Do you know what you want?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Drifterwood, Oct 29, 2010.

  1. Drifterwood

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    My old friend Altered Ego got me to thinking that I have never really sat down and really thought through what I want, expect or even as the Stones said, get what you need.

    So for personal catharsis I am going to try. Please join in if you wish.

    1. Woman
    2. Intelligent, witty, forthright, independent in thought and deed. No relationship doormats. Compassionate.
    3. Physicality - no longer a deal breaker for me.
    4. Sex - five times a week and of this at least twice full xxx rated passion in quality A time. Happy to explore almost anything excluding pooh, animals and children. I am not squeamish but please remember to remove tampon first.
    5. Relationship - open, groups etc and solo if partner not available. If you are bi-sexual I have no problem with you having an independent female partner.
    6. The Kitchen - is my domain, unless you are Nigella Lawson or a passionate cook. I shop, cook and clean my kitchen.
    7. Cleaning - I have a cleaner, but this is no excuse to be a slob. Old panties lying around will earn a spanking.
    8. Don't expect me to like Romcoms, chickflix and anything to do with that Jessica Parker woman.
    9. If you like rugby, great, if you don't, fine, but don't complain if me and the boys get drunk and have the need to expose ourselves.
    10. Possessions - what's yours is yours, what's mine is mine.
    Now I know why I'm single :biggrin1:
     
  2. HiddenLacey

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    Yes *pulls out the journal that I never write in...*

    1. Man
    2. Loves life, passionate, polite
    3. Compassionate- Doesn't mind my that I feel the need to feed every stray creature that wanders into the yard. Sometimes I might call to ask if I can bring one home because it looks pitiful, just for now...
    4. Likes nature, hiking in the moutains. Nothing to death defying, just active.
    5. Has the ability to appreciate a day in bed.
    6. Has hobbies of his own. We both need to have time to do our own thing with our friends or even at home. Doesn't have to constantly know what I'm doing every waking moment.
    7. Physical- Happy with himself, thin, fit, chubby. Whatever as long as we can keep up with each other it doesn't really matter to me.
    8. Happy- Like me, always with a smile, appreciates that silliness is still a part of life even when your an adult.
    9. Humor- Makes me smile. But isn't snarky and doesn't find humor in the debasement of others.
    10. No smoking, please? Not an alcoholic, doesn't feel the need to drink to have a good time, more of a light to social drinker.
    11. Sex- open to try new things, no animals, no poo, no dead people, no severe pain.
    12. Money- I don't care how much he has or what he has as long as he's responsible and can pay for whatever it is he feels he needs to buy. Understands that I fully intend to do the same.
     
  3. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    my outlook will be a little different, been married 32 yrs. I am 58, wife is 53.

    1) something close to the woman I married would be nice. I know she's not gonna look like she did, but at least try. 50-60 lbs overweight is killing both of us.
    2) pls regain an interest in sex. living like brother and sister sucks. I got a big cock, I still like to use it. Me & my cock thoroughly enjoyed pleasing you for over a 1/4 of a century, and you sure satisfied me. and I see no reason to stop. balls deep a couple times a week, a couple times in a day. your BJ's have gotten better over the years, except I need one more than every 6 months. surprise me every once in awhile like you used to. they were once my reward for "just being me". remember telling me you were totally happy and never dreamnt you would have the good life? remember waking me w/a BJ and riding me in the middle of the nite?? til we came together and slept in each other arms, only to awake in the morning and do it again, and then again.
    3) don't worry about stuff so much. we got enuf money to maintain our life style, or I wouldn't have retired 4 yrs ago. and we just weathered a economic crisis and our financial guy says we're okay, we survived. so don't worry.
    5) lose the paranoia. I don't know when I became the enemy, but I'm not. I am your best friend beside being your lover. if there is anyone you can trust it's me. I know my way is not the only way, but on some things, my way has been tested and tried and I found it to be the correct way the hard way. so I don't really want to go try the hard way again, especially now that we are older.
    6) spread your interest out beyond your love for dogs. I love dogs also, but there are other things.


    that's about it.
     
