Do you ever feel empty after random sex?

[alfreak]

So I had sex with a rando from grindr. Everything's fine. We cuddled for a while before he left.

But later I started to feel like what I did was stupid and meaningless. All I ever wanted was the intimacy, sex is just a form of it. Looking back I think I liked the cuddling better - It kinda created a illusion of warmth and empathy. I think I needed the companionship more than a fuckbuddy.

Is this thought weird?

 

[malakos]

Not weird at all. Spend some time thinking over it more. If anything at least you learned something about yourself that could help direct your behavior in a more fulfilling way in the future.

 

[xxxmystery]

I get nervous about stds and Hiv when I fuck someone from Grindr. Automatically regret it

 

[muskokan]

the idea of feeling disillusioned after random sex is just silly in my opinion. Is the random hookup not just that-random and having no strings? I love the anonymity and pure sexual release when i hook up with someone from Squirt or in a bath house. If i am looking for the cuddles and intimacy i will find my FWB partner and give him the loving we both want at that moment. If you feel cheapened by anonymous random hookups dont do it!

 

[Tbprivate]

the idea of feeling disillusioned after random sex is just silly in my opinion. Is the random hookup not just that-random and having no strings? I love the anonymity and pure sexual release when i hook up with someone from Squirt or in a bath house. If i am looking for the cuddles and intimacy i will find my FWB partner and give him the loving we both want at that moment. If you feel cheapened by anonymous random hookups dont do it!

Some guys hope to meet their future partner through hookups.

There’s no reason why random hookups can’t also be intimate with kisses and hugs, after all bodily fluids are often shared and that’s pretty up close and personal.

 

[malakos]

the idea of feeling disillusioned after random sex is just silly in my opinion.

It isn't silly. Our culture (and particularly the Gay culture) promotes it as natural and fun. Gay men generally buy into this notion going into the scene. But there's a hefty chunk of our population that cannot experience them as natural and fun. When they are led to believe hooking up will be such, but their experience shows them otherwise, it's completely understandable for them to be disillusioned.

 

[bwhip1011]

I don't think it's weird at all and I used to feel this oftentimes myself. However, that was a long time ago. For me if it's a random hookup that's all it is. Cuddling would actually ruin it for me. I'm sure you'll find a balance, though. If hookups continue to make you feel this way then you'll stop it and look for something more meaningful.

 

[muskokan]

It isn't silly. Our culture (and particularly the Gay culture) promotes it as natural and fun. Gay men generally buy into this notion going into the scene. But there's a hefty chunk of our population that cannot experience them as natural and fun. When they are led to believe hooking up will be such, but their experience shows them otherwise, it's completely understandable for them to be disillusioned.

i guess i am different than most in this culture then. i love the idea of anonymous, random sex; to me it is natural and fun. Is that not what sex is?fun? i am not judging others and their POV at all, it is just my humble opinion.

 

[bbelpaso]

i feel empty afterwards... but usually cause I'm hungry and craving tacos.

 

[dreambridger]

While it can depend on the encounter, I think it can also depend on where you're at in your life. I know that if I'm feeling particularly lonely or trying to fill a void, then random sex will definitely feel empty. Other times it's definitely them, especially if I wind up with someone who has an 'impatient' vibe, doesn't know how to give a back rub or let you relax into it at all, that can be a letdown.

There are times where spontaneous sex goes incredibly well and is joyous & pleasurable. 'Random sex' is certainly tricky but I wouldn't rule it out either!

 

[hvdude]

I guess it goes to your expectations. If what you want is pure, natural sex, that’s one thing. If you’re looking for more of a connection then that’s different. Some apps are geared for sex, so most likely you aren’t going to meet Mr. Right , just Mr. Right-now. For intimacy try meeting someone (at a bar, bookstore, church, etc...) and get to know them.

 

[markmangay]

Most of the times happens. But you wanted sex too right?
I guess after years of doing the same at the end you want more affection than just sex.
I had these feeling when my partner and I finished the relationship. Then was difficult finding the connection we had.

 

[AVx22]

Lol. Totally me. I always feel empty afterwards, which is why I quickly limited how often I hookup. Some people can handle a hookup; some of us cannot. I cannot. Too much emotion involved in sex with me. It's just how I'm wired.

