Do you maintain eye contact when talking to other men ?

RyanMars

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I find many guys in general have hard time maintaining eye contact while in conversation with other guys. It’s weird, for some guys it’s so easy to maintain eye contact with them without it feeling awkward and others it feels like a violation from the way they react when I maintain eye contact. And when they react I have the stress of play eye dart trying to avoid looking them straight in the eye to not make them feel uncomfortable. When I will look away, then they feel comfortable to look at me. It’s all so fascinating.
 
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deleted15201331

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I try to maintain eye contact with every person I'm talking to. It's the polite thing to do.

Agree with Lapdog.
 
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Motion-of-the-Ocean

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Being an introvert, I actually find it difficult to maintain eye contact with most people, regardless of their gender. While I've gotten better in the past few years at being an attentive listener, in which eye contact plays a big part, I still likely come across falsely to others as evasive and perhaps cold since I haven't mastered it 100% yet and probably never will.

Besides the shyness aspect, I likely inherited this trait early in life when living in some rough parts of a big city and avoiding prolonged eye contact was more a survival technique and not adhering to it would be akin to animal stares and could possibly be seen as a challenge to other males. I did use this psychological hack to my advantage years later when some of the jobs I did required one to be situational aware at all times and give off a "Don't even think about fucking with me" vibe, so I did learn to both maintain eye contact and add a power stare in with it at least for a limited period of time.

But in everyday friendly and neutral interaction, I do still struggle with a direct gaze for more than a few seconds and it still comes back to my inward thinking nature and nothing to do with avoiding a mistaken sexual message with other guys as I feel that assumption might be what is behind your question.
 

RyanMars

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Being an introvert, I actually find it difficult to maintain eye contact with most people, regardless of their gender. While I've gotten better in the past few years at being an attentive listener, in which eye contact plays a big part, I still likely come across falsely to others as evasive and perhaps cold since I haven't mastered it 100% yet and probably never will.

Besides the shyness aspect, I likely inherited this trait early in life when living in some rough parts of a big city and avoiding prolonged eye contact was more a survival technique and not adhering to it would be akin to animal stares and could possibly be seen as a challenge to other males. I did use this psychological hack to my advantage years later when some of the jobs I did required one to be situational aware at all times and give off a "Don't even think about fucking with me" vibe, so I did learn to both maintain eye contact and add a power stare in with it at least for a limited period of time.

But in everyday friendly and neutral interaction, I do still struggle with a direct gaze for more than a few seconds and it still comes back to my inward thinking nature and nothing to do with avoiding a mistaken sexual message with other guys as I feel that assumption might be what is behind your question.
good to know. I often think it’s this with straight men
 

halcyondays

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I maintain eye contact with whomever is speaking to me. That's just polite. It shows I'm paying attention.

Important times NOT to do this is while doing tasks like driving, operating equipment, using a sharp knife, cooking over a hot stove or any task where attention is required to avoid injury.

Those speaking don't always maintain eye contact because (if you've ever noticed) people's eyes look up to the left and right while they speak. Eyes are "searching the brain" for the words needed.

People will often tilt their heads a little and/or look down or away while they gather thoughts into coherent speech.

I wouldn't read too much into someone who makes too much or too little eye contact while speaking/listening. If you feel you're making someone uncomfortable with your eye contact look away for a few seconds. Don't overthink it. :):eyes:
 
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deleted1074483

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Why

does it have to be soo complicated lol
its all part of the non verbal communication so no doesn't have to be complicated, and does take some degree of knowledge on the part of both whilst communicating and not jumping to conclusions as to the meaning. But sometimes it does/can tell you something about what someone is really thinking - for instance people who lie will avoid prolonged eye contact.
 

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Maybe it's a regional thing too? I grew up and entered early adulthood living in the Midwest, where sustained direct eye contact between men implied a low level violent threat at play, or sexual tension...but moving down South I found out such eye contact didn't carry the same weight, and was more indicative of respect and/or regard for whom you are speaking with.
Now that I've moved back up Midwest, I match energies and go from there; a little observation is the difference between appearing weak to one man, and appearing imposing to the next.
 

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I used to struggle with it because of my introvert nature but I actually learned a really good tip for that which helped me and might help others: don't actually look in the eyes.

If you're close enough to them that slightly looking away would be noticed, you can look at their nose or the forehead between the eyes. If you're far enough away you can also look more at the ears. Generally that will read to the other person as you looking them in the eyes.

I don't need to use it anymore cuz working in sales for a few years basically got me used to eye contact to the point where my shyness and nerves aren't a factor anymore, but it definitely helped me get to that point.
 
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deleted13888921

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I used to struggle with it because of my introvert nature but I actually learned a really good tip for that which helped me and might help others: don't actually look in the eyes.

If you're close enough to them that slightly looking away would be noticed, you can look at their nose or the forehead between the eyes. If you're far enough away you can also look more at the ears. Generally that will read to the other person as you looking them in the eyes.

I don't need to use it anymore cuz working in sales for a few years basically got me used to eye contact to the point where my shyness and nerves aren't a factor anymore, but it definitely helped me get to that point.

I make eye contact with everyone I talk to.
 

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Maybe it's a regional thing too? I grew up and entered early adulthood living in the Midwest, where sustained direct eye contact between men implied a low level violent threat at play, or sexual tension...but moving down South I found out such eye contact didn't carry the same weight, and was more indicative of respect and/or regard for whom you are speaking with.
Now that I've moved back up Midwest, I match energies and go from there; a little observation is the difference between appearing weak to one man, and appearing imposing to the next.
I have had a similar experience but hadn't realized it until reading this comment. Haven't moved back to the Midwest though.
 

malakos

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The extent to which I maintain eye contact with somebody is a function of how at ease I am with that person at the time. This varies not only according to my overall relationship with that person, but also the circumstances of the conversation, the subject matter we're discussing (many people, including myself, focus more "inwardly" when thinking intently), and what sort of mood I am in. So in some cases I'll give steady and near constant eye contact. In other cases I will give very little eye contact, for various reasons.
 
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Sagittarius84

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Exactly, who doesn't is more the question.
As I said earlier it depends on a variety of factors. Where you grew up has an effect on this, the demographics of your particular area may have an effect. Besides me coming up in the Midwest(where eye contact is often regarded as aggressive), it was a multicultural area as well, many of these cultures regarded direct eye contact as disrespectful to elders or sexually aggressive between the genders.
It's tempting to just think there's one way this goes and act accordingly, but I guess that's why a lot of the world thinks of Westerners as inherently belligerent or rude.
 

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There may be cultural differences at play here. I will make eye contact with guys but will not hold their gaze for more than a few seconds at a time before looking away momentarily and then re-engaging eye contact again, and so on throughout the conversation. I think it is unnatural to look into someone's eyes continuously, without breaking, while talking. I think it makes people feel uncomfortable. It's like you are staring. It's unnerving for people. It is okay to look away momentarily as long as you re-engage again.

If I need to be emphatic and really press home a point then I will hold his gaze for longer and only break when my point is made. It is a way of communicating your strength of feeling in any given situation. It might be asserting your authority, but equally, if you are comforting/reassuring someone, looking directly into their eyes can emphasise your sincerity - "I really mean this..."

In sex, of course, prolonged eye contact is really important for establishing intimacy with a partner.

In cruising, the normal rules go out the window. Prolonged eye contact, way past the point at which you would probably look away in everyday conversation, is an important way of communicating your sexual interest in another guy. If he reciprocates, you might be onto a good thing. When this happens it carries a huge erotic charge.