Do people still date these days?

[Jovial]

I read this article. Do you think people still date like they used to?

Like a man meets a woman that he is attracted to, so he asks her out, they go on a date, etc. It seems like a lot of people are awkward about this these days and maybe only want to date someone they already know from a group situation. Or is this how it's always been?

Let’s Not Get to Know Each Other Better

By JOEL WALKOWSKI
Published: June 8, 2008

A FEW months ago I liked a girl — a fairly common occurrence. But being slightly ambitious and drunk, I decided to ask her out on a date.

This was a weird choice, as I’m not sure I know anyone who has ever had a real date. Most elect to hang out, hook up, or Skype long-distance relations. The idea of a date (asking in advance, spending rent money on dinner and dealing with the initial awkwardness) is far too concrete and unnecessary. As the adage goes: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Why pay for dinner if you can sit around watching TV? If you stay at home, you hardly even need to stand up, let alone put on a nice shirt.

Despite misgivings, this particular foray felt legitimate, a coming-of-age moment straight out of a John Hughes movie. I had always wanted to go on a real date: flowers, dinner and all that. I thought that maybe in doing so I would feel more like an adult and less like a dumb little boy.

So I called this girl, feeling a little sleazy as I searched for the right words: “Hey, um, this is Joel. Do you want to, like, go out? On a date?”
“O.K.,” she said uncertainly, no doubt suspicious the whole thing was a joke.

Her positive response did nothing to calm my jitters. Give me a party, a front porch gathering, or a random encounter, and I’m comfortable talking to anyone. But this kind of formal planning unnerved me. Riding my bike home, I realized I didn’t even know what a real date was, beyond some vague Hollywood notion.

In my 21 years, I have had my share of trysts and one-night stands. I’ve been in love. I know it was love because I shamelessly clung to her. I have had my share of ups and downs but have no idea if I’m doing the whole love thing right or wrong. We don’t tend to define it that way.

In this age of cyberselves, with hookups just a Craigslist ad away, the game has evolved to the point of no rules. It’s not the ’50s where I can ask some lucky girl to wear my pin and take a ride in daddy’s car. This change probably benefits me in the end, as I’m sure an offer of a ride in my dad’s Sable would be swiftly rejected.

For my generation, friendship often morphs into a sexual encounter and then reverts to friendship the next day. And it’s easy as long as you don’t put yourself on the line or try too hard. Don’t have a prospect? Check Facebook. Afraid to call? Text.

With so many avenues for communication, one might expect an onslaught of romantic soliloquies, but that isn’t the case. Casual is sexy. Caring is creepy. You don’t want to show your hand, and you certainly don’t want to fall in love. At least until you do, and by then it’s too late.

Planned romance is viewed as nothing more than ambition, so it’s important that things be allowed to happen naturally. Sex is great, and so are some relationships, but not to the point that they should be actively pursued.
It’s hard to even flirt with a girl without feeling obvious and embarrassed, since the greatest displays of cheesiness come from the pursuit, making it disgusting: “Oh, you drive a Volvo? What’s that like?” Realizing I’m flirting, I cringe and do my best to restrain myself. An encounter is best when unsullied by intentions, leaving lust or boredom to take over.

The typical sequence goes like this: Friends meet up at some sort of bonfire or impromptu game of night volleyball. Maybe that girl from your history class is there, and you start to talk. Neither of you has expectations. But just hanging out and swapping stories, laughing a little, creates a spark and the attraction builds, eventually leading to the big wet kiss that changes everything and nothing.

This is the perfect hookup, a pressure-free surprise. With a stranger, everything is new and acceptable. Her quirks are automatically endearing. This first encounter is the perfect place, but where does it lead?

In the best case, nowhere at all. The next time you see her in class, you act the same as you did before, and so does she, except for the knowledge you share that what happened last week might happen again.


If it continues, you have an understanding, physical chemistry and great conversations. You meet two or three times a week for no-strings sex and long-winded philosophical talks.


*snip*

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/08/fashion/08love.htmlPage 2

 

[Pendlum]

I think I'd rather have a "regular date", I hate parties and things like that. Nobody ever talks to me except to ask why I don't drink. I guess they want to hear some cool story about how I got alcohol poisoning and almost died, so I vowed to quit. But they don't so they leave and then nobody ends up talking to me. And I never end up talking to anyone else because all the drunk people there (everyone but me) talk about drinking. It's much easier for me to flirt with a cute cashier or something.

 

[D_Pubert Stabbingpain]

I think I'd rather have a "regular date", I hate parties and things like that. Nobody ever talks to me except to ask why I don't drink. I guess they want to hear some cool story about how I got alcohol poisoning and almost died, so I vowed to quit. But they don't so they leave and then nobody ends up talking to me. And I never end up talking to anyone else because all the drunk people there (everyone but me) talk about drinking. It's much easier for me to flirt with a cute cashier or something.

Last night I was the only non-drinker at a party held in a restaurant. Those who know me know I do not drink so there was no pressure. Although there were a few people there who I found attractive (outside of my group), they suddenly became un-atractive when I got close enough to see that they had been drinking or if they lit up a cig.

