people his own age (he’s too insecure to do so) or growing facial hair to make himself look more mature. Guys who hate being slim also often hate being twinky. The pornstar Scott DeMarco is a classic example of a slim twinky guy who hated being a slim twink. Again, peak insecurity is your chance to pounce.

If you don’t want to go with the above route and you want to win a guy fair and square, you’re going to need to either be well-known, their boss, distinguished in your field, or rich. Even if you are young and stocky, don’t be about shy about paying a dude to give you an initial audience. Remember, you’re competing with fit guys that he can have. If you click, he will come back and you can ease into a more normal scenario.
 
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ItalTony9

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ie: 'no fats or fems' is an old dismissive line used by people to demand that they only accept those in. a narrow physical realm...that said, we're on LPSG where other attributes are included in that discrimination or replacing them entirely. Also, I do find more acceptance here of many body types and appendage sizes. All bets are off depending on the psychological state of the individuals...where anything goes..ya never know what floats someone's boat..for example: If someone has had no luck with very fit guys, they may find another group that will accept them..I think that's been a plus for social media sites that seem to bridge the oppressed with others similarly oppressed.
 

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Exactly what i was thinking when i read the first page.

In general MEN dont like fat partners. This has nothing to do with the men being straight or gay.

What s up with this self hate? Why as a gay person try to push gays under the bus? Example: When a straight guy gets a much younger girl, it s accepted. When a gay guy does the same people tend to make him out out to be some kind of cradle robber/pervert
the gay world isn't as accepted so more limitations are considered normal as criticisms...
 

ItalTony9

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I'm crippled from a training incident in the army. I used to be fit as hell. Unfortunately my back was broken in 3 places and my knees and hips are almost completely shot; not to mention my right leg has no feeling in it due to partial paralysis. I also have the added benefit of ED to top things off as well as a permanent radiation burn on my abdomen right above my dick (thanks to the medics burning me with a faulty xray machine. Its extremely difficult for me to exercise now. I'm now at 260 pounds with a fat pad on my abdomen that's swallowing my already small dick. I don't find comfort in food or anything really. My ptsd keeps my mind going in a thousand different directions. I tried going to a gym to exercise and socialize a bit but that blew up in my face as I was told I made people uncomfortable because I am openly gay. Keep in mind I'm more masculine than most straight men I've caught meat gazing in the locker room. I continue to try to lose weight through diet and exercise, but depression defeats my efforts. My meds only put a band aid over the depression and ptsd so others around me aren't made to feel uncomfortable. In the meantime I get to deal with all the aforementioned as well as rejection and loneliness as I'm not an Adonis or mister party party happy sunshine.
Honestly, the only time I laugh is when someone says being gay is a choice. Who in their right fucking mind would choose to live like this?
thanks for sharing..you have a lot going on, and the communication skills to present it to us...I hope you can find people who accept your plight and your perseverance to get through it...where do you live that someone criticized you for being openly gay and what did you do (if anything) to make them criticize you?
 

WillyLong

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I remember reading about a couple of guys who were upset that the hot buff guys they were attracted to at Gay Day at Disney in Orlando, Florida, weren't attracted to them in return. These two guys started fit shaming the buff guys and called them muscle heads, dumb jocks, and other derogatory names. However, these same two guys weren't upset with the guys that they didn't find attractive at Gay Day at Disney not speaking to them or hitting on them. Hmm.

Regardless of the shaming (fat shaming, fit shaming, etc.), rude is rude and belittling someone in public is uncalled for.

However, guys who live a certain lifestyle, prefer to be with other guys who are also into that lifestyle.

Guys who like to smoke, prefer to be with other guys who smoke.

Guys who are into alcohol, prefer to be with other guys who drink alcohol.

Guys who workout, prefer to be with other guys who workout.

There are exceptions to those rules, but those are the rules.

Don't hate the players, hate the game (and recognize you're a player in the game as well).
 

Robk1234

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What a great question to open a thread with.

Do gay men hate fat guys? Rarely do they hate them. More often they simply don’t notice them. Sometimes they openly project their own insecurities and body issues onto them in the form of insults and slights and that’s unfortunate, but it’s done more out of insecurity that mean-spiritedness.

The reason that “Depends” was the most selected option on this poll is because it truly does depend. I bet most of the people who answered “Depends” are not stocky guys, but rather fit guys who have found themselves genuinely into bigger guys at some point in their life for reasons they struggle to explain.

So, what does it depend on? It comes down to how a bigger guy carries his weight and how he carries himself.

Now, let’s be clear -- someone who is morbidly obese and has to shop at XL clothing stores won’t be able to compensate for that. Sure, there are few guys out there that fetishize them, but everything will be done behind closed doors most of the time.

If you are merely stocky, it’s like being bald: It makes you rejectable compared to a guy’s other options. Because gay men are such a small percentage of the overall population, we tend to cluster in order to increase the density of gays in an area and give ourselves a fighting chance of finding someone we like as opposed to just settling for what’s nearby. This means that gay man, on average, will have a good number of dating options. This means that a bigger guy will usually be fighting an uphill battle.

As a big guy, you have two options to overcome this disadvantage: 1) Lower your standards; 2) Make the object(s) of your desire a compelling offer that alters their calculation and puts you in the running for their attention.

Lowering your standards it’s self-explanatory.

Let’s focus on how you can capture their attention if you’re a big guy. Here you have two paths: 1) Make yourself appealing; 2) Target guys who are more likely to give you an audience.

