Do "Tops" and "Bottoms" ever hurt/stop a relationship?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by TheWB, Jan 8, 2006.

  1. TheWB

    TheWB New Member

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    Hey I've been wondering about this for a little while now. I'm not gay, despite most women thinking I am until I proove otherwise ;) :rolleyes: but between a man and a woman there is only one person with something you can stick in the other (unless.... :eek:) but it seems like a lot of gay people have firm stances on whether they are "top" or "bottom"....

    anyway I'm wondering if anyone here has ever met a guy they liked and found out he only did the same position that you do, if so what became of it?
     
  2. carter2006

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    I'm versatile and happy to top or bottom and love both! For that reason I've never come across a guy who I couldn't satisfy or who couldn't satisfy me specifically for the reason in TheWB's post. However, sexual preferences, I'm sure, can affect many relationships. I'm a total anal sex fiend, I can't live without it! I have been with a guy who didn't like anal sex at all, and while I like a good blow job as much as every guy out there, I found being limited sexually in this way to cause me too much frustration. I'm sure this isn't something unique to gay guys... ?
     
  3. Matthew

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    I usually can tell pretty soon after meeting somebody if yin is going to fit yang, haha. So it hasn't been like I met someone and later discovered they were the wrong 'polarity'. A lot of guys are also versatile and can switch based on the chemistry with the other guy.

    I bet there's actually a lot of top and bottom switching among straight people too. Dominant women and submissive men, anyone?
     
  4. Dr Rock

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    who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree? Sex
    I don't do anal or relationships, so i couldn't care less :biggrin1:
     
  5. headbang8

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    I'm a total top, and while my other half maintains he's officially "versatile", he's not a great fan of my dick up his ass. You know what? There are plenty of highly erotic sex acts that don't involve anal intercourse. We just use our imagination. Love conquers all.
     
  6. OldLady

    OldLady New Member

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    The designations of "top" and "bottom" are way more complicated than that. As others who've responded already, some gay men are versatile and not exclusively one or the other.

    Also, don't assume power dynamics based on insertive/receptive roles: bottoms can be dominant and tops can be passive. Think of male/female relationships: just because a female gets "fucked" doesn't mean she's a pussy. BTW, many men who have bottomed don't like to be referrred as a pussy: some bottoms I've known can rip that your tongue right out without a regret in the world and know that a "masculine bottom" isn't an oxymoron.
     
  7. DC_DEEP

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    OldLady, where the hell did you get so much wisdom?

    While I personally find that an adventurous attitude and an open mind greatly improve my chances for having fun, exciting, and satisfying experiences, I still meet people who are so narrow in their focus of "what they want" that they are never actually happy. It is possible for two "bottoms" or two "tops" to have a really good time, but there are a depressing number out there who don't realize, understand, and accept that fact.
     
  8. KinkGuy

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    There's an old joke

    What do two bottoms do in bed together? "Have sex."
    What do two Tops do in bed together? "Talk about sex."
     
  9. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    I'm vers and my ex was 100% top and he wouldn't even consider letting me fuck him. I dumped the selfish bastard.
     
  10. Grower

    Grower Member

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    The one I remember:

    What do two bottoms do in bed together? "Bump butts and giggle."
     
  11. Chinese 9x6

    Chinese 9x6 New Member

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    My boyfriend and I are both Versatile and we are certainly not "pussy" at all.
     
  12. B_IanTheTall

    B_IanTheTall New Member

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    I'm bi and versatile, but I am usually the top and dominant. I have been with a few guys that were "totally top," but changed their minds and were more than willing to try bottoming with me. With some of them it was a slow start, with others the first slide was to base.

    Some guys say their a top out of ego/socilization. They have been told that the receiver is submissive/inferior and they can't get past stereotyping; there is a certain degree of misogyny involved in such attitudes.
     
  13. hughd224

    hughd224 Member

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    This Bottom likes a hung TOP!
     
  14. inwait8

    inwait8 Active Member

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    YES!
     
  15. invisibleman

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    Well I guess that would be on a per person scenario. One: If one doesn't feel like doing top or bottom, there are alternatives: Make it the mood. Make the foreplay count. Try and make things happen. If there's no win/win, then you can go out and find someone to do it for you (It's America--free enterprise--going where the supply meets the demand.). If it is a serious relationship, sit down and really have a good talk. Maybe there is a reason that you aren't in the mood. There are life issues that can get in the way.
     
  16. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    Me! Me! (throws legs in the air)
     
  17. Sabln7

    Sabln7 New Member

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    I am almost totally a bottom. But, with the right guy, when the chemistry is right, I have topped. I also have found tops that I have been with for a long time sometimes move toward bottoming....over time. My current long term relationship is with a total top. He calls me his cunt or pussy, which bothers me, but I live with it. We have been together about 4 years, and he has done nothing even close to bottoming. He won't even kiss. I wish he would move a little toward being more of a bottom. This is not for him, but I think a lot of total tops are in denial about being gay. They feel the bottom is gay, and they are just having a good time and are not really gay.
     
  18. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    Won't even kiss you? What are you doing with this asshole!?
     
  19. amhersthungboi

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    I agree with previous people, in that I feel like those guys who identify as "total tops" still experience internalized homophobia -- they feel as though if they become a bottom, then they lose their masculinity and truly are "gay", and therefore have to embrace all that goes with being gay (if there is anything). If all they do is top, then at least there is still some modicum of respectability, at least in their own minds -- the "a hole is a hole" attitude.

    Fine -- if you want to be a homophobe who fucks guys, that's your business, but don't you go after my ass! Indeed, for me there is little else that is a bigger turn off than to hear a guy say "I'm a total top", especially since, in my experience, those are also the guys who don't kiss and don't suck. If you're going to have sex with a guy, actually have sex with the whole GUY, and don't treat him like he's just a hole. If that's the case, drill a hole in a tree and use that.

    As far as the top/bottom dynamic in a relationship, it is my belief that a relationship is about give and take, and the ability to compromise and both bring each other pleasure. If one guy prefers bottoming and one prefers topping, and those are the usual positions, that's great, more power to them. But when one guy refuses to bottom, or refuses to top (refusing to bottom seems more often the case) then there is something seriously wrong with that relationship, in my opinion.
     
  20. Matthew

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    I agree somewhat with the previous posts, but not completely. I have been with a few longterm partners where we naturally gravitated towards 'roles.' The sex was HOT and it seemed pretty healthy, we were happy. It's not like there aren't ways to be intimate or to exchange power between partners when you're top/bottom. A guy giving head can definitely have a lot of control over his partner's pleasure, lol. But in the context of a good relationship I think there needs to be personal equality between the partners, absolutely.
     
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