Do you prefer more successful/educated friends and dates?

[geitjeshoeder]

Having attended a private school and being born in to a wealthy family I have been surrounded by people of wealth, proper education and status. You get used to a certain type of person, however, after travelling the world and meeting a lot of different people, during interrail train journeys, backpacking through Australia and so on, you get to see a whole lot of other types of personalities, which can make great conversation and can become great friends. I've been bored to death by people of class and i've been more then entertained by people who identify as lower working class.

That said, i would feel rather uncomfortable if i had to pay for dinner every date...

 

[Notaes]

I am a young (~30) professional with a graduate degree, and I'm doing well in my career. Some of my other friends are also successful, well-educated professionals, but others are not. These other friends are nice people, but they might live at home with their parents at the age of 30, and/or have low-end jobs (retail, restaurants, receptionist, etc) that don't go anywhere. I like to travel and eat at nice restaurants, and I've started to prefer the company of my more successful friends because they can afford to do these things.

When dating, I don't want to start a relationship with anyone without a college degree. I also prefer to date guys with fancier educations and better jobs. I don't expect a 24 year old guy to have a PhD and be a CEO of a big corporation, but I probably prefer a lawyer, engineer or medical student over the barista with an arts degree, assuming everything else was equal.

TL;DR: Does anyone else have similar preferences for friends that are more successful or educated? How about dates? Is this a reasonable way to pick friends/dates?

I hate to. Burst your bubble but as you travel the world you will find wonderful people who are not as privileged as you. There are great people in every aspect of life. I hope you will meet some of the people waiting on your privileged life.

 

[rayray]

I would like to reply but I'm late for my shift at 7-11 .

 

[ronin001]

Having attended a private school and being born in to a wealthy family I have been surrounded by people of wealth, proper education and status. You get used to a certain type of person, however, after travelling the world and meeting a lot of different people, during interrail train journeys, backpacking through Australia and so on, you get to see a whole lot of other types of personalities, which can make great conversation and can become great friends. I've been bored to death by people of class and i've been more then entertained by people who identify as lower working class.

That said, i would feel rather uncomfortable if i had to pay for dinner every date...

I thought the guy was expected to pick up the check / tab; or offer to pick it up for a date, even if the lady makes his same income or more.At least in a M - F date

 

[rtg]

That, of course. In that case, either just go out for a quick inexpensive snack or stay in or just walk around.
But after a while if you get to like each other and see a future then it can be ok.
Obviously, within reason, not if they are using you but that is obvious.
It happens too often that someone feels bad for being either one of the two: paying or non-paying...

I still think there needs to be a balance and some ppl make such a big deal out of paying for something that then I feel bad and feel obligated to pay. Ppl often take advantage of other people's kindness without even realising, or caring.

For example, I dated this guy for not very long last year... we lived like 900km away from each other. For his bday I flew him up to see me using my frequent flyer points that had taken years to accumulate. He paid for one of the flights. I paid for almost everything that weekend (which I was happy to do as it was his bday). But then a couple of weekends later I went to see him and flights cost me $600. He kept going on about how he spent so much money on groceries for us for the weekend... but I never once mentioned exactly how much flights cost. When I was going back home he caught the train to the airport with me and didn't hesitate in letting me pay for his ticket (it was like $40). Then when I bought sushi at the airport he also didn't offer to chip in to pay for it. That's not something I could sustain.

 

[geitjeshoeder]

I thought the guy was expected to pick up the check / tab; or offer to pick it up for a date, even if the lady makes his same income or more.At least in a M - F date

In the Netherlands we do things socially the other way around, and parties often 'split' the bill. You will also find a lot of married couples here, who retain their own bankaccount and transfer money to a joint account every month for mortgage, utilities, etc... Some say it because we're cheap, others say we are socially progressive. The British even made a thing out of 'going dutch'

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=go Dutch

 

[ronin001]

In the Netherlands we do things socially the other way around, and parties often 'split' the bill. You will also find a lot of married couples here, who retain their own bankaccount and transfer money to a joint account every month for mortgage, utilities, etc... Some say it because we're cheap, others say we are socially progressive. The British even made a thing out of 'going dutch'

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=go Dutch

The term " Going Dutch " is freely used her in the US. Yes many people do split the bills when they go, out. However, as a rule of thumb, I think a guy, at least here should have the resources to pay the check / bill, in case the lady you are dating is not so liberated in sharing the cost. Married couples, who both work, most likely have individual savings as well as a joint savings/ checking account

Thanks for the reply

 

[Sumdoodsf]

Gram negative?

Lol, they don't tell you details about the test such as Gram staining.

They just say negative for all. Actually, they only tell you if there's a positive result. Which meant (since they didn't call) I had to go back and ask for proof. They (Magnet in SF) just take urine and test for Chlamydia, Gonnohrea and Syphilis. The blood they perform the rapid HIV antibody test and in addition send it out for rt-PCR.

