Do guys REALLY joke about sex/their penis?

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by Imported, Jan 3, 2004.

  1. Imported

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    roedhunt: Not being a guy or having brothers, I am curious.. Do guys REALLY talk/joke with others guys about sex and their penises?

    I've seen movies like American Pie and such.. but cant believe that actual guys joke like that with each other.... Who got laid... My balls hurt.... Did you get laid? I'm so big... ... Stuff like that...

    And IF you guys really do, give me some examples... Women talk about other things... he's a jerk ... nice body... has money.... wants a relationship.. just wants sex.... you get the idea.....

    lets hear from the boys.......... truth now.......
     
  2. Imported

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    Thumper_10x7_CA: Well I can't speak for all men but I know my circle of guy friends don't talk like that. Sometimes we do compare notes on people we've had sex with, but it's never in a bragging kind of way. Of course I'm gay, and most of my guy friends are gay too so we probably talk more like you gals do. "He's an ass" or "Damn, I got something THAT guy can sit on!" :D
     
  3. Imported

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    roedhunt: ah, but you see.. women dont say those things... we dont get as crude as men do.. believe me.. i've hung around women for years... The nastiest we say is "i wouldnt kick him out of bed for eating crackers..." we dont say..."i bet youre creaming your jeans over him".. or, "he make so wet".. or even "I want to fuck him". Plus, we dont say things like, "my pussy itches". Somethings we women just dont talk about or we dont get as vulgar. If you have met women like that, you probably influenced them! hahah

    We have said.."oh i had fuuuunnn last night". But dont get into graphic details.. I guess thats why its hard to imagine anyone talking like that. Even other women who have watched the guy buddy movies ALWAYS make a comment on how crude the men are... To most of us its just too much information. Now, we do talk about periods but its usually.. got midol? ...boy am i cramping...
     
  4. Imported

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    Lovembig: Actually Roedhunt, my girlfriends and I have gotten into conversations about how big a guys penis was. Everyone is kinda shy about bringing up the topic cause we dont want to sound like sluts but as soon as somebody breaks the news "You wont believe how big it was..........", everyone is ready for some details. :p
     
  5. Imported

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    roedhunt: Ah, see? Thats my point exactly. Women dont just start out blurting about dicks, pussy, size, fucking, and graphic details..sorry to the ladies if these words are crude, but these are usually the words guys use in every day conversations (with other guys that is). When we do feel comfortable enuff with other women, we DO talk about most things, but in a whole different way...

    I guess my question shouldve been..."Do you guys really talk vulgar, crude, detailed and joke about your private parts?"

    In my experience with women, we dont refer to any of each others private parts (see how I used "private parts" instead of pussy?). I dont ever recall telling or was told to "go finger yourself" as apposed to guys saying "go beat off".... Plus, when we do discuss men, sex or womanly things, we have respect for one another so we dont insult, degrade or hurt each others feelings, even if we are joking. Because some women take comments and/or jokes personally. Call us sensitive if you like.....

    Which brings me back to my original question....

    Do you guys really talk like that? To you it might not be crude or vulgar, but to us it might just be considered "guy talk", because we dont use certain words or expressions. And if you do, does it happen everytime guys get together? And give examples of what kinds of expressions, words and conversation...

    I ask because being a woman I dont hear this and I think its funny as hell... Reading all these forums is like being a fly on the wall... Its cool how you guys are so brutaly honest. I am like that myself, but when I am around women and talk like that, they DO get offended and think I'm too crude...
     
  6. Imported

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    Donk: In my experience, the basic answer is yes, but rarely. That is, there have been several occasions where I have been in such conversations with various groups of my friends, but it is far from an everyday topic.

    I would say that general joking around/chatting about sex in general is much more common than specific discussions about penis size. I have been in penis-size related discussions, most of which came up because my size happens to be large and the other guys became aware of it one way or the other and started cracking jokes and/or asking questions about it. This makes me wonder if maybe it is not much more common for penis size to come up among a group of guy friends when one guy is known to be especially endowed. I really can't imagine a group of guys (at least straight guys) with average sizes sitting around discussing who has a half inch more or less, but a conversation centering around one guy's attention-grabbing "horse dick" seems much more natural. During some periods, my size became a running joke for awhile and came up often. (For a good example of this, I was watching the movie "Porky's" on TV yesterday--one character is nicknamed "Meat" for obvious reasons, and the other guys make several cracks about his endowment.)

