Do you like being Married/want to get married?

twoton

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I'm married. I can't see myself living any other way. It's more than Love. It's friendship, commitment, reliability, companionship, support, help, all those good things. The rewards far outweigh the hard times.

A person could find all those things outside of marriage, too. But marriage gives us a sense of permanency as well. Plus, at my age I don't have the energy to go find another mate. :biggrin1:
 
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I've never been married, though I have been engaged to someone.

Would I want to get married? Maybe, but it isn't something I would do lightly. I'm not so much a monogamous person so it might not mean the same thing to others that it would mean for me.
 

D_Sal_Manilla

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I don't know, maybe I'm selfish. :ponder:


nothing is wrong with not wanting to get married. you're 24 not 44.

and your friend sound kind of dumb for getting married to a woman who he has to ask permission to go out. that is owner ship.

getting married with someone means that you both enjoy your time together and have some fundamental similarities. it does not mean that you are joined at the hip.

finish school, get the career you want, then fall in love. remember the love does not pay the bills.
 

twoton

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I don't know, maybe I'm selfish. :ponder:


No. Selfish is when you get married, have children, then get a divorce because you're not happy. That's selfish. An old friend of mine did just that about a week ago.

Is it silly of me to think I want a spouse where I can just say, "Hey baby, I'm going to hang out with so and so. I'll call you and be home later."

No. That's simply the relationship you define. There are plenty of times when I can do just that. Conversely, you have to allow her the same latitude.

There are some times when you can't just go out without "asking," because you do have a commitment to the other person, and that's whether or not you're married. If you had a girlfriend who was expecting you home for some reason, and you decided to go out without her you'd have just as many problems as with a spouse.
 

hairynyc

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My married buddy wanted to hang out with me the other day and he said, "Let me see if it's okay with the wife" and that's when I thought to myself, My God, I never want to get married. I understand talking about it with your spouse is a respect thing, but I don't like the idea of having to ask somebody if I can do something (unless it's hurtful of course). Is it silly of me to think I want a spouse where I can just say, "Hey baby, I'm going to hang out with so and so. I'll call you and be home later."

Obviously you would know their relationship better than I would, but I didn't read "Let me see if it's okay with the wife" as meaning he needed to get permission, but rather as a respectful way of checking in. Maybe he wanted to make sure she didn't have plans that involved him or maybe she needed help with something. It just seems more like priorities than ownership.

Mind you, I'm 39 and like the idea of being married and having someone to check in with.
 

young_n_horny

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I've always wanted to get married since I was a kid. The whole deal of marriage just seems appealing to me (even just having a relationship, which so far I haven't done either). To be able to wake up in the morning and roll over knowing that special someone will be right by your side just seems like the most incredible feeling in the world. Or knowing that if something/everything seems to be going wrong (and you're in a good marriage) you'll always have at least one person by your side. I'm the whole lovey-dovey romantic kind of guy so I guess maybe it's just me along with a few others but yeah, I'm really looking forward to having a wedding one day.
 

Phil Ayesho

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Its simply a selfishness thing.

Some people can not bear to surrender any control... in general, the only real tragedy is when these people DO get married, because they are often the ones who feel they need to control their mates, and prove they are not controlled by not being reliable. (e.g. not showing up when they say they will, refusing to go along with any plans, or changing plans at the last minute.)


Marriage is great for those people who really want a shared experience. Who want someone to rely on them, and someone they can rely on.

There is no greater joy for me than to have that end of the day moment when we can lie in bed, embracing, and laughing, and knowing that there is one other person in the world who we truly get and who truly gets me.

I understand that people who rankle under the feeling that anyone else has a say in their lives don't feel that....
But, in my experience, having someone who actually cares whether I make it home on time is a far richer life.
 
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I don't understand the people that see getting married as a thing that results in you giving up control/being under someone else's thumb. As a kinky person, that strikes me more as Dominance/submission :tongue:

However, it's a nice courtesy/respect/affection thing to say "Oh hey hon/wifey/husband/whatever I'm going to be getting back later this evening instead of early this afternoon. I ran into a friend I wanted to catch up with" That doesn't = asking for permission or giving up control of shit. Typically if you care about someone and you're expecting someone to get home/arrive somewhere at a particular time it's worrisome if they don't fucking show up. Go figure. :rolleyes:

The examples of marriage I've seen have varied wildly. I've seen people married a year, have a kid, and then get divorced. I've also seen someone get married and divorced many times. I've also seen people who were married 60+ years and the marriage only ended because one of the individuals died.

As trite as it sounds, marriage should be a partnership between two people. The marriages I've seen succeed, the people were one of each other's best friends. There was mutual respect. Yeah, you might think something your partner does/wants is silly, but you're ok with that. It's something you like/don't mind.

