Do I admit to being b....

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by alx, Apr 30, 2011.

  1. alx

    alx
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    Do I admit to being bi curious and most probably bisexual. I'd happily live life as a straight guy but I know that really I'm not completely.
    Id never ever tell the family but ive had friends ask me if im bisexual, so do I just say "yeah"

    This could lead them to judge me, crack jokes, and feel uncomfortable around me, they could tell other people my orientation etc.*
    Do I risk it when in reality I'm still going to be socialising with them. Gay bars aren't my scene, well they would be but I can't afford to be seen in them.

    Or I could just keep my mouth shut (no pun intended) and identify as straight.
    I'd never consider a same sex relationship after-all, *but I'd happily fool around with guys no problem.

    No I'm not closeted as I'm happy as I am, I'm just wondering what other people have done in this situation and what some other people might do in this situation. Plus an other advice.
     
  2. Kai

    Kai
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    Im the exact same. I am don't ever want to be in a relationship with a guy, so i dont really want to tell people i am interested in guys too, it can only end in judgement... Its a toughy, i wish i could help!
     
  3. maxcok

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    Everything you described in your opening post is the very definition of being 'closeted'. I can't tell you what to do, other than I would suggest you look into connecting with a gay/bi support group in your area and PFLAG. You'll find your situation is not that unusual at all, and talking with other people in the same boat will help you better understand yourself and open you up to life's possibilities.

    I can tell you that the fear of ostracization is almost always worse than the reality, though it's no guarantee. Regardless, at the end of the day it's best to lead an honest life, imo. One thing I don't get at all is why so many guys on this anonymous internet board, where there is so much support for the full range of sexual orientations, are still so afraid to be truthful about their orientation. The way you've described yourself doesn't sound "99% straight" to me, for example. And I appears you were too intimidated to even spell out the words "bisexual" or "bi" in your thread title: "Do I admit to being b...."

    That is not a judgment, and it's not directed mainly at you. It's just my observation of how fearful most men apparently are of being associated to any degree with the stigma of being gay or bi. It's unfortunate for them, and it has societal repercussions as well. The more people are honest, the better adjusted they are, the more society as a whole will accept diversity, and the less being gay or bi will be stigmatized. Everybody benefits when you come clean, most of all you. If, when, and how you do that is up to you.

    Good luck.
     
    #3 maxcok, Apr 30, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2011
  4. funguy3

    funguy3 Member

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    ^ amen brotha.
     
  5. arthur

    arthur New Member

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    ... attention to maxcock's post. It's all in there. This isn't about being gay/straight or bi. it's about being comfortable with who you are?
     
  6. Pierced1953

    Pierced1953 New Member

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    I agree with Maxcok....Why would people judge you because of your sexuality. I see this world has a long way to go....Be who you are.
     
  7. B_theaussieone

    B_theaussieone New Member

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    Your sexuality has absolutely nothing to do with who you are and is nobodies business but your own. Dont feel ashamed, but if you dont want to reveal your sexuality you have absolutely no reason to feel that you should. life is short enjoy having sex with men/women whatever.

    Also be warned that revealing your sexuality will have consequences on your life. Remember that people who endorse you to be out of the closet gay/bi or whatever are just using you for political motives and wont have to suffer the consequences of you coming out.
     
  8. RioDalston

    RioDalston Well-Known Member

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    It's nobody's business but yours. Tell people what you want them to know and fool around with whoever you want to.

    You're you - be happy with that!
     
  9. BJs4You IL

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    if you don't want to be in a relationship, and you aren't even particularly concerned with whether you have sex with a guy or not, then there's really no reason to let people into "your business." It is your business, and your feelings. If you meet someone you feel comfortable enough to share it with, share it. If not, you have no obligation to reveal your fantasy life anymore than you have to reveal to everyone that you like dance music.
     
  10. Da_Man_I_Is

    Da_Man_I_Is New Member

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    I tried being who I am (Bisexual, but happily married - and the wife is happy for me to play with others), I came out to a couple of work colleagues and friends, and things went drastically downhill for a while; judging comments, talking behind my back, being excluded from works nights out and people removing me from their circles of friends. Did it bother me? No, I now know who I can trust, and who likes me for me, and not dislike me because 'if you're gay/bisexual, then you must like ALL men'...
    It's calmed down a lot now at work, as they know it doesn't interfere with my work/life (Why they thought it would is beyond me), but it is quite a big decision, if you can handle ignorance and discrimination from people you shouldn't care about anyway, then go for it.
     
