Do you think he could be gay?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by miniskirt, Feb 18, 2011.

  1. miniskirt

    miniskirt New Member

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    Hi, I have a friend that I have been involved with sexually. He regularly comes over and likes to sleep next to me and cuddle at times, but mostly, it's me cuddling him. He's never spooned me - I'm the spooner, even though I'm very petite physically and he is very muscular.

    I give him head quite often because I get off on doing it and he enjoys it too, but he won't kiss me more than just a few pecks. He tells me he doesn't like tongue. I can understand if someone doesn't like to kiss after oral, but this us before. All the while I am giving him head, he's very very passive. From start to finish he just lies on his back and let's me do my thing. I love eye contact doing oral, and he will look down at me while I'm giving him head. I wonder though, if he could be gay? I am an attractive girl with a toned body but he doesn't actively show any signs if lust of attraction towards me.


    We have had sex once but I did all the 'work'. As in, he was aroused and after me giving him head for a bit, said "are you going to get on it now?" and just expected me to "get on it" and arouse and touch myself. I asked him to finger me or go down on me but he said 'no'. It seemed that he wasn't 'progressing', so to speak, then he took me from behind and that did the trick.
     
  2. miniskirt

    miniskirt New Member

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    He told me that he's only slept with one other girl before me, and he did tell me that he was anxious that he would do the wrong thing (if he were to finger me). I told him that u wouldn't expect him to know what to do if he's never been shown and that I'd guide his hand to show him what I like, but still he holds back.
     
  3. bryce05

    bryce05 Active Member

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    What do you think?
     
  4. arthur

    arthur New Member

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    Oh dear sweet girl... let him go... He's got broadway cast recordings to go buy...
     
  5. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    It's just as likely that he just isn't attracted to you.
     
  6. FeroxFemina

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    You deserve so much more than this. Gay or not, this guy is not right for you.
     
  7. DV8

    DV8
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    In all fairness, we can't say whether or not he's gay because we don't know him. And it would be quite bias, because we don't know his perspective. Judging by the sound of it, he may just lack "certain skills." I mean, you said that he's only been with one girl- that's not enough to make him a pro. And I'm willing to bet that he's intelligent and reserved.

    Doesn't make him gay, I'm just willing to believe that he's probably still learning. And it's not something that he can just be taught. Some things, we have to learn on our own. Give him time.
     
  8. dickscreet

    dickscreet New Member

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    It is your question, so I realize I shouldnt go changing it .... however, I dont think whether he is gay or not is really the issue. My question is "Is this good enough for you ??" and I am hoping you are going to say, "Hell No. I deserve better."
     
  9. D_Roland_D_Hay

    D_Roland_D_Hay Account Disabled

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    I'm not into labels, but I would call this one selfish!! :)
     
  10. miniskirt

    miniskirt New Member

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    Thanks all, for your replies. I know that he is very inexperienced and is not at all sexually confident. When we had sex, he asked me to put the condom on him and to guide it in in both positions (from behind as well). He didn't know how to remove the condom either. I'm all for teaching partners, and he's said he wants to learn, but it really seems to me that these are just words, not how he actually feels, seeings he won't even so much as finger me while I give him head, or any other time for that matter. This is quite frustrating for me and I have spoken to him about it during 'neutral', non-sexual time, telling him that I don't expect him to know what he's doing if he hadn't done it before and that I would like to guide him but he isn't very responsive during these conversations.

    He gets hard very quickly when I stroke his chest or lie on him, but he is so reserved sexually, that it makes me feel very much less than desired and I don't like this. It could just be that he gets hard easily rather than being attracted to me, even though he says things like "you have a really good body".

    He has asked me about my sex with another (particular) woman, wanting to know who is more dominant and I told him "she loves going down on me and I love going down on her" and that it's pretty even as we both love to get each other off, but she may be slightly more dominant than me. What I found odd was that he expressed a kind of disgust that she is a bit bigger (as usually straight guys wouldn't be so discriminate when hearing of lesbian sex- they just like to hear it) and that he screwed his nose up and said "I don't like it", referring to performing oral on a woman.
     
    #10 miniskirt, Feb 18, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2011
  11. BigD_2

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    1. Agree with previous posters who think you deserve better than this sexually.

    2. How is the relationship about everything else? Because if he's a great guy in every other way but the sex is awkward, you can work on improving the sex. But working on the sex isn't worth it probably if he's not good elsewhere.

    3. How old is he? Inexperience goes a long way towards unwillingness to do stuff IMO.

    4. Might he be a little reserved with you because you like women as well as men?

    5. All I can say about the gay thing is, you've said nothing that would make me think he's gay. Guys come in all kinds, right? And some may just not like kissing, and may not be that sexually expressive. That doesn't mean they would rather be having sex with a dude than with you.

    It may mean, however, that you need to find a more expressive guy to have sex with to make *you* happy.
     
