Do most bisexuals choose sides?

B_henry miller

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Whether lesbian or bisexual, I think it's easier for women to be accepted because they're less threatening to men. Most men fantasize about being with two women, or about seeing two women together. Most women do NOT fantasize about two men together. Some do, but it's rare.

With men, it's sort of back to the African American "one drop" rule. One drop of "black blood" and you're considered "Black." Any attraction to men, and you're "gay." If you are with a woman and she finds out you're also attracted to men, then that just means you're a closeted gay. People cannot comprehend that bisexuality actually exists.

I read a review of Brokeback Mountain that said that the two main characters were not gay but bisexual, but bisexuality is so under represented that everyone said the two characters were gay.

My thoughts are that men won't come out as bisexual until women are more cool with it.

Women can be bi because guys tend to love it -- it means they might have a shot at the elusive FMF.

But for women dating, or marrying, a bi man implies they're asking to get cheated on. Something many aren't interested in.

Furthermore given many women have lower libidos than their partner and are less motivated by sex, they're less interested in a bi partner for the MFM possibilities.

So my theory -- and I have no idea -- is that men will have a harder time announcing their bi and seeking LTRs until women are more okay with the idea.
 

lildic

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Being attracted to both sexes is a great thing. Someday, I hope to have a threesome with both a man and woman at the same time. (my first) Being in the middle of two people giving and receiving is a major fantasy.
 

LaFemme

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The notion that only gay and straight people are capable of being monogamous is the biggest pile of horseshit being bantered about toward bisexuals. Never having a place to be fully comfortable in your own skin because you are too gay for some and too straight for others blows.

In this very thread, I was told my ideas of monogamy were "antiquated". I've had three relationships with bisexual men and none of them ended because of monogamy issues. I think it sells the bisexual person short to think that they are incapable of forming the same attachments that any other human being can have.
 

CobraLover

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I have a couple of male 'friends with benefits' who are married and label themselves as straight, but it's clear based on what I do in my bedroom with them, that they aren't 100% straight. I don't argue with or label them...they'd be uncomfortable with any label other than straight even though they are both really into cock. This site is so awesome because it allows us to state what % straight and what % gay we are, and there are many who are comfortable with being 90/10 or 80/20.
 

B_Hung Jon

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In this very thread, I was told my ideas of monogamy were "antiquated". I've had three relationships with bisexual men and none of them ended because of monogamy issues. I think it sells the bisexual person short to think that they are incapable of forming the same attachments that any other human being can have.



Once again, your last sentence presupposes that all people need or want to have a particular attachment. They may or they may not. I don't think your ideas about monogamy are antiquated. They're just not universal, especially among younger people in major cities.
 

Jason321

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My thoughts are that men won't come out as bisexual until women are more cool with it.

Women can be bi because guys tend to love it -- it means they might have a shot at the elusive FMF.

But for women dating, or marrying, a bi man implies they're asking to get cheated on. Something many aren't interested in.

Furthermore given many women have lower libidos than their partner and are less motivated by sex, they're less interested in a bi partner for the MFM possibilities.

So my theory -- and I have no idea -- is that men will have a harder time announcing their bi and seeking LTRs until women are more okay with the idea.

I tend to agree with you on that
Some of my buddies think two women getting off is hot, and as apposed to two men

Two men are damn hot as well
Its all about manly masculinity, sharing what two guys love most
Men are more on the "same page" i think

But yeah, bi men are still frowned upon
 

Jason321

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That's why I feel ultimately bisexuality is about who you find attractive in various ways: emotionally as well physically. Being with another guy in an intimate way is just as satisfying to me as being with a woman. BUT it all depends on the person. I don't find most men attractive. I feel the same way about most women. I think these varying aspects of bisexuality is what confuses people who don't understand it.

WOW

You couldnt have put this more accurate, word for word !!!!!!!!
 

LaFemme

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[/B]


Once again, your last sentence presupposes that all people need or want to have a particular attachment. They may or they may not. I don't think your ideas about monogamy are antiquated. They're just not universal, especially among younger people in major cities.

I'm sorry, but that's not what I meant. I believe that if a bisexual person chooses an attachment, then they are capable of negotiating the parameters of what that relationship will consist. If one of those parameters is monogamy, then I believe that a bisexual person is capable of being monogamous.

If this isn't true, and the bisexual men of this thread are telling me that it is impossible for them to be faithful, then I have to rethink my stance on dating bisexual men. I have never been afraid to date or fall in love with a bisexual man, but maybe I should.
 

B_henry miller

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I think my overall problem is how sexuality has become our identity. It wasn't always this way. The very concept of "sexuality" didn't even exist until about the late 1800s. Prior to that, there were sexual "acts," not "straights" and "gays" and "bisexuals."

I just don't understand, or like, the concept of sexuality as an identity. If I'm to be honest, yes, I'm attracted to both genders, so the label would be "bisexual." But I don't even like the labeling concept.
 

D_Martin van Burden

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I would guess that bisexuality is one of few sexual orientations that are often described as a "lifestyle" rather than an orientation. The gay friends I had in college would swear up and down that anyone who declares themselves bisexual would eventually become gay, though they were not surprisingly mum about whether that rule applied to women as well as men. Between that, and constant pressures to force one's sexuality into an easy-to-define label, my guess is that bisexuals can't help but be forced to pick a side.

The original article (on CNN) shows a refreshing change of pace. Here, in that mixed-orientation marriage, the wife accepts her husband's sexuality and they live a seemingly well-adjusted life. Anyway, I think the big misconception needing confrontation is that a bisexual's orientation "changes" depending on who they date -- as if they become straight when they date someone of the opposite sex or gay when it's the same sex. That would be akin to my racial identity changing depending on whether I date white or black women. That's ludicrous, right? Seems like bisexuals are being asked to do just that. No wonder it's so taxing.

On an end note, I dated a bisexual girl in college; and at the time I was trying to figure myself out, like we all do at that age. Although it was really cute to, say, walk around the mall and compare which girls we found attractive as they passed by, what did make us happy (at least in the short term) was that we just took each other for face value and accepted each other as we were. We didn't have to have long and drawn out conversations proving that we were into each other; we just were.

And you know what? The break-up was just as quick and simple. I almost cheated on her -- with another woman. And she was growing disinterested in school and wanted out while I had plans to graduate and move on -- which meant that our relationship had run its course. No late-night excursion into some dude's bed; no drug use or wild-ass fuckedupedness on her part. Just a break-up.

When we quit forcing other people to bend to the way we want them, our world will be much happier.
 

B_henry miller

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I guess your gay college friends never head of Billy Joe Armstrong or David Bowie.
Billie Joe Armstrong - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
David Bowie - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I think your friends opinions reflect the majority opinion. Bisexual women are just "experimenting," but bisexual men are really just gay men who haven't fully accepted it yet. As we mentioned earlier, it similar to the perspective on Black people during the times of slavery: one drop of "Black blood," and your Black. If a man has any attraction to other men -- no matter how genuine his attraction to women -- then he's just gay. Period. In reality, bisexuals don't choose sides; society chooses are side for us, tells us who we are -- often telling us we don't even exist at all.

Thanks for your interesting response.
 
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