Do most bisexuals choose sides?

[UKPianoBoy]

I don't think for bisexuals sexuality is a polarity where they MUST migrate to either the straight or gay pole. I do know one member here that did permanently migrate to the straight pole however and his gay period was a "phase" but that seems like it's the exception rather than the rule.

This is probably a function of opportunity rather than preference for a truly bi person. They have the advantage of finding true love or sexual satisfaction with both sexes. What ever circumstance they find themselves and what ever is the most expedient or convenient becomes their primary sex they choose.

Am I bisexual because I enjoyed having sex with coeds while in college (hence the 10%) and now am exclusively gay?

I really don't know how true 50/50 bisexuals operate or what goes through their heads. So I'm just speaking out of my ass at this point.

You spoke well and should be proud of yourself. Any true bisexual would never call themselves anything at all. There would be no percentages, prejudice, or debates. They would live their lives as they saw fit without mental interference or pressure from anyone.

 

[UKPianoBoy]

I don't know that you have to pick a "side" unless you're in a LTR. For me, I really do expect fidelity - please don't cheat on me regardless of what your sexual orientation is. As I've mentioned before, I enjoy bisexual men just as I enjoy my own sexuality. But in a committed relationship, I will be faithful and I do expect the same.

How does one put this... Fidelity and commitments are antiquated ideas centred around the idea of property rights not the idea of sole propriety of the desires of a partner. Yes, ideally, they are noble ideas and can be achieved by some in varying degrees. However, it will never truly be in the psychological make-up of anyone's personality to have the quality of genuine faithfulness. (so best pull out all the tricks to hold your bloke in check or a lovely GPS tracker embedded in him will suffice if your aim is truly to subject a man to the shackles of a closed relationship.)

 

[LaFemme]

How does one put this... Fidelity and commitments are antiquated ideas centred around the idea of property rights not the idea of sole propriety of the desires of a partner. Yes, ideally, they are noble ideas and can be achieved by some in varying degrees. However, it will never truly be in the psychological make-up of anyone's personality to have the quality of genuine faithfulness. (so best pull out all the tricks to hold your bloke in check or a lovely GPS tracker embedded in him will suffice if your aim is truly to subject a man to the shackles of a closed relationship.)

We each have our own expectations in a relationship. My ideas may be antiquated, but they are my own expectations and they are shared by those with whom I enter into a relationship with. Your relationships may be different and based on a different ideology. It's all good as long as all those involved are in agreement with what the parameters are. I need no GPS tracker and if I need shackles (other than for fun), I have no need of that relationship. All I need is someone who possesses what I have - self control and respect for my partner.

 

[cgttown]

Great question. As a man who identifies to the world as "straight" but on LPSG has an 80/20 identification, and most honestly identifies to himself as probably "bi," I totally get the conundrum on several levels. For the life I've wanted--home, family, job, etc.--especially in my age bracket, I pretty much had to be straight. In fact, I had a male lover in college with whom I was truly "in love" (and he with me), but I did not see my life that way. Plus, he was sort of a jerk then, and not the kind of person I could see myself in a long term relationship with. But there is no question I was deeply smitten with him.

So, over the years, I guess I've chosen a side, but I've also had numerous DL liaisons with men over the years. It's sort of fucked up, really, and were there some way in society to really have a "bi lifestyle" I'd most likely have done it. But all my friends and social circles are way too conservative for that, so only online friends know I'm bi. I do feel alone in that, though.

 

[minimag]

I'm pretty much hiding in the closet from both sides. I have too many "issues" to maintain any sort of meaningful relationships, and seem to be quite repellent to strangers.

 

[d_michael]

I don't think for bisexuals sexuality is a polarity where they MUST migrate to either the straight or gay pole. I do know one member here that did permanently migrate to the straight pole however and his gay period was a "phase" but that seems like it's the exception rather than the rule.

This is probably a function of opportunity rather than preference for a truly bi person. They have the advantage of finding true love or sexual satisfaction with both sexes. What ever circumstance they find themselves and what ever is the most expedient or convenient becomes their primary sex they choose.

Am I bisexual because I enjoyed having sex with coeds while in college (hence the 10%) and now am exclusively gay?

I really don't know how true 50/50 bisexuals operate or what goes through their heads. So I'm just speaking out of my ass at this point.

as a bi=sexual i can say that my own 50/50 labeling means i am equally comfortable with either sex.... it's as simple as that.

 

[UKPianoBoy]

as a bi=sexual i can say that my own 50/50 labeling means i am equally comfortable with either sex.... it's as simple as that.

So why the need to label at all? Also just because you state a percentage does not mean it is an accurate description of your sexual behaviour. Unless, of course, you book a partner of one gender and immediately switch to the next the following day.

