Do Gay Men Play by a Different Set of Rules?

[Principessa]

In the thread Down Low . . . is it Cheating? Swllower bought up an interesting point. Many people seem to believe that gay men play by a different set of rules.
So my question is, Do gay men really play by a different set of rules? Or is it just that left to your own devices most men, gay or straight will fuck anything, at any time with little regard as to the consequences?

Look at Industrialsize, 27 years of happily wedded bliss. :smile: I know for fact that many gay men are in long term, monogamous relationships but they don't get the press that the more promiscuous gay men get.

Is there really some unwritten code that gay men must be promiscuous? Are monogamous gay men somehow thought to be freaky or weird within the gay community?

I apologize if this is comes across as a stupid or worse homophobic question; but I am genuinely curious as I don't understand. :redface:

 

[Industrialsize]

Not a stupid question at all. I think that gay men don't feel constrained by the "traditional" rules of marriage seeing that most places in the USA don't recognize their relationships. My experience is that there is an entire spectrum of relationships, from complete monogamy to complete openness. It's something every gay couple have to figure out what works for them. and after 27 years my husband and I have been at every point in that spectrum. The most important thing, in my opinion, is trust and honesty.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

I also think part of it is that in any examination of a subject it's the extremes that people seem to want to know more about and are more publicised, a gay couple who are happy, content and faithful aren't as interesting to read about as a gay couple who are fucking everything that moves and living a life of excess.

 

[deleted3782]

Is there really some unwritten code that gay men must be promiscuous? Are monogamous gay men somehow thought to be freaky or weird within the gay community?

I'm pretty unpromiscuous...I've been single since June and have messed around with one guy one night since then. Maybe in straight terms that is active, but in gay terms its a nonexistant sex life. I don't think any gay guys think I am freaky or wierd per se, but they do get frustrated that I do not/will not do more sexually. There does seem to be an expectation among some that if you are able, you automatically should be willing.

 

[Strontium]

In my experience, gay couples 'play' openly, a lot more than str8s do. eg: I have a cousin who is gay, and has a bf of 18 years standing. They both go to gay saunas together, have sex separately, then adjourn for supper at a cafe nearby.

Most women I know would freak at going to a sauna, let alone for sex, and absolutely not with their partners!

 

[aquadude]

I don't think that gay men have a different set of rules, but in general, most gay men, when they are young are more promiscuous, because they can be. However, I think that there are just as many monogamous gay men as there are monogamous straight men, they just aren't the ones that are focused on because society as a whole still views homosexuality as something bad and to be frowned upon, so they only focus on the promiscuous gay men. So, in answer to your question, no gay men don't follow a different set of rules, it is just that our promiscuity is thrown into the front stage more so than straight men.

(all of this is just my opinion of course)

 

[Industrialsize]

I don't think that gay men have a different set of rules, but in general, most gay men, when they are young are more promiscuous, because they can be. However, I think that there are just as many monogamous gay men as there are monogamous straight men, they just aren't the ones that are focused on because society as a whole still views homosexuality as something bad and to be frowned upon, so they only focus on the promiscuous gay men. So, in answer to your question, no gay men don't follow a different set of rules, it is just that our promiscuity is thrown into the front stage more so than straight men.

(all of this is just my opinion of course)

so my question then is, Why is promiscuity looked upon as "something bad" by society if it is practiced by 2 consenting adults?

 

[Strontium]

Industrialsize if your question isn't entirely rhetorical, the answer surely is "Religion" (or the misuse of it)

 

[B_Hung Jon]

I don't think that gay men have a different set of rules, but in general, most gay men, when they are young are more promiscuous, because they can be. However, I think that there are just as many monogamous gay men as there are monogamous straight men, they just aren't the ones that are focused on because society as a whole still views homosexuality as something bad and to be frowned upon, so they only focus on the promiscuous gay men. So, in answer to your question, no gay men don't follow a different set of rules, it is just that our promiscuity is thrown into the front stage more so than straight men.

