Do you ever feel empty after random sex?

[Infernal]

Not really. We were both there to get off. If it was anything less than mutual, it didn't happen.

 

[951321]

Yes, which is why I’ve stayed celibate for the past 5-6 months and counting.

Personally, as I’ve gotten older (29 now), I’ve grown to realise that random hookups aren’t for me and give me absolutely no sense of fulfilment or joy.

It works for some people and I respect that but it’s just not for me anymore

 

[902369]

Here's an interesting article you're welcome to read:

We need to talk about how Grindr is affecting gay men’s mental health

 

[kr8zy]

Was at the baths again this weekend. Not much going on this weekend - I think everyone was out enjoying the nice weather. I was in my room with the door open, a chubby Indian guy came in and we started trading blowjobs and hand jobs. I got him off first. He then proceeded to give my the best - we'll call it a hand job but it was so much more. I haven't actually shot cum for decades and I shot like 2 feet this time! WE ended up trading names, found each other already on Growlr and will probably try and hook up next time I'm up there again.

I get what people are saying about it being meaningless and impersonal, but for me anyways afterwards I feel like yeah I'm not the only getting off on this, and I am finding guys who I used to totally stay away from attractive suddenly.

Maybe that is the difference. Try someone who you would normally not ever do it with, and not out of pity or anything but just to see what it is like. And when you are done don't immediately get up and leave. At least ask them their name or where they are from or something. If you think of it only as anonymous sex it is going to be anonymous sex. If you think of it as a shared experience then maybe it becomes more of an experience.

What do you think about social occasions where you have to make 2 minutes of small talk?

 

[Tbprivate]

Was at the baths again this weekend. Not much going on this weekend - I think everyone was out enjoying the nice weather. I was in my room with the door open, a chubby Indian guy came in and we started trading blowjobs and hand jobs. I got him off first. He then proceeded to give my the best - we'll call it a hand job but it was so much more. I haven't actually shot cum for decades and I shot like 2 feet this time! WE ended up trading names, found each other already on Growlr and will probably try and hook up next time I'm up there again.

I get what people are saying about it being meaningless and impersonal, but for me anyways afterwards I feel like yeah I'm not the only getting off on this, and I am finding guys who I used to totally stay away from attractive suddenly.

Maybe that is the difference. Try someone who you would normally not ever do it with, and not out of pity or anything but just to see what it is like. And when you are done don't immediately get up and leave. At least ask them their name or where they are from or something. If you think of it only as anonymous sex it is going to be anonymous sex. If you think of it as a shared experience then maybe it becomes more of an experience.

What do you think about social occasions where you have to make 2 minutes of small talk?

Sometimes people feel empty after random sex and now you’re recommending hooking up with people you ordinarily find unattractive; I’ll pass on that thank you.

 

[951321]

Sometimes people feel empty after random sex and now you’re recommending hooking up with people you ordinarily find unattractive; I’ll pass on that thank you.

I couldn’t think of any worse or more pointless advice.

 

[englad]

I need a personality and/or emotional connection to have sex. It's insanely rare for me to want to have a random hook up. I don't like to statues, guys who look good but don't have interesting personalities and are poor conversationalists.

 

[Herbalist]

I had one the other day that was actually fucking amazing, but the dude had absolutely no further interest in me after. What does it take to find a man who actually wants to do something besides random hookups?

 

[MuscledHorse]

it isn't unusual to feel that way but remember sex is an animal level drive or hunger and love and intimacy are higher emotional experiences that can overlap but are not the synonyms the Church has marketed them to be. So when you go int a sexual situation you need to look at what it is you are going into and adjust your mindset accordingly. If you are having sex with a guy and it goes great it was great sex. Looking for more when that wasn't the intent of the hookup is going to leave you disappointed every time.Nor is great sex ever a meaningful basis for starting a relationship.

 

[622675]

Was at the baths again this weekend. Not much going on this weekend - I think everyone was out enjoying the nice weather. I was in my room with the door open, a chubby Indian guy came in and we started trading blowjobs and hand jobs. I got him off first. He then proceeded to give my the best - we'll call it a hand job but it was so much more. I haven't actually shot cum for decades and I shot like 2 feet this time! WE ended up trading names, found each other already on Growlr and will probably try and hook up next time I'm up there again.

