Do You Believe In Soulmates?

Do you believe in soulmates?

  • Yes, and i found mine

    Votes: 6 25.0%
  • Yes

    Votes: 8 33.3%
  • No

    Votes: 9 37.5%
  • Don't know/Not sure

    Votes: 1 4.2%

  • Total voters
    24

jaybee0560

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Do you believe we are meant or could find a soulmate during our lifetimes?
Nah - not sure if you mean "Soulmate" in terms of some deep spiritual "destiny" type deal or just someone you are unusually or uniquely compatible with . But in both cases, its a hard no from me.
I don't believe in souls or destiny or some guided plan some ethereal being has for us at all .. and for compatibility, I think it stands to reason that there are going to be some people who you feel a greater attraction or compatibility with and others that you just don't, but I certainly do not believe that means there is only one person who fits the bill or that anyone needs to fit the bill. Some people don't want to be in a relationship no matter who the other person is and some people fall in love at the drop of a hat. Some people only click with a small number of other people and so feel like they have met their soul mate by virtue of their selectiveness and luck in meeting someone who fits the bill ..
So - my analysis is that there is a bunch of people on the planet - all have different tastes, wants, goals and desires and sometimes some of these people come across other people who ticks most of their boxes and sometimes that doesn't happen .. and a lot of the times when it does happen, it happens for a period of time and finishes.. Not particularly romantic or poetic but .. it is what it is
 

Brodie888

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If you mean a couple who are perfectly suited to each other then yes. If you mean "the one" then no.

But to add to that, I don't think people are perfectly matched for each other forever unless they work at maintaining that synchronicity and even then it may not be able to be maintained.

I think we all walk a path in life. At different times we share the same path and direction as others (be they family, friends, lovers) and their company makes our journey hopefully more enjoyable. At some point a fork in the path occurs (be it death, geography, opportunity, changes in priorities etc) and we must go our own direction.

I think the important thing in a relationship is not the amount of time shared on the same path but instead how much it enriched your life while it lasted.
 

Andrue

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"Believe"? No. There's no such thing as a "soul" in the metaphysical sense. Like gods, it's a fictional concept.
But it's a nice way of saying me and my BF have a surprising number of matching views, we "get" each other, we like the same kinks... So yeah, I call him my soulmate sometimes. But that's strictly in the colloquial sense, with zero connection to a religious/spiritual viewpoint.

My South American Roman Catholic BF is likely of a different opinion. But that's OK.
 

Johannes88

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Many of us are well grounded in reality after years of bullying, harassments and mocked by heteros. We don't hope for soulmates or "the one", i don't personally. But i always wonder about a man i met in my college years (12 years ago), it was a very strong connection that we had. I think that if we were to meet again in 30 years, i would still swoon over seeing his face. I really loved him (both his personality and his physical appearance) and the idea of him, but he didn't acknowledge his feelings for me, after a while he completely ghosted me and ended up in a relationship with a woman.

I guess i'm writing this here, to see if you help me demystify this whole situation, please any advice to forget him would be appreciated.
 

Brodie888

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Many of us are well grounded in reality after years of bullying, harassments and mocked by heteros. We don't hope for soulmates or "the one", i don't personally. But i always wonder about a man i met in my college years (12 years ago), it was a very strong connection that we had. I think that if we were to meet again in 30 years, i would still swoon over seeing his face. I really loved him (both his personality and his physical appearance) and the idea of him, but he didn't acknowledge his feelings for me, after a while he completely ghosted me and ended up in a relationship with a woman.

I guess i'm writing this here, to see if you help me demystify this whole situation, please any advice to forget him would be appreciated.

Once upon a time, sailors would be lured to their deaths by jumping off their boats to chase after mermaids. In reality they were just dolphins or manatees.

Most people are driven to connect to other people. It's instinctive. For many, including gay people, it's harder to find a partner because eligible ones are more scarce.

So at this time, you may be feeling like you are all alone in a big ocean. You hope for a connection so much that your mind will try to force things to fit when they really don't. Amplifying the good bits and ignoring the bad. It's an illusion. It doesn't exist and it never will no matter how much you want it to.

This guy had parts of what could have been a match, then your wishfulness tries to fill in all the gaps. It's not so much about forgetting him as it is to actually see him for what he really is.

He is not the fish that got away. He was never the man for you in the first place.

Love 101: If they can't love you as much as you love them, move on.
 

jaybee0560

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Many of us are well grounded in reality after years of bullying, harassments and mocked by heteros. We don't hope for soulmates or "the one", i don't personally. But i always wonder about a man i met in my college years (12 years ago), it was a very strong connection that we had. I think that if we were to meet again in 30 years, i would still swoon over seeing his face. I really loved him (both his personality and his physical appearance) and the idea of him, but he didn't acknowledge his feelings for me, after a while he completely ghosted me and ended up in a relationship with a woman.

I guess i'm writing this here, to see if you help me demystify this whole situation, please any advice to forget him would be appreciated.

Yup - I don't know if there is much more to add than what Brodie has already said.
Its easy to get caught up in one individual and find yourself stuck on what you have made them out to be in your mind - if it all unrequited, then it easy for that to turn into an obsession that's hard to move on from .. and there is absolutely no silver bullet when it comes to moving on from this .. at some point you need to realise that, like Brodie said .. he was never your fish, whether that be for the timing or just his lack of reciprocity or whatever .. Its not something unique to you and your situation - I think most of us (I certainly have) been in this position to one degree or another ..

From my own personal experience tho - I've had mates who I've become absolutely convinced were perfect for me that didn't reciprocate for a variety of reasons, some were straight, one was married (boy did that end badly) - and one was just in a very different space. Most of whom I've seen years after and almost all I wouldn't want anything to do with now for a whole other variety of reasons .. The deal is to be your best self, live your best life and open yourself up to meeting on their own merits rather than comparing them to the one that got away ..if it happens, it happens if it doesn't, then if you're doing the right thing .. you're still having a good life right?
 