  4. D_Sue Ellen Brastretcher

    D_Sue Ellen Brastretcher Account Disabled

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    I thought this would be easy, the OP made it look easy, but it is harder that I thought. :confused:

    1. male
    2. still breathing
    3. not entirely full of shit!
    4. not entirely full of shit! (yes I know that is a repeat)
     
  5. Endued

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    Drifter's post reads like one of those emails full of nudge-nudge wink-wink am-I-right-lads banter that gets forwarded round the office by the guys so I don't know how seriously to take this, but what the hell!

    1. A vibrancy in smile/eyes and personality
    2. A socially aware and liberal worldview
    3. The same sense of humour as me, give or take
    4. A caring side
    5. High sex drive! Not to the point where I'm going to end up with a coronary, but daily please.
    6. A fulfilling job and a few good, close friends
    7. A willingness to let me do my thing from time to time, and vice versa
    8. A French maid's outfit (strictly non-negotiable)
     
  6. AlteredEgo

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    My list of needs and wants that I had when I was single is very long, over 40 items. My husband meets all but two criteria, which I was surprised to find out were not deal-breakers. It's a bit different from the list of things I spoke out loud to a prospective boyfriend back in the day. I suppose it's more accurate to say that there were things I liked about a man, and I'd tell him what those were, and conditions or traits that I needed or wanted, and if I didn't know for sure that he possessed those traits and could live with those terms, I would put them on the table for discussion before making a commitment to him. Now that I have been married two years, perhaps it is time for me to sit and think about what I expect from this relationship going forward. Drifter, I'll use your thread to think out loud, almost stream-of-consciousness.


