Do you think that dating is harder now than it used to be?

rtg

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I was having this conversation with my mum the other day... We were talking about dating being harder now with social media, cell phones and whatnot... Essentially people are always almost available (as in they have their phone on them) which can cause issues in the dating world if someone takes awhile to respond... And can also result in high levels of anxiety. I don't even use social media for this reason. And a friend of mine also just deactivated her Facebook from the anxiety it caused her (not relationship related though).

It also seems as though with the Internet there's just too many options out there so ppl are less likely to "settle" and are always looking for "the next best thing". But maybe it could be that I'm just not the best thing... Who knows... :s

I remember in my early 20s, this guy I was dating moved overseas and we would just email and write each other letters. Although we still used the Internet it definitely wasn't as stressful as communicating through social media or via texting.

Anyway... What do you guys think?
 
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I don't do online dating anymore, exactly for the reasons you mention.

Social media offers us all these opportunities, so the downside is that no one can focus on just one thing anymore. They always have to find out what else is out there, that they might be missing out on. Online dating, for example... no one ever just writes with one person any more and throw their dreams and hopes into it maybe being "it"... no, they always keep a backup and always have to check their profile, just to see if someone else might have written.

I, for one, couldn´t deal with that.
 

rtg

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I don't do online dating anymore, exactly for the reasons you mention.

Social media offers us all these opportunities, so the downside is that no one can focus on just one thing anymore. They always have to find out what else is out there, that they might be missing out on. Online dating, for example... no one ever just writes with one person any more and throw their dreams and hopes into it maybe being "it"... no, they always keep a backup and always have to check their profile, just to see if someone else might have written.

I, for one, couldn´t deal with that.
I totally agree. That's why I no longer do internet dating. Unlike most of the ppl out there, if I find someone who I like then I won't go on anymore and talk to others. And I am sadly guilty of the sad thing of then going on just to see if the guy is... And then I see he is and well, it makes me realise I'm probably more invested in it and then I do something to sabotage it... Mostly it's unintentional but I think it's my defence mechanism coming into play.
 
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I totally agree. That's why I no longer do internet dating. Unlike most of the ppl out there, if I find someone who I like then I won't go on anymore and talk to others. And I am sadly guilty of the sad thing of then going on just to see if the guy is... And then I see he is and well, it makes me realise I'm probably more invested in it and then I do something to sabotage it... Mostly it's unintentional but I think it's my defence mechanism coming into play.

I think you're right. In the olden days (I sound like an old fart) it was way harder to get a date, but you had the advantage of actually knowing if there was any chemistry or not between the participants. Now we arrange it all from behind a screen, build up this imaginary vision of the other person, which only rarely comes true.

So yeah... maybe more difficult to arrange a date years ago, but I think the success rate was way higher.
 

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I think you're right. In the olden days (I sound like an old fart) it was way harder to get a date, but you had the advantage of actually knowing if there was any chemistry or not between the participants. Now we arrange it all from behind a screen, build up this imaginary vision of the other person, which only rarely comes true.

So yeah... maybe more difficult to arrange a date years ago, but I think the success rate was way higher.
Yeah and I think it was easier to meet ppl back then too maybe.. These days ppl are just stuck behind their screens; whether it be indoors or outdoors.

And from what I can tell people were "in relationships" much faster than today and actually worked at it as opposed to running away at the first sign of difficulty. It seems as tho when someone finds something they don't like about the other they have no trouble moving onto the next person then... It's like it's a never ending search for perfection and ppl will never be happy with who they meet. I think that's why there are so many cheaters out there these days too.

I can't relate to doing any of these things, but I can definitely relate to being on the receiving end far too many times.
 
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Yeah and I think it was easier to meet ppl back then too maybe.. These days ppl are just stuck behind their screens; whether it be indoors or outdoors.

And from what I can tell people were "in relationships" much faster than today and actually worked at it as opposed to running away at the first sign of difficulty. It seems as tho when someone finds something they don't like about the other they have no trouble moving onto the next person then... It's like it's a never ending search for perfection and ppl will never be happy with who they meet. I think that's why there are so many cheaters out there these days too.

I can't relate to doing any of these things, but I can definitely relate to being on the receiving end far too many times.

Me too, having been on the receiving end. Hence, no dating for me :)
 
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Why do you think ppl are like that??? That's what I can't understand... I could never be like that.

Shallow consumer culture, I think. We use stuff and throw it away, as soon as some new minor update comes out, even though it might not do anything different or better than the previous version.

Why wouldn´t that spill over into our personal relations too? Sad, but true...
 
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rtg

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Shallow consumer culture, I think. We use stuff and throw it away, as soon as some new minor update comes out, even though it might not do anything different or better than the previous version.

Why wouldn´t that spill over into our personal relations too? Sad, but true...
Sadly, I think you are so right. Everything is dispensable. I'm tired of being thrown away :( the newer things always seem great at first... But at the end of the day they really are no better than the older models and break easier :p

It's funny whenever I meet a guy he tells me how nice I am and how he's not used to someone doing thoughtful things for him... I suppose cos a lot of women are like the ppl we are talking about. But then they just want to go back to that...
 
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Sadly, I think you are so right. Everything is dispensable. I'm tired of being thrown away :( the newer things always seem great at first... But at the end of the day they really are no better than the older models and break easier :p

It's funny whenever I meet a guy he tells me how nice I am and how he's not used to someone doing thoughtful things for him... I suppose cos a lot of women are like the ppl we are talking about. But then they just want to go back to that...

Same goes for women, I'm afraid. I'm a pretty thoughtful, old-school kind of guy. Just not the type, who can date more than one at a time and when I date, I go into it with a hope of it might being "it". Not like I propose marriage from day 1 or anything, I'm all for going slow. But if you don't have any hopes of it maybe becoming something more permanent, what's the meaning then?