    One real factor here is context. All of these conversations that I have had have been with groups of school buddies--from college and grad school--that I lived with in dorm situations (which also explains how they found out I was hung). Most occurred while we were in school, though a couple have been more recent in reunion-type situations (showing that we have not matured a bit!) I cannot imagine having the same type of conversation with other circles of friends, especially, say, my professional colleagues.
     
  7. Imported

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    roedhunt: Thanks so much for replying. I'm sure in a business enviroment, talks such as this no longer exist. In other places I have worked, I have overheard some things, but usually stopped when they saw me.

    So give me examples of what types of words or conversations took place.. what was the norm for guy talk? whether now or back then...
     
  8. benderten2001

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    roedhunt, I'm likely going to disappoint you with my reply, I suppose.

    I can't recall the kind of conversations "about details" amongst the guys I've been around...at least like you're wondering about. Maybe they DO occur. I'm not so sure.

    You see, I think it all probably depends entirely upon the "kind of guy" we're talking about here...things like how he was raised, what kind of dignity he has about himself, others, society in general, the kinds of "friends" (i.e. other males he's associating with, etc.) --Whether he's comfortable (at all!) to be discussing sexual matters...even if it's only one other guy present like a close personal friend. Many guys (it seems) are just plain uncomfortable to be discussing ANY sexual stuff....period.

    In some situations--like when a bunch of guys are just having fun together and "horsing and joking around" THEN a sexual topic might come up--even comments about "their women" but there's no guarantee it will be totally factual...maybe a little hyperbole at best to get a laugh or make an impression. Guys don't seem to get into serious discussion at all about sex in general, not even their "conquests" if you will, at least mature-minded men. Reminds me of some silent (unspeakable rule?) of manhood itself---"men just don't do that." The main exception perhaps to all this would be in adolescence when sex is all so brand new for a guy.
    In certain friendship circles during the teenage years, there often IS some (light-hearted?) banter regarding sex. But even then, it's "fluff" at best. A little boasting, bragging, etc.---"crazy type stuff" with no substance, really...(where no one is actually taking notes!)

    And, then, there are those occasions for men when, like in a locker room setting, guys might get a bit tense as they fear teasing, snickering, "size jokes" or innuendoes about such. But discussing relationships and "all the particulars"? ....I can't say it's all THAT common....at least in my circles. ;)

    Personally? -- I MUCH prefer it that way, too!
     
  9. Imported

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    canamrock: I'm a bad person to ask, because I don't take ANYTHING seriously, unless I do. Or something. In any case, yes, some guys do. How they do so, and even if they do, depends a lot on the guy and how he gets along with those he's talking to. The curse of my life is that everything that happens to me has lots of comic value, so I'll pretty easily bring up my escapades, sexual or otherwise, when it seems fitting. My friends are not quite so comfortable with saying such things, however. I'm evil, so maybe that helps explain things.
     
  10. Imported

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    roedhunt: To benderten2001:

    THAT'S what I was looking for! The joking stuff.. Not the "serious" sex stuff. We women DO talk about sex.. usually its about "oh I wish he'd do this.." kind of thing. The banter, the teasing, the "you need to get laid" jokes.... That's what I wanted to hear.... If guys really give each other that much shit? And does it come out more disgusting when you all are drunk?

    I guess my question then is: What is the "guy stuff" jokes? And please give examples... You know, like "look at those fucking tits on her".... Things like that...

