- alx,
I suppose technically yes Im being secretive about my orientation. However emotionally Im not.Everything you described in your opening post is the very definition of being 'closeted' .
How you see me might not be how I see 'me', prehaps my percentages need reviewing possibly.One thing I don't get at all is why so many guys on this anonymous internet board, where there is so much support for the full range of sexual orientations, are still so afraid to be truthful about their orientation. The way you've described yourself doesn't sound "99% straight" to me, for example.
Im truthful to MYSELF about my orientation. Ultimately that's what matters most.
And I appears you were too intimidated to even spell out the words "bisexual" or "bi" in your thread title:
Yes you have picked up on the short coming of the title, this was my intention. If I were to put 'Bi' or 'Bisexual' or 'Bicurious' then people would think " ah here we go again...another bisexual thread pfft" so the b... was simply to keep the title open for people to click.Do I admit to being b...."
It's not some phycological homophobic repression of my innerself reemerging in the form of a thread title. But Im glad you brought that one up.
Thank you for your reply, I know you are not judging. I might not have agreed with everything you have said but it's been taken in.That is not a judgment, and it's not directed mainly at you. It's just my observation of how fearful most men apparently are of being associated to any degree with the stigma of being gay or bi. Good luck.
Glad someone understands, these are my concerns exactly.Your sexuality has absolutely nothing to do with who you are and is nobodies business but your own. Dont feel ashamed, but if you dont want to reveal your sexuality you have absolutely no reason to feel that you should. life is short enjoy having sex with men/women whatever.
Also be warned that revealing your sexuality will have consequences on your life. Remember that people who endorse you to be out of the closet gay/bi or whatever are just using you for political motives and wont have to suffer the consequences of you coming out.
Fantasy life, you're kidding right! I know you didn't mean it but that felt pretty insulting.... Oh, how did you know I like dance music?if you don't want to be in a relationship, and you aren't even particularly concerned with whether you have sex with a guy or not, then there's really no reason to let people into "your business." It is your business, and your feelings. If you meet someone you feel comfortable enough to share it with, share it. If not, you have no obligation to reveal your fantasy life anymore than you have to reveal to everyone that you like dance music.
I tried being who I am (Bisexual, but happily married - and the wife is happy for me to play with others), I came out to a couple of work colleagues and friends, and things went drastically downhill for a while; judging comments, talking behind my back, being excluded from works nights out and people removing me from their circles of friends. Did it bother me? No, I now know who I can trust, and who likes me for me, and not dislike me because 'if you're gay/bisexual, then you must like ALL men'...
It's calmed down a lot now at work, as they know it doesn't interfere with my work/life (Why they thought it would is beyond me), but it is quite a big decision, if you can handle ignorance and discrimination from people you shouldn't care about anyway, then go for it.
Having work know just isn't an option tbh, Racism, homophobia, sexism is still common place unfortunately. Loss of job is possible or if not then forced out the job is really likely. I love what I do despite the view and attitude of others.
...But honestly this would be like sending pig to slaughter.
I don't know if its even possible to allow just my closest friends know without the possiblity of anyone else knowing. Family and work are off the cards thats for sure.
Have you had any sort of sexual contact with a guy, or a gal? Sounds like you have several things to sort out. Take your time, but get started. Finding a group of like-minded friends is helpful. Remember you're not alone.
Yes and Yes, Im sorted. Like-minded friends? Like who?
To come out as bi is a very big decision. Even may gays don't understand bisexuality very well. All the posts above contain elements of the truth, but you must weigh them up against the effect they will have on your own work, life & family.
You don't owe society anything. If bigotry keeps you closetted IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!
You have to be free to love who you love, (and have sex that's fulfilling). So if at this time there are not enough good people in your life who will respect you for who you are and validate your choices, calm down, get comfortable with yourself first, and wait until you have a better support network around you to soften the consequences. Meanwhile, meet, love and play with other guys in your situation, you might meet one who makes all the difference!
Finally, Da_Man_I_Is is living as the man he really is. The most important thing for you, if you choose to have a relationship with a woman, is to choose the right person, one who will love you and who will let you be who you really are. Try to have this conversation early in your relationship and let her know that she is the most important person to you, but you have to be true to yourself as well. She'll probably want you to help her understand gradually, so I woudn't drop this on her and just expect her to deal with it.
Good luck, weigh things up and take your time.
I don't need a support network. Yes its going to be hard trying to engage into a relationship as a open bisexual, is it really worth it?
Internalised homophobia, I know what I am and I have accepted it. I'd consider this a dilemma more than a internalised homophobia problem.Sounds like to me you have a problem, dude. You have to get over your own internalized homophobia because it's going to bring a heapload of problems into your life...
Personally I'd like to tell my closest friends but somehow think that it won't go well, word will spread, things will go tits up. So is it worth it when im happy.
Yes ideally, in an ideal world I'd love to just be open to everyone but lifes a bitch.
Thanks everyone for your replies, much appreciated.
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