Do Gay Men Hate Fat Guys?

[tsfan1]

I’ll take a masculine overweight man over a fem muscular man any day... I have seen many very muscular men act more feminine and catty than most women... Not attractive (to me) no matter the physique...

Maybe you should reply in a topic called "do gay men hate feminin behavior?"

 

[3HandsfulofDick]

Maybe you should reply in a topic called "do gay men hate feminin behavior?"

maybe u should re read my statement

 

[tsfan1]

maybe u should re read my statement

Did or didnt u use fem in a negative way?

 

[3HandsfulofDick]

Did or didnt u use fem in a negative way?

If my preference appears negative to you then oh well

 

[Robk1234]

I appreciate the reply, but I am also speaking from experience. I've never been a stereotypically lean gay guy. I have always gravitated between average and a little chubby, depending on the season. What has worked very well for me is seeking out slim twinky guys who are drawn to someone who is the opposite of themselves. My only argument is that it is indeed possible to do an end run around the problem of being a bigger guy. You just have to look at the issue with sober eyes and accept that the route to romantic bliss for a bigger guy might be circuitous than it would be for someone with a stereotypically desirable body.

You have a point, ofcourse. Of you're looking for a hookup (or even any online dating), and you don't look like the stereotypical lean guy it's harder to find what you're looking for. But most certainly not impossible.
My word of advice would be to own your appearance, show your height and weight and bodytype. If hey ask for a pic, don't try to hide that beer gut/love handles. Just show it as it is. Be yourself, show some personality.
Everybody gets rejected, also 'hot guys'.

When I applied this I found a lot of hot guys willing to hook up of even date I always thought of being out of my league.
Like I said: be confident about the way you look.

 

[117623]

What a great question to open a thread with.

Do gay men hate fat guys? Rarely do they hate them. More often they simply don’t notice them. Sometimes they openly project their own insecurities and body issues onto them in the form of insults and slights and that’s unfortunate, but it’s done more out of insecurity that mean-spiritedness.

The reason that “Depends” was the most selected option on this poll is because it truly does depend. I bet most of the people who answered “Depends” are not stocky guys, but rather fit guys who have found themselves genuinely into bigger guys at some point in their life for reasons they struggle to explain.

So, what does it depend on? It comes down to how a bigger guy carries his weight and how he carries himself.

Now, let’s be clear -- someone who is morbidly obese and has to shop at XL clothing stores won’t be able to compensate for that. Sure, there are few guys out there that fetishize them, but everything will be done behind closed doors most of the time.

If you are merely stocky, it’s like being bald: It makes you rejectable compared to a guy’s other options. Because gay men are such a small percentage of the overall population, we tend to cluster in order to increase the density of gays in an area and give ourselves a fighting chance of finding someone we like as opposed to just settling for what’s nearby. This means that gay man, on average, will have a good number of dating options. This means that a bigger guy will usually be fighting an uphill battle.

As a big guy, you have two options to overcome this disadvantage: 1) Lower your standards; 2) Make the object(s) of your desire a compelling offer that alters their calculation and puts you in the running for their attention.

Lowering your standards it’s self-explanatory.

Let’s focus on how you can capture their attention if you’re a big guy. Here you have two paths: 1) Make yourself appealing; 2) Target guys who are more likely to give you an audience.

Option 2 is easiest… how do you target guys who are more likely to give you an audience? Target guys who are younger and self-conscious about being skinny. There are many gay men who are slim and who don’t like being slim. The younger these types are the more pronounced this will be because they haven’t accepted themselves yet or filled-out. That’s your time to pounce. Often these guys don’t know that they fetishize bigger guys until they meet once but, once they do, they fall hard. Some signs that a guy is self-conscious about being slim include him not hanging out with people his own age (he’s too insecure to do so) or growing facial hair to make himself look more mature. Guys who hate being slim also often hate being twinky. The pornstar Scott DeMarco is a classic example of a slim twinky guy who hated being a slim twink. Again, peak insecurity is your chance to pounce.

If you don’t want to go with the above route and you want to win a guy fair and square, you’re going to need to either be well-known, their boss, distinguished in your field, or rich. Even if you are young and stocky, don’t be about shy about paying a dude to give you an initial audience. Remember, you’re competing with fit guys that he can have. If you click, he will come back and you can ease into a more normal scenario.

