Do you ever feel not sexual enough to be gay?

[dfw051980]

I like sex...and i actually like to have alot of sex. Do i think about sex 24/7... no but i think im pretty average with my desire to have sex. And when it comes to the kind of sex, i dont really have any kinks. Im open to alot of stuff but maybe im not that open about it or i dont seek out kinky stuff.
But whenever i talk to other gay guys everyone is so dialed into having sex kink that i feel like if i don't have a specific one they arent that into me.
DO any of yall ever feel like that?

 

[dfw051980]

Oh also please i hope this does not come across in anyway as kink shaming, im all for it im just commenting on the pressure i feel to be gay and be really really sexual.

 

[dreambridger]

I like sex...and i actually like to have alot of sex. Do i think about sex 24/7... no but i think im pretty average with my desire to have sex. And when it comes to the kind of sex, i dont really have any kinks. Im open to alot of stuff but maybe im not that open about it or i dont seek out kinky stuff.
But whenever i talk to other gay guys everyone is so dialed into having sex kink that i feel like if i don't have a specific one they arent that into me.
DO any of yall ever feel like that?

so I have no problems relating to the hypersexuality, I have a pretty high sex drive. BUT I do have an issue if I'm talking to a gay guy and sex is the only subject matter they can talk about. Like I'm happy to talk about sex all day but I also want to hear about your hobbies and passions, the last movie you saw that you really liked, the last dinner you cooked, your cool traveling experiences, etc.

So for me, I don't think the high sex drive among gays is a problem as much just the lack of anything else personality wise.

 

[Cum_is_Great]

Sometimes I wonder if I have a high sex drive or not. I have had problems with hormones and depression but I also am constantly looking up and reading about sexual stuff. Mostly male things but also female(though purely academic curiosity not sexual).

I had quite a few years reading up on and learning everything to do with Hyperspermia and semen volume and quality. Even helped create and mod the subreddit for it. Chatting with men who claim to have it. Learning about all types of libido levels and such. Many years of penis size research and debate (much to some peoples annoyance here).

But sexually, I am very inexperienced. I've had 3 partners so far in my life at 38. One of which was a one night hookup, the only in my life. The other 2 I rarely see every several months or more. I used to only jerk off 2x a week. Lately its been a bit more frequent, prob 4 to 5x a week. But other men seem to have a much higher and stronger drive.

Honestly hearing about hypersexuality sounds awesome in a fantasy way. But I also think I wouldn't be able to keep with a guy of said hypersexuality. (Yet the few times I DO hookup with my partners, I seem to go for quite a while and always try to and usually get them off multiple times, record was 5x in 3 hours lol.)

Anyway I rambled. But I can relate. I worry I might have too low a sex drive for other men. But I'm probably affected by confirmation bias as I hangout on sexual forums and such where such men can express themselves and possibly exaggerating for validation/bragging.

 

[Brodie888]

If you've had a blood test and everything is normal, chances are that how you feel is normal for you.

It may also be age related. A reduced interest in sex is normal as you get older. Your testosterone drops by 1%/year from about the age of 35. If you never had a particularly high testosterone level to begin with, a decrease will be more perceptible as you age.

 

[Brodie888]

In regards to having a kink or not, there's no right or wrong answer.

Gay men are more open to exploring their sexuality because everything gay men do has been beyond the boundaries of society from the beginning anyway.

Heterosexual couples have more of a conservative expectation despite some progress in recent times to more liberal adult play.

 

[Sturdywords]

Being gay does not mean that you must have a high sex drive, or an interest in fetishes. Yes, a lot of gay men do have a lot of sex, and gay magazines, websites, etc. are full of naked guys and tales of back-to-back orgies... but there are also a lot of gay guys who have other interests and are not driven by their hormones 24/7.

 

[Jlatinochub]

Difference is feel gay. I am gay. I don't need sex to be gay.

 

[sideofytrice]

I like sex...and i actually like to have alot of sex. Do i think about sex 24/7... no but i think im pretty average with my desire to have sex. And when it comes to the kind of sex, i dont really have any kinks. Im open to alot of stuff but maybe im not that open about it or i dont seek out kinky stuff.
But whenever i talk to other gay guys everyone is so dialed into having sex kink that i feel like if i don't have a specific one they arent that into me.
DO any of yall ever feel like that?

