Do girls still like bad boys? mysterious loners? charming rogues?

Penis Aficionado

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When I was in my 20s, almost all the single girls I knew kept hooking up with, and falling for, these types: guys with no filter whose relentless and confrontational truth-telling made them unfit for polite society; guys with a consuming passion for non-lucrative endeavors, that made their lives financially unstable; guys with a certain look that would invite disapproving glares in an Applebee's. Bad boys might fall in love with you, but they tended not to think highly of monogamy or settling down. On the plus side, these guys were usually absurdly good-looking and had mythic sexual skills.

I'm in my 40s now, and most of my lifelong female friends either turned their bad boy into a respectable member of society or, more commonly, chose a decent if less exciting dude who could help pay bills and didn't need constant rescuing from himself. I just assumed this was the natural order of things.

But now I have a number of younger female friends and acquaintances, and none of them are dating or even hooking up with bad boys. I work at a university, and I don't really even see bad boys anymore. It's more common to see a smart, hot young girl with a fat nerd in a Star Wars shirt than it is to see a smart, hot young girl with an edgy dude in a leather trenchcoat who looks like he might start trouble.

Did something happen?
 

rtg

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I don't know... I don't know what most other women do or why they do it. But I'm not attracted to fat nerdy guys. I used to be attracted to the typical douche bags, but I have no tolerance for them any more. I'm much more picky now after being stuffed around so much too. These days I like the hard working, motivated, supportive, patient, relatively quiet and funny guy. Of course I need to be attracted to him, but he doesn't have to look like a male model.

And what you are observing could also be to do with the fact that the "bad boy" tends to dress differently these days. In my experience, these type of guys tend to dress metro or just wear the latest casual-style clothing fashion trend.
 

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Hey, rtg. You're probably right. Maybe I should have asked an additional question: what do bad boys look like these days?

The guys you like sound like exactly the type of guys most of my friends ended up with. I don't think they "settled" so much as they just changed, and had less patience for stressful bullshit.
 
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I think there is less of a standard image for bad boys now. Used to be that tattoos, beard, leather = social outcast, and now it can mean hipster/trendy guy.

In some cases, I think online dating has given the "fat nerdy" guy an opportunity to approach women that they may not have the confidence to approach IRL. If she doesn't wink/email back, no big deal... it's not the same rejection as her saying "no" to asking her out face to face. Women have the opportunity to get to know a bit about him through reading his profile instead of just what they see and might say "why not". Plus men can use numbers to their advantage by swipe right, swipe right, swipe right.
 

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@lurker23: That's true ... I know guys with full sleeves and biker beards who, when they start talking, are just as polite and conventional as can be. And the online dating thing is probably a big factor. The "bad boys" i used to know had, like, an electricity about them, like a wild animal. That can't come through in an online profile.
 
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I'm not one for goody goody, naive, impractical sorts. I'm also not one for assholes who are dishonest, disloyal, etc. My sweetie by profession tends to intimidate many (firearms instructor, security/defense contractor and advisor). By his looks he tends to intimidate many as well (tall, muscular, facial hair, tattoos, and black). He won't tolerate people laying hands on him, fucking with his life, etc. He won't be the one who initiated any kind of aggression/bullshit though, either. Hell, to some he would probably be perceived as "bad" just given he's originally from Detroit.

On the flip side he is one of the most genuine people I've ever known. He shares my extreme bluntness and intolerance for fuckery. He's generally quite polite and well spoken, albeit a bit quiet around folks he does not know. He works hard, gets paid for it, is loyal, smart, but also one of the most, if not actually the most potentially dangerous people I've ever known. He's also a gearhead and has some kind of crazy vehicles.

From the outside, big, tattooed, gun toting black man with some crazy cars, originally from Detroit, doing some kind of crazy work, with a penchant for swearing? Yeah, I'm sure plenty think of him as some edgy, bad mother fucker. From actually knowing him, he's mostly just another freaking nerd and a good guy, who treats me better than anyone I've ever been involved with. We're also both loners. We generally don't like being around humanity as a whole ;)

TL;DR I don't date assholes or "bad boys" that are actually bad. That being said, it can at times also just be a matter of an outsider's perspective versus someone who actually knows the individual.
 
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That's really sweet, Fade. You sound perfect for each other!

We were watching some RuPaul's Drag Race yesterday, and I was commenting how it's so good that two particular drag queens found each other and are in a relationship, because they're freaking quirky, but compliment each other extremely well. We feel similarly about one another :oops: We're weird and a lot of people wouldn't get us, but we work very well with each other.

By contrast, my first serious relationship was with a man who had no ink, was pretty clean cut, enjoyed being social, but was a major piece of shit. From the exterior he seemed like a pretty okay, albeit average dude. He was quite good at saying exactly what people wanted to hear. In private he was an emotionally and verbally manipulative and abusive scum bag. The last straw of the relationship (which, bear with me, I was young and naive, and at least at the beginning did love him in a way) was when things escalated to sexual abuse. Throughout the entire duration of the relationship I also supported him, because he quit or got fired from every job ever.

