Soul_Fan: If I show affection to men, it's usually only in the form of a quick and hearty handshake followed by a quick "half-hug." I hug my female friends much more, esp. as a greeting and goodbye. If I know them well enough, it's usually like that.
Dee...I agree that the "hug from behind" is great. Bonerville?! You're silly, but I can agree with that too.
Dee...I agree that the "hug from behind" is great. Bonerville?! You're silly, but I can agree with that too.
longtimelurker: I met up with an old mate of mine that I hadn't seen in over a year. I went to collect him at the train station, but I wasn't really sure what to do to greet him - in the end I gave him a hug, but the thing is it made me feel really uncomfortable for some reason.
Must be that good old-fashioned English inhibition... :-/
Must be that good old-fashioned English inhibition... :-/
blo1988: I don't listen to one song, paint everything one color, talk at one volume, or have just one facial expression. I can't imagine why I would want to rob myself of the freedom to pass someone without speaking, shake someone's hand, deliver a happy slap on the back, share a hug, or give a heartfelt kiss.
The beauty of relationships is the variety of their breadth and depth. As for me, I don't want my last thoughts to be of the folks that I wished I had kissed.......
The beauty of relationships is the variety of their breadth and depth. As for me, I don't want my last thoughts to be of the folks that I wished I had kissed.......
7x6andchg: Well said, blo...
It might serve us well to remember that our time here is fleeting...and that affection, however it might be shown, is a good thing.
Paul
It might serve us well to remember that our time here is fleeting...and that affection, however it might be shown, is a good thing.
Paul
joe22xxx: I wasn't going to share this but I think it helps explain how guys can get used to being close to other guys without fear.
When I was a kid, my older brother & I shared the same bedroom. I used to have nightmares as kids do sometimes when I was around 5 years old. My brother would wake me up & tell me it was just a dream & not to be so freaked. Then he would climb into bed with me & hold me so I wouldn't be afraid & until I got back to sleep. So I got used to the feeling of him being close to me.
Over the years when anything would happen that upset me, he would always climb into bed with me & do the same thing. He was my protector. So I think that's one of the ways that I got used to being physically close to a guy. It was always really nice & I have good feelings about it to this day. He was and is a very supportive person in my life & it started when we were very young.
When I was a kid, my older brother & I shared the same bedroom. I used to have nightmares as kids do sometimes when I was around 5 years old. My brother would wake me up & tell me it was just a dream & not to be so freaked. Then he would climb into bed with me & hold me so I wouldn't be afraid & until I got back to sleep. So I got used to the feeling of him being close to me.
Over the years when anything would happen that upset me, he would always climb into bed with me & do the same thing. He was my protector. So I think that's one of the ways that I got used to being physically close to a guy. It was always really nice & I have good feelings about it to this day. He was and is a very supportive person in my life & it started when we were very young.
AOX3: I once hugged and kissed my law partner right after he won a 2 million dollar verdict that I got to share in. He was taken aback, but quickly hugged me back. All a moment of great joy. Nothing was ever said about it except when i got a big verdict i stayed on the other side of the table from him and we joked about it. LOL ---No big deal, I know what I like, who cares what appearance it makes.
ORCABOMBER: I'm pretty flexible, but I'm not really that affectionate, I don't give hugs, but I'll share hugs, kisses. I can't share bum grabs though, or I'll end up humping that person though!
Joey_B: DizzyGus, I think you're the best friend I never met. You sound like an ABSOLUTELY phenomenal dude.
Boy do I know what you're talking about. I'm a hugger too; hell, I'll hug almost anybody, male or female. I'm not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that, etc., and I really don't believe there is), but who doesn't want some warmth now and then? As has been said several times, we're humans; we NEED warmth. We kinda needed warmth just to stay alive back in the caveman days and propagate the species.
I'm interested in a couple of other things Gus said, though, mainly revolving around him being a big guy (in the upstairs-body sense is what I was addressing). I think that gets you excused of a LOT, bro! I'm not a vast dude myself, but having worked construction, I know from really, genuinely BIG guys, and, well, they're able to throw their weight around, and I think you're doing this too, at times, but people around you generally know how it's meant.
