Do you think your early sexual encounters influenced your current orientation

[NCbear]

When I was younger, I practiced kissing on my teddy bear and pillow. Does that mean anything?

Woo-hoo! Whenever I turn straight, I know who to go to for . . . appreciation!

NCbear (who's tremendously amused by mercurialbliss's admission of perving on her bear)

 

[tripod]

I was a little kid in the seventies. Pantyhose and tights were EVERYWHERE in the 70's... I had a pantyhose fetish ever since I was in pre-school. Not the feet licking pantyhose fetish, but the "run my hands up and down over the smooth silkiness" kind of fetish. I remember just walking under the skirts of the sexier pre-school teachers and checking out their legs and panties to their surprise! lol! Of course the hotpants and spandex that women wore didn't help... the tight jeans fucked me up even more!!! Women were wearing leotards under their tight jeans with no bra... with the glorious hair of the seventies, I was fucking HOOKED on women at the tender age of 4! lol!!! Plus, my Mom was hot and wore all of these clothes, which started my obsession with women, if my Mom would've been normal looking, who knows, maybe I would be gay now...

Olivia Newton John's scene at the end of Grease was my first spandex crush, with Charlie's Angels, Linda Carter, Charlene Tilton, the Solid Gold Dancers, Agnette from AABA, the inside cover of Donna Summers "Bad Girls" album (anyone have this pic?) and a chance happening upon the nudes of "Helmut Newton" in a photography book cementing my straightness.

I did however, have a sexual dream about Ace Frehley from Kiss when I was like 6, but I thought that he was a girl, so that didn't count! lol!!!

 

[2322]

You're wondering if being raped made you bisexual and you're resentful and angry that you think it's possible that the rape made you even that much gay. You may even have enjoyed the physical sensations of being raped if not the emotional ones or even perhaps enjoyed both and, therefore, don't consider it rape.

This is a form of survivor's guilt and it's quite common with gay and bisexual men who have gone through similar experiences. It's cliche to say, but I urge you to see a rape counselor who can help you sort through these feelings. In another post you've said it's frustrating to be unable to commit to one gender or another and I was very much with you in that and for the same reasons. Through counseling I came to release that feeling once I understood its origins and its effect on my life even all these years later.

I'm not one to call myself a victim and I resent people who take on a victim mentality. The word, "rape," is loaded with all kinds of social stigmata and not all of it helpful to the person to whom it has happened because you think of rape and you think of some bloody and bruised woman in a hospital with her legs in stirrups getting swabbed as she cries uncontrollably. Viscerally I cannot be like that mental image so I have to think of other words for it.

Vast numbers of men who have been raped feel the same thing so they never seek medical treatment, help, or legal justice. They just stew in their juices for the rest of their lives.

PM me if you want to talk about it more. I'm happy to help you out any way I can. :smile:

As to whether encounters influence orientation, I must take my hat off to Lex who I think said it succinctly.

 

[Lex]

Great points Jason_els. I used to give a lot of power to the fact that I was a victim of sexual assault (not rape). I used to dwell on it as I discovered my orientation and really wondered if that experience had halted my own realization of my true self. Being assaulted like that surely sent me a message that whatever was going on with me was NOT okay. I am just happy that I have gotten past it and that I am (now) able to be okay with being who I am.

 

[Gonzo3]

After nearly twenty years, I'm still trying to figure out why I'm a bisexual. In HS, being on the swim team and seeing my other buddies in the showers after practices and meets, I knew I was larger than most but never really gave it much thought. Graduated HS as a virgin except for a lot of blowjobs. Girls I dated weren't opposed to giving me head, but flat out refused to fuck, so my experiences were less than satisfying. Most of my freshman year in college was basically the same. I wasn't really interested in guys and wasn't the least bit curious. That is until after a team party where a couple of seniors on the team got me shitface drunk and had their way with me. What followed the next morning was unbelievable. Up until that time I hadn't even thought about giving another guy head. Tho, I'd had blowjobs from other guys prior to that, the mere idea of returning the favor really grossed me out. That morning was also the first time I'd put my cock up another guy's ass and much to my surprise found that I really enjoyed that too. Still years later, I've never bottomed for another guy and will probably get flamed for saying as much, but really don't want to either. I know a lot of you, knew you were gay and had inclinations or experiences at a much earlier age. That's fine, but my question is really posed for those of you that came out after HS. So like, the title says, I'm curious about whether or not you feel that your first experiences involving penetration influenced your current orientation.

........No.

 

[Tanvir]

I believe your early sexual experiences, pleasant or unpleasant, can influence your orientation-make you gay or straight. Absolutely!

You have a sexual experience with another male early in life, this opens you to more choices than someone who has only experienced heterosexuality. Whether you are active sexually as bi or as a gay man, you will always know what pleasure can be shared with both sexes. Because of this, I choose to be bisexual. Why deny myself pleasure with men, when I know what I can have with both?!

 

[2322]

:hug: I love you Lex. You're such a sweetie. What a lucky man your partner is!

Great points Jason_els. I used to give a lot of power to the fact that I was a victim of sexual assault (not rape). I used to dwell on it as I discovered my orientation and really wondered if that experience had halted my own realization of my true self. Being assaulted like that surely sent me a message that whatever was going on with me was NOT okay. I am just happy that I have gotten past it and that I am (now) able to be okay with being who I am.

 

[Lex]

I believe your early sexual experiences, pleasant or unpleasant, can influence your orientation-make you gay or straight. Absolutely!