(all of this is just my opinion of course)

I think that if most women were willing to have no-strings sex with young straight guys, guys would be more than happy to oblige. I know gay guys who go to bathhouses where they can have sex with as many peeps as they want to. If the tables were turned, and straight guys could go to a place where there were hundreds of hot women wanting to have sex with them, what would most men do? It seems to me that it's a lot easier for gay guys to get no-strings sex than it is for straight ones.

 

[Industrialsize]

Industrialsize if your question isn't entirely rhetorical, the answer surely is "Religion" (or the misuse of it)

My question was NOT rhetorical, and I think you might have hit the nail on the head.

 

[aquadude]

I, personally, do not find promiscuity to be a bad thing, but it is the conservative and (often misguided) religious views that cause society to view promiscuity as a bad thing. And, I could be wrong but, I think that most gay men share my views on this. And therefore, yes it is easier for gay men to get sex, but fact is still that gay men are just as capable of being monogamous as straight men.

 

[Principessa]

so my question then is, Why is promiscuity looked upon as "something bad" by society if it is practiced by 2 consenting adults?

My first thought was because of STD's. HIV is the STD everyone worrys about now. When I first started having sex, eons ago Herpes was practically epidemic among straight people.

I think that if most women were willing to have no-strings sex with young straight guys, guys would be more than happy to oblige. I know gay guys who go to bathhouses where they can have sex with as many peeps as they want to. If the tables were turned, and straight guys could go to a place where there were hundreds of hot women wanting to have sex with them, what would most men do? We have those in Nevada, it's called a brothel. :biggrin1:It seems to me that it's a lot easier for gay guys to get no-strings sex than it is for straight ones. I think you are correct.

 

[simcha]

It seems to me that it's a lot easier for gay guys to get no-strings sex than it is for straight ones. I think you are correct. And straight men are extremely jealous of this fact. :biggrin1: [/quote]

 

[str82fcuk]

It seems to me that it's a lot easier for gay guys to get no-strings sex than it is for straight ones. I think you are correct. And straight men are extremely jealous of this fact. :biggrin1: [/quote]

Of course there is nothing wrong with having strings attached or relationship-type expectations if that is what people mutually consent to, but what I don't understand about most straight people and not a few gays is why these things are so often almost automatically assumed.

I have had a couple of 'strings-attached' kinds of relationships complete with expectations of monogamy and all, and I can tell you that this is absolutely not for me. Emotional attachments can of course be great and do include certain responsibilities, but I think the whole monogamy thing is just a sort of religious belief system. Personally I prefer the Dionysiac religion if you please.

Besides, I don't want to have to go through a whole relationhip inventory checklist just to have sex. For me the sex comes first and a relationship may or may not develop out of it, or alternately, there is no sex, and a platonic relationship, which will almost certainly never be at all sexual, may or may not develop ...

Incidentally, while there are many reasons why I have never had heterosex (which I will not discuss with just anybody), at this stage of my life probably what prevents me most from experimenting in that direction is just that the planning of straight hookups seems to be so inordinately complicated, awkward, and long winded - I mean dating and all, what is that anyway? - and with an entirely unsatisfactory success ratio I might add (based on what I've heard from straight folk)

but to each his own

while I certainly do like trying new things sexually and celebrate sex and the body in general, I also do have other things to do in life, and can't afford to have just the complications of planning things take over my whole life lol ....

love and light you all

 

[MattBrick]

Promiscuity is great - if you are the one doing it, right?
Not so cool when the tables are turned.

Pair bonding is the natural state for our species. That is why people everywhere do it.That isn't to say cheating isn't natural too. But that is anothers story.

Quit bashing religions. Oh yeah, and have a little class. This is the kind of stuff that makes a bad name for gays.

 

[BIGBULL29]

Promiscuity is great - if you are the one doing it, right?
Not so cool when the tables are turned.

