Do you agree

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Dr Rock, Jul 8, 2005.

  1. Dr Rock

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    who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree? Sex
    of course I'm more important than anyone else. that's the primary instinct every friggin' lifeform on the planet is hardwired with. some people try to skirt around it with empty words, but you know that when push comes to shove we'd all be covering our own asses long before we thought about anyone else's. I choose to acknowledge that because (as 99% of the human race has yet to discover) not lying to yourself actually makes things a lot easier.

    actually I'd probably just kill all three of them. one of them is asking for it and the other two would be witnesses.
     
  2. Knight

    Knight New Member

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    You did the right thing. Although its better to say that life is only good or bad depending on your viewpoint. Good and evil are even all subjective. One man's sin against humanity is another man's life's calling. Just tell her to stop looking for and accepting the bad stuff. It's probably not as bad as she thinks if she could take her head out of her hands.
     
  3. jaymacgthree

    jaymacgthree New Member

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    While I won't tackle all the issues in raised in this post I do have a couple of comments. I think you showed a great deal of insight when you said that what bothers some people is the fact they are not being favored. While I feel that on occasion some people are persecuted, I think it is extremely rare. More often people simply want things their way and that is not how life works. So you are right telling her to suck it up and just deal with it the way the rest of us have to.

    No... you were not that sympathetic to your friend, but then again you are not her therapist so why listen to that stuff and let it bring you down? I would only be able to deal with so much of that before saying ok, things are in the past, get over it.

    As to the question of do I feel I am valued or do I feel I'm here to fulfill a higher purpose... I am a Christian and so the explanation of my views on life would best be saved for another post. LOL
     
  4. madame_zora

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    Great post, Axex, got me thinking. You did the right thing, who wants to be the "bitching post" for someone who just wants to unload on you? Teen angst is normal, we all go through it, but it doesn't have to be given any more weight than it deserves! To pour loads of sympathy on her would only add credibility to her complaints, and they are probably not that compelling. Yes, we all have to deal with very hard things, none of us are excluded from this. I have said many times that people who feel they are unduly taxed are just too selfish to realise they are not immune and that others face things much harder than they do. Are we all selfish? Yes! The degree of your acknowledgement of your own selfishness is the degree of your own understanding of yourself, and the world you live in. An example I was told was about group pictures- when you see a picture that's been taken of a group you're in for the first time, what's the first thing you look for? Yourself! You look to see how YOU look before you give a rat's ass about anyone else.

    NOW, at my age now, with my experience of years, I would say that I am not more important than other people in the grand scheme of things, but I am STILL more important to me! That's what we all must realise at some point, that while our own well being compels OUR thinking, it is not of concern to anyone else! Sure, the people who love us will give us a few passing thoughts, but they are busy obsessing about themselves, not us. Self-centered fear is still self-centered. To be overly concerned about your health, well-being, safety, life conditions and the like is just to be too damned obsessed with yourself in general. There will always be those who think they are the central focus of the world and it is good that you reminded her that she is not.

    Now, as for the question about who I would save, if they were strangers, I'd save myself. If they were people I knew and cared about, I'm not so sure. If it were Julianna, I'd want her to live in my place, but she's probably the only one.
     
  5. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    "Sure you could. But they won't arterially spray HIV all over you like I will."

    Axex, this is one of those philosophical questions that has haunted man since God sacrificed his Son at Golgotha.

    Luckily for the two other people, it would be an easier choice for me. I'm going to be 60 next year, I've got a bad ticker, I suffer horrendously from arthritis and I'm morbidly obese. My time left on Earth is much less valuable (all things being equal) than theirs.

    So shoot me.
     
  6. SpeedoGuy

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    I don't know how long she went on complaining but the situation sounds like it was a request for a sympathetic ear. Sometimes it helps just to listen and ask a few gentle questions designed to allow the person to vent without judgement implied. Calling her a whiney brat was not how I would have handled it.


    <!--QuoteBegin-Axex
    @Jul 8 2005, 10:28 PM
    More importantly, how do you view life?
    [/quote]

    We don&#39;t get nothin&#39; from life but life. I try to keep a positive attitude and I strive to make the most of every day despite a multitude of setbacks and annoyances. I admit, its getting harder as I get older. Some days I succeed, others I don&#39;t but the game goes on.

    SG
     
  7. steve319

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    Hard to say, Axex. Depends on what I thought she needed at the time. If she needed a wake up call to straighten up and realize that others are suffering more than she is, fine.

    If she needed a bit of sympathy and a patient ear, maybe that would have been good.

    No need to wallow in self-pity, but no need to be rejected when you&#39;re at your lowest point, either. Sounds like her "pain" was a bit superficial maybe?
     
  8. steve319

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    For me, the capacity to feel sympathy and empathy has grown as I have matured. I can probably attribute it to a lot of factors: caring for ailing, elderly parents; owning and caring for a number of truly sick pets; getting caught in unhealthy relationships with crazy people, etc. But I know that a lot of my compassion has come about through my work--I&#39;ve taught and counselled people who have gone though some unspeakably awful things and who live in a world with few options for change. There&#39;s nothing like seeing the horror of another person&#39;s existence to put your own complaints into perspective.

    Of course, that can go too far too, especially when you end up taking so much of the burden carried by someone else that you risk immobilizing your own life and ability to get by.

    As Jon Brion (the guy in my signature right now) sings in Same Mistakes, "The line is thin between a selfish act and what you do to keep yourself intact."

