Do most women live in a constant fear of being raped?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by earllogjam, Dec 23, 2008.

  1. earllogjam

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    I've discussed this with two women friends of mine and they are ALWAYS on guard of being raped and they are constantly checking if any man is following them, never go down poorly lit streets, purposely wear ugly or baggy concealing clothes when out alone and one even carries pepper spray everywhere she goes and the other has taken karate lessons for the event of being attacked.

    They have never been attacked but live in a constant state of paranoia whether real or not that any man can abduct them and rape or kill them.

    Wow. As a big guy I never felt threatened even in a big city or dangerous areas of town so I never realized how this fear controls so many women's lives.

    Are my two friends unusual in their constant fear of rape or is it pretty universal among most women?
     
  2. Nala

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    Constant fear? No.

    When I don't feel comfortable, e.g. going through dark areas or passing a group of drunk or intrusive guys, I keep my bunch of keys in my hand with the keys sticking out between my fingers to hit him/them just in case.

    Showing your fear is the worst you can do ime, especially the groups will pay attention to you when you do.
     
  3. earllogjam

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    It may not be fear but a concern that is always on your mind when you are out in public, perhaps?
     
  4. Principessa

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    I went through a period of androgenous and baggy attire for about 2 years after being raped in college. That is normal for rape victims

    Not walking down poorly lit streets is just common sense.

    I did that for years especially when I had a job where I travelled all over the country alone. That's just good sense. :rolleyes::duh: :cool:

    Many women do this. I think it's a good idea though I have never done it myself.


    Hmm, one or both are lying about never having been attacked. Their behavior is like someone who has been attacked. If they are telling the truth then they are paranoid and should have that addressed in a professional setting.

    You are a big guy and a man. I wouldn't expect you to feel threatened. The instances of a male being attacked in a big or small city and raped (& reporting it) are minimal compared to those reported by women.
    I'd make up a %, but I can't even imagine how small it would be.

    I'd like to think they are unusual because I don't know any women like that. But if they live in a high crime area (whether urban, rural, or suburban) and have been attacked before I think their fear and pre-cautionary measures are normal.
     
  5. Nala

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    It's not always on my mind, I'm not avoiding places for it, I do what I want or have to do without fear.

    Once a situation occurs I'm aware of it and take precautions, depending on the situation. Sometimes, when it's too threatening, I'll change my route, but that has only occurred twice.
     
  6. Principessa

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    No, it was more of a concern when I was younger and thinner.

    I think now that I am approaching middle age I feel like I am off the radar of a sexual assault. I know it's about violence and domination not sex but in my mind I can't help but think that had I not been such a 'hot chick' at 18 I wouldn't have been raped.:frown1:
     
  7. got_lost

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    Constant fear? No :no:

    Aware of dangerous situations? Yes :yup:

    I'm like Nala and avoid dark allies and carry my keys in between my fingers if there are guys around when walking down dark streets or in car parks.


    I don't think that just because your friends are overly cautious it means one of them are lying about being attacked. Maybe a friend or acquaintace of theirs has been, or they have learnt from parents or others to be scared of such events.

    I've grown up hearing about how careful women should be, especially when out alone at night! But like NJQT, I don't consider myself in much danger anymore! :cool:
     
  8. earllogjam

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    I don't think either of them have been raped but one had a violent stalker ex- boyfriend that she was always leery of meeting in public. I'm not sure if my other friend was sexually assaulted or attacked before. I didn't want to ask.
     
  9. Principessa

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    Stalkers are different kind of crazy from rapists. She is right to take precautions.

    You seem not to realize that even a physically fit woman who works out regularly will have trouble taking down an attacker set on harming her. I say let it go worry, about something else. These women are doing what they must to survive.

    Bingo, same here.

    My high school health teacher taught us the keys between the finger thing and I have done it ever since.

    Good point. I stand corrected. :redface:


     
  10. nay-nay

    nay-nay New Member

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    i do. and i always fear that i'll be brutally murdered afterwards. i suppose from another person's point of view, i probably either look angry or nervous. when i feel threatened, i have a mean look on my face and make it quite obvious that i do not want to talk or deal with anyone. so i probably come off as a bitch. "don't fuck with me." i do not trust anyone. i'm a lot more cautious than i used to be.

    for the past few years, i've covered up. jeans, tshirt, and a hoodie (even if its hot out). i'm just now starting to go w/out a hoodie. at first it was really hard b/c i felt naked and VERY uncomfortable. i haven't bought new clothes in like 3 years. just haven't cared about my appearance, i guess.

    the first thing i thought of when i read this thread is that you're describing a person who's been sexually abused at some point in their life.
     
  11. Jovial

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    Wouldn't women be much more scared of just being robbed on a dark street? I mean how much of your caution is fear of rape compared to fear of some other crime?
     
  12. Principessa

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    Since I was about 12 my mothers worst fear is that I will be beaten, raped, and left for dead in a ditch. :redface: :rolleyes: I think she watches too many Lifetime movies but the truth is that kind of thing happens a lot. :frown1: I try to be careful and not put myself in bad situations.
     
  13. MickeyLee

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    the thought never crosses my mind. i more worried about mugging or bashing. being out and obvious about it the violence you attract is a bit different than what i suspect straight women experience. just an awareness of a low level hostility where ever you go.

    i mean i'm near 6 feet tall, work out daily, have cultivated an attitude to warn predators to look the other way. i train hopped across country, lived out of a car and tramped it for about two years, you learn to keep an eye out and to not look like an easy target. you pick up pretty quick on the "vibe" the truly dangerous give off, spidey senses for those lacking super power, it's all survival.

    being southern and heavily armed is a very nice security blanket.

    ML
     
  14. earllogjam

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    I guess there is something to be said about Muslim women wearing all black berkas that fend all men's eyes and minds from sex. Their societal answer to prevent rape - that and the total removal of women from male environments.

    We have pepper spray and mace.
     
  15. MickeyLee

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    not to causes stress to other women but the whole bundled up and covered over way of dressing is a red flag for "this is someone who is afraid - someone i can hurt"

    fucked up people are sharks. they want the sick the weak the wounded. the more you look like you will fight the less of a chance you'll need to fight. street punk 101 look hard to take down.

    ML
     
  16. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    No and I don't fear it unless I might be killed in the process.
     
  17. naughty

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    Perhaps I am Pollyanna but I do not constantly feel afraid that I will be raped. I try to be safe say my prayers and live my life. I have been assaulted and went through the baggy self blame period but ultimately I think it said more about the perpertrator than it did about me. ..
     
  18. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

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    I dont see the point in living in fear. It could be someone ive known my entire life rather then the stanger in the dark alley
     
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