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Do U Care If You're Dating Someone Who Is Also Dating Other People?

Discussion in 'Ask a Man' started by marriedasian, Aug 7, 2019.

  1. marriedasian

    marriedasian Well-Liked Member

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    if you found out that the person you are dating is also dating other people, would that bother you? this is assuming that you two have not made the decision to go exclusive. you're just still "dating" whether it's the 1st date or the 3rd or the 6th date. would you even date someone at all knowing that they were also dating other people concurrently?

    i ask this question because today i was talking to a buddy of mine and he was upset that the girl he was dating was also dating other guys. i asked if they were exclusive and he said that it's wasn't "official" but it was "implied"... i looked at him funny and said "wtf... are you implying that she's your girlfriend?"... regardless, he was upset and called it off with this girl. he said that he only dates one person at a time and would never do that to anyone he was dating because you should only focus on one person at a time...

    i personally disagree with him as when i was dating, i would not hesitate to date 2 or 3 or 4 girls at once and never kept it a secret. i wasn't fucking them all but i was definitely keeping my options open.

    thoughts? i'm curious on your viewpoints and opinions.
     
  2. Sagittarius84

    Sagittarius84 Active Member

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    In hetero world I think there is a gendered double standard of implication when we talk about dating. For women having multiple gentlemen callers is more expected, after all she needs to get to know them better..but for men the (often true) implication is that dating is a preface, or is indicative of an attempt to have sex works against us as the narrative then becomes us not trying to get to know multiple women better, but trying to sleep with more than one woman at a time. Im sure plenty of them exist, but I can't say I've ever gotten a warm or even cooly ok reaction from a woman ive expressed interest in, when i was keeping my options open.
     
  3. 849142

    849142 Guest

    Prior to becoming engaged, my (now) wife and I dated non-exclusively for 3 years. During that time, she also “dated” at least a half dozen FWB’s with varying degrees of regularity and also a number of 1 night stands. I expressed concerns early on, but always got assurances that I was “... getting more of it than anyone else.” After a while, I began my own long term FWB arrangement with an older widowed lady, as well as a few 1 night stands.

    When I asked her to marry me, I made it clear that I was NOT asking her to give up her FWB’s, only that she continued to tell me when she had hook-ups and to not get emotionally involved with any of them. In nearly 20 years since, she has neither told me of any nor given me any reason at all to suspect any.
     
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  4. Jjz1109

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    Whatever works for you. That said, I’d want to know what I wasn’t able to give her, especially if she had the need to date others. Then I’d decide if it was something I’d want to continue with in a relationship.
     
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  5. GoingOnABoeing

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    I would prefer it. Less chance of them getting attached to me.
     
  6. GoingOnABoeing

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    I wouldn't take it personally. There are several great steakhouses around me. I like them all but sometimes I'm just in the mood for a particular one. Same goes for people.
     
  7. halcyondays

    halcyondays Loved Member

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    Not only don't I care I expect women I date to date others. Exclusivity doesn't begin until we both agree to it verbally.
     
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  8. seventiesdemon

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    Yes, because it can become a complication for all concerned.

    When a bomb drops...there are casualties....but many more are affected from the fallout after.

    If you're the selfish type...no problem. But, don't blame others when the shit hits the fan.
     
  9. Auggiecakes

    Auggiecakes Well-Liked Member

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    Like politics, sex and religion, everyone is different it’s it comes down to communicating.

    For me, I wouldn’t want to date others and I wouldn’t want him dating others. If the idea is to get married. (Mine is.) I don’t want to waste my time.
     
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