    I know we&#39;re only getting one side of the tale, but it certainly sounds like Ms. Woe-Is-Me needed a reality check, and it was probably more meaningful coming from a friend. I&#39;m thinking you did the right thing, Axex.
     
  9. Lex

    Lex
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    In Your Darkest Thoughts and Dreams
    We like to live under the illusion that life is easy and fair. It&#39;s not. It&#39;s hard and fifficult and shitty at times.

    Over the past 10 years I have taken a series a long, deep looks at myself and found the truth to be that happiness begins with ME and that I have the reigns on my life. I will not be a vicitm of the insecurities and distorted perceptions of others. I will try to live MY life in a way that alwasy speaks to how I want to be treated and how much I value other people. I will always seek to eb a better person tomorrow for all that I learn and experience today. It&#39;s hard.; its much easier to just think that the rest of the world is fucked up and you&#39;re "normal."

    As a married Balck bi-sexual male--I have a LOT of issues to deal with. Born in poverty, educated out of it, neither str8 nor gay, neither street nor academic. While it is not easy, I wouldn&#39;t trade it for the world as every day, I learn SO much about myself and others. And that&#39;s what life is REALLY about--finding your own capacity for endless reflection, learning and growth.
     
  10. dolf250

    dolf250 New Member

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    I was unsure at first how I would have handled her. Some people do need a reality check while others need some sympathy. I can clearly recall a good friend when I was growing up whose life was pretty good by all standards. She would take the smallest thing and blow it up until it sounded as though her world may end because her parents were not able to take her some place they promised or her father would not be home for the weekend. I realized that at a certain age some people need to have what they perceive as tragedy to feel as though they fit in. As you observed, that is the age where hormones are going and people become moody. The group that she belonged to was interesting and most did have very real and quite severe problems. She would bitch about one thing or another and people would just look at her and smile (most of them probably wishing that her problem of the day was their worst problem.) I do not recall anybody ever saying much to her, but a reality check would not have helped. In her mind her problem was just as sever as *****’s problem of having been raped or *****’s problem of having her best friend kill himself. I hope your being blunt helped her gain perspective, but from my experience I think she will go on thinking that the world is treating her unfairly and will just add your talk to those unfair acts committed against her this week.

    I do not consider myself any more important that my neighbour, the person down the street nor you. {I am, however, more important than the person who would be dead if they had not put the warning on the hairdryers “do not use in the shower or near water.”} I hate to be blunt, but I do not know you well enough to take the bullet for you- you would end up the dead one in that situation. I am not saying that I am any better than you or more deserving of life- just that I wouldn’t take the bullet when I could just say “pick him.” Having said that, my mother, sister or a (very) young child would probably have the fun of watching my murder.

    Edit: Come to think of it- my sig line pretty much sums up how most people see themselves vs. their actual position in the “theatre” of life.
     
  11. SomeGuyOverThere

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    Most of these replys are far too long to read, so I&#39;ll just vent-in-the-dark :p

    I think that is a way you did both the right and wrong thing.

    I think that hthere is no question at all that you are right - life just is, for whatever reason or another, and life doesnt favour or discriminate. This person is just angry and bitter because, basically, she hasnt had a golden brick fall from the sky, and a booming godly voice say "Here is your life, now, you have a job lined up and a boyfriend as well as the golden brick to give you a headstart, enjoy&#33;"

    She was basically venting because she has not been favoured, and I believe you are right in this conclusion.

    Now, simply put - she had to be told this by somebody at some time, somehow.

    It is open to debate as to whether or not it was right to, in conversational terms, slap her around the face and tell her to get a grip, or wether you should have done it more gently.

    Personally I cant judge that either way, because I know 4 people that desperatly need a good slap aronud the face and told to get a grip, but I dont have the courage to administer the the treatment myself. I&#39;m simply too timid to say what needs to be said.

    EDIT:
    Exactly what Im trying to say, some people need to be grabbed by the balls and told (some people just need to be grabbed by the balls :D ) and others need sympathy.
     
  12. madame_zora

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    For me, I just detest being put in a position where someone is demanding sympathy from me&#33; If they are free to dump their problems randomly on anyone who will listen (and these kinds of people usually do exactly that) then they must realise that everyone else is free to react in any manner they choose. Just because someone&#39;s blubbering on me doesn&#39;t mean I owe them anything. I&#39;m far more likely to be sympathetic to someone who makes an effort not to act as if their problems are the most important thing going on in the world, if they can&#39;t manage to do that, they won&#39;t get far with me.

    In truth, I don&#39;t care much what anyone else "needs". I need money, I need food, I need shelter- I am responsible for taking care of these things. I WANT friends, companionship, attention, conversation, but I realise that nobody owes me this. If I want my WANTS met, I am responisble to make myself interesting to others or they won&#39;t want to be my friend. Other people need to realise that too, it&#39;s not just MY job to look at myself. Too many times people just won&#39;t take responsibility for their own lives and they bore me as well as piss me off. I refuse to be a friend to someone who just wants to be a drain on my energy.
     
  13. Pappy

    Pappy Member

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    Axex, I think you did the right thing. Life is what you make it, but it is never fair.
    Your friend is a teenager now and feels that life is unfair and everyone is out to get her, I hate to say this but she&#39;s going to have a rough road to hoe if she doesn&#39;t change her outlook on things.
     
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