headbang8
Admired Member
- Joined
- May 15, 2004
- Posts
- 1,619
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- Location
- Munich (Bavaria, Germany)
- Sexuality
- 80% Gay, 20% Straight
- Gender
- Male
Until this thread, I hadn't stopped to think about it—or even fully count my extended family.
My father was one of seven siblings, and my mother one of two who survived into adulthood. The eight couples all had children, giving my four grandparents 16 grandchildren in total.
On my mother's side, my (straight) brother and I are the only males for two generations, and males were a minority before that. If, as many speculate, any purported gay gene sits on the X chromosome, then my mother's family can't contribute much data.
Of my 16 cousins, I'm the only out queer. But I have suspicions about one male cousin and two female cousins. We have an astonishing number of apparent asexuals, including one whom I included in the gay tally. "He's not gay, he just never met the right girl..." goes the family canon. He's a scientist, but has become a fundie. When I stayed with him a few years ago, the first bit of memorabilia he showed me was the receipt for his circumcision. Hmmm.
How many of those apparent asexuals were really closeted queers? Of the sixteen, six of us are childless, and the remaining 11 have produced 17 in the great-great-grandchild generation. Not an astonishing output for a robust, mostly-healthy family. My father's family is a bit shy, and few would dream of discussing personal matters. The subject of sex arises only rarely, but when the matter does arise they seem to be frank about it.
There was a lot of family dysfunction in every generation, and I admire the great-grandkids for the way they've dealt with the legacy, and have overcome it. One of the great-grandchildren is an out lesbian, unpartnered. She stayed with me on her first visit to New York at age 18, and I agreed to keep schtum to her parents about her getting a tattoo.
Were Boomers and their elders more reserved about their personal lives, and hence their sexuality? Did the stigma keep people in the closet, or (more likely, I suspect) shame them from even admitting it to themselves? I came out late for the latter reason.
In many ways, our families' sex lives are none of our goddamn business. But if we can't share honestly and openly with the people who probably know us best, and (in an ideal world) love us unconditionally, then with whom can we share? I find it kind of sad that I'm speculating about my family members, rather than knowing them better.
My father was one of seven siblings, and my mother one of two who survived into adulthood. The eight couples all had children, giving my four grandparents 16 grandchildren in total.
On my mother's side, my (straight) brother and I are the only males for two generations, and males were a minority before that. If, as many speculate, any purported gay gene sits on the X chromosome, then my mother's family can't contribute much data.
Of my 16 cousins, I'm the only out queer. But I have suspicions about one male cousin and two female cousins. We have an astonishing number of apparent asexuals, including one whom I included in the gay tally. "He's not gay, he just never met the right girl..." goes the family canon. He's a scientist, but has become a fundie. When I stayed with him a few years ago, the first bit of memorabilia he showed me was the receipt for his circumcision. Hmmm.
How many of those apparent asexuals were really closeted queers? Of the sixteen, six of us are childless, and the remaining 11 have produced 17 in the great-great-grandchild generation. Not an astonishing output for a robust, mostly-healthy family. My father's family is a bit shy, and few would dream of discussing personal matters. The subject of sex arises only rarely, but when the matter does arise they seem to be frank about it.
There was a lot of family dysfunction in every generation, and I admire the great-grandkids for the way they've dealt with the legacy, and have overcome it. One of the great-grandchildren is an out lesbian, unpartnered. She stayed with me on her first visit to New York at age 18, and I agreed to keep schtum to her parents about her getting a tattoo.
Were Boomers and their elders more reserved about their personal lives, and hence their sexuality? Did the stigma keep people in the closet, or (more likely, I suspect) shame them from even admitting it to themselves? I came out late for the latter reason.
In many ways, our families' sex lives are none of our goddamn business. But if we can't share honestly and openly with the people who probably know us best, and (in an ideal world) love us unconditionally, then with whom can we share? I find it kind of sad that I'm speculating about my family members, rather than knowing them better.