  11. Redwyvre

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    Have you had any sort of sexual contact with a guy, or a gal? Sounds like you have several things to sort out. Take your time, but get started. Finding a group of like-minded friends is helpful. Remember you're not alone.
     
  12. arthur

    arthur New Member

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    Firstly...your sexuality has EVERYTHING to do with who you are? Whether you work/live/exist in an environment that is accepting of your honesty is another question completely?

    Secondly...I fail to understand how anyone can gain any sort of polical kudos by encouraging the young man to be honest with himself.

    Perhaps I have misread the post but it comes off arrogant as fuck.
     
  13. DevonTexas

    DevonTexas Well-Known Member

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    Great post Maxcok . I'm bi to and struggle with telling people even though it's considered hip and cool at this moment. ha. all the best with it my friend.
     
  14. NoH8

    NoH8 Member

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    To come out as bi is a very big decision. Even may gays don't understand bisexuality very well. All the posts above contain elements of the truth, but you must weigh them up against the effect they will have on your own work, life & family.

    You don't owe society anything. If bigotry keeps you closetted IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!

    However, once you have come out to significant people you can trust, it is a great load off your shoulders. The good people will not judge you, they will look out for you, and share with you and try to protect you from people who would wish you harm.

    You have to be free to love who you love, (and have sex that's fulfilling). So if at this time there are not enough good people in your life who will respect you for who you are and validate your choices, calm down, get comfortable with yourself first, and wait until you have a better support network around you to soften the consequences. Meanwhile, meet, love and play with other guys in your situation, you might meet one who makes all the difference!

    If you do come out, you'll probably lose some "so called" friends, but that's no great loss. Once you've sorted the good ones out, you'll be so much tougher and stronger and able to deal better with the hard stuff. And you'll be happier too!

    Finally, Da_Man_I_Is is living as the man he really is. The most important thing for you, if you choose to have a relationship with a woman, is to choose the right person, one who will love you and who will let you be who you really are. Try to have this conversation early in your relationship and let her know that she is the most important person to you, but you have to be true to yourself as well. She'll probably want you to help her understand gradually, so I woudn't drop this on her and just expect her to deal with it.

    Good luck, weigh things up and take your time.
     
  15. putputt00

    putputt00 Member

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    I am afraid to tell my family that I am bi because I am afraid of their judgement and what they would think of me
     
  16. Da_Man_I_Is

    Da_Man_I_Is New Member

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    Well, my wife is more than happy, as she is exploring her bi-sexual side too. We're best friends and share everything together. I'm very lucky in that respect. She's pushed me to be myself, as have I with her. It was a gradual thing, that's only really been brought out after over 9 years of marriage, but we're more than suviving through it - we're stronger than we were.

    If someone loves you, they'll stick by you. Anyone that doesn't isn't really worth your time, and I've cut out a few people now that didn't like it.

    Edit: But back to the op - let nobody force you to do it. Only do something if it's for yourself, not anyone else.
     
  17. kayman

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    Sounds like to me you have a problem, dude. You have to get over your own internalized homophobia because it's going to bring a heapload of problems into your life...
     
  18. bigbull29

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    Way too much human respect, boys!

    We worry what others think so much that it is nauseating.

    I've been bothered a bit over the past few years because people imply that I am gay or "weird" since I am not married with kids. Now, I am numb and don't care. It's just that others are very insecure with their own sexuality, life, etc, or jealous, etc...(who knows and who cares?!!!)

    The last time I checked, marriage with children does not rule out someone being gay, bisexual, etc.:eek:

    Best of luck in handling your personal situations.


    You are not alone!!! Lots of folks are in the same boat as you -- lots!
     
  19. Redwyvre

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    To tell my brothers about my sexuality was no big deal, but to tell my parents about my sexuality was really difficult. When I finally did it my mom was more freaked out than my dad. Eventually, we've all come around to some sort of understanding, love and support. Everybody deals with it in their own way. The first person I truly came out to was a wonderful lesbian at work.
     
  20. earllogjam

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    You sexuality is no one else's business. You shouldn't be pressured to tell people about your sexual attraction to men.

    But there is a considerable amount of pent up inner conflict when you have to hide who you really are to the dearest people you know and care about. There is also a personal freedom which comes from not having to hide and be guarded about your sexuality.
     
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