Do I admit to being b....

alx

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Everything you described in your opening post is the very definition of being 'closeted' .
I suppose technically yes Im being secretive about my orientation. However emotionally Im not.

One thing I don't get at all is why so many guys on this anonymous internet board, where there is so much support for the full range of sexual orientations, are still so afraid to be truthful about their orientation. The way you've described yourself doesn't sound "99% straight" to me, for example.
How you see me might not be how I see 'me', prehaps my percentages need reviewing possibly.
Im truthful to MYSELF about my orientation. Ultimately that's what matters most.

And I appears you were too intimidated to even spell out the words "bisexual" or "bi" in your thread title:
Do I admit to being b...."
Yes you have picked up on the short coming of the title, this was my intention. If I were to put 'Bi' or 'Bisexual' or 'Bicurious' then people would think " ah here we go again...another bisexual thread pfft" so the b... was simply to keep the title open for people to click.

It's not some phycological homophobic repression of my innerself reemerging in the form of a thread title. But Im glad you brought that one up.
That is not a judgment, and it's not directed mainly at you. It's just my observation of how fearful most men apparently are of being associated to any degree with the stigma of being gay or bi. Good luck.
Thank you for your reply, I know you are not judging. I might not have agreed with everything you have said but it's been taken in.

Your sexuality has absolutely nothing to do with who you are and is nobodies business but your own. Dont feel ashamed, but if you dont want to reveal your sexuality you have absolutely no reason to feel that you should. life is short enjoy having sex with men/women whatever.

Also be warned that revealing your sexuality will have consequences on your life. Remember that people who endorse you to be out of the closet gay/bi or whatever are just using you for political motives and wont have to suffer the consequences of you coming out.
Glad someone understands, these are my concerns exactly.

if you don't want to be in a relationship, and you aren't even particularly concerned with whether you have sex with a guy or not, then there's really no reason to let people into "your business." It is your business, and your feelings. If you meet someone you feel comfortable enough to share it with, share it. If not, you have no obligation to reveal your fantasy life anymore than you have to reveal to everyone that you like dance music.
Fantasy life, you're kidding right! I know you didn't mean it but that felt pretty insulting.... Oh, how did you know I like dance music?

I tried being who I am (Bisexual, but happily married - and the wife is happy for me to play with others), I came out to a couple of work colleagues and friends, and things went drastically downhill for a while; judging comments, talking behind my back, being excluded from works nights out and people removing me from their circles of friends. Did it bother me? No, I now know who I can trust, and who likes me for me, and not dislike me because 'if you're gay/bisexual, then you must like ALL men'...
It's calmed down a lot now at work, as they know it doesn't interfere with my work/life (Why they thought it would is beyond me), but it is quite a big decision, if you can handle ignorance and discrimination from people you shouldn't care about anyway, then go for it.

Having work know just isn't an option tbh, Racism, homophobia, sexism is still common place unfortunately. Loss of job is possible or if not then forced out the job is really likely. I love what I do despite the view and attitude of others.

...But honestly this would be like sending pig to slaughter.

I don't know if its even possible to allow just my closest friends know without the possiblity of anyone else knowing. Family and work are off the cards thats for sure.

Have you had any sort of sexual contact with a guy, or a gal? Sounds like you have several things to sort out. Take your time, but get started. Finding a group of like-minded friends is helpful. Remember you're not alone.

Yes and Yes, Im sorted. Like-minded friends? Like who?

To come out as bi is a very big decision. Even may gays don't understand bisexuality very well. All the posts above contain elements of the truth, but you must weigh them up against the effect they will have on your own work, life & family.

You don't owe society anything. If bigotry keeps you closetted IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!

You have to be free to love who you love, (and have sex that's fulfilling). So if at this time there are not enough good people in your life who will respect you for who you are and validate your choices, calm down, get comfortable with yourself first, and wait until you have a better support network around you to soften the consequences. Meanwhile, meet, love and play with other guys in your situation, you might meet one who makes all the difference!

Finally, Da_Man_I_Is is living as the man he really is. The most important thing for you, if you choose to have a relationship with a woman, is to choose the right person, one who will love you and who will let you be who you really are. Try to have this conversation early in your relationship and let her know that she is the most important person to you, but you have to be true to yourself as well. She'll probably want you to help her understand gradually, so I woudn't drop this on her and just expect her to deal with it.

Good luck, weigh things up and take your time.

I don't need a support network. Yes its going to be hard trying to engage into a relationship as a open bisexual, is it really worth it?

Sounds like to me you have a problem, dude. You have to get over your own internalized homophobia because it's going to bring a heapload of problems into your life...
Internalised homophobia, I know what I am and I have accepted it. I'd consider this a dilemma more than a internalised homophobia problem.

Personally I'd like to tell my closest friends but somehow think that it won't go well, word will spread, things will go tits up. So is it worth it when im happy.
Yes ideally, in an ideal world I'd love to just be open to everyone but lifes a bitch.

