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No. Like men, women have individual needs, expectations, priorities, desires and tastes. I'm going to quote the original post from the thread that prompted the discussion which may follow, however, there is no need for him to feel compelled to answer here unless he wants to. I just found his post silly, almost to the point of frivolity, but also troubling in that it contains bi-erasure (which is a form of LGBTQIA hate speech) and clear sexism (which should, but probably won't get the thread locked and the OP given points toward deactivation, though there probably isn't a woman left on the message boards willing to click the report button). One is left to wonder why the OP is surprised that the women with whom he associates are all so very similar. I mean, they are all women he is willing to use, who are all willing to let him use them. Most people attract similar people and similar circumstances over and over again. It's why one has to take stock of their own inner workings, and have a personal revolution in order to change their own life, and have radically different people in it.
Anyway. We can all feel free to address the post here. Explain why it is incendiary and problematic, or why it is not.
But not everything has to be planned. There is plenty of room for spontaneity in life. In fact, one of the best dates I ever went on he just showed up in my neighborhood with a camera. He said there would be a meteor shower. Would I please break into the golf course with him to photograph it? I made enough chai latte to share. Bathed. Groomed. Dressed to be both alluring and comfortable. Borrowed a great camera. Joined him at the intersection. We had a blast.
Still, next best date took me to Paris for a week, after months of planning. Halfway between when we were meant to leave and when we decided to meet up in France, he sent me a magnet with a photo of the Eifel Tower under construction. The logistics were planned in advance, but each day was a spontaneous adventure based on a list we made together of things we'd like to see.
First real date with my husband, we had plans. I invited him, and I planned everything. However, when we exited the subway, we heard irresistible, compelling music. It sounded like a warrior tribe was declaring war on Manhattan. We followed the sound away from our intended destination, and found a parade. It was the coolest parade you never heard of, right down 5th Ave. At one point, the happy excitement of the crowd, so close to Ground Zero (four miles) moved him to tears. Seeing New Yorkers celebrating, young people dropping their ice cream and crying over other mundane problems, just a regular day, stirred up his sense of patriotism, and reaffirmed his decision to make a career in service, inspiring these spontaneous tears. I knew right then I loved that man. Going to the parade meant we didn't have time for our lunch plans. We needed sunlight for the second stop on our date, so we grabbed gyros on the street and ate on the move. I called the restaurant and made a dinner reservation there instead. I had also built in a stop for an afternoon snack. We went there for dessert instead. Plans don't have to be set in stone. I had an agenda, things and places, sights, tastes and smells I wanted to share with him on his first trip to my city. I got it all in, but was flexible enough to flow with the moment.
Those things all show a willingness to embrace the moment. Contrast that with calling me up last minute every single time a man wants to see me, and never being prepared to set a day in advance so I can schedule my life accordingly. That isn't spontaneity. That's disrespect. I find that the men I've met who accused me of not being spontaneous really just meant I'm nobody's booty call. And they are mostly right. I'll show up for a random late night booty call if the caller is a man who has banked enough good will. It can't always be a late-night creep. It can't always be just about fucking me.
I hate shopping. Some of my friends like it. Most of my friends hate it. I'm willing to go hiking, I've been hiking, and I have the gear, but it's never going to be my idea. I think hiking is a good idea for a date that is free or inexpensive. Ditto walks in parks or on beaches. Bike rides too. But it's never going to be my idea, unless I don't know him well, and he says, "I'd like to hang out with you, but I'm kinda broke right now." It's still not a go-to suggestion for me. I'd rather check out a festival, a play in the park, a lecture at the museum, or just sit on a bench in the canal and paint a landscape. I have enough art supplies to share. Most of the women I know feel the same. That's because I deliberately hang out with women who are like me. I really don't like women who aren't much like me. We don't get along.
(To be continued)
Anyway. We can all feel free to address the post here. Explain why it is incendiary and problematic, or why it is not.
One man's experience is likely not quite "countless". For most men, this isn't even hundreds of data points. And the data points collected are not particularly useful to others, scientifically. It's not random and objective. It's voluntary, selective and subjective.I live in a major metropolitan city in california. I have to admit that I really look at women as if they are a different species or to borrow a common analogy, from a different planet. (yes, I am sure they view us men with the same baffling vexation).
In this city, and having been with lots of women, I've noticed the same patterns over and over again, and while every woman likes to view themselves as unique and different, there are many patterns of behavior that are common across the board.