    I know I know but humor me..... :D
     
  11. Imported

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    canamrock: Okay, this is something a female friend and I discussed at one point. We both play 'Dungeons & Dragons', and we were discussing the attributes (Strength, Intelligence) and how to determine them. We got to Charisma, and she figured that 'size' determined charisma for guys, because that would give them a reason to put more points into that stat. I said that must have meant breast size did the same for women. We ended up devising an impromtu system for determining a person's Charisma from that. I have a Charisma of 16... ^_^

    Did you know that if our system worked, only heroes can be as well endowed as some of our members here are. Weird but true.
     
  12. benderten2001

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    roedhunt, I will have to kindly return the opportunity to respond back to the other guys, I suppose.

    As I noted earlier, this question will be answered according to the "make-up" of the individual man.
    His personal code of ethics, personal discipline, "who" he keeps company with, etc. --We're all different.

    'Guess you could call me a "tea-totler" as I don't drink the strong stuff. (I love the taste of strong drink very much but as alcoholism runs in my family, I know better!)

    (Many of you may now yawn.)

    I also know when people do get a bit "tipsy", then anything often goes in both their conduct and in their conversation. In other words, they make fools of themselves and can embarrass others as well.

    Maybe some of the other members can follow here with their stories and help give you the "jollies" over what you will read from them. --And, maybe it will be amusing.

    But, I have no such tales.

    Modestly speaking for myself, I think fortunately so. ;)
     
  13. Imported

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    Vincentr1: roedhunt;

    I've played sports since peewee football. I was a US. Army Infantry Officer. I only have brothers. None of the men I know have sincerly discussed intimate details of their sexual endeavors. Most of them have however joked, or boasted of their conquests. Most of the bravado how ever is purely for comical enjoyment. I can't recall ever having a serious conversation about sex with any one other than female friends or doctors. I guess it's because I really don't care what other guys think unless they're my physician. I'm not trying to impress them! ;D
     
  14. jay_too

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    Errrr,

    I have admit I have and do joke about sex and dicks sometimes with close friends. Almost always it is not about sex with an identified partner - that is an absolute "No."

    I play a lot of sports and shower at the gym; and the exception to the rule about the un-named partner is when a friend looks over and sees that the little guy is uncharacteristically red and knows that I have spent the afternoon or evening with xxxx and I have endure abuse by friends.

    I think joking and belittling self or a close friend about sex is a male thing. Really, I can't imagine a locker room conversation about: "Where do you think our relationship is going?" Guys know where they want a relationship to go!

    Of course my generation thought Animal House was about proper college etiquette.

    jay
     
  15. Imported

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    roedhunt: I recently discussed this with my guy friends and my women friends. It is so true that women dont joke like men do. Granted, same subjects come up, but women do not JOKE (not discuss) about the others sex life, the lower region or their sexual responses (masturbating or otherwise). It is accepted for a woman to joke about herself tho. However, getting too graphic is not.

    Again, I am talking about bantering, kidding with, teasing and fucking with. The closet it comes to is "stop drooling, he's gone now".

    I still would like to hear some common expressions. Ie: "I didnt know they made condoms that small". Even if it was said when you were younger.. :)
     
  16. Imported

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    hung: I will share an experience I had to endure yesterday.
    I was donating blood at the local Red Cross Center. After a long period of time I asked the attendant if I was doing O.K. I then stated that I did not want to be known as a "Slow Breeder." My speech was not clear and my intent was to ascertain if I was a "Slow Bleeder."

    Unknown to me there was a lady behind the reclining chair I was in who immediately burst into loud laughter.

    The other Blood donor in the lounge chair besides me, also a Navy Veteran - we discussed our prior life before the blood letting started- and he quickly stated, you do not understand - this guy is a retired Sailor. Nothing about slow breeders when it comes to Sailors or words to that effect.

    After ward - we all had a great laugh about my unplanned slip of the word.

    Talk about sex/joke about sex - this was an event shared between males and females at a blood donor center.
     