Spot on.

Love and sex is a marketplace. You have to have something to offer the other person. What I've personally found as someone who is morbidly obese is that if a slim, attractive guy is into me, there's usually something about the other person that makes him less desirable or would cause him to lower his standards; they're much older, have an STD, are themselves even heavier than I am, are in the closet and have little experience with guys, are a drug/alcohol user, and so on. (Also, it's been my experience that black people tend to be more accepting of heavy people for some reason - I don't know what's going on there!)

I think it's very rare that you're going to find a heavy person who is doing just fine mentally and emotionally. It's possible that I'm projecting here, but food is pleasure. Hard drugs are illegal; food is legal. Hard drugs are expensive; food is cheap. Improving yourself to be more appealing to others is hard and takes a long time to produce pleasure; food is easy to eat and produces pleasure right away. Even if you really want to go the hard way and improve yourself, you have to stop doing the easy way for a while - and that means not getting pleasure in the meantime. (Unless, of course, you invest in other activities like meditation, a support group, making a clean home, or reading a book, but how lame is all that?! Video games and porn can help, but those only go so far.)

It makes sense that gay men wouldn't like fat gay men. After all, the extra weight is usually not the sign of someone who is emotionally secure and has control over his life. Statistically speaking, obese men are more likely to tire out more easily, are more prone to disease, and their dick tends to be less visible due to all the fat (causing it to look small). Perhaps we evolved to dislike other gay men who are fat in order to protect ourselves from whatever caused them to become mentally unbalanced.

(Okay, I know that's not how evolution works, but you get what I mean!)

I don't like that I don't have a love life, but I understand why and take responsibility. I wouldn't want to have sex with or fall in love with an obese person either. Before I can get what I want from other people, I have to fix myself.

Also, if you're going to go with suggestion # 2 in Placidity's post, I highly recommend going for "straight" (or bi) men who have a proven track record of being into bigger women. Their love of bigger women tends to transfer over to bigger men, too! Tee hee.

 

[Robk1234]

Spot on.

Love and sex is a marketplace. You have to have something to offer the other person. What I've personally found as someone who is morbidly obese is that if a slim, attractive guy is into me, there's usually something about the other person that makes him less desirable or would cause him to lower his standards; they're much older, have an STD, are themselves even heavier than I am, are in the closet and have little experience with guys, are a drug/alcohol user, and so on. (Also, it's been my experience that black people tend to be more accepting of heavy people for some reason - I don't know what's going on there!)

I think it's very rare that you're going to find a heavy person who is doing just fine mentally and emotionally. It's possible that I'm projecting here, but food is pleasure. Hard drugs are illegal; food is legal. Hard drugs are expensive; food is cheap. Improving yourself to be more appealing to others is hard and takes a long time to produce pleasure; food is easy to eat and produces pleasure right away. Even if you really want to go the hard way and improve yourself, you have to stop doing the easy way for a while - and that means not getting pleasure in the meantime. (Unless, of course, you invest in other activities like meditation, a support group, making a clean home, or reading a book, but how lame is all that?! Video games and porn can help, but those only go so far.)

It makes sense that gay men wouldn't like fat gay men. After all, the extra weight is usually not the sign of someone who is emotionally secure and has control over his life. Statistically speaking, obese men are more likely to tire out more easily, are more prone to disease, and their dick tends to be less visible due to all the fat (causing it to look small). Perhaps we evolved to dislike other gay men who are fat in order to protect ourselves from whatever caused them to become mentally unbalanced.

(Okay, I know that's not how evolution works, but you get what I mean!)

I don't like that I don't have a love life, but I understand why and take responsibility. I wouldn't want to have sex with or fall in love with an obese person either. Before I can get what I want from other people, I have to fix myself.

Also, if you're going to go with suggestion # 2 in Placidity's post, I highly recommend going for "straight" (or bi) men who have a proven track record of being into bigger women. Their love of bigger women tends to transfer over to bigger men, too! Tee hee.