Option 2 is easiest… how do you target guys who are more likely to give you an audience? Target guys who are younger and self-conscious about being skinny. There are many gay men who are slim and who don’t like being slim. The younger these types are the more pronounced this will be because they haven’t accepted themselves yet or filled-out. That’s your time to pounce. Often these guys don’t know that they fetishize bigger guys until they meet once but, once they do, they fall hard. Some signs that a guy is self-conscious about being slim include him not hanging out with people his own age (he’s too insecure to do so) or growing facial hair to make himself look more mature. Guys who hate being slim also often hate being twinky. The pornstar Scott DeMarco is a classic example of a slim twinky guy who hated being a slim twink. Again, peak insecurity is your chance to pounce.

If you don’t want to go with the above route and you want to win a guy fair and square, you’re going to need to either be well-known, their boss, distinguished in your field, or rich. Even if you are young and stocky, don’t be about shy about paying a dude to give you an initial audience. Remember, you’re competing with fit guys that he can have. If you click, he will come back and you can ease into a more normal scenario.


Sad, close-minded reply. Big guys do NOT need to lower their standards or be fetishised. There are enough men that are (also) into bigger guys without it being a fetish.

Morbidly obese persons can be beautiful.
Muscular can be ugly.
Your ugliness is showing as well

(I'm not talking about health of social acceptance see the difference)
 
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Placidity

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Sad, close-minded reply. Big guys do NOT need to lower their standards or be fetishised. There are enough men that are (also) into bigger guys without it being a fetish.

Morbidly obese persons can be beautiful.
Muscular can be ugly.
Your ugliness is showing as well

(I'm not talking about health of social acceptance see the difference)
I know the truth hurts sometimes, but that doesn't change it. And it certainly doesn't warrant attacking me and calling me ugly for telling it, haha.

It's much more productive to find a workaround than to argue a point that you know is objectively untrue, such as "morbidly obese people can be beautiful". Sure, under certain circumstances I bet that's true. But, the poster was making a general inquiry. He wasn't asking you to come to a general conclusion based on an exceedingly small number of morbidly obese people you've seen in your life clean up in the dating pool. When this occurs, there are usually others factors at play (they are rich, etc.... Donald Trump being a prime example). The first step to succeeding in life is to see the world as it is and then plan your moves accordingly, not deny it and scream that the opposite is true.

My advice that heavy guys either lower their standards or find ways to identify slim guys who dislike their own body type and are likely, at the level of a population average, to be more receptive to bigger guys still stands.

Your social justice warrior, politically correctly post seeks to ignore the entire weight loss industry. haha... ***here's a secret*** most people lose weight for vanity sake. If big were truly beautiful, businesses would exist with the expressed goal of helping one get fat so they could snag a chubby chaser. Yet, surprisingly such businesses don't exist. I wonder why.
 

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I know the truth hurts sometimes, but that doesn't change it. And it certainly doesn't warrant attacking me and calling me ugly for telling it, haha.

It's much more productive to find a workaround than to argue a point that you know is objectively untrue, such as "morbidly obese people can be beautiful". Sure, under certain circumstances I bet that's true. But, the poster was making a general inquiry. He wasn't asking you to come to a general conclusion based on an exceedingly small number of morbidly obese people you've seen in your life clean up in the dating pool. When this occurs, there are usually others factors at play (they are rich, etc.... Donald Trump being a prime example). The first step to succeeding in life is to see the world as it is and then plan your moves accordingly, not deny it and scream that the opposite is true.

My advice that heavy guys either lower their standards or find ways to identify slim guys who dislike their own body type and are likely, at the level of a population average, to be more receptive to bigger guys still stands.

Your social justice warrior, politically correctly post seeks to ignore the entire weight loss industry. haha... ***here's a secret*** most people lose weight for vanity sake. If big were truly beautiful, businesses would exist with the expressed goal of helping one get fat so they could snag a chubby chaser. Yet, surprisingly such businesses don't exist. I wonder why.


Didn't mean to offend you, I meant to say that not being able to look past weight is an ugly trait.
What society wants you to think is beautiful and make money out of that image does not make it the only 'truth' out there.
Just look at history, fat used to be desirable. Nowadays it isn't (in western culture), admitting in public that you like big/fatter persons is almost so shocking that we need to call it a fetish.
Just let ppl like what they want and don't reflect your own insecurities on them. Skinny ppl who like bigger ppl don't need to have their own body issues, they might just like it.

Might be pc, but with what you are saying you might be causing a lot of mental health problems in ppl who aren't as confident about the way they look as they should be.

X
A big guy
 
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Placidity

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Didn't mean to offend you, I meant to say that not being able to look past weight is an ugly trait.
What society wants you to think is beautiful and make money out of that image does not make it the only 'truth' out there.
Just look at history, fat used to be desirable. Nowadays it isn't (in western culture), admitting in public that you like big/fatter persons is almost so shocking that we need to call it a fetish.
Just let ppl like what they want and don't reflect your own insecurities on them. Skinny ppl who like bigger ppl don't need to have their own body issues, they might just like it.

Might be pc, but with what you are saying you might be causing a lot of mental health problems in ppl who aren't as confident about the way they look as they should be.

X
A big guy
I appreciate the reply, but I am also speaking from experience. I've never been a stereotypically lean gay guy. I have always gravitated between average and a little chubby, depending on the season. What has worked very well for me is seeking out slim twinky guys who are drawn to someone who is the opposite of themselves. My only argument is that it is indeed possible to do an end run around the problem of being a bigger guy. You just have to look at the issue with sober eyes and accept that the route to romantic bliss for a bigger guy might be circuitous than it would be for someone with a stereotypically desirable body.
 
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