I get what people are saying about it being meaningless and impersonal, but for me anyways afterwards I feel like yeah I'm not the only getting off on this, and I am finding guys who I used to totally stay away from attractive suddenly.

Maybe that is the difference. Try someone who you would normally not ever do it with, and not out of pity or anything but just to see what it is like. And when you are done don't immediately get up and leave. At least ask them their name or where they are from or something. If you think of it only as anonymous sex it is going to be anonymous sex. If you think of it as a shared experience then maybe it becomes more of an experience.

What do you think about social occasions where you have to make 2 minutes of small talk?

Good show!

You have expanded your horizons beyond the head of your dick. There is a big world full of interesting people out there and connecting intellectually as well as physically is a healthy move in the direction of maturity. Don’t feel criticized for acknowledging that people (the person) are a much greater buzz than the one-off sex act.

The article nellon399 made reference to describe the plight of many who simply live to get off. Sooner or later, they must deal with the mechanical nature of that way of life or find that they are in some endless for of obsession.

Here's an interesting article you're welcome to read:

We need to talk about how Grindr is affecting gay men’s mental health

 

[kr8zy]

Sometimes people feel empty after random sex and now you’re recommending hooking up with people you ordinarily find unattractive; I’ll pass on that thank you.

You don't like the idea of empty random sex, and want a personal connection, but then limit yourself to just physical attraction. What i see as the issue is that you have set the situation up already as a physical attraction game. They are your adversaries, not partners, so you don't make a connection.

 

[Tbprivate]

You don't like the idea of empty random sex, and want a personal connection, but then limit yourself to just physical attraction. What i see as the issue is that you have set the situation up already as a physical attraction game. They are your adversaries, not partners, so you don't make a connection.

@kr8zy, It also depends on whether you’re talking about a sex session in bed or a quick relief like a happy ending after a massage or an unexpected BJ.

I agree it’s possible to be attracted to someone who you initially didn’t consider to be your type, maybe their personality or intelligence is a turn on but if I’m looking for a hookup I’ve got to find the person and their body physically appealing before anything intimate.

I don’t consider my opinion shallow in anyway, I’m more likely to be turned on and horny with attractive guys and prefer to think that random sex can turn into friendship or more.

Each to their own.

 

[SlinkyMalinki]

It's just your hormones feckin u up, specially after orgasm.

Don't worry. It's just biology.

You shake it off then you go after random sex again. The cycle repeats.

 

[Tbprivate]

It's just your hormones feckin u up, specially after orgasm.

Don't worry. It's just biology.

You shake it off then you go after random sex again. The cycle repeats.

Who and what specifically are you referring to?

 

[SlinkyMalinki]

Well in basic terms it was to the title of the post, mate.

Speaking from experience after random sex i've felt a multitude of feelings afterwards. I get a burst of different hormonal changes following orgasm.

Personally I get withdrawn.... feel empty... somewhat ashamed after random sex but after a while it trails off and I repeat and seek the thrill of it all again afterwards.

 

[englad]

It’s possible that “emptiness” that has been described here is residual guilt left over from religion or internalized homophobia. Maybe not, but maybe.

Highly doubtful. Frankly, I have no idea how you came to that conclusion. I'm still scratching my head trying to work it out now. He's not saying sleeping with a man is making him feel empty, just that random sex is.

I think some people seem to have an extremely infantilised view of men. "Oh we just wanna get off, that's our greatest drive, we can't help ourselves, that's just how we're wired, we're not fulfilled if we aren't constantly having sex". Instead of just accepting that there is a wide variation in people's needs, requirements and attitudes when it comes to sex. Some men are going to enjoy sex for the sake of sex, others like a deeper experience with some sort of connection. I think male sexuality is a shitload more nuanced than some people taking the stereotypical view at face value. For myself, I massively prefer a connection of some sort, emotional and/or personality based. It's extremely rare for me to want a random hook up. I find those mechanical and very hit and miss. I have never been religious (religious gays are a rarity in Europe anyway) and I've been happily out for nearly a decade.