If I don't meet someone in the course of my everyday life or at work, there won't be any "date." I put that in quotes because I think the entire definition has changed since the last time I actually asked someone out to dinner or a movie or a ballgame. Maybe it is just the company I keep or the state of the internet but I get the impression that date=fuck and I am not necessarily looking for that when I ask someone out.

Interested in other responses on this topic.

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

I still date, in fact, going on a date in an hour.
However, one thing that has changed is I no longer go out on dates with total strangers. Meaning, I like to get to know someone a bit through hanging out (even if just coffee), texting (which I love!), or getting their IM and chatting a few times becore the actual one on one date. I do this to get a feel for their general sanity and find out if they have a good sense of humor(very important to me) and pesonality.

This is a departure from my behavior 10 years ago, where someone I didn't know well would ask me out on a date after a brief meeting, with the future hingeing on this couple hour encounter - it was a total crap shoot.

I prefer the way I sort of build into a date now. I like being direct, and found this makes it easier for the guy to show he's interested. Some are shy and need to relax/feel comfortable before showing they really like you/are interested in dating you.

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

Last night I was the only non-drinker at a party held in a restaurant. Those who know me know I do not drink so there was no pressure. Although there were a few people there who I found attractive (outside of my group), they suddenly became un-atractive when I got close enough to see that they had been drinking or if they lit up a cig.

If I don't meet someone in the course of my everyday life or at work, there won't be any "date." I put that in quotes because I think the entire definition has changed since the last time I actually asked someone out to dinner or a movie or a ballgame. Maybe it is just the company I keep or the state of the internet but I get the impression that date=fuck and I am not necessarily looking for that when I ask someone out.

Interested in other responses on this topic.

For me, date doesn't mean fuck.
If I want to fuck you, I will. If I want to date you, I will. Fucking doesn't necessarily lead to dating and dating doesn't necessarily lead to fucking.

But, I do adore unconventional dates. A baseball game (go blue!), going hiking in a local park, grilling and chilling at one of our homes... I like to relax during the date and talk... not stare at each other in uncomfortable silence at a pricey restaurant.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

If I don't meet someone in the course of my everyday life or at work, there won't be any "date." I put that in quotes because I think the entire definition has changed since the last time I actually asked someone out to dinner or a movie or a ballgame. Maybe it is just the company I keep or the state of the internet but I get the impression that date=fuck and I am not necessarily looking for that when I ask someone out.

Interested in other responses on this topic.

If I want to date, it will be for fun. I want to enjoy their company, have a good time, and nothing more expected. Now for sex, leave me a note in the mailbox as I deliver your mail. If I want too, I'll come back after work.

 

[Pendlum]

Last night I was the only non-drinker at a party held in a restaurant. Those who know me know I do not drink so there was no pressure. Although there were a few people there who I found attractive (outside of my group), they suddenly became un-atractive when I got close enough to see that they had been drinking or if they lit up a cig.

If I don't meet someone in the course of my everyday life or at work, there won't be any "date." I put that in quotes because I think the entire definition has changed since the last time I actually asked someone out to dinner or a movie or a ballgame. Maybe it is just the company I keep or the state of the internet but I get the impression that date=fuck and I am not necessarily looking for that when I ask someone out.

Interested in other responses on this topic.

A restaurant is a little different than someone's house. But I understand, there is rarely any pressure, except when they want me to taste something because "You'll like it". But I never do like it. I agree about the unattractive part fully. Smokers and alcoholics are a huge turn off for me (and drug users). Smoking is just not attractive looking, but the others is I don't like it when someone does something to warp who they are. I like the real person. And in case some people are thinking this, alcohol DOESN'T make you more honest or true with yourself. It destroys your reasoning abilities, so when you are thinking you are being 'honest', you are really just not thinking about what your muddled brain is saying. Only reason I point that out is because I hear that excuse all the time.

 

[D_Katherine Clitburn]

I love dating-being out, doing something fun, saying 'goodnight' when the evening ends.

There is a diff between a date and a fuck, so I am clear about what I want, that way nobody is confused.

I think men date-they just only date women that they really like or respect. Everyone else can just line up for a taste and go on to the next.

 

[snottybooger]

i hate hook ups. whats the fun in that? i got to feel the chemistry and work my way to climax. sex starts before foreplay!

 

[Calboner]

Funny coincidence: I tore this article out of the newspaper when I first saw it last week, and just before logging into this site I re-read the torn-out page and filed it away. I have to say that the article made fascinating and to me utterly disheartening reading. The only consolation I can find is that I am not a young person and don't date, or perhaps I should say try to date, anyone in the age bracket of the writer.

"Hook up" — the very phrase made my blood run cold the first time I heard someone use it: it implies that, with regard to their sexuality, human beings are like pieces of machinery, made of metal, devoid of sense and feeling, that can be momentarily hooked together and unhooked — though it is hard to say for what purpose, as the whole business seems so utterly devoid of joy and passion.

I hope that this writer's view of things is atypical. If it is at all representative, then the generation of young people now entering adulthood has attained the sexual conditions of Huxley's "Brave New World."

