Do you ever wonder??

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jeff black, Jun 16, 2007.

  1. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    If you will that "special someone" who will accept you for all your faults and your perks?

    I was thinking about this the other day. It kinda ties into a soulmate theory I may have mentioned here once upon a time... Basically, my thought was... is there just one person in the world who will accept you completely, unconditionally, and without any regrets that they have done so? If so, would losing the person mean you are SOL or is it possible to find another who will love you as much?

    (Wow, considering I haven't slept in 3 days, I think that is pretty darned profound):rolleyes: :tongue:

    Discuss, my little children.:biggrin1:
     
  2. novice_btm

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    No, I never wonder.

    Oh, wait, sorry, I didn't realize there was more to the question. :biggrin1:
     
  3. viking1

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    I don't think I'll ever find one person that can accept all my faults.
    The odds of finding more than one would certainly be astronomical.
    I am probably already SOL.
     
  4. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    The question was actually geared at finding someone who will accept all your faults as WELL as your postive attributes. I can see why it might be easier to just think of the bad things... but still...

    I'm still interested in thoughts about the concept.
     
  5. Principessa

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  6. whatireallywant

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    I think there is more than one person in the world who is compatible with each person. If there was only one person, nearly all of us would always be single. That said, I have only met one person in my life so far who I think would have been compatible with me on all levels. Unfortunately, he was already married to someone else. And no, I did not have sex with him - I do not do married men. I did have long conversations with him but on a purely platonic level. Thing is too, if I had met him before he met his wife, there is a probability that he would not have been attracted to me physically. From what friends have told me about his dating life, I am not his physical "type" since he always dated tall women, and I'm short. Sigh... I can't win. But I know of people who have met more than one "soulmate". I am still waiting for my first. I have been close before, but wasn't "quite" there.

    I think some people have more potential soulmates than others. I am one of the unfortunate ones who have some traits that make me less desirable. Nothing too "weird" or anything, just not accepted by many people. For instance, I don't want kids. Another is that I am a woman with traditionally male interests.
     
  7. viking1

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    I understand. Yes, I do think there is something to this. Some people find their true soul mate, and some never do. I am sure the odds of find more than one are quite high. It does seem to happen on occasion, though.

    I'm just very doubtful that there is one out there for me. I am not easy to accept with all my shortcomings.

    I need someone to tell me what my positive attributes might be.
    Because, I really don't know if I even have any.
     
  8. novice_btm

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    Have you ever met tallguypns on here?:rolleyes:
     
  9. viking1

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    Explain? I have seen some of his posts, but I have never met, or chatted with him directly. I don't quite understand.
     
  10. biguy2738

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    I personally think that the whole "soulmates" theory is a bit overrated. I think that when you find that special someone the relationship starts out as somewhat infatuation (""falling in love", can't keep the person out of your mind etc. - yet you don't really know who you're dealing with), it then progresses into what I would like to consider "friendship" where you get to know each other on a more personal and intimate level - you confide in each other (what makes the person tick, strengths and weaknesses etc). I think it's only at this stage where the idea of being soul mates crops in. Where the bond is so great and though you see the person for who they really are (not just on the infatuation level where to some degree what you see is based on chemistry, lust etc.) yet you still can't stay away from each other. This then progresses into love, where you see each other for you really are, warts and all, you can't stay away from each other...yet at the same time there are the occasional hiccups - disagreements, misunderstandings, the faults that irritate you - yet with it comes the decision to love the person through their faults. To not only want the person to be happy, but for the person to grow into WHO they are and not HOW you would like them to be.

    I think that there is more than one person out there that is compatible for each one of us, but it's up to us to decide who we would like to have as our soul mate. That's my opinion.
     
