Do you ever look back at relationships?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Sal_Manilla, Jan 12, 2012.

  1. D_Sal_Manilla

    D_Sal_Manilla Account Disabled

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    So it has been a while since I broke up with my ex. which for me was a very good thing. I'm not depressed about it even though it was a lengthy relationship. (2.5 - 3 years.) Don't remember.) and he was older than me.

    When I look back at it, I get angry about how things turned out and then I just laugh, cause it's pointless to think about it.
    It's not like you want to think about it but it just pops in your head from time to time.

    And I find it hard to believe when someone says "I've never experienced this"

    I hate bastard for what he did to me but i laugh about it. I was stupid to be with someone like him. Polar opposites.

    and don't perceive this as me dwelling in the past. I move on with my life, it just happens when he pops in my head.

    I'm not asking for advice. Just a topic to talk about. If anyone wants to talk about it.

    and it was my first real relationship.
     
  2. rtg

    rtg
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    I think that we will never forget the people that were special to us and made us feel loved and vice versa. Especially our first real relationship or love. I've taken it to be a good learning experience though to take with me into new relationships.
     
  3. Drifterwood

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    Without wishing to be patronising, you are eighteen, of course you should be thinking about this relationship. These are experiences that you will build upon before you make your next mistakes :biggrin1:.

    In a way, you are ahead of where I was, I never used to think about the things that I now know are really important. Not that you said what it was that bothered you.
     
  4. petite

    petite New Member

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    Yes, and I think it's healthy. If you never look back you won't learn. Perspectives change as you realize your own flaws and you get to know yourself better. Feelings of bitterness fade over time and sometimes you might even come to realize that maybe you made some mistakes that you should try to avoid making again, mistakes you didn't even realize you were making at the time. I try to hold on to the good memories I have, even if it didn't end well. Memories are what we collect over the course of our lifetime, so I try not to pave over the good ones.
     
  5. dong-in-khakis

    dong-in-khakis New Member

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    It's good to talk about it and it's normal for those kinds of things to remain with you and come back to you over and over. You'll always remember what he did to you even though thankfully you won't dwell on it.

    I was married to a woman for 12 years and it was pure hell the whole time. We've been divorced 15 years and I still think of things that happened years ago. I don't dwell on those things either but think of them sometimes. It's still easy to get mad about things that happened long ago, but when that happens I quickly forget them.
     
  6. SR_Dee_Zasther

    SR_Dee_Zasther New Member

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    Yeah it's totally normal. It's good that you recognize the difference between acknowledging and examining your past relationship and dwelling on it. It's through introspection that we learn how to be more honest with ourselves and our needs in a relationship, which is what will allow us to communicate those needs to the next person you're in a relationship with, and respect those same things in the other person. You're still going to make mistakes and compromises of course, and so are they; it's not about trying to be perfect, but continually striving to be better and more honest.

    I do feel that all ex's should be required to move at least one county over though after the breakup:p
     
  7. petite

    petite New Member

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    Oh, and a lot of older people are total dumbasses when they give advice to teenagers because they can't see beyond stereotypes and their own regrets. Don't let other people dismiss your feelings or experiences. I remember quite vividly how terrible the advice given to me and my first love by older people who said terrible things like we ought to not be together because people our age should be single and dating around because there are so many fish in the sea, and other stupid cliches. I'm in my mid-thirties now and I'd go back in time and slap each one if I could.

    Your feelings and experiences aren't less than mine because you're younger and less experienced, so don't let anyone condescend to you.
     
    #7 petite, Jan 12, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2012
  8. SR_Dee_Zasther

    SR_Dee_Zasther New Member

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    There are many, many people who don't understand that.
     
  9. D_Sal_Manilla

    D_Sal_Manilla Account Disabled

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    "I do feel that all ex's should be required to move at least one county over though after the breakup"

    was funny.

    and Miss Petite, I agree with what you say. It seems that as some adults get older, they suffer from memory lose. like they have never been young themselves.
     
  10. hrdhatdad

    hrdhatdad Active Member

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    yeah I do. each was really special.
     
  11. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    Not necessarily. If a person is aware and conscious about how they live their lives, then they learn from each relationship. Even if the experience was terrible, we can still learn something for ourselves. I personally value everyone I've been close with...including friends.
     
  12. rbkwp

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    No', been & gone. especially if the parting is on reasonable terms...
     
  13. sandiasky9

    sandiasky9 Member

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    You are lucky since you got MsPetite to give you some advice. Read her comments as many times as you need to FULLY digest and understand them.
     
  14. erratic

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    Bingo.

    Even shitty relationships can be instructive. In fact, I find they can be especially instructive. :)
     
  15. D_Dick_S_Lapp

    D_Dick_S_Lapp Account Disabled

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    I do but most times it just leaves me with questions. Questions i have no clue how to answer.
     
  16. Charles Finn

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    still very much alive happy and stable at 45
    moving forward without forgetting my past i am me don't like it then move along
     
  17. rbkwp

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    Do you ever look back at relationships?

    in addition

    shitty aspects of any relationship, are absorbed at the time, taken on board if you like, but never looked back on, a little unnecessary i think..
     
  18. Remington

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    I view all relationships as a learning experience, regardless of how they turn out.

    So yes, I look back on them.
     
  19. mako shark

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    What he said about lessons learned....I have no regrets however!

     
  20. Infernal

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    I look back on a few with fond memories and smiles. One in particular - it didn't end badly, we were just better off as friends / brothers / partners in crime than we were as a couple. He's gone now, but the memories are a great comfort.

    A few others... well, they were a waste of time while they were going on, so it would be an equal waste of time thinking about them today.
     
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