I am compiling a list and I would welcome feedback, adding or subtracting things about what you've noticed as well. All these observations come from countless repeated experiences in the field.
It should be a red flag if a man or anyone else can never plan. Planning is respectful of time and other resources. Planning can eliminate or mitigate obstacles and misfortune. Planning sets expectations, and management of expectations is part of emotional intelligence. An inability to plan exposes a disorganized life, and worse, a disorganized mind.1. women love to plan - every potential date i've been on, has ended or begun based on planning. Women hate spontaneity. And view a man that can't plan as a huge red flag.
But not everything has to be planned. There is plenty of room for spontaneity in life. In fact, one of the best dates I ever went on he just showed up in my neighborhood with a camera. He said there would be a meteor shower. Would I please break into the golf course with him to photograph it? I made enough chai latte to share. Bathed. Groomed. Dressed to be both alluring and comfortable. Borrowed a great camera. Joined him at the intersection. We had a blast.
Still, next best date took me to Paris for a week, after months of planning. Halfway between when we were meant to leave and when we decided to meet up in France, he sent me a magnet with a photo of the Eifel Tower under construction. The logistics were planned in advance, but each day was a spontaneous adventure based on a list we made together of things we'd like to see.
First real date with my husband, we had plans. I invited him, and I planned everything. However, when we exited the subway, we heard irresistible, compelling music. It sounded like a warrior tribe was declaring war on Manhattan. We followed the sound away from our intended destination, and found a parade. It was the coolest parade you never heard of, right down 5th Ave. At one point, the happy excitement of the crowd, so close to Ground Zero (four miles) moved him to tears. Seeing New Yorkers celebrating, young people dropping their ice cream and crying over other mundane problems, just a regular day, stirred up his sense of patriotism, and reaffirmed his decision to make a career in service, inspiring these spontaneous tears. I knew right then I loved that man. Going to the parade meant we didn't have time for our lunch plans. We needed sunlight for the second stop on our date, so we grabbed gyros on the street and ate on the move. I called the restaurant and made a dinner reservation there instead. I had also built in a stop for an afternoon snack. We went there for dessert instead. Plans don't have to be set in stone. I had an agenda, things and places, sights, tastes and smells I wanted to share with him on his first trip to my city. I got it all in, but was flexible enough to flow with the moment.
Those things all show a willingness to embrace the moment. Contrast that with calling me up last minute every single time a man wants to see me, and never being prepared to set a day in advance so I can schedule my life accordingly. That isn't spontaneity. That's disrespect. I find that the men I've met who accused me of not being spontaneous really just meant I'm nobody's booty call. And they are mostly right. I'll show up for a random late night booty call if the caller is a man who has banked enough good will. It can't always be a late-night creep. It can't always be just about fucking me.
2. women love to hike - it baffles me how EVERY woman I talk to wants to go hiking on a date. Not my thing, as you can tell. But it's fascinating to me how across the board this is. If you put that you love to "hike" on your dating profile, women will stuffing your inbox.
*women also love farmers markets and any kind of market too. They love going out and browsing and gathering things.
I hate shopping. Some of my friends like it. Most of my friends hate it. I'm willing to go hiking, I've been hiking, and I have the gear, but it's never going to be my idea. I think hiking is a good idea for a date that is free or inexpensive. Ditto walks in parks or on beaches. Bike rides too. But it's never going to be my idea, unless I don't know him well, and he says, "I'd like to hang out with you, but I'm kinda broke right now." It's still not a go-to suggestion for me. I'd rather check out a festival, a play in the park, a lecture at the museum, or just sit on a bench in the canal and paint a landscape. I have enough art supplies to share. Most of the women I know feel the same. That's because I deliberately hang out with women who are like me. I really don't like women who aren't much like me. We don't get along.
I do yoga every day just to keep my range of motion close to normal. My body is abnormally stiff, and has been since I was born. I hate yoga. Yoga can eat a bag of dicks. It's uncomfortable, even after years as a faithful practitioner. Spin is worse! Those asshole coaches are trying to fucking kill a bitch. I think they call it Soul Cycle because your body is done on Earth after class. All you have left is your soul. Nah. Polite pass. Definitely not for me.3. women love yoga - Every woman here loves to go to their yoga and spin classes. However, don't be fooled, as much time and effort as they put into their bodies, always remember, they want to be appreciated for their minds.
(To be continued)