Do You Think You Might Regret Your Embrace Of Your Asexuality When You Are Older?

[Scarletbegonia]

Of course, but I am not sex repulsed and it’s important to my partner so I do it despite not needing it myself.

I get that.
I file that under Good, Giving, Game.
I do crave connection, and his preferred way is physical.
I want him happy, so off we go.

 

[deleted2696141]

when you are middle-aged and a senior and have lost your looks, and you therefore will have no choice but to be asexual at that point in your life

...ouch! I'm in my late 30s and I felt that.

I don't experience sexual attraction but I do experience romantic and aesthetic attraction. I can safely say, from experience, that being middle-aged/senior is not a death sentence for your attractiveness.

 

[mallak]

...ouch! I'm in my late 30s and I felt that.

I don't experience sexual attraction but I do experience romantic and aesthetic attraction. I can safely say, from experience, that being middle-aged/senior is not a death sentence for your attractiveness.

haha no, i wasn't thinking of late thirties at all, 55 and up moreso is what i meant, sorry another thing i should have been more specific about i guess. Also I should have said "good chance to lose your looks" instead of automatically, haha.

 

[mallak]

...ouch! I'm in my late 30s and I felt that.

I don't experience sexual attraction but I do experience romantic and aesthetic attraction. I can safely say, from experience, that being middle-aged/senior is not a death sentence for your attractiveness.

"Aesthetic attraction", is that the same as lust except it doesn't make your penis hard?

 

[Scarletbegonia]

"Aesthetic attraction", is that the same as lust except it doesn't make your penis hard?

I resonate with the term. people as art, I say.

also, a side question, when is someone “older?” Does it change with gender or sexuality?

 

[mallak]

I resonate with the term. people as art, I say.

also, a side question, when is someone “older?” Does it change with gender or sexuality?

Imo it's when you look in the mirror and say fuck, I used to look a lot better than this. For me personally that was 35, for others maybe it's 25, yet others maybe it's 80. Bland , general, pc opinion I guess, but that's my true assessment.

 

[deleted2696141]

"Aesthetic attraction", is that the same as lust except it doesn't make your penis hard?

Not exactly. The model I tend to use has four main types of attraction (but it's just a model so ofc there's room for exceptions, nuance, etc).

Sexual - when you want to have sex with a perso.
Romantic - when you want to be in a loving relationship with a person.
Platonic - when you want to spend time with the person as a friend.
Aesthetic - when you just think the person is really nice to look at.

That list is from least common to most common in terms of my own experience. And not everyone has to be just one category, the form(s) of attraction can change.

Tbh, it's learning about this more granular approach to attraction that helped me to unpack my own feelings and realise I'm basically ace. Maybe a little bit grey.

 

[deleted2696141]

Imo it's when you look in the mirror and say fuck, I used to look a lot better than this. For me personally that was 35, for others maybe it's 25, yet others maybe it's 80. Bland , general, pc opinion I guess, but that's my true assessment.

Fair.

I would want to add that not feeling attractive in yourself doesn't mean you aren't attractive to other people

That said I appreciate self confidence can be a big factor in forming relationships.

Romantically and aesthetically I skew towards older people, and that's still the case in my late 30s.

 

[mallak]

Not exactly. The model I tend to use has four main types of attraction (but it's just a model so ofc there's room for exceptions, nuance, etc).

Sexual - when you want to have sex with a perso.
Romantic - when you want to be in a loving relationship with a person.
Platonic - when you want to spend time with the person as a friend.
Aesthetic - when you just think the person is really nice to look at.

That list is from least common to most common in terms of my own experience. And not everyone has to be just one category, the form(s) of attraction can change.

Tbh, it's learning about this more granular approach to attraction that helped me to unpack my own feelings and realise I'm basically ace. Maybe a little bit grey.

By that definition I don't think I would be very flattered if someone said they were "aesthetically attracted" to me. I'd feel like a nice piece of furniture or something.

 

[deleted2696141]

By that definition I don't think I would be very flattered if someone said they were "aesthetically attracted" to me. I'd feel like a nice piece of furniture or something.

Again, very fair and I'd agree

I guess if I were to tell someone I'd be less... clinical about it and tell them I think they're pretty?

Edit: fyi your comment almost made me snort coffee out my nose

 

[mallak]

Again, very fair and I'd agree

I guess if I were to tell someone I'd be less... clinical about it and tell them I think they're pretty?

Edit: fyi your comment almost made me snort coffee out my nose

Haha sorry I almost made you have a mishap. I'm sort of speaking from experience again I guess, I suspect a lot of guys have found me more pretty than sexy for various reasons throughout my life, and it's gotten frustrating sometimes because I am more sexual than asexual.. Sorry sort of a humble brag, and Im not showing pics to back myself up haha, not that brave yet, but just being topical.

 

[mallak]

Haha sorry I almost made you have a mishap. I'm sort of speaking from experience again I guess, I suspect a lot of guys have found me more pretty than sexy for various reasons throughout my life, and it's gotten frustrating sometimes because I am more sexual than asexual.. Sorry sort of a humble brag, and Im not showing pics to back myself up haha, not that brave yet, but just being topical.

Hi sorry for ranting in this thread,I'm sure no one really cares that much but just re-reading my last post I realize it sounds maybe a little douchey, just qualifying that I'm also aware that maybe I wasn't too pretty, and I could have been just flat out physically ugly or unattractive personality, mannerisms, etc. for them too, just wanted to edit myself past the time limit, thanks.

 

[deleted2696141]

Hi sorry for ranting in this thread,I'm sure no one really cares that much but just re-reading my last post I realize it sounds maybe a little douchey, just qualifying that I'm also aware that maybe I wasn't too pretty, and I could have been just flat out physically ugly or unattractive personality, mannerisms, etc. for them too, just wanted to edit myself past the time limit, thanks.

That's okay

Tbh that could be interpreted as you experiencing the same feelings ace people do when people are expecting sex from them. The basic idea of them experiencing some form of attraction to you, just not the kind you were hoping for is super relatable

 

[nhguy78]

Again, very fair and I'd agree

I guess if I were to tell someone I'd be less... clinical about it and tell them I think they're pretty?

Edit: fyi your comment almost made me snort coffee out my nose

I don't have a problem telling someone they are beautiful or hot. I usually mean it in a very aesthetic sort of way. It may spur platonic or romantic desire. It usually has nothing to do with wanting to have sex. Intimacy on a different level, perhaps. I would call myself sex favorable some days.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

By that definition I don't think I would be very flattered if someone said they were "aesthetically attracted" to me. I'd feel like a nice piece of furniture or something.

what do you call a cute guy hanging on a wall?
Art.

 

[TrueB2]

Recently I got into a relationship. My first relationship. Now, I've fooled around before, but it didn't make me feel anything special. My boyfriend and I have fooled around once so far and I thought "Maybe I like guys" or "I just needed to do stuff with the right person to feel how I should during sex", but when he was giving me my first blowjob I didn't feel what people make it out to feel like. It was warm and that's the only way I can describe it. I don't think I can mentally or emotionally get into sex and that's when I knew for sure I was definitely on the Ace Spectrum. I didn't hate it and I'm not sex repulsed. If anything I just liked that he enjoyed it. Honestly it was kinda weird lol. I felt like I was supposed to say something or make a noise hahaha. He was way more verbal and I also thought it was weird. I also kept thinking "hmm what am I going to eat after this" and "I can't wait to start that new book I bought"