Do most bisexuals choose sides?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_henry miller, Jul 17, 2011.

  1. B_henry miller

    B_henry miller New Member

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    A bisexual guy with a girlfriend and a child once said to me about being bisexual: "You gotta keep that shit to yourself!" I've known many bisexual men who do precisely that, keep it to themselves. Such men are often married and with children, and they carry on gay relations in secret. To the outside world, they are for all intents and purposes "straight."

    Then there's the flipside. There are men who are, for all intents and purposes, gay. They basically only have relationships with other males, but still for some reason cling to the label "bisexual," perhaps because "bisexual" is just a tad less threatening to mainstream society than "gay." Maybe. (An actress recently said, "If you only date guys and only talk about guys, guess what? You ain't bi.")

    In all of my life I've only known about one male who was openly bisexual to everyone, including his own girlfriend. It is pretty amazing.

    The last person out of the closet? The bisexual male

    In all honesty, is this the way it is with most bisexuals? Do they generally choose sides?
     
  2. mandoman

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    Let's put it this way. Most partners are looking for something exclusive.
    That article is right on the money. Bisexuals will be the last out of the closet.
    We will know that everyone is free, when bisexuals are free. I was proud and astonished, that that doctor put his face out for everyone to see.
     
  3. B_henry miller

    B_henry miller New Member

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    I think it's a great analogy that this article offers. It compares bisexuals to bi-racial people in the 1950s. We belong nowhere.
     
  4. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    "Do most bisexuals choose sides?"

    Not if we don't have to!
     
  5. B_henry miller

    B_henry miller New Member

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    hung jon, didn't you used to be 100% straight?
     
  6. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    Yep...before I realized that my best friend and I were actually lovers since we were kids. I used to think he and I were just "different". It took me a while to understand that I am attracted to some guys. :smile:
     
  7. Joseph

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    I hate this rule. I want to be openly bisexual when it comes to my girlfriend.... or... boyfriend, depends how it'll go.
     
  8. UKPianoBoy

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    Labels are worthless. Be yourself. Have fun. No need to pin yourself down or feel pressure from anyone. Ultimately, it is your life and you have control on how you perceive it.
     
  9. Kotchanski

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    Obviously I'm not a bi male, but...

    I met my husband almost 10 years ago, and though he had little to no experience with men, he was openly bisexual with everyone when it was appropriate... he obviously didn't go running up to complete strangers and announcing it, that would have been a little odd!

    We met online, and it was probably one of the first things he told me, and though I never asked why it was one of the first, I've always assumed it was due to knowing that so many people have an issue with bi men, that it was just easier to give me the chance to walk away before we took things any further.

    Having now had more experience with men, he no longer considers himself bi, but more a non-limited version of straight, where he has little to no interest, but never say never!

    For me however, I've known I was bisexual for a good 15 years now, and prior to that knew there was something a little "different" I kept it hidden from basically everyone for 4-5 years, told my BF at the time who reacted violently to the "news" and told my best friend who didn't speak to me after that day.

    My sexuality is somewhat confused, and I suspect it'll always be confused (much by my own doing, I add) but I can certainly understand why so many keep it to themselves... I've had friendships and relationships rejected by both men and women when I told them. Straight men fear I'll be running off and cheating on them (without inviting them) eventually leaving them for a woman. Straight women have pushed me away because they fear I'll be spending what little spare time I have trying to convert them or get them drunk, gay women push me away for having even the slightest interest in men, bisexual women... Well they're a whole different topic, finding one who isn't just in it for the free drinks you get from barmen for kissing another woman at the bar, or who aren't looking for a little fun with you and their husband, at least here seem to be very few and far between.
     
  10. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    That's why I feel ultimately bisexuality is about who you find attractive in various ways: emotionally as well physically. Being with another guy in an intimate way is just as satisfying to me as being with a woman. BUT it all depends on the person. I don't find most men attractive. I feel the same way about most women. I think these varying aspects of bisexuality is what confuses people who don't understand it.
     
  11. badger2395

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    Precisely. Been out since I was 17 as bisexual. I think one of the reasons why I haven't encountered more trouble is that I'm happy with being bisexual, and people pick up on that.
     
  12. houtx48

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    Was'nt there a famous quote" Bisexuality is just a stop on the road to Gaysville"?
     
  13. B_bxmuscle

    B_bxmuscle New Member

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    Sexuality is complicated, and there is too much effort to categorize people.

    That said, I'm into guys and doubt I'd ever get seriously involved with one who identified as bi-sexual. When push comes to shove, there's still too many benefits to committing to a hetero-relationship, too many draw-backs to being labelled "gay" for those who are genuinely drawn to both sexes to commit to a same-sex relationship over time.

    I also agree with the observation that there are some guys who are essentially homosexual in their desires who use the label "bi" to avoid being label "gay."
     
  14. D_Dewey_DeLong

    D_Dewey_DeLong Account Disabled

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    I see the human person as having three parts of sexuality - behaviors, feelings and identity. I believe a person can have one without the other.
     
  15. earllogjam

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    I don't think for bisexuals sexuality is a polarity where they MUST migrate to either the straight or gay pole. I do know one member here that did permanently migrate to the straight pole however and his gay period was a "phase" but that seems like it's the exception rather than the rule.

    This is probably a function of opportunity rather than preference for a truly bi person. They have the advantage of finding true love or sexual satisfaction with both sexes. What ever circumstance they find themselves and what ever is the most expedient or convenient becomes their primary sex they choose.

    Am I bisexual because I enjoyed having sex with coeds while in college (hence the 10%) and now am exclusively gay?

    I really don't know how true 50/50 bisexuals operate or what goes through their heads. So I'm just speaking out of my ass at this point.
     
    #15 earllogjam, Jul 18, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2011
  16. LaFemme

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    I don't know that you have to pick a "side" unless you're in a LTR. For me, I really do expect fidelity - please don't cheat on me regardless of what your sexual orientation is. As I've mentioned before, I enjoy bisexual men just as I enjoy my own sexuality. But in a committed relationship, I will be faithful and I do expect the same.
     
  17. alx

    alx
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    I know I'm probably bisexual but choose to identify as straight, it makes life much easier, being hetro has far too many perks. It's just too much of a risk to come out as bisexual. So yes I suppose I have chosen a side.
     
  18. UKPianoBoy

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    It is a good quote too. There is a difference between legitimate openness to all experiences and just plain denial.
     
  19. UKPianoBoy

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    Yes, though a person's identity is always a synergy of mental background and physical experience. One cannot divorce themselves from any part.
     
  20. poultrygeist

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    Seems like there's two issues for concern here. If you're talking about a bisexual person being in a relationship, then it's more an issue of monogamy, rather than sexuality. I don't believe I've ever heard of someone who is married being judged or criticized specifically for having a gay affair rather than judged or criticized for being unfaithful to their significant other.

    So to me if a bisexual person chooses to have a relationship they need to either decide to be monogamous for the duration of the relationship, or else disclose they are bisexual to their partner and discuss matters of expectation of monogamy.

    I'm of the opinion (for what it's worth) that if a bisexual man wants to be in a committed relationship with a woman, it should probably be with a bisexual woman. For this reason, at least they will understand each other's drives and urges and can sympathize. Whether they choose to remain monogamous at that point is a secondary issue.
     
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