They're really amazing as they offer their services to the city of San Francisco for free. Of course... one should donate.

 

[Heat]

I am a young (~30) professional with a graduate degree, and I'm doing well in my career. Some of my other friends are also successful, well-educated professionals, but others are not. These other friends are nice people, but they might live at home with their parents at the age of 30, and/or have low-end jobs (retail, restaurants, receptionist, etc) that don't go anywhere. I like to travel and eat at nice restaurants, and I've started to prefer the company of my more successful friends because they can afford to do these things.

When dating, I don't want to start a relationship with anyone without a college degree. I also prefer to date guys with fancier educations and better jobs. I don't expect a 24 year old guy to have a PhD and be a CEO of a big corporation, but I probably prefer a lawyer, engineer or medical student over the barista with an arts degree, assuming everything else was equal.

TL;DR: Does anyone else have similar preferences for friends that are more successful or educated? How about dates? Is this a reasonable way to pick friends/dates?

It gets harder as you get older to associate in any real depth with those who can't do the things you can do -travel, etc.
It's not that you're being a snob it's just that you don't want to sacrifice what you can do. And as we know, the more traveled you are the more your perspective on the world
Changes.

 

[Heat]

Btw
If you're in a relationship and one of you hits a bad place then of Course you step Up to The plate.
I came from NOTHING but am now highly successful in my field - in magazines regularly, featured on TV on occasion- and the hardest thing I had to do was to let go of the past. I am still friends with my old friends from school but the divide has grown far and wide.

 

[KuronoB]

"When dating, I don't want to start a relationship with anyone without a college degree. I also prefer to date guys with fancier educations and better jobs. I don't expect a 24 year old guy to have a PhD and be a CEO of a big corporation, but I probably prefer a lawyer, engineer or medical student over the barista with an arts degree, assuming everything else was equal"

So, you don't consider an arts degree a degree? Okay...

I do consider an arts degree a degree, I just prefer some educations and professions over others, so the lawyer (who sometimes has an arts degree, btw) wins vs a barista if everything else was equal.

 

[693987]

My first serious relationship I paid for everything. I was barely 18 and worked full time. Even still, just paying rent and utilities I was short, much less feeding us. I got my ex jobs, friends and family did the same. My ex quit or was fired from every single position. It took me years after dumping him to get my finances back on track.

I won't do that ever again. I won't be a mooch and anyone I'm with will not ever get to mooch. That being said, my partner makes more than four times the amount I do and he "only" has a high school diploma and various certifications. On the flip side, I initially started college when I was an age I cannot specify due to the ToS.

I never expected a first date with someone to be paid by the other party. I was always prepared to cover half. If someone offered, I did my best to accept gracefully and would then get the next date. In periods where I have been short on disposable income I could make up for it other ways, cooking dinner at my place, etc.

I have found in my many different life experiences that "success" can be defined in many ways. If someone wishes to be an artist and accepts the hardships that will likely entail, who am I to judge? I've been around absurdly wealthy/successful/educated and incredibly poor, "broken", and "uneducated" people. A balance of scholastic accomplishments and real life experience is lovely, but I am not so narrow minded or have a superiority complex (like some, not all, nor am I trying to call out anyone responding here), that I will look down on people without multiple degrees and don't pull in six figures.

Maybe between my life experiences, going from a fairly privileged upbringing to homeless in Detroit, to where I am now + being fascinated by humanity and anthropology gives me a broader view, but I can't say.

The long and the short is that while I most definitely still have flaws, I try to work on them. I admit I succumb to believing stereotypes at times, but I call myself on my own bullshit. I think my life is richer and better for knowing a wide range of people.

 

[EllieP]

I think you need to distinguish between a friend and a mooch. I have had both types but only have one now.

There's a big difference between someone down on their luck and someone lazy and entitled. If you continue such a relationship then you are to blame just as much for enabling them.

 

[EquusAZ]

This is a great and loaded topic. So many opinions and ways this can go.

Define 'successful' and 'educated.' For instance, I know people who have PhD's in business who know less about life than someone with an Associates in Biology. One of my dad's friends was a mechanic his entire life and knew more about metal stress, engineering, and how to get a date than some people who have engineering degrees or degrees in the humanities.

Successful? In what? In money? In life? A lot of success is chance. Some is also circumstantial. I was MUCH more "successful" in some people's eyes before I was sued for divorce and lost my job. Neither of those were my fault, and I live with family while I rebuild my life.

My current beau is VERY witty. He's not educated, but what he does know astounds me and matches me to a tea. He knows a lot about classical music. While talking about classical music he quipped "And of course, lets not forget about the one called 'the red priest!' And then to my amazement we discussed in detail the biography of Vivaldi.