When I worked construction, I discovered that hugging was actually the NORM. That surprised the hell out of me, because, although I'm a hugger, well, it's such a macho job. But that turned out to be the POINT. Male to male hugging in that context just keeps the day going smoother. And it's such a definitively masculine thing to be doing in the first place, nobody cares or even thinks about it.
My own best male friend (and I'm as close to him as the one Gus describes) was also a construction foreman (although we didn't work together on this), and I asked him if all this promiscuous hugging was actually the rule. He hadn't even thought about it, and he said he figured it probly was.
I think it's got something to do with the extremely physical nature of the work, and the shared effort of it all. In that job I was hugged by total STRANGERS, and I hugged back with gusto. And I further think that Dizzygus's experience has in part to do with the fact that he's an athlete and, well, is just used to it, because athletics breed the same reactions. You use your body all the time, you actually kind of stop thinking about it. What's a hug really mean? Different things to different people, but sometimes it just means "Whoa, you're still there too?"
Anyway, I think men hugging men is a beautiful thing (if none of your dads or brothers had done this, don't you wish they had?), and I always have enjoyed it. Kissing, now, I've always kinda liked the European model where the cheek kiss is a sign of respect, and I'm not horrified by the idea of lip-kissing a man, but I've always thought of that as something one does just with women. (Hey, gimme SOME points for growth, I'm willing to kiss men on the CHEEK at least! Though I haven't gotten to the point of deciding to squeeze them on the butt, but then I haven't met Gus yet. )
Boy do I know what you're talking about. I'm a hugger too; hell, I'll hug almost anybody, male or female. I'm not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that, etc., and I really don't believe there is), but who doesn't want some warmth now and then? As has been said several times, we're humans; we NEED warmth. We kinda needed warmth just to stay alive back in the caveman days and propagate the species.
I'm interested in a couple of other things Gus said, though, mainly revolving around him being a big guy (in the upstairs-body sense is what I was addressing). I think that gets you excused of a LOT, bro! I'm not a vast dude myself, but having worked construction, I know from really, genuinely BIG guys, and, well, they're able to throw their weight around, and I think you're doing this too, at times, but people around you generally know how it's meant.
When I worked construction, I discovered that hugging was actually the NORM. That surprised the hell out of me, because, although I'm a hugger, well, it's such a macho job. But that turned out to be the POINT. Male to male hugging in that context just keeps the day going smoother. And it's such a definitively masculine thing to be doing in the first place, nobody cares or even thinks about it.
My own best male friend (and I'm as close to him as the one Gus describes) was also a construction foreman (although we didn't work together on this), and I asked him if all this promiscuous hugging was actually the rule. He hadn't even thought about it, and he said he figured it probly was.
I think it's got something to do with the extremely physical nature of the work, and the shared effort of it all. In that job I was hugged by total STRANGERS, and I hugged back with gusto. And I further think that Dizzygus's experience has in part to do with the fact that he's an athlete and, well, is just used to it, because athletics breed the same reactions. You use your body all the time, you actually kind of stop thinking about it. What's a hug really mean? Different things to different people, but sometimes it just means "Whoa, you're still there too?"
Anyway, I think men hugging men is a beautiful thing (if none of your dads or brothers had done this, don't you wish they had?), and I always have enjoyed it. Kissing, now, I've always kinda liked the European model where the cheek kiss is a sign of respect, and I'm not horrified by the idea of lip-kissing a man, but I've always thought of that as something one does just with women. (Hey, gimme SOME points for growth, I'm willing to kiss men on the CHEEK at least! Though I haven't gotten to the point of deciding to squeeze them on the butt, but then I haven't met Gus yet. )
Where's my fraternity paddle again? I'll show you some rump-lovin'! Ha ha! Seriously, something I was thinking about earlier: Hugs definitely come in all different varieties.
Depending on the relationship between the people giving each other affection, the following indicates different types of embraces:
Levels of Kisses:
WHEW!
(Ed. note: I have to admit. If you're that buddy buddy with your male friend to plant a French on them, more power to you both! I mean, I've kissed quite a few of my male friends, but drunkenness had plenty to do with the occasion.)
Me: "Are you okay with what happened last night?"
JB (Jock Buddy): "Yeah, I'm totally fine, man. You're a good kisser. I mean... your goatee kinda threw me off, but..."