I don't believe this. I think that experience can shape behavior but not orientation (which is innate and not how you act)

Your orientation is who you are attracted to--what is in your head and heart. Behavior (sexual acts) is how you choose to live out (act out) on your attraction (or not).

I do not think that an experience can make you gay. An experience can help you realize you may not be straight (which is the default expectation in our societies), but it does not make you something you were not--it merely opens a closed part of yourself that has always been there.

 

[Primal_Savage]

You're wondering if being raped made you bisexual and you're resentful and angry that you think it's possible that the rape made you even that much gay. You may even have enjoyed the physical sensations of being raped if not the emotional ones or even perhaps enjoyed both and, therefore, don't consider it rape.

This is a form of survivor's guilt and it's quite common with gay and bisexual men who have gone through similar experiences. It's cliche to say, but I urge you to see a rape counselor who can help you sort through these feelings. In another post you've said it's frustrating to be unable to commit to one gender or another and I was very much with you in that and for the same reasons. Through counseling I came to release that feeling once I understood its origins and its effect on my life even all these years later....

....Vast numbers of men who have been raped feel the same thing so they never seek medical treatment, help, or legal justice. They just stew in their juices for the rest of their lives.

PM me if you want to talk about it more. I'm happy to help you out any way I can. :smile:

As to whether encounters influence orientation, I must take my hat off to Lex who I think said it succinctly.

Jason, Wanted to thank you and Lex, in particular, for your responses seeing that you're both about my age. Since I joined lpsg two months ago, what I like best is being able to openly discuss various things with other guys/women, see things thru their eyes, and get things off my chest and come to the realization that I'm not the most screwed guy in the world. I was one of those guys that stewed throughout the rest of my college days in anger, shame, disgust and denial despite the fact that I continued to have sex with guys as well as women...always asking myself, "what's wrong with me? and why am I doing this." I'm doing my best to put most of the emotional baggage that I've carried for so long behind me. No longer, am I taking the attitude that I don't want to talk about it.

 

[Tanvir]

....Your orientation is who you are attracted to--what is in your head and heart. Behavior (sexual acts) is how you choose to live out (act out) on your attraction (or not).....

But how do you make this determination? Perhaps you are open to having sex with everybody, but only "act out" with women. Are you gay or bi, but never having sex with men? You can argue that this is a closeted gay or bi male, but if the impulse has never been strong enough to put him in bed with another man, you cannot say for sure that he is bisexual. I think your orientation is directly related to your behavior.

 

[Lex]

Jason, Wanted to thank you and Lex, in particular, for your responses seeing that you're both about my age. ....

Primal--you have no way of knowing this, but I thought I was straight for about 30 years. I dated women, married, have 2 beautiful children, a wonderful ex-wife and a great hubby. I went through a period of what is called "transitional bisexuality." I really thought I was both attracted to men and women. Slowly over time, my "attraction" to women dissipated and I was left with one truth: I am a gay man.

Please do not take my post to mean that I do not believe in bisexuality-I DO. And I remember how HARD it was to walk around every day and have everyone you meet potentially be attractive to you. Being bi is not this dream existence that many try to make it out to be.

I am happy to link you to threads I started to talk about feeling different, being bi (so I thought), being a victim of sexual assault and coming out as a gay man.

Feel free to PM me if you want the links or want to chat. I am also happy to post the links here as well.

Hugs.

But how do you make this determination? Perhaps you are open to having sex with everybody, but only "act out" with women. Are you gay or bi, but never having sex with men? You can argue that this is a closeted gay or bi male, but if the impulse has never been strong enough to put him in bed with another man, you cannot say for sure that he is bisexual. I think your orientation is directly related to your behavior.

You might find this thread to be interesting reading:

Beyond The Kinsey Scale

 

[B_Think_Kink]

I believe your early sexual experiences, pleasant or unpleasant, can influence your orientation-make you gay or straight. Absolutely!

You have a sexual experience with another male early in life, this opens you to more choices than someone who has only experienced heterosexuality. Whether you are active sexually as bi or as a gay man, you will always know what pleasure can be shared with both sexes. Because of this, I choose to be bisexual. Why deny myself pleasure with men, when I know what I can have with both?!

I really think that this sounds out of place to an extent. I think there has to be an inclination that being with the same sex is okay before it happens.

 

[MovingForward]

I remember my first experience with another guy. I was real young maybe 6 or 7. My family was poor and we lived in a apartment building that had a shared bathroom on every floor. I remember playing with another boy and we were both naked and just exploring. I would say normal curious behavior. I remember my dad catching us, and he grabbed me by one arm and started beating my behind. I remember crying as he is pulling me down the hall crying, beating me until I got to the apartment.

Since that time, I did not have any sexual thoughts of guys or girls. I remember in elementary school, liking to be friends with guys and wanting to spend time with them.

I did not have my first sexual experience until I was 15, but I had the whole internet thing going and I would sneak into this book store and look at gay magazines when no one was looking.

 

[Tanvir]

I think you can be a happy heterosexual man, but still enjoy the sensations which come from oral or anal sex with another man-sexual behavior, as Lex explained. You don't have to be attracted to the human being fucking you in your ass; you just want to be fucked, a warm penis inside you. You also don't need to be attracted to some queen sucking you off, because you just want a mouth on your cock. But once you have experienced these things, you are open to experiences with both sexes.

You can't pretend you don't know what being with a man feels like, or pretend that you didn't enjoy it. These early experiences can influence your orientation.