Some guys I've been with who had degrees in music had no idea who the 'red priest was.'

He's also an amazing guy, and a wonderful conversationalist. Does he make six figures? No. Does he have a PhD? No. I would rather spent 10 minutes chatting with him than 10 hours chatting with an acquaintance I know who has a PhD in Physics. In reality he has his own place. I don't. He has his own cell phone plan. I don't. At first glance he's more successful than me.

In short - I don't judge a book by its cover at all!

 

[185248]

I'd rather have a relationship with someone who holds a degree in common sense....or, a degree of common sense.

 

[art]

I don't really care if a guy has a degree or three, but I prefer him bright and quick. (cute and hung doesn't hurt, either) Dumb people just drive me crazy.

 

[geitjeshoeder]

The term " Going Dutch " is freely used her in the US. Yes many people do split the bills when they go, out. However, as a rule of thumb, I think a guy, at least here should have the resources to pay the check / bill, in case the lady you are dating is not so liberated in sharing the cost. Married couples, who both work, most likely have individual savings as well as a joint savings/ checking account

Thanks for the reply

Well we do have a lot of women in the work place, and most of them want to be seen as strong individuals who can pick up the tab just as any man could.

We even have female pedestrain lights ...

We are Donald J. Trumps nightmare....

 

[EquusAZ]

This is a great and loaded topic. So many opinions and ways this can go.

Define 'successful' and 'educated.'....Does he make six figures? No.

In short - I don't judge a book by its cover at all!

One thing I'd like to clarify about my two comments above. We had a long discussion about this actually, and I forgot to include it here. I make more than he does. He wanted to make it abundantly clear that he is NOT after money nor expects me to pay for things, and if that was a problem, he has NO problems just hanging out, going on walks, visiting museums, art galleries, anything low cost.

I in turn let him know that anything I DO buy is in no way meant to "buy" his attention. If I buy a meal, its fine. I don't like to eat alone. I also promised not to spent money just because I could. Meals, a movie, stuff like that is fine. A weekend trip to Cancun probably wouldn't be ;-) Not yet anyway.

 

[Jjz1109]

I am a young (~30) professional with a graduate degree, and I'm doing well in my career. Some of my other friends are also successful, well-educated professionals, but others are not. These other friends are nice people, but they might live at home with their parents at the age of 30, and/or have low-end jobs (retail, restaurants, receptionist, etc) that don't go anywhere. I like to travel and eat at nice restaurants, and I've started to prefer the company of my more successful friends because they can afford to do these things.

When dating, I don't want to start a relationship with anyone without a college degree. I also prefer to date guys with fancier educations and better jobs. I don't expect a 24 year old guy to have a PhD and be a CEO of a big corporation, but I probably prefer a lawyer, engineer or medical student over the barista with an arts degree, assuming everything else was equal.

TL;DR: Does anyone else have similar preferences for friends that are more successful or educated? How about dates? Is this a reasonable way to pick friends/dates?

Sorry pal, but this sounds exceedingly superficial. I am very fortunate in life, and have friends with more, and friends with less, than I. I do not chose my friends by how educated, or how financially secure, they may be. They are my friends that I met on the way up, and will always be there for me. Anyone who chooses friends based on where they are in the moment should consider whether those friends will always be there regardless of the money they have, the vacations they take, or the events they attend. I do different things when in different circles, maybe having pizza and beer with some, and a nice dinner with wine when with others. The conversations may be different as well. Some may involve getting by in life, while others are worried about their portfolios or the latest bimmer they are going to buy. I enjoy all my friends, and learn from all of them. I like to think it keeps me grounded. And realize how lucky I may be. There, by the grace of God, go I.

 

[KuronoB]

I thought about my original post after reading the responses, and saw that my post focused on the wrong things. I don't prefer more successful and educated people BECAUSE they are successful and educated, I prefer them because they are more likely to have other desirable traits.

I like guys who are ambitious enough to set goals for the future, diligent enough to lay out a plan to achieve those goals, and smart and hard working enough to successfully follow through on those plans to achieve those goals. (There are other good qualities too, but these are very relevant to this discussion.) People who are successful or well educated seem very likely to have these qualities, or at least, I've never met an engineer who seemed unintelligent, a medical student who didn't seem hardworking, or a PhD who didn't set long term goals.

With friends, I have better relationships with my successful friends because we have spent more time together doing some expensive things that our less successful friends did not do. After several years of concerts, nights out, vacations and other things, my more successful friends have more inside jokes, funny stories and other things that bring us together. Like dating, it isn't BECAUSE they're successful, but because we enjoyed more time together.

A better question for me to ask is "do you tend to have better relationships with people who are at least as educated or as successful as you are?"