Do women possess a greater control over sexual desire than men?

[sbat]

Or are they simply more aware of the "power" behind sex than men are? Or do men really just want it more?

My question comes from a decades worth of experience with girls/women (I'm 23). I've noticed that in a relationship, there invariably comes a point where the sex slows down to a standstill. It's not that she doesn't want it anymore - I make a point of learning her hotspots and try to play them, getting her breathing hard, but she'll invariably say "don't turn me on, I don't want to now."

Of course, none of you know me, and there may be things about my personality causing this. But from what I hear about marriage and what I've seen from other long term relationships, this "he wants to, but she no longer does" story seems to be universal.

Is the image of a woman with a libido that matches that of a man, and the mentality of "I want it, you want it, fuck it, let's do it!" a false ideal perpetuated by the porn industry? Is there some sort of power play going on, where sex is being used as a tool of control? Are women saying "no" to themselves?

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

A man could fuck a complete dumbass. It doesnt matter how stupid or ridiculous she is, he will fuck her if he finds her attractive. For a woman to have sex with you past the "honeymoon" stage, she must have some sort of respect for you. If you paired up with a woman who has no respect for you, you probably aren't getting laid for some reason. Sometimes it's because she doesn't have respect for any man, no matter how good he is. Sometimes it's because fucking someone who is more like your kid than your man is a total turn off.

Pardon my complete bluntness about this subject, but there are many reasons why sex stops after a certain point. There is typically a point where she isnt turned on all the time anymore, there is something to be said about that total GAGA feeling you both have at first and all you want to do is fuck.

Male sexuality and female sexuality are totally different. The brain lights up in different areas when aroused and during orgasm. A man needs no surroundings to be just right in order to spread his seed. A female has one egg, she must carefully choose the sperm, so primitively, our brain is designed differently.

 

[Enid]

I can't really answer this question, as I've never been in a relationship where the sex declined due to me not wanting it anymore. I was however in one relationship (4 years) where the sex declined at the 2 year mark due to an adjustment in medication for him. He just couldn't stay hard for more than 2 minutes after that. Eventually, we split and that was part of the reason. I need sex, dammit! I don't want just cuddles & kisses.

Someone once told me (at least where it concerns hetero relationships) that some men will act more romantic when courting a woman in order to reel her in (more romantic than they actually are), and some women do the same but with sex. So maybe that's part of it, who knows though.

 

[sbat]

@MR

I get the point you're making in the second paragraph, about those biological differences. I'm aware of that. And I understand that a lot of our behavior is evolutionary. But we also live in an age where women are beginning to see personal, political, and economic power on par with men. A woman with means can get a surrogate mother, there are many women who are using birth control devices that suppress their periods, some women use abortion as a means of birth control (there was an NPR story about this a few years ago), and many more women forgo childbearing altogether to pursue a career...these things go some way to counter that "one egg" caution as sex has become far more recreational now than it ever has been before.

A lot of the girls/women I've been with take it as an assumption that they would get an abortion if they got pregnant, and many have taken birth control (by their own volition) for the purpose of sex without a condom. These attitudes do not suggest that they are overly concerned about the fertilization of their eggs, and in fact are a consequence of their prioritization of "sex for pleasure."

The root of my question is really why, when a girl is visibly turned on, would she decline sex? Or why engage in foreplay/sexual teasing without the intention of playing to conclusion? And lastly, how rare are women who have a habitually high sex drive?

 

[petite]

I also can't answer this question, for the same reasons as Enid. In fact, I think some of my long term relationships lasted past their expiration date because I still desired sex with them and we just kept sleeping together.

Enid may have hit on something about being romantic. The men I've been in relationships do become less romantic after the honeymoon period. The bf gets more romantic the more sex we have, and he's extremely romantic the day after we have especially amazing sex, so he's an exception. I suppose he might be more susceptible to the bonding neurotransmitters that are released during sex.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

How can you tell they are turned on?

Might i also add that most women don't orgasm from sex alone. If we were guaranteed an orgasm just for showing up to the game, it might be a different story. Men have a lot more physical pleasure motivation.

 

[sbat]

Its kind of like poker. Everyone has a tell. The current girl I'm dating normally acts like a young girl around me (she's older, ironically), but when she's turned on, her voice lowers, her back arches, nipples harden, breathing gets deeper, her left eyebrow arches, and she sometimes gets goosebumps around wherever I'm touching....yes, men can know small details too

Petite, you've hit an interesting point - but which comes first, chicken or the egg? If romance in men is tied to sex (valid point), maybe it boils down to selfishness on both sides?

 

[petite]

Its kind of like poker. Everyone has a tell. The current girl I'm dating normally acts like a young girl around me (she's older, ironically), but when she's turned on, her voice lowers, her back arches, nipples harden, breathing gets deeper, her left eyebrow arches, and she sometimes gets goosebumps around wherever I'm touching....yes, men can know small details too

Petite, you've hit an interesting point - but which comes first, chicken or the egg? If romance in men is tied to sex (valid point), maybe it boils down to selfishness on both sides?