 

[UKPianoBoy]

Break the chain, people. There would be less strife and inner turmoil if you all learned to accept each other as organic beings simply seeking to find a connection where they can.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

Break the chain, people. There would be less strife and inner turmoil if you all learned to accept each other as organic beings simply seeking to find a connection where they can.

This is an ideal pov although I agree with you completely. If you read many of the posts on this one thread, you can see that not all people want to have an "open" relationship with anyone, woman or man. For most people in this society the desire to meet someone, settle down and be faithful to only that one person is the model for correct living. You hear this take on this site, from all religious groups and from the majority of people. If you or I go against the dominant societal view, we are considered strange or slutty or at least non-conformist. When was the last time you heard an adult male say that he is bisexual in mixed company or at a party? Most likely never.

 

[RumperRoom]

My better half is Bi Sexual, He has a daughter and has chosen to be exclusive to me. He is very turned on by the female form, But has told me on many occasions that he prefers the cock.

I think that if we ever broke up he would go back to the straight life because he is very shy and it would be very difficult for him to try and find another guy. He agreed.

I love him and am very lucky for every day I get to spend with him.

 

[B_henry miller]

Doncha just hate when that happens? lol.

My bisexuality tripped me up ... because I didn't believe it existed. I thought that as long as I am attracted to women -- and I am -- then I am straight. Therefore, any attraction I felt to men was just some unfulfilled need for "father-ing," or something Freudian like that.

Anyway, great story about you and your friend.

Yep...before I realized that my best friend and I were actually lovers since we were kids. I used to think he and I were just "different". It took me a while to understand that I am attracted to some guys. :smile:

 

[B_henry miller]

Thanks for the interesting response. You really show how bisexuality is often a no-man's-land (or no-"woman's"-land). And I like hearing how bisexual men can sometimes be accepted by, and have relationships with, women.

A problem I fall into with women I am interested in is that they often think I'm just "playing" with them for the fun of it. If you are attracted to men, then you are gay -- period. So, when I'm attracted to a female, flirt with a female, and then she finds out I'm attracted to men ... she then assumes that it was all a lie. She assumes I was never really attracted to her or was just playing with her.

For me, it just seems that being bisexual means -- or at least people give me this message -- ... it means never being fully "honest" to either side.

It really IS like being biracial. And, interestingly, a similar dynamic exists in the LGBT community and the African American community. Probably shouldn't open this can of worms, but ... there are some African Americans who are adamant that if you are half-black then you are Black! and end-of-story. Similarly, some in the LGBT community say that if you are bisexual you are just gay, end-of-story.

Again, the issue really is just within me. I need to accept my bisexuality, and for some reason I just can't. It's not that I want to be straight. It's that I want to be one or the other; not both!!! lol

Obviously I'm not a bi male, but...

I met my husband almost 10 years ago, and though he had little to no experience with men, he was openly bisexual with everyone when it was appropriate... he obviously didn't go running up to complete strangers and announcing it, that would have been a little odd!

We met online, and it was probably one of the first things he told me, and though I never asked why it was one of the first, I've always assumed it was due to knowing that so many people have an issue with bi men, that it was just easier to give me the chance to walk away before we took things any further.

Having now had more experience with men, he no longer considers himself bi, but more a non-limited version of straight, where he has little to no interest, but never say never!

For me however, I've known I was bisexual for a good 15 years now, and prior to that knew there was something a little "different" I kept it hidden from basically everyone for 4-5 years, told my BF at the time who reacted violently to the "news" and told my best friend who didn't speak to me after that day.

My sexuality is somewhat confused, and I suspect it'll always be confused (much by my own doing, I add) but I can certainly understand why so many keep it to themselves... I've had friendships and relationships rejected by both men and women when I told them. Straight men fear I'll be running off and cheating on them (without inviting them) eventually leaving them for a woman. Straight women have pushed me away because they fear I'll be spending what little spare time I have trying to convert them or get them drunk, gay women push me away for having even the slightest interest in men, bisexual women... Well they're a whole different topic, finding one who isn't just in it for the free drinks you get from barmen for kissing another woman at the bar, or who aren't looking for a little fun with you and their husband, at least here seem to be very few and far between.

 

[B_henry miller]

You spoke well and should be proud of yourself. Any true bisexual would never call themselves anything at all. There would be no percentages, prejudice, or debates. They would live their lives as they saw fit without mental interference or pressure from anyone.

lol. Note that I don't have any percentages on my profile. I must be a true bisexual. Truth is, I've been bisexual for as long as I can remember. Baby, I was born this way.... whether gay, straight, or bi.... lol

 

[B_henry miller]

So, over the years, I guess I've chosen a side, but I've also had numerous DL liaisons with men over the years. It's sort of fucked up, really, and were there some way in society to really have a "bi lifestyle" I'd most likely have done it. But all my friends and social circles are way too conservative for that, so only online friends know I'm bi. I do feel alone in that, though.

