exactly, how do i explore if im not out?
I wish there was an easy answer to this question. But of course it depends on so many things about you.
I suppose that starting to "explore" is in itself part of coming out. In other words, exploring and coming out are part of the same thing. And coming out is often a long process, starting by the huge step of acknowledging your sexuality to yourself (you've done that, you've definitely started!), and after that proceeding according to what you feel comfortable with. For some people this may involve visiting gay bars/saunas/clubs/social groups incognito, and in this way being in the company of other gay people without your regular family, friends, colleagues etc knowing about it. This sort of double life is not easy, but it's a way of making progress.
An awful lot depends on your circumstances and where in the world you are. But even in the most homophobic places on Earth, LGBT people are abundant and thriving in any way they can, if necessary in "underground" groups which are invisible to mainstream society. In liberal, democratic countries, this invisibility is no longer necessary like it used to be.
One tip I would like to give you: seek help and support. There are help groups everywhere in the world. Use internet search engines to find them. Don't go it alone.
Sorry if this is not quite what you asked for. The above is obviously just one person's advice, and others here will hopefully have other tips which may well be more useful to you.