  12. miniskirt

    miniskirt New Member

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    You are both so right. It really does fall so far short of what I want from my sexual experiences. I want to be made to feel sexy and desired and attractive. And I want things to be passionate and hot and reciprocated, and with him, it is none of the above. I get into sex and get right into giving him head. I'd go so far as to say that from all appearances, I enjoy giving it more than he enjoys receiving it. I love love love sex noises, and I moan while giving head but he seems to stifle his pleasure sounds. I understand that everyone is different, but as someone who appreciates moaning, this is disappointing. It just seems to be another way he is a lot less than active/appreciative/into it in bed. One way I do know he us enjoying it is by watching the way his body moves, also the changes in his breathing, and that he sometimes puts the pillow over his face to stifle his noises.

    Hahaha! This made me laugh! A lot!

    Yes! Lol!
     
  13. miniskirt

    miniskirt New Member

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    We are not in a relationship as such. The way we know each other is that he is my personal trainer. We become more than friends halfway through last year after he began flirting with me at the gym, via text and on the phone. I value his friendship greatly and he tells me how much of a good friend I am to him and showers me with kisses on the cheek.

    He's 26 (I'm 28).
    This is something else pointing to him possibly being gay. He's 26, he's a very good-looking guy with an awesome body (being a personal trainer) yet he has only slept with two girls - me and one before me. As far as I know, he has kissed three.
    Some time ago, I asked him if he'd ever kiss a guy (this was before I had any suspicions he might be gay - it was just in conversation out if curiosity) and he said "no way" as he is Christian and the Bible states that that is wrong. I realise that this could also lead to him having little experience.

    Yes that is very possible, especially as I am very confident about sleeping with women and my 'skills' in that department. I'd say I'm comfortable with both sexes, but more confident sleeping with women. Though right back when we first became more than friends, he was very keen to have a threesome with me and another girl. (It didn't end up happening.)

    Yes, you are very right here. I absolutely do need someone more expressive than him to make me happy. The annoying thing is that I still do enjoy giving him head but I am left feeling a lot less than satisfied.

    Thanks for your great reply. :)
     
  14. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    You haven't given me any reason to think he's Gay at any rate, he just sounds sexually awkward. Some people are deeply uncomfortable about sex, many people don't go through an experimental phase with themselves or with other people and they don't develop the kind of sexual confidence that would make them the kind of confident and expressive lover they might otherwise be.

    Sometimes a little encouragement and positive reinforcement can help, sometimes these kinds of people need a little deeper help getting in contact with themselves and other people sexually, therapy or counseling or other forms of personal and interpersonal exploration can help. Some people don't ever find an effective way to get in touch with their sexuality, they stay in that somewhat restricted and closed off state.
     
  15. MsThang

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    maybe he needs to watch some porn
     
  16. DV8

    DV8
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    I think you should stop trying to get our opinions and our reasonings, and just talk to him. Apparently, this is an issue for you. And you're not resolving the situation by discussing it with us. Just tell him how you feel. If it doesn't work out, then hey- maybe it just wasn't meant to be. I think it's awesome that he has a great body, but if you're not satisfied, and things aren't getting any better- why waste your time? You're already suspecting that he might be gay anyway.

    So, tell him what's on your mind, and see where it goes. What's the worst that could happen?
     
  17. D_Chocho_Lippz

    D_Chocho_Lippz Account Disabled

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    I think you answered your own question here.

    This guy probably isn't gay, hes just sexually bound by his religious beliefs. As a human, he is sexual and he knows this. We all know that we are sexual creatures! However, as humans we have the option to put certain limits on ourselves or push ourselves to do certain things.

    He said that kissing guys is wrong because the Bible says so. Do you think this also applies to pre-marital sex?

    He is probably into you, hence the flirting. But pre-marital sex is something that the church pounds into your head that is very wrong. That is why he is passive in the act. It may even be why he is more OK with taking you from behind... as that is "less personal." He may also be somewhat turned off by the fact that you are bi-sexual and thus against the Bible too.

    I speak from experience.
     
  18. D_Chocho_Lippz

    D_Chocho_Lippz Account Disabled

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    Also, I agree. Body or whatever else is keeping you there... if you aren't satisfied sexually now... then good chance you never will be.

    I think Sexual Compatibility is the #5 reason of reasons for divorce.

    Talk to him... ask him what he thinks about sex and the Bible. Hell, make up a story about one of your "friends" who has a boyfriend who is real religious and won't have sex with her, should they stay together. That way, he doesn't feel like you are cornering him.
     
  19. rayray

    rayray Active Member

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    Hey , he can get it hard and lets you do all the work...One word selfish..In the gay world they call that a "Do me Queen...Drop him...
     
  20. B_theaussieone

    B_theaussieone New Member

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    Gay or not what an asshole telling you to get on with it.

    You do realiseyour female right, that you can get sex from pretty much most men without any effort. throw him away and move on. Maybe date one of his collegues or one of he guys he trains lol.
     
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