But too often I see them going back to that loser boyfriend, who cheated on them. Doesn't make sense.
 

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Same goes for women, I'm afraid. I'm a pretty thoughtful, old-school kind of guy. Just not the type, who can date more than one at a time and when I date, I go into it with a hope of it might being "it". Not like I propose marriage from day 1 or anything, I'm all for going slow. But if you don't have any hopes of it maybe becoming something more permanent, what's the meaning then?

But too often I see them going back to that loser boyfriend, who cheated on them. Doesn't make sense.
You and I sound very much alike... I can only date one person at a time too and from very early on I fantasise about having a future with the guy. Makes me feel so pathetic.

Sometimes I wish I was back in the 1920s and we would meet at a ball, he would ask me to dance, would be such a gentleman and then the guy would ask me to marry him after one date lol. At least then you know you both are on the same page and invested in making it work.
 
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You and I sound very much alike... I can only date one person at a time too and from very early on I fantasise about having a future with the guy. Makes me feel so pathetic.

Sometimes I wish I was back in the 1920s and we would meet at a ball, he would ask me to dance, would be such a gentleman and then the guy would ask me to marry him after one date lol. At least then you know you both are on the same page and invested in making it work.

I'm sure they had their issues too, and might even have been bigger (for you women, indeed).

Nowadays, at least we all got financial independence, so very few women (as opposed to back then) are forced to stay with a man out of economical concerns. Think there was a lot of relationships based on comfort, rather than love and lust back then :)
 
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I'm sure they had their issues too, and might even have been bigger (for you women, indeed).

Nowadays, at least we all got financial independence, so very few women (as opposed to back then) are forced to stay with a man out of economical concerns. Think there was a lot of relationships based on comfort, rather than love and lust back then :)
That's true... I guess I just want a guy with old fashioned morals :)
 

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It's actually difficult to say for sure but i'd guess thats a yes and no answer. It's insanely easier to contact other people and i've heard easier to date. As in easier to get a date. It's just relationships don't last nearly as long. I'm thinking a lot of that boils down to there being more people on the planet. And then theres diversity. Theres many more different kinds of people out there. And then theres culture or people's ideals in general. I think most people think that since we have these new fangled gadgets that they should count for something. That we should be using them as much as possible and as efficiently as possible.

Over time that way of thinking passes on into our everyday lives. Our tools are no longer tools but parts of us. We now define ourselves by it and the image it tosses back at us. I mean it's not new. People have always used material things to mask who they really are or were or want to be. It's just that theres even much more variety in that.

Back in the day you couldn't contact people from across the globe. The people nearest to you were your globe. It's kind of sad to say but for a lot of people less choice really does mean more happiness. I'm guessing thats because people in general don't like change. To be more specific, unexpected change. And as the years go by most people want less and less change. Less surprises.

The fun part. Or at least the interesting part is that the more technology there is the faster change happens. In every avenue you can think of. Also, with more change and technology comes the more issues to deal with. The more reasons to or not to dump someone. Ignorance is bliss and all that.

So yeah. Harder? Yes and no. The simpler you make your life the easier it'll be. If that is, you're looking for easier.
 
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The birth rate of industrialized nations is going to decline rapidly because of mass internet use, people just don't know how to actually connect with others in the real world. Some on here say it is easier to meet people due to the internet, I say that is bogus because if you ever look at online dating sites the "about me" sections are filled with a checklist of demands for a potential partner. I think the other issue, as someone has mentioned on here, is that people are constantly looking for something better, there isn't anything necessarily wrong with that but when you've found a great guy or girl you connect with and you are still looking.....something is wrong.

In a way I think this is kind of a good thing that these people will straggle to ever find meaningful relationships, because they are toxic and selfish individuals with nothing to offer. Try to imagine these types of people raising children, that is a scary thought to say the least. I actually had a conversation about online dating with a class mate a couple weeks about this. He was saying how he was having a hard time finding a girl who was single, most quality females are always in relationships, and some other guy suggested trying online dating sites. I told him to not waste his time on there as practically every woman had the check list of demands without having anything to offer besides her vagina, most of them were also not very attractive physically and many were single moms.

From a man's perspective, we live in a bad time due to this feminist society we live in but these issues have a negative impact on both genders, and what you are discussing is an example of this.
 
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The birth rate of industrialized nations is going to decline rapidly because of mass internet use, people just don't know how to actually connect with others in the real world. Some on here say it is easier to meet people due to the internet, I say that is bogus because if you ever look at online dating sites the "about me" sections are filled with a checklist of demands for a potential partner. I think the other issue, as someone has mentioned on here, is that people are constantly looking for something better, there isn't anything necessarily wrong with that but when you've found a great guy or girl you connect with and you are still looking.....something is wrong.

In a way I think this is kind of a good thing that these people will straggle to ever find meaningful relationships, because they are toxic and selfish individuals with nothing to offer. Try to imagine these types of people raising children, that is a scary thought to say the least. I actually had a conversation about online dating with a class mate a couple weeks about this. He was saying how he was having a hard time finding a girl who was single, most quality females are always in relationships, and some other guy suggested trying online dating sites. I told him to not waste his time on there as practically every woman had the check list of demands without having anything to offer besides her vagina, most of them were also not very attractive physically and many were single moms.

From a man's perspective, we live in a bad time due to this feminist society we live in but these issues have a negative impact on both genders, and what you are discussing is an example of this.
Feminism is only a bad thing for the men who want to control or abuse women. As a single mother I think that the right to choose whether to be in a relationship or not, the right to choose who to have a relationship with, the right to choose to leave a relationship, are all wonderful.

I'm curious to hear what negative effects you think feminism has had.