Do Gay Men Play by a Different Set of Rules?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Principessa, Nov 4, 2007.

  1. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    In the thread Down Low . . . is it Cheating? Swllower bought up an interesting point. Many people seem to believe that gay men play by a different set of rules.
    So my question is, Do gay men really play by a different set of rules? Or is it just that left to your own devices most men, gay or straight will fuck anything, at any time with little regard as to the consequences? :confused:

    Look at Industrialsize, 27 years of happily wedded bliss. :smile: I know for fact that many gay men are in long term, monogamous relationships but they don't get the press that the more promiscuous gay men get. :confused::mad:

    Is there really some unwritten code that gay men must be promiscuous? Are monogamous gay men somehow thought to be freaky or weird within the gay community?

    I apologize if this is comes across as a stupid or worse homophobic question; but I am genuinely curious as I don't understand. :redface:
     
  2. Industrialsize

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2006
    Messages:
    24,294
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2,167
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United States
    Not a stupid question at all. I think that gay men don't feel constrained by the "traditional" rules of marriage seeing that most places in the USA don't recognize their relationships. My experience is that there is an entire spectrum of relationships, from complete monogamy to complete openness. It's something every gay couple have to figure out what works for them. and after 27 years my husband and I have been at every point in that spectrum. The most important thing, in my opinion, is trust and honesty.
     
  3. SpoiledPrincess

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2006
    Messages:
    8,167
    Likes Received:
    29
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    england
    I also think part of it is that in any examination of a subject it's the extremes that people seem to want to know more about and are more publicised, a gay couple who are happy, content and faithful aren't as interesting to read about as a gay couple who are fucking everything that moves and living a life of excess.
     
  4. exwhyzee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2005
    Messages:
    4,578
    Likes Received:
    36
    Gender:
    Male
    I'm pretty unpromiscuous...I've been single since June and have messed around with one guy one night since then. Maybe in straight terms that is active, but in gay terms its a nonexistant sex life. I don't think any gay guys think I am freaky or wierd per se, but they do get frustrated that I do not/will not do more sexually. There does seem to be an expectation among some that if you are able, you automatically should be willing.
     
  5. Strontium

    Strontium New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    259
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    27
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Born in the US, raised in Australia.
    In my experience, gay couples 'play' openly, a lot more than str8s do. eg: I have a cousin who is gay, and has a bf of 18 years standing. They both go to gay saunas together, have sex separately, then adjourn for supper at a cafe nearby.

    Most women I know would freak at going to a sauna, let alone for sex, and absolutely not with their partners!
     
  6. aquadude

    aquadude New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2006
    Messages:
    154
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Buffalo, NY
    I don't think that gay men have a different set of rules, but in general, most gay men, when they are young are more promiscuous, because they can be. However, I think that there are just as many monogamous gay men as there are monogamous straight men, they just aren't the ones that are focused on because society as a whole still views homosexuality as something bad and to be frowned upon, so they only focus on the promiscuous gay men. So, in answer to your question, no gay men don't follow a different set of rules, it is just that our promiscuity is thrown into the front stage more so than straight men.

    (all of this is just my opinion of course)
     
  7. Industrialsize

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2006
    Messages:
    24,294
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2,167
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United States
    so my question then is, Why is promiscuity looked upon as "something bad" by society if it is practiced by 2 consenting adults?
     
  8. Strontium

    Strontium New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    259
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    27
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Born in the US, raised in Australia.
    Industrialsize if your question isn't entirely rhetorical, the answer surely is "Religion" (or the misuse of it)
     
  9. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2007
    Messages:
    5,008
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Los Angeles, California

    I think that if most women were willing to have no-strings sex with young straight guys, guys would be more than happy to oblige. I know gay guys who go to bathhouses where they can have sex with as many peeps as they want to. If the tables were turned, and straight guys could go to a place where there were hundreds of hot women wanting to have sex with them, what would most men do? It seems to me that it's a lot easier for gay guys to get no-strings sex than it is for straight ones.
     
  10. Industrialsize

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2006
    Messages:
    24,294
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2,167
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United States
    My question was NOT rhetorical, and I think you might have hit the nail on the head.
     
  11. aquadude

    aquadude New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2006
    Messages:
    154
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Buffalo, NY
    I, personally, do not find promiscuity to be a bad thing, but it is the conservative and (often misguided) religious views that cause society to view promiscuity as a bad thing. And, I could be wrong but, I think that most gay men share my views on this. And therefore, yes it is easier for gay men to get sex, but fact is still that gay men are just as capable of being monogamous as straight men.
     