I sorry you're in a bad place now. And I do think you are projecting. Anyone who is in bad (mental) health is less desirable to other persons, regardless of your weight. (and ofcourse your weight makes it even harder)
Maybe try to visit a psychologist or your primary care physician? They can help you with your mental health (and weight) issues.
I'm convinced that getting yourself in a better mental state will help you in a lot of ways.

Take care!

 

[117623]

I sorry you're in a bad place now. And I do think you are projecting. Anyone who is in bad (mental) health is less desirable to other persons, regardless of your weight. (and ofcourse your weight makes it even harder)
Maybe try to visit a psychologist or your primary care physician? They can help you with your mental health (and weight) issues.
I'm convinced that getting yourself in a better mental state will help you in a lot of ways.

Take care!

That's not bad advice, but I noticed that you didn't address the content of the message.

Speculation on the mental health of the person posting the message aside for a moment: were any valid points made?

 

[Robk1234]

That's not bad advice, but I noticed that you didn't address the content of the message.

Speculation on the mental health of the person posting the message aside for a moment: were any valid points made?

I'm not here to deny sex is a market place, you only need to open your favorite dating app and it's perfectly clear.
There's a lot you can say about it, but skinny is associated with health in our society. (even though that's not always true). Healthy and skinny persons are more desirable.
Even if all of this is true someone big/fat can still be desirable. Be funny, social, kind, mentally stable,.... And ofcourse these won't show on grindr.

 

[ZodiacDragonfly]

Anyone know of any good dating sites for over weight queer/gay men? growlr has gone from a safe haven to fuzzy muscle gays who just dont have abs and otters taking up all the space bc they are technically hairy but are twigs.... looking for a space where I'm actually welcomed thanks

 

[deleted8101991]

It really depends. If a guy has a few extra pounds, that's honestly not a big deal. Some actually seem very cute. But if we're talking about people close to being obese, then no. It's a no-no for me.

 

[Z4cky]

No

 

[Z4cky]

I mean yes**

 

[str8fan]

fat guys can be really attractive ;-)

 

[malebuttlover93]

I don't know..I like men in general, if he is handsome to me, I dont care,.. In fact I prefer a guy with good, thick butt cheeks than those skinny muscle guys ...

 

[Gaymercub87]

Anyone know of any good dating sites for over weight queer/gay men? growlr has gone from a safe haven to fuzzy muscle gays who just dont have abs and otters taking up all the space bc they are technically hairy but are twigs.... looking for a space where I'm actually welcomed thanks

I’m going to second this, as GROWLr and Scruff are just very meh now. I do use BiggerCity, which is definitely better, but would like another option besides those. I’m definitely a thick bear cub, which I don’t mind at all, although I will say chasers are hot because of the size difference but I also love me a thick bear. That being said, I’m open to all types of guys and try not to to limit myself to a certain type.

Bears and any fellow Cubs or thick guys, feel free to hit me up, especially if you’re down south. I could use more FWB/friends in this area, specifically Alabama.

 

[BubbleButtHungBoy]

I don't care for overweight guys, its so unattractive to me when a guys stomach covers his belt line

 

[tnman]

I’m going to second this, as GROWLr and Scruff are just very meh now. I do use BiggerCity, which is definitely better, but would like another option besides those. I’m definitely a thick bear cub, which I don’t mind at all, although I will say chasers are hot because of the size difference but I also love me a thick bear. That being said, I’m open to all types of guys and try not to to limit myself to a certain type.

Bears and any fellow Cubs or thick guys, feel free to hit me up, especially if you’re down south. I could use more FWB/friends in this area, specifically Alabama.

WOOF!

 

[9038421]

To me nothing better than a gorgeous hairy belly. Love hairy bears and stocky

 

[Honey badger]

Sorry to hear about your marginalization based on your weight.

Clearly weight based predudice is not gender identy specific.

I think your asking is there a anyone here who might find you attractive.
Good start....take that search farther outside this site and try searching for different repsentations of gay men that are not attached to exaggerated need for body image.....just as any other gender identified person would be offered the same suggestion.
Luckily as a gay man you have the opportunity to use dates sites such as, grizzly or scruff, that are about atrraction to heavier set gay men.

If you yourself are not only atracted to muscle athlete bodies.....there are others.