Do you think of certain people as nonsexual?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by basincreek, Jan 3, 2011.

  1. basincreek

    basincreek New Member

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    I had a strange conversation the other day. It was with the wife of a friend.

    Okay, the setup: I was talking about how I finally met a lady online that seemed to be interested in a relationship with a sexual component but I lamented how the woman in question has to save up money to afford to fly in from Europe. This was followed by me whining a bit about how frustrating it is to have look outside your own country to find someone to have sex with.

    Anyways she said something really weird that basically amounted to her being uncomfortable with me actually losing my virginity because she had always thought of me as a nonsexual person.

    :confused:

    This struck me as odd because it's not like I hadn't talked about women I find attractive and stuff around her. Yet somehow it seemed disconcerting to her that I might actually be a sexual being.

    So is this a common thing to think about other people? I ask because I don't really ever recall thinking this about anyone else.
     
  2. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I've thought this way about the occasional person before. It's not as though I genuinely think the person doesn't have (or want to have) sex. I just don't don't see them as sexual. Sorry I can't explain it better. It's not really a logical feeling, thus it's hard to explain.
     
  3. luka82

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    I am NONsexual, but there are still freaks who wanna do me! ;)
     
  4. Bbucko

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    There are people whom I cannot visualize having sex (such as my grandparents when they were alive) and those whom I perceive as asexual (several former coworkers spring to mind).

    Those whom I perceived as asexual either had no interest in pursuing a romantic life or else were extraordinarily discreet, as sex and/or relationships made up the lion's share of personal banter in my past workplaces and they'd either avoid the subject or change it, so after a while we'd all know better than bring it up around them.

    There are also people like myself, who go through waves of higher and lower interest in sex, from celibate to hyper-sexual. But because I currently work in a highly sexualized environment (and my affect generally is very sexual anyway), I actually get laid a lot less often than is perceived or assumed.
     
  5. LaFemme

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    There are people that I don't want to think of as being sexual....parents, certain co-workers etc. And I guess I have met a few people I see as being either non-sexual or asexual. My fourth grade teacher - never dated, never married and evidently didn't even want to try (small town knowledge). Was she in the closet? Or asexual.... there's been a few people like that who seem to have no interest in any form of relationship intimacy.

    Maybe your friend meant that she preferred NOT to think of you in a sexual way - not that you were nonsexual.
     
  6. helgaleena

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    She's been comfortable with you before this on a friendship level because the subject of sex didn't ever come up. I think maybe she's uncomfortable with the subject more than with you personally. For her ease in talking with you in future, don't bring up the topic.

    It's like a bodily function squick that everyone has about different subjects. My mother loves to broadcast all sorts of clinical details about her health, having been brought up in a family of physicians, but it continues to embarrass me, whether we are in mixed company or not. What's worse, she'll tell anybody else's health problems if they've been disclosed to her as if they are broadcast news. Some call it the 'oh my bunions' syndrome.

    Being of the opposite sex and married, she is allowed to feel uncomfortable discussing that subject with an eligible young male.
     
  7. Daisy

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    Basin, people know you a certain way. You can change their perception of you over time as you become more confident and start dating. People will adjust.
     
  8. B_Nicodemous

    B_Nicodemous New Member

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    I have nothing to add. Everyone else has said it, lol Oh wait! I had a hard time seeing one of my friends as sexual, but that was because she was very reserved when I met her and I think it was just the shock factor of it. It was like a 3 second period of vertigo, then a mental shrug, a, meh, and a reclassification of her in my mind. No biggie really. Then there are some people I just don't want to think about having an active sex life, or really can't picture. Some make sense (relatives for example) but others are pretty random. If I think about it, though, I feel those people most likely fall along the same lines as the aforementioned friend.
     
  9. basincreek

    basincreek New Member

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    That's an interesting point helgaleena. What's weird is that she's discussed relationship stuff with me in the past and never seemed to have a problem with it. This only seemed to come up when there was an actual specter of hope for me becoming sexually active.

    I can't help but wonder if she thinks of me as some naive child or something. Someone she doesn't want to see "tarnished" with lust or something to that effect.

    If that's the case then I hope Seaside is correct that actually becoming sexually active will erase or ease these perceptions.
     
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