 

[Brodie888]

What you experienced is normal and understandable. What you were looking for was a love fuck but what you got was something else so you didn't get your needs met.

 

[852838]

The first time I had sex with another guy I was 26 and was going so crazy trying to wrestle with feelings I thought I was going to explode. I met a guy at a party who flirted with me and I flirted back. We didn't exchange numbers but a few weeks later I ran into him out having a drink. He invited me to sit next to him and we chatted. He was in his early 50s and had a great laugh, that's what I remember. He asked me if I wanted to come to his place to have some privacy. I knew what he meant but I was so curious and aroused I went with it. I told him when we got to his place I hadn't done this before so I was nervous. He reassured me he was okay with me being inexperienced and that he would teach me. We took it slow and I enjoyed it much more than I than the few times I slept with a girl years back. After we finished he told me I did fine and that we would have to practice again soon. I left feeling pretty good about the evening and was looking forward to doing it again. I text him the next day just saying I had a great time and hoped we could catch up soon. There wasn't a text back, I called a few days later and left a VM, no returned call or message, text one last time about a week after that with the same results.

I wasn't upset but it stung a little bit. For better or worse that left a bad taste in my mouth with respect to just fooling around with no further contact or recognition. I wasn't looking to register for china with the guy but had hoped he would at least buzz me back.

Since that experience I've obviously fooled around a few other times and been less jaded about it but it's not how I prefer to operate. The last time I had sex though was last fall when I met a stranger at a bar in town who had escaped the hurricane weather in south Florida. I was horny and bored, found him to be cute and we made plans to meet the next afternoon. I went to his hotel (one of the nicer ones in town) and we had terrific sex. He was also in his early 50s, thicker guy with just enough body hair to get me going. After we finished we were starving and actually had a great early dinner where we talked like old friends. He went back the next day after the storms had passed and I doubt we ever see each other again but that was one case where a random hookup actually turned out to be a satisfying afternoon. Still I know that was a rare experience and I've not tried to replicate it since.

 

[Tom2btm]

No
Random hookups are just that.
Don't expect them to make promises they aren't going to keep. That's when you get hurt.

 

[malakos]

Since that experience I've obviously fooled around a few other times and been less jaded about it but it's not how I prefer to operate.

Don't you mean naive? In your first experience you lacked an understanding of the standard of dishonesty with hooking up. That naivety is what you presumably have had less of. Jaded is something like the opposite of naive.

 

[malakos]

i guess i am different than most in this culture then.

No, that's what I was saying: promotion of the perception of casual sex as natural and fun is the standard of Gay culture, at least on the face. Your view is in line with the norm.

But perceptions are just that. They are fundamentally subjective. And they vary considerably from individual to individual, especially when it relates to feelings and values. So this standard doesn't fit all Gay men well.

i love the idea of anonymous, random sex; to me it is natural and fun. Is that not what sex is?fun? i am not judging others and their POV at all, it is just my humble opinion.

It would have made more sense if you had instead said that casual sex is fun and feels natural for you. The way you phrased your statement was as an objective description of the character of (casual) sex. I'm pretty sure that such claims could not be soundly defended. What is and is not fun is subjective and varies individually. I can't see how that could be an objective quality. As for whether casual sex is natural (for humans)... there are reasonable arguments to be made from both sides of that question. It may even be that it is natural in one sense and not in another. What I wouldn't bother contesting would be if you restricted your claim to it feeling natural for you.

I've never had anonymous sex. However I have reason to believe that I wouldn't holistically enjoy it. As far as I can tell, the casualness of sex extends along a spectrum, with anonymous sex on one end and loving sex with a vowed partner/spouse on the other and many shades of arrangements in between (non-anonymous hookups, fwb, sex in serial dating, etc). I've recently had a few experiences with hookups with acquaintances, and I've had conflicted feelings about these experiences, as I suspected I would. The circumstances I've wholly enjoyed sex have involved some intimacy and connection, so I infer from these experiences that those conditions are necessary for me to feel truly comfortable about having sex with someone.

 

[erpap]

I get nervous about stds and Hiv when I fuck someone from Grindr. Automatically regret it

Do I use a condom

 

[erpap]

Do I use a condom

You