Depending on the relationship between the people giving each other affection, the following indicates different types of embraces:
- The Clapper: An immensely casual hug suitable for most occasions, it's initiated by a handshake or hand grasp. I grip the man's hand and pull him closer to me, and simultaneously, our opposite arms fold across the other's shoulders. A few firm, hard claps on the shoulder finish it off. It's a standard-issue embrace that isn't very affectionate, but is often used best in meeting, and sometimes appropriate for parting ways.
- The Behind-the-Back: I stand 5'10" tall and weigh 150 pounds. The behind-the-back move is best received by someone of equal or larger stature, as it is an embracing move born of protection or comfort to the smaller person. Stepping behind slowly, the giver folds his or her arms over the recipient's body. A firmer bear hug over the chest is playful; wrapping one's arms about the midsection, palms getting rubbing or sliding down one's sides is flirtatious; nestling one's head along the neckline or even kissing beneath or behind the ear is incredibly sensual. The subsequent move greatly depends on the relationship between the two; it's safest to grab or squeeze on the upper torso for acquaintances.
- The Wings: This is an incredibly comfortable hug. Again, a height/size differential is important for the giver, since s/he has to fold his or her arms over the recipient's shoulders. The giver will cross arms vertically over and down the shoulders, so that the palms across toward the upper abs. Palms flat, you can pull the recipient closer to you. It's a unique hug, very fun but still sentimental -- could be done easier if the recipient's propping up against the standing giver.
- The Correspondent Hug: It's the "official name" for any embrace in which arm positions correspond between giver and receiver. For example, if I'm facing Gus and I hug with my right arm across his upper back and my left arm folding under and up his right shoulder, his right arm would fold across me and his left would clasp my back. The pressure in the hug would be firm or swift for friends, lingering and/or slower for closer relationships (friends included).
- The Spider: The partners sit facing each other. The smaller of the two will usually scoot closer while the larger raises his/her knees slightly, creating a small space for the smaller to scoot in. The smaller's legs will wrap about the midsection of the larger person -- a scissors-type move. The smaller can convert the move into something more playful and affectionate by clinging onto the larger; the larger can embrace the smaller and nestle him/her tightly.
- The Vineyard: Best done lying down, it involves turning on one's side to face your partner, then drawing them nearer. One arm usually slides across the back or middle spine; the other coils about the waist, sometimes rubbing the small of the back or sides gently. Palms down, smooth and slow stroking motions. "Vineyard" is a useful symbol because, in embracing each other's, the giver's and recipient's legs tend to coil or nestle up against each other. Gently rubbing up and down each other's legs is soft and sweet; snuggling together and sandwiching each other's legs in between is good for warmth and relaxation, almost inducing a sleep-like posture, especially for those who sleep on their sides.
- Whimsical: This isn't really an embrace, per se, as it is a reaction to one. The last time I got hugged from behind, I slid slightly to the left, curled my arm behind me and about his waist, and dropped him to the floor. We laughed heartily and I gave him a playful hug while he was down, then I helped him up. Moves like this help ease the sentimentality of the prior motion.
Levels of Kisses:
- A peck: Soft, quick kiss planted often upon the cheek and sometimes on the lips in parting.
- An eskimo kiss: Noses rub together. The speed and the softness upon contact determine a friendlier exchange versus a more sensual one.
- A butterfly kiss: Face-to-face with partner, lean in as close as you can so that, when you blink, your eyelashes rub up against your partner's. Alternate blinks or blink as rapidly as you can. Very sweet!
- A full pucker: Best describes a pair of lips making full and strong contact upon a body part. Cheeks are amiable; lips are sincere, sweet, and passionate; kissing any lower, that's your call!
- A sweet pucker: Same as the "Full," but these kisses are usually wetter. When kissing, gently apply pressure toward the middle of your lips (where they meet) and move your tongue toward your bottom teeth; this works up the saliva. For added sensuality, release the kiss but let your lips gently linger on the skin as you pull away slowly.
- Stealing hearts: Also called the "Love Chain," gently flurry a specific body part with quick kisses. For variation, make the first kiss full, then gently lighten up the pressure as you travel up or down the body.