    1. Remain male, and heterosexual. Don't come tell me you want breast implants or to start experimenting with men. I will leave you. I will feel betrayed, whether it is fair to feel that way or not.
    2. This is a monogamous marriage. My feelings about monogamy remain unchanged. If yours change, let's talk about it. You are free to attempt to change my mind. You are not free to act on any new desire for extra lovers without changing my mind. I might leave you. I will feel betrayed. I will probably seek revenge of some sort. It might be as simple as telling your mother, or as complicated as compromising your security clearance. Depends on the time of month. You know that medication made me unstable. Don't push me.
    3. Protect me. I love how secure you've helped me to feel. Please continue to keep me safe from physical danger, as well as emotional pain your family can sometimes cause.
    4. Please have more sex with me. I'm over whatever issue I was having. I can't be the initiator right now, because for years you would reject most of my come-ons. I know you want me. So please come get me a little more often. Stop teasing me. Don't fondle and kiss me, and then balk when I try to make it last or push for some kind of sex act.
    5. Walk the dog sometimes. She's your pain in the ass dog. Or don't walk her. I don't really care. I do want you to stop complaining that she follows me and my schedule rather than you and yours. I have taken nearly sole responsibility for her daily needs and training since she was 9 weeks old. And let's be honest here: I do run this household. I'm top dog.
    6. Be physically active. I didn't know I needed this when we got together. I thought it was okay for me to have an active lifestyle and for you to be a couch potato. I have expressed to you many times though, that because you desire my company on the couch, and I love to be near you, that my level of fitness has suffered. Thank you for marathoning with me. I hope you'll take up biathalons when I do this winter, or go back to playing basketball with the guys. Running is making your body even sexier, and I hope you enjoy that aspect as much as I do.
    7. Please stop tickling me so much. Remember that time I punched you in the face? Instinct. I still regret hitting you. Please understand that I'm incredibly ticklish, and it triggers my fight-or-flight response. Usually, my instinct tells me to run. However, I can't promise you that it will never tell me to attack you again. You joke, but it's not funny that I hit you that time. I don't like to be in this position.
    8. Keep teaching me. I love learning from you. You're brilliant mind is what drew me in so deeply in the first place. Lectures on various aspects of astronomy and astro-physics are like free nookie passes. Right after a lesson, you can have sex with me any where, and in any way you want.
    9. Please be responsible. You almost always make excellent choices. That is one of the things that drew me to you. I love a responsible man. Please don't change one thing in this area.
    10. Get out of my kitchen. It is mine. You can cook when I let you. I will clean up after, because last week you put a Wustoff in the dishwasher, and washed two pots and put their lids in the dishwasher. I don't trust you in the kitchen. Your cooking is great, but I don't like anything else you do in there. It used to be your one chore to clean the kitchen, but I keep trying to tell you: you're fired.
    11. Your socks stink. Unfurl them, and put them in the hamper. Also, I made you choose more pants for a reason. Stop wearing that one pair every day but laundry day. No. I will not patch them for you. I know I spoiled you in the past by making silk patches for the thighs of your boxers when you wore them out. I'm not doing that anymore. I told you that a few years ago. Toss your holies. I'll buy you more shorts. Stop comparing my granny panties to your holies. They are supposed to be that way. I need them when I menstruate.
    12. You're so snuggly and affectionate. This is really high up on my relations ship priorities. Please don't change this aspect of our life together. You're such a sweet man.
    13. You dislike a significant portion of my ideas and opinions. You debate me maturely but passionately when this happens. Sometimes you get sensitive about these discussions, but overall, I'm glad we have them. I'm glad we're not Ken and Barbie. I love your mind, and hope you continue to love mine, even when they can't meet. Please never change this aspect of our relationship. I think we benefit from sometimes disagreeing.
    14. One exception: It isn't fun to discuss politics with you beyond a certain superficial point. When I try to politely withdraw, please let me.
    15. Please lets socialize more. I'm lonely. I'm homesick.
    16. You do earn more money than I do, but please let me manage it. My methods come from learning the hard way. This is a benefit of our age difference. Please enjoy this benefit. Notice that when we met I told you I had poor credit, and now my credit is as good as yours. I understand more than you do, and I have that understanding from experience. I'm better at saving; you are too impulsive. I'm better at investing; you are too afraid. On the other hand, there are certain things about which you could be more proactive. I sign so many of your checks that I wonder if the bank would actually honor one with your real signature.
    17. You are so supportive. This goes back to protecting me. I love how nurturing you are. Please don't change this.
    18. You are always so nice to me, even when I am not nice in return. This isn't to say you are tolerant of my bad behavior when that happens. You're no pushover. However, your kindness, your gentleness is probably the very best part of you. You're a good person, my love. A very good man. Please don't change this core thing about yourself.
    19. You are worried about the possibility of Alzheimer's. I will take care of you at home until/unless you become violent, at which point we will BOTH move to a facility where you can get better care. You can't get rid of me so easily, Baby. I promised to be here with you, even if you got very sick. I am your wife until you die. I will fight with you for your memories, and personality. And who knows? Maybe you won't get it.
    20. Please leave me alone when I am upset. I'm an only child, and need to process negative feelings on my own before seeking help. I promise to come to you when I am ready. Also, I don't like for you to see me cry. Please go away when I am crying. I need the catharsis. I love that it is your instinct to be by my side, and to support me in crisis. Every once in a while, I need time to myself before I can accept your help.
    21. You're so silly! This really works for me. Please don't change anything. I have a love-hate relationship with your pranks, but this is a part of your personality. Even when I don't like it, I love you, and this is you. So please don't change.
    22. If I make an effort to isolate myself in order to masturbate, it means you are not invited. You dig it. Thank you so much for your understanding. I'm really happy about this.
    23. I enjoy girl-watching with you, but your idea of whispering is embarrassingly loud. I'm going to help you lean to whisper.
    24. You're always looking to improve yourself. I love that about you.
    25. We will not indoctrinate our children, not even with the ideas of agnosticism. It isn't fair. Start thinking now about the language you use to express yourself. I want to teach our children to explore and draw their own conclusions.
    26. I know I said this already, but it warrants repeating: Stop buying random shit!
    27. I feel very loved. Thank you, Sweetheart.
     
  7. luka82

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    I`m quite simple. All I require is a huge, thick cock to drill me 24/7 :redface:
     
  8. Stephenmass

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    I already have him.....:)
     
  9. helgaleena

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    Like Luka, my requirements are pretty simple.

    1) put up with me. The real me, not some me you thought I was

    2) Let me play but also let me rest. Steady and predictable is good but unpredictable is what really happens and it can be good too.

    3) do NOT get between me and the rest of my life.
     
  10. Drifterwood

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    Ouch!

    Still, thanks for reminding me to include the French Maid's outfit. Nudge nudge :biggrin1:
     
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