Do gay relationships always have a dominant/submissive set up?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by galaxus, Jul 18, 2009.

  1. galaxus

    galaxus Member

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    In a heterosexual relationship, the males act like men and are usually more dominant in the relationship while the females act like women and are usually more submissive in and out of bed....

    Does this also happen in gay relationships? Is one always the "Top" and the other is always the "bottom"? Can you both be dominant? can you both be submissive? Do you both act masculine or feminine? Do you trade roles whenever you want?

    Do you even think about this? Do you care?
     
  2. Industrialsize

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    I have a feeling the ladies of LPSG may have a thing or two to say about being labeled submissive........
     
  3. galaxus

    galaxus Member

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    maybe.... but I can't think of a better word to use.


    Aren't most women in bed submissive? From the women that I've had (not that many though) they all want to be taken for a ride.

    Out of bed, they want somebody as a protector. Somebody they can lean on and to be their rock/anchor in their life.

    Don't get me wrong though! I know plenty of independent women who aren't submissive at all! They do what they want, when they want.
     
  4. invisibleman

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    I like giving the dick and getting the dick. (I am a power top and power bottom.)
     
  5. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    A thought I had after reading this... I think there will always be someone slightly more dominant that the other. No one is built equally. However, equality is a key word.

    One can be dominant and be the bottom (if dominance refers to being the initiator of the sex, or the taking of sex when they want to) and one can be submissive and just lay back and get sucked/fucked.
     
  6. headbang8

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    Galaxus,

    One of the great things about a gay relationship is that all bets are off. Everything is open and subject to negotiation.

    Who penetrates whom has pretty much nothing to do with who "dominates" whom. Being guys, alpha-male bullshit can creep into a gay relationship quite easily, in my experience.

    Most queer male couples I know lock antlers regularly. As they said in QAF once, a gay relationship ain't for sissies.

    In any relationship, gay or straight, both partners ought to be the other's rock, anchor, and source of strength. Does your girlfriend not take care of you, as much as you take care of her?
     
  7. SeeDickRun

    SeeDickRun New Member

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    I've been in a relationship with a guy for 15 years now. Although he's 26 years younger than I, we've never had an issue about who's dominate and who's passive. I don't know whether we are really "role playing" or not, but I have the set of things I do best, he has those things he does best, and we have things we do together, and couldn't do without each other. I think that ours is truly a shared relationship, without a dom/pass personality.

    But, I do believe what you said above. Being in a gay relationship ain't for sissies. It takes lots of work. But, it's definitely worth it. Neither of us has ever had PMS (although I've been accused of it once or twice), sex has never been a tool that's used to coerce the other into doing something, and neither of us has ever had a headache for a month.
     
  8. arktrucker

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    I would like to add my views on the subject of his thread.

    Dominate and submissive are only labels. If you're in a relationship for anytime at all, things happen. Certain 'jobs' and not just sex, fall to one or the other, I mean one person is going to be better at stressful situations or cooking or cleaning or whatever else might happen. Being 'on top' has nothing to do with a relationship.

    Yesterday I'm pleased to announce, my partner and I celebrated our 25th year together. It hasn't been a bed of roses either. Building a life together, especially a gay relationship is not easy. What I've learned is this. We're both men, who happen to love each other completely. I support him in everything he does and he does the same for me. I can say absolutely in the 25 years we've never had a fight which is to say we don't argue and bicker but fight, never.
    We have gay friends but far more straight friends but, both gay and straight are very close and very dear to us. Our families are totally accepting of each of us, his me and mine him. I only hope that others in our community can have the same experience that we are having.

    Dominate or submissive. Neither.
     
  9. houtx48

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    "the males act like men and are usually more dominant in the relationship"............god you are 21...lollllllllllllllllllllllllll other stuff aside sometimes in a gay relationship there are just two bitch's.
     
  10. hud01

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    One day you will learn.
     
  11. galaxus

    galaxus Member

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    I would say she's my source of pleasure if anything.:biggrin1:

    but 4real. This is my first real relationship and we kinda just started calling it a relationship. Idk how to answer that question. We just try to make each other happy.
     
  12. lookingforhung

    lookingforhung New Member

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    To answer your question actually, yes there are many gay relationships where one person is top all the time, other bottom.(and its always like that) But there are many gay guys that are vers..(maybe majority), so that means, they like both. And I think straight guys are like that too.

    I don't know why there is an impression that all men just want to be dominant/doggy style shit..I know a lot of straight guys that like more aggressive women as well. Obviously women can't fuck you..but there are ones that like to control. ALSO, the men that put the women's pleasure ahead of their own..the guys that love love love to lick pussy, etc..i would consider those guys as not so aggressive..more just caring about the other person and being great in bed.(kinda "gay" when you think about it)

    Just think of all the straight geeks, dorks, etc to say straight guys are all simply aggressive in bed is to suggest all men are macho, jocks etc. And it also doesn't consider that how a person is in regular life is often not how they are in bed. I read a study that men men who are in big powerful positions and leadership positions, are often opposite in bed..because they need a break from leading/being dominant.
     
    #12 lookingforhung, Jul 18, 2009
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2009
  13. lvsxy808

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    I think you've got a lot more to learn about straight relationships before you need to worry yourself about gay relationships. Just your initial premise alone is wildly off the mark.
     
  14. B_HeartsAfire

    B_HeartsAfire New Member

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    I'm gay and the gay and bisexual men who I have had relationships with we do not do the dominant or submissive thing.
     
  15. headbang8

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    Well, there ya go. Gays and lesbians do exactly the same thing. Is that so surprising?
     
  16. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

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    I don't think there are defined parameters in any relationships - homosexual or otherwise. Just because a woman has a man fuck her, it doesn't make her the submissive and likewise for bottoms in gay relationships. The idea of a top being masculine and a bottom being feminine is a moot point, these character traits do not go hand in hand with sexual preference.
     
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