  17. Imported

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    mhk: Wow, I can't believe all the strange responses. Maybe I just have really strange friends, and a brother, but we joke about everything. There are parameters, of course, but we really get quite vulgar at times. Granted, we are alot different in the presence of a lady. We share stories, names usually withheld, but not always. Usually, no one is safe with my group of friends. We share, boast, brag about size, and other conquests/accomplishments. Usually in a comical fashion, of course. Well, in a nutshell(which is where this response belongs), we can get very disgusting at times and no one is really safe. Even mothers and grandmothers.... ;)
     
  18. Imported

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    roedhunt: NOW we're getting somewhere! ;D

    So whats the most popular disgusting comments?
     
  19. BobLeeSwagger

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    I don't joke like that very often, but then I'm a fairly private person. Even the people that know me well say it took a while to really get to know me. And outside this forum, I can count on one hand the number of non-lovers that I've discussed my dick size with. I don't really care about the dick size of my friends or relatives, so I figure they don't need to know mine.

    On the other hand, I have heard the kind of talk you're referring to. My belief is that men discuss it in more of a boast/joke/exaggerate, but not quite as intimate. Some of the friends of my exes have known things I wouldn't tell anyone.
     
  20. Imported

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    headbang8: Roeddy,

    Thanks for this interesting topic.  A few thoughts:

    • Scientists with high libidos and too much grant money have concluded that men are programmed to spread their sperm around as widely as possible, whereas women are programmed to want to confine their breeding to the single man who will protect them.  If we accept this notion, then isn't it to a male's evolutionary advantage to take sex as lightly as possible?  For women, there's much more at stake for her body in the sex act than for a man's.  It's really no laughing matter.
    • Male equipment is sillier than any other body part on either gender.    Even with dicks the size we have here, genitalia hanging off a male body bring to mind a booger hanging off the end of a nose.  God created man, looked at him, and saw that he'd forgotten something---"Oops, I guess he he has to fuck, too.  Let's just screw a few more bits onto the outside."  
    • Jokes are about, among other things, truth revealed and weakness exposed.  We men are told to be strong and in control, to show little of our true selves and to endure pain with pride.   Well, what did God do but put the most revealing and delicate bits right smack dab under our bellies for all the world to see?   You women can conceal your state of arousal and play the will-she-won't-she games of seduction--for men there's no way to hide our interest.   And the bits that hurt the most are amongst the easiest to grab, squash, kick and mess with.   Exposing the old todger and bollocks reminds a man that he's definitely not invincible, and better not have tickets on himself.
    • Maybe men have a sense of humour, and women do not. (Oowf!  Was that a kick in the balls I just felt?)

    Favourite dick jokes?  Here are some that I like.  

    • Drunk walks into a bar.  "I'll have a double vodka martini and a thimble of scotch" he slurrs.  "I understand the double martini, "asks the bartender, "but why do you want a thimble of scotch?".  
      By way of an answer, the drunk reaches into his bag, pulls out a miniature grand piano, followed by a small piano stool, a tiny candelabra, and finally, a man in a tuxedo, about a foot tall, who proceeds to play Moonlight and Roses
      "That's amazing!" gaped the astonished bartender. "Where did you get him?"
      "Well...I found an old, funny looking lamp.  I began to polish it when a genii appears.  He says he'll grant me one wish..."  The drunk sighs and turns to his martini. "...so I'd like to introduce you to my 12 inch pianist."
    • Two friendly rivals were walking home after a night on the turps.  Crossing a bridge, the urge to piss becomes too great for both of them.  It's dark, so they drop their daks and gush into the river below.
      "Gee, that water's cold" boasts one.  
      "...and deep, too." replies the other.  
    • I wish I could claim I thought of this on the spot, but it's actually one of the few lines ever to be censored from a Marx Bros. movie.  
      I was getting off a plane the other day, grabbing my stuff from various lockers and seat pockets. The (male) flight attendant asked me "Have you got everything?", to which I replied "Well, I've never had any complaints."  
      That earned a few chuckles from nearby passengers, though I'm not sure if it was because of the joke or merely the sight of two old queens flirting.
    • Another Groucho joke.  He once had a female contestant with thirteen children on his quiz show.  When he asked her how she came to have such a family, she blushed and said "Oh, Groucho!  I just love my husband!"  Groucho replied, "I love my cigar, too, but I take it out once in a while."
     
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