 

[SlinkyMalinki]

Highly doubtful. Frankly, I have no idea how you came to that conclusion. I'm still scratching my head trying to work it out now. He's not saying sleeping with a man is making him feel empty, just that random sex is.

I think some people seem to have an extremely infantilised view of men. "Oh we just wanna get off, that's our greatest drive, we can't help ourselves, that's just how we're wired, we're not fulfilled if we aren't constantly having sex". Instead of just accepting that there is a wide variation in people's needs, requirements and attitudes when it comes to sex. Some men are going to enjoy sex for the sake of sex, others like a deeper experience with some sort of connection. I think male sexuality is a shitload more nuanced than some people taking the stereotypical view at face value. For myself, I massively prefer a connection of some sort, emotional and/or personality based. It's extremely rare for me to want a random hook up. I find those mechanical and very hit and miss. I have never been religious (religious gays are a rarity in Europe anyway) and I've been happily out for nearly a decade.

I love connections pal.

Specially after I'm plugging in my x box into every other MM/MF/FF etc....

I was just saying how I feel. I wasn't over analysing. I do have random sex.... I feel different after it.... Afterwards i tend to be dormant or inert for sometime then I repeat riding out my emotions etc I felt after orgasm. I do things during random sex which I never do in ordinarily day life.

I was just offering my opinion . And just for qualification I have had random sex with females as well as males and the feelings I have experienced remain the same.

I am fortunate to experience such a freedom with no cross examination afterwards where I live.

No need read so much into feelin low after random sex was what I was saying. You soon get back in the saddle.....

 

[englad]

I love connections pal.

Specially after I'm plugging in my x box into every other MM/MF/FF etc....

I was just saying how I feel. I wasn't over analysing. I do have random sex.... I feel different after it.... Afterwards i tend to be dormant or inert for sometime then I repeat riding out my emotions etc I felt after orgasm. I do things during random sex which I never do in ordinarily day life.

I was just offering my opinion . And just for qualification I have had random sex with females as well as males and the feelings I have experienced remain the same.

I am fortunate to experience such a freedom with no cross examination afterwards where I live.

No need read so much into feelin low after random sex was what I was saying. You soon get back in the saddle.....

I don't understand how you got the impression that I was responding to you. I quoted a different poster.

 

[SlinkyMalinki]

I

I don't understand how you got the impression that I was responding to you. I quoted a different poster.

Apologies. Saw it flagged as a response to something id worbbled about. No worries x Positive Vibes x

 

[LICNYCgay]

Highly doubtful. Frankly, I have no idea how you came to that conclusion. I'm still scratching my head trying to work it out now. He's not saying sleeping with a man is making him feel empty, just that random sex is.

I think some people seem to have an extremely infantilised view of men. "Oh we just wanna get off, that's our greatest drive, we can't help ourselves, that's just how we're wired, we're not fulfilled if we aren't constantly having sex". Instead of just accepting that there is a wide variation in people's needs, requirements and attitudes when it comes to sex. Some men are going to enjoy sex for the sake of sex, others like a deeper experience with some sort of connection. I think male sexuality is a shitload more nuanced than some people taking the stereotypical view at face value. For myself, I massively prefer a connection of some sort, emotional and/or personality based. It's extremely rare for me to want a random hook up. I find those mechanical and very hit and miss. I have never been religious (religious gays are a rarity in Europe anyway) and I've been happily out for nearly a decade.

Because it's embedded in the culture. We're inundated with it every day. True love, there's only one for me, one slip-up and it's over, one man, one woman, etc. It's everywhere. We have so much around us that we don't even think of as judeo-christian attitudes and assumptions. The notion that a relationship where two people love each other is destroyed by one indiscretion of one or the other is absurd to me. Yet it's the norm on almost every television show (or movie for that matter) that depicts romantic relationships. And where did we get that attitude/norm? From religion.

According to many branches of the Christian religion, any form of sex is shameful, but homo sex? That's the worst of all. Again, this is changing, but it is still easy to find in the culture. And when you have someone telling you your desires are wrong, or sick, or perverted, well, then guilt may come out of that pretty easily. And that goes for even if you're immersed in that culture. The message gets out. Seems a pretty natural assumption to me.