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Johannes88

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Your feedback has been wonderful, and I appreciate the time you have taken to respond to me.

Due to my very limited experience with men, I think it will take me a while to get rid of the idea of him, although I've been convinced for some time that the way he treated me perhaps was not the most responsible. He flirted with me and wooed me for months. No one has seen me with the amount of desire and intensity as he saw me.

I've always argued with myself that, if he was not interested or could not face his attraction towards me, I feel that he could have been more direct with me and say NO or confront me in some powerful way, i gave him the space to do it. This whole situation dealt a heavy blow to my mental health. Honestly, I would have preferred an act of bullying or verbal and physical abuse, rather than silence and ambiguity from his part. But now i know that all these things are very difficult, when one is in the closet.

I'm thankful to God, because I no longer feel resentment and anger about the whole situation. I have completely forgiven him. I have had him in my prayers for a long time, and i hope that he reach the happiness and prosperity he desires in life, i wish him success and wellbeing.
 

MuscledHorse

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It happens. No one can say how or why or when or where. I had a guy I cared deeply about. I put myself through hell on earth for six years trying to help him, trying to save him, but couldn't. I knew he loved me in his own broken way, but his problems ruined it often. He lost his life one month prior to his 33rd birthday, three years ago next week: liver failure due to alcoholism. I was exhausted in every aspect of my being by the time he died, having spent the entire last week when he was in the hospital by his side 24-7, and dealing with that reality going forward was hard. I was hurt. I was angry. I left my job later that year becasue I needed the break and I wanted to do other things.
So I traveled. A lot. Over the next two years, attended events from CLAW to Folsom to Florida Puppy (i'm a leather pup) to DragonCon. Ultimately, I sold my beloved house in Chattanooga and moved to Atlanta. (I am from the big city (FTL, Orlando) and am much more at home in them.) In the three weeks before I moved, I went to Furry Weekend Atlanta. I was attending a pup meet and greet where I randomly met a guy from the local Atlanta pup group that I hadn't met on previous visits to Atlanta. The next day, while talking to one of the other Atlanta pups I had known for some time, I encountered him again. We spent some time hanging out together that day. nd saw each other again the next day. When moving time came, the pup I had known recruited the one I had just met to come, along with one of my long time friends from high school days, and help me load up my 4 bedroom house and move to Atlanta.
Once in Atlanta, he and I started hanging out. Three months later, we decided to call ourselves boyfriends, literally everyone gay and straight who knew us all went "it's about time you two figured it out." Looking back it wasn't surprising. He was even the one whose shoulder I wound up sobbing on in the final moments as the house stood empty and we were minutes away from leaving. We fell into an existence together as if we had known each other for years. We just "clicked." I couldn't tell you why and neithe could he. I can tell you it had nothing to do with the dopamine high of after-sex where so many confuse Lust and Love. We enjoyed sex together (and still do) but that wasn't a driving force to it. We held similar views on things--particularly sex. Neither of us finds any proof that males were made for sexual monogamy--so jealousy and cheating worries that ruin so many relationships were not and are not a concern. We know the other is the most important in our life and he comes first. We aren't duplicates of each other either. His background is computer programming. Mine is Humanities and medicine (with a presence in the sex industry, which he encourages and has done camera on some of my scenes). I am the gym rat ectomorph constantly trying to add size. He is the former very fat kid turned gym guy, who has a "bear" type build that is taking on an (American) football lineman look. I think a lot of the problems guys have is that we are so visual we have to train ourselves to look past the physical attraction and learn to connect with other guys on something other than purely on looks "my type/not my type." We tend to go for who we see that we like rather than being willing to talk to anyone and give them the opportunity to connect.
 

Johannes88

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I just found this message on instagram, and i agree.

125771858_1000294953790382_7277465900903490239_n.jpg


I hope to be that kind of person to my future partner, if i'm fortunate enough to be blessed with one.
I want to help them achieve their potential and become the best versions of themselves. Even if that means break up and distance.
 
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Johannes88

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In the US, sex is so open. A man can have a partner every day, week or month, like it's nothing. I'm not critical of that, but because of my shy and reserved personality, i think i wouldn't do it ever.

I wouldn't be intimate with another man while having a partner that i truly love. But i think i would forgive my partner if he were to have sex with another man, because there's so much i don't understand about life. Although i think i wouldn't approve of maintaining an open relationship on a long term basis.
 

tito21

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Anyone over the age of 30 and still believes in soul mate is just sad. Unless you’re a middle aged white lady that listens to Keith Urban + inspiring Christian Rock musics. God knows those women need all the help (delusions) they can get to pull through their day to day live in this hostile world.
 

Johannes88

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Anyone over the age of 30 and still believes in soul mate is just sad. Unless you’re a middle aged white lady that listens to Keith Urban + inspiring Christian Rock musics. God knows those women need all the help (delusions) they can get to pull through their day to day live in this hostile world.

The matter of soulmate is perhaps a spiritual one. An atheist man or woman might argue soulmates doesn't exist, because life doesn't go beyond the biological realm. An spiritual man, might say we might encounter one, and might even quote historical precedent of couples that "were obviously soulmates". I would be very respectful of both opinions, without deriving in ad hominem critiques.
 

Johannes88

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There's a superb documentary in Netflix called "A secret love", with the story of the relationship of Terry Donahue and Pat Henschel. Soulmate believers could argue that the love story and relationship of this couple gives strong evidence in favor of the existence of soulmates.

Here's the trailer:

Here's the whole documentary (for Netflix subscribers):
https://www.netflix.com/watch/80209024