Thanks everyone for your replies, much appreciated.
 
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closetbi

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i hate "coming clean" repeatedly to people who i don't think need to know that much about me. i'm a man i don't talk for free.
 

v32bone

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My sexuality is my own business. As a predominantly straight experienced man who considers himself bi due to my level of attraction to both sexes being fluctuating but similar, my lack of as many gay experiences as I have had with women seems just that a lack of experience. Though I come from a very homophobic, right-wing family they know I live a polyamorous life with 3 women who are all openly bi. It perplexes them but they seem acceptant. When and if I have a more frequent/stable relationship with someone of my same sex, I will come out to them and many of my homophobic friends. Many of them already know I'm open-minded, kinky, and poly so it won't be such a stretch but until then it isn't anyone's business.
 

fangirl

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I feel ya dude. Ive always been more attracted to other women, but i would never have an actual relationship with a girl. i love dick, and i love to have sex, but most of the time i get hot for girls. When i was younger, i never told my friends or family because i knew they would react badly (gay runs in my family, and the guys always get dogged out way harsher than the girls), and i hate drama. But as i got older, i realised that the friends i could not tell my orientation to were not very good friends to begin with and most my family was full of shit.
So i dropped them
And found friends that i would not have to be afraid to be myself around and connected deeper with family that accepted me for who i was and i think you should do the same. Im not saying it would be easy, but nothing worth having ever is. peace.
 

kayman

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I suppose technically yes Im being secretive about my orientation. However emotionally Im not.


How you see me might not be how I see 'me', prehaps my percentages need reviewing possibly.
Im truthful to MYSELF about my orientation. Ultimately that's what matters most.


Yes you have picked up on the short coming of the title, this was my intention. If I were to put 'Bi' or 'Bisexual' or 'Bicurious' then people would think " ah here we go again...another bisexual thread pfft" so the b... was simply to keep the title open for people to click.

It's not some phycological homophobic repression of my innerself reemerging in the form of a thread title. But Im glad you brought that one up.

Thank you for your reply, I know you are not judging. I might not have agreed with everything you have said but it's been taken in.


Glad someone understands, these are my concerns exactly.


Fantasy life, you're kidding right! I know you didn't mean it but that felt pretty insulting.... Oh, how did you know I like dance music?



Having work know just isn't an option tbh, Racism, homophobia, sexism is still common place unfortunately. Loss of job is possible or if not then forced out the job is really likely. I love what I do despite the view and attitude of others.

...But honestly this would be like sending pig to slaughter.

I don't know if its even possible to allow just my closest friends know without the possiblity of anyone else knowing. Family and work are off the cards thats for sure.



Yes and Yes, Im sorted. Like-minded friends? Like who?



I don't need a support network. Yes its going to be hard trying to engage into a relationship as a open bisexual, is it really worth it?


Internalised homophobia, I know what I am and I have accepted it. I'd consider this a dilemma more than a internalised homophobia problem.

Personally I'd like to tell my closest friends but somehow think that it won't go well, word will spread, things will go tits up. So is it worth it when im happy.
Yes ideally, in an ideal world I'd love to just be open to everyone but lifes a bitch.

Thanks everyone for your replies, much appreciated.

Dude, if they are truly your friends they will accept you for you. If they don't then they aren't your friends. I have a couple of heterosexual male friends and they know I'm bisexual, but they don't care at all. As a matter of fact, they occasionally even go some LGBT spaces with me without fear of judgment on them or their sexuality. You should know who are truly your friends so you won't have that fear about your friendships.
 

bigbull29

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I just think that sexuality is such a private matter.

I do understand the arguments made in favor of coming out to the world, but at that same time I just don't think it's anyone's business, just like income, private conservations, etc.

The comeback argument says that heterosexuals do anything but hide their sexuality every day (e.g., weddings, dates, having children, etc). So, while being all quite valid as justification, it ultimately comes down to what the individual persons feels is appropriate for his or her own life. That's the end of the story.

If we were to be all honest about our sexuality, how detailed do we become in our description?

(PS To even consider coming out as anything unless you're already in a romantic relationship with someone of the same gender or plan to be someday seems absurd [^see last sentence], but that isn't my business)
 

Attila the Hung

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Life is too damn short to go around worrying about what others think of you, so just be yourself and for those folks who don`t approve of your behaviour for whatever reason even though you are doing nothing wrong I say cut them out of your life. Have a circle of friends that accept you for who you really are, not for who they think you are, life is so much easier that way.

Also, for me personally I wouldn`t even mention my sexual orientation to anyone, some things are best left unsaid I find for various reasons especially one`s sexual orientation or prefferences. If you do decide to come out and make it public that you are bi, at least you will know who your friends really are by their reactions and words.

Good luck to you.