Thanks for sharing this because I feel the same way. I actually ended up getting my testosterone levels checked because I felt so different from most gays. What’s wild is apparently my levels are like max BUT what I stopped to think of too was the setting my conversations were always being initiated.

When you’re talking to other gays is it here? grindr? Dating apps? Clubs? All places notorious for the focus on sex. This is why I wish there was more platonic spaces for gays to meet especially in more rural areas.

@Cum_is_Great I also really appreciate your response too. I can relate to how often I am looking up stuff and watching things but it’s hardly in a sexual way. I just find A lot of things fascinating but I believe that stems from being repressed in and by an incredibly religious upbringing I feel ages behind

We differ because I have had my fair share of sexual partners but truthfully - and hoping this is a space I can share this safely - it was me forcing myself because I felt like that’s what I was supposed to do. Not blaming others - I was just naive and uninformed.

Regardless appreciate yall talking about this cuz it made me feel less weird lol

 

[Southeasterner]

I like sex...and i actually like to have alot of sex. Do i think about sex 24/7... no but i think im pretty average with my desire to have sex. And when it comes to the kind of sex, i dont really have any kinks. Im open to alot of stuff but maybe im not that open about it or i dont seek out kinky stuff.
But whenever i talk to other gay guys everyone is so dialed into having sex kink that i feel like if i don't have a specific one they arent that into me.
DO any of yall ever feel like that?

You are pretty normal and you don´t need to be different.

Don't do anything you don't want to do, and don't listen to useless advice. Be yourself.

 

[Southeasterner]

I'm not very sexual, and that doesn't take away from the fact that I'm gay.

I try not to judge, but I have no interest in kink. I'm not obligated to be kink or supersexual because I'm gay. I'm the one who's in charge of my life.

 

[smileyeagle]

I'm in a very painful situation where I have a lot of sexual desire, inside my head, I'm the most stereotypical horny gay man possible, but I lack sexual ability. I have nerve damage in my penis that makes most sexual encounters range from not being pleasurable to being outright painful. There are certain spots on my penis (especially on my circumcision scar) that will cause such discomfort and pain that my erection is gone, sex is over. It doesn't just make me feel like less of a gay man, but less of a man completely. I'm lucky to have found a husband who is patient and understanding, but damnit if the fact that I spent my 20s seeing every other gay man I knew having the wild and crazy times that I could only dream of, but could never even hope to have for myself (it's no wonder I turned to food for comfort ruining my health in the process).

 

[dfw051980]

Thanks for sharing this because I feel the same way. I actually ended up getting my testosterone levels checked because I felt so different from most gays. What’s wild is apparently my levels are like max BUT what I stopped to think of too was the setting my conversations were always being initiated.

When you’re talking to other gays is it here? grindr? Dating apps? Clubs? All places notorious for the focus on sex. This is why I wish there was more platonic spaces for gays to meet especially in more rural areas.

@Cum_is_Great I also really appreciate your response too. I can relate to how often I am looking up stuff and watching things but it’s hardly in a sexual way. I just find A lot of things fascinating but I believe that stems from being repressed in and by an incredibly religious upbringing I feel ages behind

We differ because I have had my fair share of sexual partners but truthfully - and hoping this is a space I can share this safely - it was me forcing myself because I felt like that’s what I was supposed to do. Not blaming others - I was just naive and uninformed.

Regardless appreciate yall talking about this cuz it made me feel less weird lol

I actually did the same thing about my testosterone levels LOL.

 

[dfw051980]

so I have no problems relating to the hypersexuality, I have a pretty high sex drive. BUT I do have an issue if I'm talking to a gay guy and sex is the only subject matter they can talk about. Like I'm happy to talk about sex all day but I also want to hear about your hobbies and passions, the last movie you saw that you really liked, the last dinner you cooked, your cool traveling experiences, etc.

So for me, I don't think the high sex drive among gays is a problem as much just the lack of anything else personality wise.

Actually i think you understand what i was getting at the most! Thanks for your reply.

 

[peterpeter2019]

I can feel you. My partner has a very high libido (he is 9 years younger than me) - but he doesn't stress me if I'm not in mood. Sometimes it's the opposite way. There is just one problem with this: he is always hard and can cum on command ... me not. I can deal with it but sometimes I feel sorry because he has than feelings that he's not attractive enough for me or did something wrong. We have a very good intense relationship with a lot of communication, but this stay sometimes in between

 

[Southeasterner]

Actually i think you understand what i was getting at the most! Thanks for your reply.

Good answer!