- French kissing: This isn't a stranger to anyone. Just remember: gently brush your lips up against your partner's slowly; work into a rhythm. Listen for breath, for soft and subtle moans. Don't just lunge at them! Instead, gently moisten each other's lips (the tip of the tongue here is hot!) then gently apply pressure to your kisses to get the recipient to open up some. When the lips part, gently brush your tongue along the lip line; or even take a minute to savor your partner's flavor, then move in. A slow, deliberate, and steady tongue always wins. For added pleasure, touch the tip of your tongue to theirs and let them undulate and caress each other freely.
WHEW!
(Ed. note: I have to admit. If you're that buddy buddy with your male friend to plant a French on them, more power to you both! I mean, I've kissed quite a few of my male friends, but drunkenness had plenty to do with the occasion.)
Me: "Are you okay with what happened last night?"
JB (Jock Buddy): "Yeah, I'm totally fine, man. You're a good kisser. I mean... your goatee kinda threw me off, but..."
Wha, and abandon graduate studies? Stay a couple of weeks and forget that I have a ton of work to do? Struggle to meet my research requirements?
When do I take off?! ;D
When do I take off?! ;D
blo1988: Reasons to go to Europe in the Fall:
1. Fuck it, I don't have all night...........
1. Fuck it, I don't have all night...........
ORCABOMBER: Reasons to go to Eurpoe during fall:
1) Fuck some Europeans, you have all night! ;D
On topic now, in reverse, have you ever met anyone who was completely against you attempt to hug them, or whatever?
1) Fuck some Europeans, you have all night! ;D
On topic now, in reverse, have you ever met anyone who was completely against you attempt to hug them, or whatever?
blo1988: Yep, but they aren't usually on my top 10 ( or top 100) list of folks to hang out with..............
Inwood: Yes, I do. If it's family it can be hugs and a kiss on the cheek.
With gay friends it's hugs and kisses on the lips :-* and a couple of smart ass remarks questioning their parentage.
However I'm not comfortable kissing (my boyfriends or gay friends) in public areas that are mainly straight. Never have been. However one friend always kisses me hello anytime we meet so I just deal with it when he does it. But where everyone is gay I'm perfectly fine with it.
As to straight male friends -- it depends. How good of friends we are, what our relationship is, etc. I feel very close to some of my straight male friends but seldom do we kiss hello. On occasion it has happened, usually with hugs thrown in, but it's rare.
With gay friends it's hugs and kisses on the lips :-* and a couple of smart ass remarks questioning their parentage.
However I'm not comfortable kissing (my boyfriends or gay friends) in public areas that are mainly straight. Never have been. However one friend always kisses me hello anytime we meet so I just deal with it when he does it. But where everyone is gay I'm perfectly fine with it.
As to straight male friends -- it depends. How good of friends we are, what our relationship is, etc. I feel very close to some of my straight male friends but seldom do we kiss hello. On occasion it has happened, usually with hugs thrown in, but it's rare.
DizzyGus: [quote author=Joey_B link=board=relationships;num=1062815559;start=40#49 date=09/28/03 at 00:13:57]DizzyGus, I think you're the best friend I never met. You sound like an ABSOLUTELY phenomenal dude.
Boy do I know what you're talking about. I'm a hugger too; hell, I'll hug almost anybody, male or female. I'm not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that, etc., and I really don't believe there is), but who doesn't want some warmth now and then? As has been said several times, we're humans; we NEED warmth. We kinda needed warmth just to stay alive back in the caveman days and propagate the species.
I'm interested in a couple of other things Gus said, though, mainly revolving around him being a big guy (in the upstairs-body sense is what I was addressing). I think that gets you excused of a LOT, bro! I'm not a vast dude myself, but having worked construction, I know from really, genuinely BIG guys, and, well, they're able to throw their weight around, and I think you're doing this too, at times, but people around you generally know how it's meant.
When I worked construction, I discovered that hugging was actually the NORM. That surprised the hell out of me, because, although I'm a hugger, well, it's such a macho job. But that turned out to be the POINT. Male to male hugging in that context just keeps the day going smoother. And it's such a definitively masculine thing to be doing in the first place, nobody cares or even thinks about it.
My own best male friend (and I'm as close to him as the one Gus describes) was also a construction foreman (although we didn't work together on this), and I asked him if all this promiscuous hugging was actually the rule. He hadn't even thought about it, and he said he figured it probly was.