I got into a long discussion with an ex about why he should be putting the damn seat of the toilet down after he took a piss. He never thought he should. I thought it was a gesture of respect/caring. Yeah, it was a little thing, but it was a small sign of how little respect he had for me.
 

hairynyc

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Ive been marrried before...think now its better to just have a weekend wife for now.
This reminds me of a family friend. She's in her 60s and I think has been married twice. She recently said to me, "I'm at the point where I want a man in my life, but not in my apartment."
 

zephyr808

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I would like the right to marry the consenting adult of my choice. Whether or not I would ever get married is separate from that. Actually, when I came out I pretty much wrote off the possibility of ever being able to marry a guy I was in a relationship with, so I quit thinking about it as a realistic scenario for my own life. Even as the laws in some places change and become more tolerant, I just never really thought about it much.
 

PhillyPrick

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Don't quote me on this but I read somewhere that in the wild ancient times:

Women wanted men to protect them and defend their child from other men and predators. (like getting married)

Men just wanted to have sex with as many different women as possible to continue their bloodline. (like being single)
 

simbablk

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I've been thinking a lot about marriage as of lately and I've come to the realization that I don't want to get married or have children. My mind might change once I'm older (I'm 24) and I fall in love with somebody, but at this very moment, I don't like the idea of married life and what it entails.

I don't like the idea of being tied down (not relationship wise) and somebody having an once of control over my life. As in what I do during the day, who I talk and hang out with, and where I go throughout the day. That may be because everything good that has happened in my life has been done because of me, and I haven't had a lot of supportive and helpful people in my life. An independence thing maybe? I'm used to it just being me.

My married buddy wanted to hang out with me the other day and he said, "Let me see if it's okay with the wife" and that's when I thought to myself, My God, I never want to get married. I understand talking about it with your spouse is a respect thing, but I don't like the idea of having to ask somebody if I can do something (unless it's hurtful of course). Is it silly of me to think I want a spouse where I can just say, "Hey baby, I'm going to hang out with so and so. I'll call you and be home later."

Although, I'm not saying I would be one of those guys who are never home and spend time with their wife and children if I were married. I just don't like the whole control thing. I don't know if that makes sense.

I don't know, maybe I'm selfish. :ponder:

Marriage should not be anything you described. Marriage should be where both parties know and recognize the importance of having time for themselves to spend however they choose. Marriage should not be an institution of "control". Respect, yes. Control, no.


This is why dating is so important. THIS is the time for getting to REALLY know who they are and not just between the knees. I honestly think we spend too much time fucking and not enough time "knowing" who we're with.


You're young. Having these feelings now are normal and okay. You may NEVER get married - and that too is okay. But marriage should not be anything like what you mentioned. Take your time and find the RIGHT woman. You'll find that if you do, it's awesome.


Simba
 

Lurker7

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I've never understood people that don't want to get married. I understand not wanting to get married to a particular person, but that's not the same thing. I also don't understand people that say "my friend is married, and [XYZ thing I have seen in his marriage that I don't like], therefore I don't want to get married." Relationships are different. Maybe your friend doesn't mind having to clear it with his wife before he goes out. Maybe that works for them. If it doesn't, he married the wrong person. If it doesn't work for you, part of marrying the right person is finding someone okay with that. In any case, assuming your marriage will be just like your friend's is a silly basis to decide whether to get married on.

I've been married for 15 years, and I am still trying to find the down side to it. I have had sex on average about every other day for the past decade and a half, with a woman that really really does it for me physically and emotionally, and who over the past 15 years have become like a 7th degree black belt in what turns me on specifically. I'd like to see anyone match that outside a marriage (or relationship of equivalent commitment). Not to mention I've had someone I get along with and have a deep friendship with that's helped me get through the tough times in life.

Marrying badly does suck. I have seen it happen. It's probably worse than just staying single so on some level I understand the reluctance. But marrying the right person is so awesome I can't imagine just giving up on the prospect.
 

B_625girth

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I've been with the same lady for 36 yrs, married for 34. I'm 60. she's 55. we have 3 grown sons. 1 grndchild. wife has lupus and is not doing that well. fortunately, I'm retired and can help alot around the house. she no longer works either. it hasn't all been a bowl of cherries, but we have survived. we have both given each other a lot of personal freedom, but always faithful to each other. our sex life is pretty non-existent now, but when we were younger, there was seldom a day go by that we didn't have sex at least once. the only time we stopped was for her period. I have no regrets.
she asked me not long ago, if she passes before me, would I re-marry? I told her no. I don't think I would meet anyone that would interest me. and besides at my age why bother. some of the marriages taking place among folks my age are more of a money arrangement than love.
 

D_Jacqueline_Boozann

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No, I haven't been married....and have no desire to be married, period.

In fact, I haven't found the one I wanted -- since most men in this generation -- are anti-marriage, unlike in the 50s and beyond. Those couples were real troopers.
 

ranger15

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I absolutely loved being married. I have married to a woman that loves me thru it all and is an amazing woman for 10 years now. I could not imagine life any other way