My ass is an EXIT not an ENTRANCE. . My experiences have been with someone with a big thick dick. Tried it and it ain't going to happen. Maybe if I was unconscious or passed out drunk. I enjoy a finger occasionally and I think I would like to be fucked by a guy with a small dick. I do fantasize about surrendering to someone, feeling the thrust of his tiny dick and the collapse as he cums inside me, but he nobody is going to tear my ass up, No NO. Is there a muscle relaxer for the ass hole?
Dude---often times the first experiences can be disastrous or terrible...especially with a well hung top who does NOT know what he is doing..or worse, is simply an inconsiderate ass......Sounds like you may have had both.......
You need to "train" your ass over time (weeks, months, even years...) using first small / thin butt plugs and dildos. Use lots of lube. Let your ass get used to being an entrance, as well as an exit!!. Try jerking off and having an orgasm with a butt plug inserted in your ass......I bet the orgasm will surprise you it feels so damn good. And that's only the beginning. Over time, you will want, and be able, to insert bigger and thicker plugs and dildos......it just starts to feel really, really good. The pain and discomfort you felt at first goes away......almost entirely. I've been using dildos for years and have zero discomfort now when being a bottom.
When you are ready, find a considerate man who knows how to top.....preferably one of average cock length and width. Let him take his time and use plenty of lube....relax and let the pleasure come. And the pleasure is worth all the effort and trouble my friend. The pleasure can be overwhelmingly good....the orgasms so strong and intense.....like nothing you have ever felt before......at least that has been my experience.....Good luck. Peace.