Like I said, I can't help you with your question, since I really don't know what happens with other women.

TheBoyfriend is the only one I've ever dated who is really like that. The day after we have really spectacular sex, he looks at me like he's awed by me, like he's looking at someone so beautiful and amazing he can't believe his eyes. He acts like he's in love. No one else I've ever dated reacts quite like that to our sex life. He's really the exception there.

In a few of my relationships, I was the one who wanted more sex. In one, after the honeymoon period, he was only interested in sex in the missionary position 2-3 times a week. We never had oral sex, and he was uninterested in spicing things up like I do. I was bored and wanted more, but I still had sex with him. I came on to him more than he came on to me. We lasted like that for a few years, and I was never able to get him to be more exciting in the bedroom, but I still had sex regularly with him, even though I was really very unsatisfied, so I can't help you.

I've always suspected that I had a higher sex drive than other women, but I've never known that for a fact since I don't know anything about other women's sex lives. TheBF comes from a magical fairyland that has made him believe that having sex 2x a day is normal, so he's clueless, too.

 

[THEDUDEofDestiny]

some women are really sexual, some men aren't, but im pretty sure if the typical woman wanted sex as much as the typical man society would cease to function. everyone would just be fucking in the streets all day and all night with the occasional pause to snort viagra. drugs are always better when snorted.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

some women are really sexual, some men aren't, but im pretty sure if the typical woman wanted sex as much as the typical man society would cease to function. everyone would just be fucking in the streets all day and all night with the occasional pause to snort viagra. drugs are always better when snorted.

That's a huge factor. I've always had to remind myself if my husband had my sex drive we'd never get anything done.

 

[sbat]

some women are really sexual, some men aren't, but im pretty sure if the typical woman wanted sex as much as the typical man society would cease to function. everyone would just be fucking in the streets all day and all night with the occasional pause to snort viagra. drugs are always better when snorted.

If everyone was fucking all the time, no one would have time to blow themselves up in crowded markets or build nuclear weapons, and the world would be run by kids 12 and under...can't see how that would be a worse world than now...

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

If everyone was fucking all the time, no one would have time to blow themselves up in crowded markets or build nuclear weapons, and the world would be run by kids 12 and under...can't see how that would be a worse world than now...

I dont think he is talking about politics. Who would watch the kids? When would you sleep, eat and go to work to pay the bills.

 

[sbat]

Well, if you insist on being practical about it, orgasm and even erection starts to hurt after 6 or 7 times in a day, so you have to take a break for a while for things to cool off. I figure I'd go scrounge for something to eat then. Plus, you've got all those really old people who can't get it up anymore who can take care of the kids.

 

[Enid]

It certainly doesn't hurt me to have 7+ orgasms in one day, from time to time anyways!

:32:

 

[sbat]

tell you what Enid. Let's switch roles - you be the man this time and I'll be the woman

 

[THEDUDEofDestiny]

It certainly doesn't hurt me to have 7+ orgasms in one day, from time to time anyways!

:32:

it is like i just fell in love with you all over again

 

[dolfette]

it's not that men are easier to turn on,
it's that women are easier to turn off.

 

[kc2007]

it's not that men are easier to turn on,
it's that women are easier to turn off.

-Ha ha, I agree with this. Women can shut it down in a second and not even consider sex while a guy can have sex even he can't stand the woman at the time. This is the fundamental difference right here. Women do use sex, but most of the time it's not intentional. It is in their wiring, sex is what gets the guy. Yes, of course they enjoy it or at least most do, but deep down a woman wants greater bigger and better things. They want to be loved, appreciated, and taken care of. While I'm sure there are women out there with very high libidos like men, I've never met one. After the initial super charged sexual phase ends, things always cool down. You need to keep things interesting, keep her interested. She still needs to feel like she's "the one" and not just someone who you can relieve yourself into before falling asleep, and I think many relationships unfortunately dissolve into this.

And what MR said it true as well, for women to enjoy sex, most of the time it takes much more preparation and certain mindset. Even for women who can orgasm during intercourse, it still takes more work than for a guy. Sometimes, she might like the kissing and foreplay but just not up for the the whole deal. And since were on a big penis site, this comes into play as well. For the one night stand or early in a relationship it can be an exciting thing for a woman, even a badge of honor or something like, "I scored a guy with a huge cock". But this too fades and even can become more of a hindrance to regular sex as it takes even more preparation to get "ready" and a longer recovery period. I really do think guys with average sized cocks end up having the most productive and satisfying sex lives. When the focus is less on "the cock" and more on each others pleasure, things improve.

 

[pcghabsy]

A woman can certainly gratify herself with greater ease.