  11. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Cool, thanks for the thought there, dude. I imagine the world is a very big place:rolleyes:

    Viking, feel free to start a thread that gets people to help you with this. I know for a fact, that there are people here who have told you some of your good qualities. However, this thread isn't really about that, as you read. I hope you can understand. This issue has been weighing on my thoughts as of late and I hope you are willing to keep contributing your great ideas about the subject and NOT turn this isn't a thread about you.
    (I'm the only attention whore in this thread, mate.:tongue: )
     
  12. novice_btm

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    Now, I think you actually ARE tallguypns. You can be banned for that kinda behaviour (multiple accounts). :tongue:

    Back ON subject... As a girl I work with's mantra goes...
    "There's someone for everyone. There's someone for everyone." Jeffy, I think there are too many people out there for there not to be several people for all of us. The trick is simply finding them. Often, they're a needle in a haystack, but you just have to keep at it.
     
  13. novice_btm

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    Let's just say that I coined his nickname, "Eeyore". :rolleyes:
     
  14. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Biguy2738, thank you for such a well-thoughtout response. I have never thought of it that way. I know that relationships start out that way, but I never considered the fact that soulmates are MADE and not written in stone. It's a very intriguing idea.:smile:
     
  15. novice_btm

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    Um, HELLO-O-O, I'm right HERE, and can HEAR you! :tongue:
    And don't EVEN make me go get Vinny!
     
  16. viking1

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    I am not sure soul mates can be made. I think you are or your are not.

    An example is a family member. He has been married four times so far.
    I think the first marriage was out of lust, and not love. It didn't last too long.
    His second wife worshipped the ground he walked on. I think she was his true soul mate. Unfortunately, she died quite prematurely.
    His third marriage was a bit like the first. It lasted a lot longer but ended in divorce. The chemistry just wasn't there like with his second wife. He was coming off his loss of a spouse and she had be recently divorced. Not a good combination to begin with. His fourth marriage is a lot like the second.
    This woman doesn't quite worship the ground he walks on, but close. I think they really are soul mates for life. If you are close to begin with, I do think you can grow into that. Just one situation I am quite familiar with. I haven't been close enough to anyone else to comment on their relationships.

    I do find this discussion to very interesting.
     
  17. whatireallywant

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    I think it can be that way, but that some people may simply have too many differences to get along. I also think that the more "in the mainstream" of society you are, the more potential soulmates you probably have. I appear to be outside the mainstream of society, although maybe not as much as others. I've found that my biggest obstacles are my looks, my political views, my religious views, the fact that I'm a woman with traditionally male interests, and the fact that I don't want kids. Not necessarily in that order, but those are the obstacles. My looks are within the social mainstream though - nothing spectacular but not ugly either. The other stuff is sort of outside the mainstream but not far out, I don't think - except for places that I have lived! Oh well.
     
  18. ManlyBanisters

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    I tend to be of a similar opinion to biguy (don't tell him I said that) - I've been with the same man for nearly ten years and we are still occassionally finding out stuff about eachother - mainly from situations we haven't been in together before that come up as you get older - kids, family deaths, stuff you sometimes don't know about yourself til you get there too.

    Having said that - I knew from very early on that he was different from any other lover or bf / gf I'd had. I can't say how or even what, but I think it's that he always felt safe.

    I wouldn't say we are soul mates in the sense I think some people mean it, although other people have said it about us. We are incredibley dependant on eachother - in bad ways as well as good. I don't think I will ever have another relationship like this if this were to end, but then I don't think I'd want to. I'd want another relationship alright but he/she'd have to be so different that it couldn't be the same.

    Sorry, gone a bit vague - I may come back to you on this... :smile:
     
  19. Dave NoCal

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    Soulmates: Found or made?
    Actually, I think it's a combination of both. With certain people, there may be a special fit. However, I used to think that if it was "meant to be," it wouldn't be work. Wrong.
    In my case, meeting the man I have been with for nine short years was, in some ways, a twist of fate. But we have both taken the position that the relationship is more important than having it be easy. Paradoxically, it seems to me that deciding it didn't need to be easy has actually made it easy. Go figure.
    Dave
     
  20. Principessa

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    Oh you're the one that gave him the nickname Eeyore! :biggrin1:

    I see where you are going with this but since Viking1 is straight and tallguypns is gay I hardly think they would be soulmates.

    Unfortunately, they have annoyingly similar outlooks on life.:frown1: Were you hoping that perhaps the two negatives would equal a positive.

     
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