  12. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    My first thought was because of STD's. HIV is the STD everyone worrys about now. When I first started having sex, eons ago Herpes was practically epidemic among straight people.

     
  13. simcha

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2007
    Messages:
    2,242
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Over The Rainbow
     
  14. str82fcuk

    str82fcuk Member

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2007
    Messages:
    516
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Glasgow ... (formerly Johannesburg, Montreal)
     
  15. MattBrick

    MattBrick Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2006
    Messages:
    920
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NJ
    Promiscuity is great - if you are the one doing it, right?
    Not so cool when the tables are turned.

    Pair bonding is the natural state for our species. That is why people everywhere do it.That isn't to say cheating isn't natural too. But that is anothers story.

    Quit bashing religions. Oh yeah, and have a little class. This is the kind of stuff that makes a bad name for gays.
     
  16. bigbull29

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5,735
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2,420
    Gender:
    Male
    If you want to be promiscious, then be promiscuous, simply stated. Don't make people who aren't promiscuous feel "weird, religious or uptight". It's a choice to be one or the other. I am not promiscuous because I don't want to feel used by people who could give a fuck if I were to die tomorrow. If other people don't mind others using them sexually, then more power to ya.
    I like to show my dick off and be flirtatious, but I won't have full-on sex with anyone with whom I don't love or care about.

    I'm not judging anyone, but there are consequences to our actions in life. Should you choose to be ultra-promiscuous, don't act all surprised when the STD's start hitting hard and the "no-string-attached fun" takes you on an emotional roller coaster.
     
  17. str82fcuk

    str82fcuk Member

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2007
    Messages:
    516
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Glasgow ... (formerly Johannesburg, Montreal)
    As far as I know most gay men are actually celibate let alone promiscuous. Of course there are also a fair number of monagamous relationships.

    Also as far as my religions inform me, the only universally applicable laws are to not do harm to others Now if a couple has agreed to be monogamous then cheating - which would be a form of doing harm - would obviously not be OK. I do not think that there are any other universally applicable rules. But obviously everybody is free to choose and live by their own choice of religion.

    Heterosexuals have in different societies and different times developed certain codes that people are required to play by, but obviously these codes do not apply to other people or without consent or outside certain times and places.

    Of course there is nothing wrong with people setting rules for themselves and living by those rules.

    As far as I know promiscuity is not a requirement for being gay. In fact promiscuity in some forms is often regarded as slutty. However, promiscuity in other forms is just par for the course.

    I do not want to see this thread being hijacked by my personal opinions nor a discussion of them - maybe one day I will start my own thread for that - but intelligent questions about my opinions may be privated to me rather than deflecting from the OP's original intent.
     
  18. invisibleman

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2005
    Messages:
    9,976
    Likes Received:
    39
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Maybe some gay men have rules for some that they abide by and others they change and bend the rules to their satisfaction.

    Then again, I think that anybody--man, woman, gay straight, bi --whatever play by their own rules. So anytime you try to have a relationship--friendship or sexual, you have the possibility of them disappointing you. People do whatever they want to do and sometimes without any regard or respect to the ones they love. C'est la vie.
     
  19. Adam70

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2007
    Messages:
    149
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    72
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK: London
    Verified:
    Photo
    Since I was quoted in the original post I think I need to make myself clear. I do think that gay men play by different rules not because they are more or less promiscious, but because monogamy is not assumed in a gay relationship. Gay couples, in my experience, at some point or another speak about monogamy and decide to what extent they want to be monogamous, or not. Str8 people assume when they enter into a relationship that it will be monogamous, it is rarely questioned or ultered. I do agree that there are a wide spectrum of relationships and level of monogamy/openess amongst gay men but all of these have been negotiated and agreed upon by the people involved. It is usually not asumed and that is a different rule.

    As far as I am concerned, people who are comfortable with themselves and dont feel threatened by their partner's sexual needs/desires, are more likely to celebrate these with their partner as they tend not to feel rejected when he/she shows sexual interest in another.

    Just my thoughts :)
     
  20. SyddyKitty

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2007
    Messages:
    2,507
    Albums:
    9
    Likes Received:
    269
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    I'm gay, not religious, an dI look down on promiscuity. No, gay men don't follow a different set of rules but I could give a handful of people that believe we do.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted