Do "Tops" and "Bottoms" ever hurt/stop a relationship?

[D_Elijah_MorganWood]

Yay! Kissing and sucking cock makes you a fag? Im in.

No sweetie, YOU are a Fag HAG.

 

[Jamtart]

Hmm, OldLady, you have done a superb job of summing it up, thank you!

I'm not hugely sexually confident when i get down to business with guys I'm new with, so I tend to revert to the role I feel i'm better at and am more confident with, as a bottom. As I get to know someone and trust them, I find the top part much easier. I'm probably 80% bottom / 20% top. My partner is just about the opposite, 80% top / 20% bottom, allows for a lot of variation and a lot of fun.

I'd just like to repeat the point about aggressive, active bottoms. I don't just lay there and take it. Usually, I'm on top riding him hard and working him good, or thrusting back to meet him, goading him on, asking for more. I can personally think of nothing so un-horny as a bottom guy just laying there and taking it and giving no interaction, feedback or encouragement! Being fucked is not a spectator sport, definately better ith full interaction and involvement!

 

[davidjh7]

Ok--I think this is the perfect thread to ask about something. I am gay, and consider myself versitile, with a preference to topping. The main reason I prefer topping, is that I literally get zero physical pleasure out of it. I can do it with minimal pain, and not paranoid about it, don;t consider myself immasculated by bottoming, have tried various "toys" of various sizes and shapes, while under my full control, to determine if I just needed a different size or shape or something and---nada. I get emotional pleasure, and mental pleasure, from the pleasure my partner gets, but for me, physically it is a "beige--I think I'll paint the ceiling beige" kinda moment. Note--I said PHYSICALLY it is--the event is fun and fullfilling, with the right guy. Now, my question--do any other guys experience this? I have thought for years I must be plumbed wrong, or that my prostate has a kevlar jacket or something, because I'm just not "getting" it. WOuld enjoy hearing any feedback.

 

[amhersthungboi]

but for me, physically it is a "beige--I think I'll paint the ceiling beige" kinda moment. Note--I said PHYSICALLY it is--the event is fun and fullfilling, with the right guy. Now, my question--do any other guys experience this? I have thought for years I must be plumbed wrong, or that my prostate has a kevlar jacket or something, because I'm just not "getting" it. WOuld enjoy hearing any feedback.

I think we all have those "beige" moments based on various sex acts. To be honest, someone can suck me for days on end and it won't do a thing for me, besides give me time to contemplate the meaning of life. In other words, I think for different people different thigs get us off -- literally different strokes for different folks.

That said, not every gay relationship necessarily needs to have anal included -- I've dated guys where our sexual repetoire never included anal and we still had a good time. Do what feels right for you and your partner, and enjoy the moment.

BTW, did you ever end up paiting the ceiling beige? :tongue:

 

[davidjh7]

I think we all have those "beige" moments based on various sex acts. To be honest, someone can suck me for days on end and it won't do a thing for me, besides give me time to contemplate the meaning of life. In other words, I think for different people different thigs get us off -- literally different strokes for different folks.

That said, not every gay relationship necessarily needs to have anal included -- I've dated guys where our sexual repetoire never included anal and we still had a good time. Do what feels right for you and your partner, and enjoy the moment.

BTW, did you ever end up paiting the ceiling beige? :tongue:

Actually, no, I hate to paint :tongue:

I guess my point is that like you and being sucked, it just isn;t physically pleasureable to me. Not painful necessarily, just doesn;t cause ANY pleasure. Oh, well, I guess I am going with the I'm plumbed wrong to be a gay male. Someone messed up the plans, obviously. Administration! what ya gonna do?:biggrin1:

 

[panthera]

The designations of "top" and "bottom" are way more complicated than that. As others who've responded already, some gay men are versatile and not exclusively one or the other.

Also, don't assume power dynamics based on insertive/receptive roles: bottoms can be dominant and tops can be passive. Think of male/female relationships: just because a female gets "fucked" doesn't mean she's a pussy. BTW, many men who have bottomed don't like to be referrred as a pussy: some bottoms I've known can rip that your tongue right out without a regret in the world and know that a "masculine bottom" isn't an oxymoron.

Yes! You are so right! "You're a pushy bottom" has begun to make the rounds among my straight students these days. And, yes, they know what it means...

 

[panthera]

DMW I am sorry that you aren't with your love. Your comments, insights and humour are part of the "support" at LPSG which help me keep going.

 

[panthera]

Ok--I think this is the perfect thread to ask about something. I am gay, and consider myself versitile, with a preference to topping. The main reason I prefer topping, is that I literally get zero physical pleasure out of it. I can do it with minimal pain, and not paranoid about it, don;t consider myself immasculated by bottoming, have tried various "toys" of various sizes and shapes, while under my full control, to determine if I just needed a different size or shape or something and---nada. I get emotional pleasure, and mental pleasure, from the pleasure my partner gets, but for me, physically it is a "beige--I think I'll paint the ceiling beige" kinda moment. Note--I said PHYSICALLY it is--the event is fun and fullfilling, with the right guy. Now, my question--do any other guys experience this? I have thought for years I must be plumbed wrong, or that my prostate has a kevlar jacket or something, because I'm just not "getting" it. WOuld enjoy hearing any feedback.

Do I experience beige ceilings? Of course, dear. Living in Europe, one gets used to the espresso machine having its 'special' moments.
Oh, sorry, you meant that figuratively.
I don't bottom as much as I top, because I refuse to spread my legs for anyone except the man who loves me (at the moment I don't do anything with anyone) but there is a tremendous range of experiences involved in anal "reception". One of the best orgasms I ever had was in bottoming - and that with a man who was under-endowed. Had a few close-me-eyes-and-think-of-England fucks, too. And lots inbetween.
But since you wanted feedback, a few suggestions.
First, forget the "sex only happens in the brain" nonsense. The entire area from the belly button to the knees (back and front) is normally very sensitive. Try getting really relaxed (not on alcohol or pot but in the real sense of the word.) If possible, have someone you like and trust experiment with touching, licking and stroking all over this whole area (outside your body). Is only your penis interested? I bet not. You will find a whole range of differing pleasurable sensations.
Second, I know you mentioned being fucked and trying toys. Forget all that for a moment. Have a good, thorough washing up (enema, too). Get relaxed. Using some good (probably silicon) based lube (warm and silky versus cold and snot-slippery) try gently stroking between the back of your scrotum and your anus. There should be some places around there which make you want to purr like a cat. (Was the way my straight best friend found out he had an ass when we were 14. Led to some very non-straight activity...)
No purring? No feelings of, hey - this is nearly as good as double Swiss chocolate?
Still beige?
Third, extend the stuff I suggested above to inside your ass. Both the anus as well as the first few centimeters are either directly nerve rich or rub against body parts which are. Any good feelings there? I am not talking about explosions (also possible) of raw lust, but rather that good cigar after a good dinner type of *sigh*.
So - that's what I'd experiment with. If it is all still beige, or worse, that nasty kacki colour they used to paint our school walls, maybe there are some underlying reasons? Diabetes or other such things can sure go after the nerves. Yep, I have purposefully left the prostate out of the discussion here. Unless I have enough foreplay, mine regards any stimulation as the "bend over and cough" variety. So find out if anything except your penis is interested in stimulation first, then tackle the magic button second.

 

[panthera]

Yay! Kissing and sucking cock makes you a fag? Im in.

You've been one, honoris causis, in my book from the beginning! Wish I had your big heart and deep compassion.