You shouldn't feel it's "fucked up" that you've had to be on the DL. It's society that causes that to be necessary.

 

[v32bone]

I identify as a bisexual man, feeling attraction as close to equally as I could imagine. My percentages don't reflect that equality because my real time experience is much more heavily weighted to the straight side. It seems tough out there for an older "semi-closeted" guy to find men open to a new bi identifying older guy. I'm out to about 30% of my close friends and find they've been very accepting of my choices. But I also find that many of the women I date are not open to bi men (even the bi girls) even before I bring it up. So it's just difficult. I also live in a fairly desolate and conservative area which makes it all the tougher. I'm just looking for some connection and experience in the bi world after many years of straight monogamy.

 

[big_sights]

It really IS like being biracial. And, interestingly, a similar dynamic exists in the LGBT community and the African American community. Probably shouldn't open this can of worms, but ... there are some African Americans who are adamant that if you are half-black then you are Black! and end-of-story. Similarly, some in the LGBT community say that if you are bisexual you are just gay, end-of-story.

Again, the issue really is just within me. I need to accept my bisexuality, and for some reason I just can't. It's not that I want to be straight. It's that I want to be one or the other; not both!!! lol

Just to clarify this for you, this isn't a thing started by the African-American community, but pro-slavery, people against blacks voting (grandfathered-in rings a bell/ poll tax), this comes from the "One Drop" rule, which declared in person with one drop of black blood, was black and a slave. Please don't take my word for it, but research this so you can become more well versed in our AMERICAN history.

Staying on topic, why do so many people question a persons ability to be monogamous if they are bisexual. Obviously the openly gay and straight people rampantly cheating would suggest anyone is capable of not being monogamous in a "committed" relationship. Some people on here is against monogamy, but if those are the terms of your relationship, then they should be adhered to- period. Why there are so many women against having a relationship with a bisexual man, probably has to do with the fact that there are plenty of women who are against there man watching porn, masturbating, or spending to much time with or having someone other than themselves as a close confidant- it doesn't surprise me at all. I have a close male friend who is openly bisexual to our friends and isn't shy about saying if sexuality comes up in conversation.

 

[nubian]

Just to clarify this for you, this isn't a thing started by the African-American community, but pro-slavery, people against blacks voting (grandfathered-in rings a bell/ poll tax), this comes from the "One Drop" rule, which declared in person with one drop of black blood, was black and a slave. Please don't take my word for it, but research this so you can become more well versed in our AMERICAN history.

Staying on topic, why do so many people question a persons ability to be monogamous if they are bisexual. Obviously the openly gay and straight people rampantly cheating would suggest anyone is capable of not being monogamous in a "committed" relationship. Some people on here is against monogamy, but if those are the terms of your relationship, then they should be adhered to- period. Why there are so many women against having a relationship with a bisexual man, probably has to do with the fact that there are plenty of women who are against there man watching porn, masturbating, or spending to much time with or having someone other than themselves as a close confidant- it doesn't surprise me at all. I have a close male friend who is openly bisexual to our friends and isn't shy about saying if sexuality comes up in conversation.

The notion that only gay and straight people are capable of being monogamous is the biggest pile of horseshit being bantered about toward bisexuals. Never having a place to be fully comfortable in your own skin because you are too gay for some and too straight for others blows.

 

[D_Chesty_Pecjiggle]

My thoughts are that men won't come out as bisexual until women are more cool with it.

Women can be bi because guys tend to love it -- it means they might have a shot at the elusive FMF.

But for women dating, or marrying, a bi man implies they're asking to get cheated on. Something many aren't interested in.

Furthermore given many women have lower libidos than their partner and are less motivated by sex, they're less interested in a bi partner for the MFM possibilities.

So my theory -- and I have no idea -- is that men will have a harder time announcing their bi and seeking LTRs until women are more okay with the idea.

 

[absoluttarheel]

I like that a "non limited version of straight." Very nicely put...

 

[B_henry miller]

Yes, I know that's where it originates from in the African American community. I grew up in an African American community, so I have an education in that -- which is why I knew about it to bring it up.

The thing is, though, why perpetuate something that was started by an oppressor?

I understand that this is the same reason people in the GLBT community say that bisexual is really just "gay" -- in an attempt to form solidarity against homophobia. But, again, why take on something started by an oppressor?

I agree totally -- I've never understand why people think bisexual means you need two partners? Maybe because "bi" means "two." This is why Kinsey said he didn't even like the term "bisexual," but it really means someone who is both genders.

Just to clarify this for you, this isn't a thing started by the African-American community, but pro-slavery, people against blacks voting (grandfathered-in rings a bell/ poll tax), this comes from the "One Drop" rule, which declared in person with one drop of black blood, was black and a slave. Please don't take my word for it, but research this so you can become more well versed in our AMERICAN history.

Staying on topic, why do so many people question a persons ability to be monogamous if they are bisexual.