Now I will not in any way accept anything that even hints of someone who is that horrible of a human being. I may have stayed in that relationship for overly long, but I learned my lesson, that's for damn sure. My standards are quite high, and while for some things I'll compromise, there are many things that I will not compromise on at all.
 

AlteredEgo

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My past has two charming rogues in it. One was never meant to be more than a friendly penis I could summon at will. What I liked about him was that because I wouldnt pay his bad-boy facet any attention, he was forced to demonstrate his capacity for geekery, and I felt like I was let in on an insane secret. The other loved me, but just couldn't so right by me, and was quickly set aside, though not easily forgotten. I think I will always miss him, and certain songs will always make me very sad, but I'm definitely relieved he's gone, and that all he did was break my heart. I know women who dated rough dudes and had their lives torn apart. Oh, I guess there was a third one too, but I didn't realize he was a gangster until long after we parted ways.

The "bad boys" i used to know had, like, an electricity about them, like a wild animal.

The one who broke my heart was like that. There was an energy about him that I found irresistibly compelling.
 

C41ara

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I have a bf for so many years, and a lot of my friends too, that I don't know if that's the situation again these days. But yes, sometimes girls at young age are more attracted to the so called assholes, the ones who pretend to not give a shit, who are always sarcastic. I think the reasons are different for every girl, but they look more confident (even if usually they are really the opposite) and it's fun to try to understand what they have in their mind.

But I mean these classic types, not the ones you said in your first post, that's a disastrous description of life :D
 
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DaisyDoesIt

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I'm not one for goody goody, naive, impractical sorts. I'm also not one for assholes who are dishonest, disloyal, etc. My sweetie by profession tends to intimidate many (firearms instructor, security/defense contractor and advisor). By his looks he tends to intimidate many as well (tall, muscular, facial hair, tattoos, and black). He won't tolerate people laying hands on him, fucking with his life, etc. He won't be the one who initiated any kind of aggression/bullshit though, either. Hell, to some he would probably be perceived as "bad" just given he's originally from Detroit.

On the flip side he is one of the most genuine people I've ever known. He shares my extreme bluntness and intolerance for fuckery. He's generally quite polite and well spoken, albeit a bit quiet around folks he does not know. He works hard, gets paid for it, is loyal, smart, but also one of the most, if not actually the most potentially dangerous people I've ever known. He's also a gearhead and has some kind of crazy vehicles.

From the outside, big, tattooed, gun toting black man with some crazy cars, originally from Detroit, doing some kind of crazy work, with a penchant for swearing? Yeah, I'm sure plenty think of him as some edgy, bad mother fucker. From actually knowing him, he's mostly just another freaking nerd and a good guy, who treats me better than anyone I've ever been involved with. We're also both loners. We generally don't like being around humanity as a whole ;)

TL;DR I don't date assholes or "bad boys" that are actually bad. That being said, it can at times also just be a matter of an outsider's perspective versus someone who actually knows the individual.

Nice post! Most conflicts that escalate happen out of fear. One who has self confidence and abilities---the fear is out of the equation.

Is that a casull, your large frame? I'm partial to single actions, like the way the recoil kinda 'rolls'--but end up packing ol' python the most.

Got a couple of customs outa freedom, wy. If your guys into long range and tuning have him check out kirby Allen---http://apsrifles.com/Allen_Magnum_Wildcats.html my second 'Allen Magnum' is being built now.

I find it relaxing---shooting---almost as much as riding a horse--bwaa! Have a good 'un~!
 
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deleted924715

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It's funny, most of the OPs first paragraph describes someone dear to me very well - everything except being unwilling to settle down. A lot of those traits listed are tied into his being on the spectrum. He's not a bad boy though (I dated a couple when I was younger, they hold zero appeal now), he's a sweetheart. Just a blunt, handsome doesn't-give-a-shit-what-anyone-thinks sweetheart

There will always be bad boys and their female counterparts, they're probably just being bad on facebook or reddit in their skinny jeans now :p
 

EllieP

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I grew up on a ranch. The men were tough and did hard work. I tried to be as tough and work as hard, but of course, I didn't come anywhere near their level.

Fast forward to the dating scene, or lack thereof, and the only two boys who approached me were bad boys. I sort of equated them to the tough ranch hands. Even though they were not nearly as tough but just bad, I didn't care. They showed me some attention. I lost my virginity to one, and I married the other.

I came to my senses and realized he was the ultimate rebel without a clue - just a stupid bad ass with no hope of a future. I bailed.

Since that time bad boys have held no allure for me. I realized how stupid I was at that age, and I shiver when I think about it.
 

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Do girls like bad boys?

Personally, I prefer irrepressible malfeasants.

Mysterious loners?

No, not particularly. This negative opinion could be directly related to having a vagina.

Charming rogues?

Yes, because what girl wouldn't want to be verbally accosted by a shifty stranger.

what do bad boys look like these days?

According to pop culture it's Caitlyn Jenner in a black tracksuit.