 

[B_TruLadyPleaser]

yea i go out to dinner n movies wit chicks from time 2 time other times we jus go back 2 my place or somethin.... i usually talk 2 every hot girl i see lol u keep swingin u gonna connect from time 2 time :wink:

 

[ZOS23xy]

"Hook up" is a more reflective phrase of todays digital expression. Maybe sex will soon be called "logging on."

 

[Pendlum]

"Hook up" is a more reflective phrase of todays digital expression. Maybe sex will soon be called "logging on."

"Oh baby, your ethernet port is SOO tight."

 

[B_Hung Jon]

No "dates" for me unless it's with other couples, then it's fun to just go dancing and partying. It's cool to get together with a girl & have coffee though.

 

[AlteredEgo]

When I was single I dated. Most of my dates ended with hooking up. But I went on real dates, usually rotating three or four dudes. I went out to dinners, movies, plays, concerts, I was taken to Philly, L.A., the beach, museums, amusement parks, zoos, aquariums, you name it. Real dates. I just usually fucked the guys after, even if it was the first date. I like sex, and I was dating those guys mostly to make sure that I never got too backed up. Plus, who doesn't want to be able to summon the company of a hot, funny, smart, resourceful dude at any given time?

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

"Oh baby, your ethernet port is SOO tight."

haha

 

[Principessa]

Last night I was the only non-drinker at a party held in a restaurant. Those who know me know I do not drink so there was no pressure. Although there were a few people there who I found attractive (outside of my group), they suddenly became un-atractive when I got close enough to see that they had been drinking or if they lit up a cig.

If I don't meet someone in the course of my everyday life or at work, there won't be any "date." I put that in quotes because I think the entire definition has changed since the last time I actually asked someone out to dinner or a movie or a ballgame. Maybe it is just the company I keep or the state of the internet but I get the impression that date=fuck and I am not necessarily looking for that when I ask someone out.

Interested in other responses on this topic.

I think men date-they just only date women that they really like or respect.

And where are these men who know how to respect a woman found? If this and other articles are to be believed, so many women are willing to spread their legs for every Tom, Dick, or Harry that text messages or e-mails them a funny joke.

Funny coincidence: I tore this article out of the newspaper when I first saw it last week, and just before logging into this site I re-read the torn-out page and filed it away. I have to say that the article made fascinating and to me utterly disheartening reading.

The only consolation I can find is that I am not a young person and don't date, or perhaps I should say try to date, anyone in the age bracket of the writer.

Exactly, I do not envy the youth of today.

"Hook up" — the very phrase made my blood run cold the first time I heard someone use it: it implies that, with regard to their sexuality, human beings are like pieces of machinery, made of metal, devoid of sense and feeling, that can be momentarily hooked together and unhooked — though it is hard to say for what purpose, as the whole business seems so utterly devoid of joy and passion.

I just took it to mean sex but in not so technical a visualization as you have described. I never associate hooking up with love or passion or anything of substance. It usually comes across as just meaningless fucking. :yuck:

I hope that this writer's view of things is atypical. If it is at all representative, then the generation of young people now entering adulthood has attained the sexual conditions of Huxley's "Brave New World."

I was hoping it was just a west coast thing; but it seems young people everywhere are the same way. That's so sad. :frown1:

No "dates" for me unless it's with other couples, then it's fun to just go dancing and partying. It's cool to get together with a girl & have coffee though.

That's called a coffee date. :biggrin1:

When I was single I dated. Most of my dates ended with hooking up.

:yikes: I feel so old. :frown1: I'm speechless!

But I went on real dates, usually rotating three or four dudes. I went out to dinners, movies, plays, concerts, I was taken to Philly, L.A., the beach, museums, amusement parks, zoos, aquariums, you name it. Real dates. I just usually fucked the guys after, even if it was the first date. [/QUOTE]
:aargh4: I cannot begin to comprehend a life in which I kept a rotation of 3-4 men, all of whom I have sex with from the first date onward. That's just incomprehensible to me.

I like sex, and I was dating those guys mostly to make sure that I never got too backed up. Plus, who doesn't want to be able to summon the company of a hot, funny, smart, resourceful dude at any given time?

Backed up? Sounds more like you were just looking not to be alone or lonely.

 

[D_Ivana Dickenside]

i haven't dated in a while... not because i don't want to, but because it doesn't fit into my lifestyle and my schedule at the moment. sure it would be nice, but i'm in no hurry. when i do date though, i still do the traditional one-on-one thing that ends with a friendly goodbye and no intention of hooking up.

 

[tiggerpoo]

Sure, people still date. It's the begining of getting-to-know-you. If it the relationship seems promising it moves on to better things. If not, it stops.

 

[nicelycocked]

According to my recent experiences, NO people do not date! And believe me I am trying (probably too hard) to find the right guy. I find that the guys I am attracted to are either not into me, are 100% passive, or complete up-their-own ass shit heads. On the other hand, the guys who come on to me are either, very young (what the hell am I going to talk to a 22 year old about!) are bears (hate the hairy bear fashion thats going off at the minute) WAY out of shape, or just somthing I wouldnt throw peanuts at.

But the search goes on. I know you are out there, you cant hide forever ;-)