I think it's got something to do with the extremely physical nature of the work, and the shared effort of it all. In that job I was hugged by total STRANGERS, and I hugged back with gusto. And I further think that Dizzygus's experience has in part to do with the fact that he's an athlete and, well, is just used to it, because athletics breed the same reactions. You use your body all the time, you actually kind of stop thinking about it. What's a hug really mean? Different things to different people, but sometimes it just means "Whoa, you're still there too?"
Anyway, I think men hugging men is a beautiful thing (if none of your dads or brothers had done this, don't you wish they had?), and I always have enjoyed it. Kissing, now, I've always kinda liked the European model where the cheek kiss is a sign of respect, and I'm not horrified by the idea of lip-kissing a man, but I've always thought of that as something one does just with women. (Hey, gimme SOME points for growth, I'm willing to kiss men on the CHEEK at least! Though I haven't gotten to the point of deciding to squeeze them on the butt, but then I haven't met Gus yet. )[/quote]
Thanks for the compliment, Joey! ;D
Yeah I know I'm a big guy and I am given a free pass sometimes when I do stuff like this but I have never gotten ANY kind of a negative response when being physical with my friends.
If anything negative ever happens I'll post it
But don't hold your breath!
Gus 8)
Boy do I know what you're talking about. I'm a hugger too; hell, I'll hug almost anybody, male or female. I'm not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that, etc., and I really don't believe there is), but who doesn't want some warmth now and then? As has been said several times, we're humans; we NEED warmth. We kinda needed warmth just to stay alive back in the caveman days and propagate the species.
I'm interested in a couple of other things Gus said, though, mainly revolving around him being a big guy (in the upstairs-body sense is what I was addressing). I think that gets you excused of a LOT, bro! I'm not a vast dude myself, but having worked construction, I know from really, genuinely BIG guys, and, well, they're able to throw their weight around, and I think you're doing this too, at times, but people around you generally know how it's meant.
When I worked construction, I discovered that hugging was actually the NORM. That surprised the hell out of me, because, although I'm a hugger, well, it's such a macho job. But that turned out to be the POINT. Male to male hugging in that context just keeps the day going smoother. And it's such a definitively masculine thing to be doing in the first place, nobody cares or even thinks about it.
My own best male friend (and I'm as close to him as the one Gus describes) was also a construction foreman (although we didn't work together on this), and I asked him if all this promiscuous hugging was actually the rule. He hadn't even thought about it, and he said he figured it probly was.
I think it's got something to do with the extremely physical nature of the work, and the shared effort of it all. In that job I was hugged by total STRANGERS, and I hugged back with gusto. And I further think that Dizzygus's experience has in part to do with the fact that he's an athlete and, well, is just used to it, because athletics breed the same reactions. You use your body all the time, you actually kind of stop thinking about it. What's a hug really mean? Different things to different people, but sometimes it just means "Whoa, you're still there too?"
Anyway, I think men hugging men is a beautiful thing (if none of your dads or brothers had done this, don't you wish they had?), and I always have enjoyed it. Kissing, now, I've always kinda liked the European model where the cheek kiss is a sign of respect, and I'm not horrified by the idea of lip-kissing a man, but I've always thought of that as something one does just with women. (Hey, gimme SOME points for growth, I'm willing to kiss men on the CHEEK at least! Though I haven't gotten to the point of deciding to squeeze them on the butt, but then I haven't met Gus yet. )
[/quote]Thanks for the compliment, Joey! ;D
Yeah I know I'm a big guy and I am given a free pass sometimes when I do stuff like this but I have never gotten ANY kind of a negative response when being physical with my friends.
If anything negative ever happens I'll post it
But don't hold your breath!
Gus 8)
;D Guuuuys, don't tempt me !!! I can barely check my emails and join LPSG these days, for I'm graduating. This time for good, France and Roumania.
Anyway, dear Gus, I have a ticket for you. Once more: a Concorde supersonic jet and a limo. I'm hoping for a biiiiiiiig hug when meeting you ;D ;D Deal ?
Anyway, dear Gus, I have a ticket for you. Once more: a Concorde supersonic jet and a limo. I'm hoping for a biiiiiiiig hug when meeting you ;D ;D Deal ?
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