Pair bonding is the natural state for our species. That is why people everywhere do it.That isn't to say cheating isn't natural too. But that is anothers story.

Quit bashing religions. Oh yeah, and have a little class. This is the kind of stuff that makes a bad name for gays.

If you want to be promiscious, then be promiscuous, simply stated. Don't make people who aren't promiscuous feel "weird, religious or uptight". It's a choice to be one or the other. I am not promiscuous because I don't want to feel used by people who could give a fuck if I were to die tomorrow. If other people don't mind others using them sexually, then more power to ya.
I like to show my dick off and be flirtatious, but I won't have full-on sex with anyone with whom I don't love or care about.

I'm not judging anyone, but there are consequences to our actions in life. Should you choose to be ultra-promiscuous, don't act all surprised when the STD's start hitting hard and the "no-string-attached fun" takes you on an emotional roller coaster.

 

[str82fcuk]

In the thread Down Low . . . is it Cheating? Swllower bought up an interesting point. Many people seem to believe that gay men play by a different set of rules.
So my question is, Do gay men really play by a different set of rules? Or is it just that left to your own devices most men, gay or straight will fuck anything, at any time with little regard as to the consequences?

Look at Industrialsize, 27 years of happily wedded bliss. :smile: I know for fact that many gay men are in long term, monogamous relationships but they don't get the press that the more promiscuous gay men get.

Is there really some unwritten code that gay men must be promiscuous? Are monogamous gay men somehow thought to be freaky or weird within the gay community?

I apologize if this is comes across as a stupid or worse homophobic question; but I am genuinely curious as I don't understand. :redface:

As far as I know most gay men are actually celibate let alone promiscuous. Of course there are also a fair number of monagamous relationships.

Also as far as my religions inform me, the only universally applicable laws are to not do harm to others Now if a couple has agreed to be monogamous then cheating - which would be a form of doing harm - would obviously not be OK. I do not think that there are any other universally applicable rules. But obviously everybody is free to choose and live by their own choice of religion.

Heterosexuals have in different societies and different times developed certain codes that people are required to play by, but obviously these codes do not apply to other people or without consent or outside certain times and places.

Of course there is nothing wrong with people setting rules for themselves and living by those rules.

As far as I know promiscuity is not a requirement for being gay. In fact promiscuity in some forms is often regarded as slutty. However, promiscuity in other forms is just par for the course.

I do not want to see this thread being hijacked by my personal opinions nor a discussion of them - maybe one day I will start my own thread for that - but intelligent questions about my opinions may be privated to me rather than deflecting from the OP's original intent.

 

[invisibleman]

Maybe some gay men have rules for some that they abide by and others they change and bend the rules to their satisfaction.

Then again, I think that anybody--man, woman, gay straight, bi --whatever play by their own rules. So anytime you try to have a relationship--friendship or sexual, you have the possibility of them disappointing you. People do whatever they want to do and sometimes without any regard or respect to the ones they love. C'est la vie.

 

[Adam70]

Since I was quoted in the original post I think I need to make myself clear. I do think that gay men play by different rules not because they are more or less promiscious, but because monogamy is not assumed in a gay relationship. Gay couples, in my experience, at some point or another speak about monogamy and decide to what extent they want to be monogamous, or not. Str8 people assume when they enter into a relationship that it will be monogamous, it is rarely questioned or ultered. I do agree that there are a wide spectrum of relationships and level of monogamy/openess amongst gay men but all of these have been negotiated and agreed upon by the people involved. It is usually not asumed and that is a different rule.

As far as I am concerned, people who are comfortable with themselves and dont feel threatened by their partner's sexual needs/desires, are more likely to celebrate these with their partner as they tend not to feel rejected when he/she shows sexual interest in another.

Just my thoughts

 

[SyddyKitty]

I'm gay, not religious, an dI look down on promiscuity. No, gay men don't follow a different set of rules but I could give a handful of people that believe we do.