Do U Care If You're Dating Someone Who Is Also Dating Other People?

marriedasian

Legendary Member
Joined
Sep 2, 2008
Posts
1,585
Media
1
Likes
2,054
Points
343
Location
Wisconsin (United States)
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Gender
Male
if you found out that the person you are dating is also dating other people, would that bother you? this is assuming that you two have not made the decision to go exclusive. you're just still "dating" whether it's the 1st date or the 3rd or the 6th date. would you even date someone at all knowing that they were also dating other people concurrently?

i ask this question because today i was talking to a buddy of mine and he was upset that the girl he was dating was also dating other guys. i asked if they were exclusive and he said that it's wasn't "official" but it was "implied"... i looked at him funny and said "wtf... are you implying that she's your girlfriend?"... regardless, he was upset and called it off with this girl. he said that he only dates one person at a time and would never do that to anyone he was dating because you should only focus on one person at a time...

i personally disagree with him as when i was dating, i would not hesitate to date 2 or 3 or 4 girls at once and never kept it a secret. i wasn't fucking them all but i was definitely keeping my options open.

thoughts? i'm curious on your viewpoints and opinions.
 

Jjz1109

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Nov 25, 2013
Posts
5,277
Media
25
Likes
6,801
Points
333
Location
NYC (New York, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Male
Whatever works for you. That said, I’d want to know what I wasn’t able to give her, especially if she had the need to date others. Then I’d decide if it was something I’d want to continue with in a relationship.
 
8

849142

Guest
Prior to becoming engaged, my (now) wife and I dated non-exclusively for 3 years. During that time, she also “dated” at least a half dozen FWB’s with varying degrees of regularity and also a number of 1 night stands. I expressed concerns early on, but always got assurances that I was “... getting more of it than anyone else.” After a while, I began my own long term FWB arrangement with an older widowed lady, as well as a few 1 night stands.

When I asked her to marry me, I made it clear that I was NOT asking her to give up her FWB’s, only that she continued to tell me when she had hook-ups and to not get emotionally involved with any of them. In nearly 20 years since, she has neither told me of any nor given me any reason at all to suspect any.
 
  • Like
Reactions: BigBen

Sagittarius84

Legendary Member
Joined
May 16, 2018
Posts
2,197
Media
0
Likes
2,282
Points
158
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
if you found out that the person you are dating is also dating other people, would that bother you? this is assuming that you two have not made the decision to go exclusive. you're just still "dating" whether it's the 1st date or the 3rd or the 6th date. would you even date someone at all knowing that they were also dating other people concurrently?

i ask this question because today i was talking to a buddy of mine and he was upset that the girl he was dating was also dating other guys. i asked if they were exclusive and he said that it's wasn't "official" but it was "implied"... i looked at him funny and said "wtf... are you implying that she's your girlfriend?"... regardless, he was upset and called it off with this girl. he said that he only dates one person at a time and would never do that to anyone he was dating because you should only focus on one person at a time...

i personally disagree with him as when i was dating, i would not hesitate to date 2 or 3 or 4 girls at once and never kept it a secret. i wasn't fucking them all but i was definitely keeping my options open.

thoughts? i'm curious on your viewpoints and opinions.
In hetero world I think there is a gendered double standard of implication when we talk about dating. For women having multiple gentlemen callers is more expected, after all she needs to get to know them better..but for men the (often true) implication is that dating is a preface, or is indicative of an attempt to have sex works against us as the narrative then becomes us not trying to get to know multiple women better, but trying to sleep with more than one woman at a time. Im sure plenty of them exist, but I can't say I've ever gotten a warm or even cooly ok reaction from a woman ive expressed interest in, when i was keeping my options open.
 

GoingOnABoeing

Legendary Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jan 10, 2018
Posts
406
Media
32
Likes
2,420
Points
413
Location
Orlando (Florida, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Male
Whatever works for you. That said, I’d want to know what I wasn’t able to give her, especially if she had the need to date others. Then I’d decide if it was something I’d want to continue with in a relationship.

I wouldn't take it personally. There are several great steakhouses around me. I like them all but sometimes I'm just in the mood for a particular one. Same goes for people.
 

seventiesdemon

Superior Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
May 25, 2019
Posts
5,048
Media
7
Likes
5,755
Points
383
Location
Australia
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Yes, because it can become a complication for all concerned.

When a bomb drops...there are casualties....but many more are affected from the fallout after.

If you're the selfish type...no problem. But, don't blame others when the shit hits the fan.
 

Auggiecakes

Legendary Member
Joined
Feb 26, 2016
Posts
1,000
Media
0
Likes
1,150
Points
133
Location
NYC (New York, United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Like politics, sex and religion, everyone is different it’s it comes down to communicating.

For me, I wouldn’t want to date others and I wouldn’t want him dating others. If the idea is to get married. (Mine is.) I don’t want to waste my time.