does a rejection mean she does not even want to be friends???

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by bigdog83, Jun 27, 2008.

  1. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Member

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    me and a girl started to become really good friends(at work). she was coming on to me or really felt comfortable around me. so did i. i mean like everytime we heard each other's voice coming around the corner, we would look up and be smiling waiting for us to make that turn. she talked to me every chance she got, waved, smiled etc. she always said my name when talking to me. the thing that really gave it away was her tone was different towards me then other co-workers. it was very low, like she was really shy around me. Basically at worst case she really looked to me as a true friend, and even had the hots for me. i know this for a fact, i felt it and also my friend asked her and she said that i was "banging".

    i was like, she has to be interested in me. anyway, i asked her to lunch. didnt ask as a date, asked casually and figured i had a few lunches with her before i asked her to hang out outside of work. we went, i guess she had a good time, smiles, laughs, comfortable posture, upper body hanging over the table towards me, hands on my side even past my food tray.

    at this point, i knew she had a bf and things werent working out as i heard her talking to another girl a few days ago. but at lunch she did not bring up a bf or anything, even when shes like "i like to hang out with friends....."





    whatever, let me get to the point.

    asked her to lunch a second time, and she basically throw me off a cliff. 101 reasons why she couldnt go......trying to save, money, 30min lunch......and kept going.....:(
    me:"ok cool let me know if you wanna go"


    i am only human and honestly i was really hurt and felt like shit. and doesnt she eat out like every day for the next week lol. the problem is i really did like her and really thought of her as a close friend that is why i was hurt so bad. my feeling is maybe she never liked me like that and didnt want to lead me on, i dont know. but if she acted like the way she did to me before and felt i was coming on to her why couldnt she be like can we just go as friends??? i dont know why, but she had to prove a point, she couldnt say not today, im busy. but the way i took it as is she must of thought i was a creep and didnt even want to be friends.

    next time we came in contact she acted like nothing happened, like we were still best friends. so i am confused as shit after how she told me to get lost when i kept it casual the who time(although i know she knew i liked her). she told me to get lost, and i did. i ignored her. just hi bye..she knew it...but still tried acting like nothing happened. still ignored her, finally she ignored me too. her "hi" came out in like in a mad tone "HI!". it finally got to the point where she would look like she was actually hurt.....time had past and i felt like maybe this girl is actually losing sleep over this, she is the nicest sweetest girl ever. so i started being nice again, it took some time to get talking to her again. i guess she started to notice and began to be nice to me again, touching me, putting her arm around me, and should i say, rubbing her tits on me, purposely shaking her upper body 3 feet from my face, then doing it again once she seen my reaction. god damn i wish i could of seen my face i bet i was drooling like a bull. its cool, i dont even think twice i know at this point shes not interested in me like that because she wouldnt have blown her chance.

    but now she is ignoring me lol. in a nice way, very neutral, will talk to me but she does not show personality. like she is playing hard to get, but im not falling for it.

    can i get advice from any women here on how to go about this. i dont know why she rejected me the way she did, i dont know how all these games came into play..........but the bottom line i want to know if in a womens mind after all this can we still be friends. should i talk to her?? there is nothing more i want then to be friends with her. if i should say something, what can i say to her so she doesnt feel awkward.....er i mean i dont want to seem like a cry baby. if i asked one of the other girls to lunch and they rejected me the same way, i would prob just give them a big ass smile while im laughing my ass off inside. but again i really looked to this girl as a close friend.


    edited: sorry for the rant. thanks for listening :) let me get some advice :)
     
    #1 bigdog83, Jun 27, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2008
  2. unabear09

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    please up the size of your font....I'll read your post then
     
  3. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Member

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    better?
     
  4. unabear09

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    yes much....now....let me read your post

    thank you
     
  5. unabear09

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    damn man.....see this is why I don't really date or even think about relationships (other than friendships) anymore. too many mixed signals, and too many games.

    It sounds like she definately has feelings for you. Though why she is all buddy buddy at times and then just plain cold at others dumbfounds me. Try not to get too emotionally attached or whatever to her, until she shows some consistancy in her feelings for you. I wish you the best of luck man.
     
  6. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Member

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    ya man it sucks, i really did like her and really thought of her highly as a friend too. im an easy going guy, sweetest most chill guy ever, and that is the truth. i want to be friends with her. i think its pretty clear she doesnt like me, or lost interest. i just hope she wants to be friends and isnt thinking that i am one of those guys that cant be friends after this. or i dont even know if she could be friends, but i hope so. this is why im not sure if i should talk to her, it might scare her off. i have one thing in my favor, all the other girls/women love me. they all flirt with me and when i enter a room everyone stops and its like a contest to them who can get my attn first. forgot to mention, she is off for the next week. so im thinking she is either going to come back fresh, or hate me. hopefully things will cool off.

    sorry, grammer....its late i can barely stay up. downloading some torrents :)
     
    #6 bigdog83, Jun 27, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2008
  7. unabear09

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    Man.. I've been in your shoes too many times. I'm like you, easy going, laid back and chill...the women always are attracted to me, but always as only a friend and never anything more. I guess just being friends is better than having nothing at all.
     
  8. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Member

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    nah man, this girl is a dumbass if she thinks i need her like that. ive been messing with this other girl i met, straight up freak, but thats another thread. then at my second job i got this chicks number, shes banging and hot as shit and she just wants one thing from her comments. she keeps asking to hang out but i keep playing it off because the first girl is enough lol. oh wait. at one time we did set up a day but i had to cancel because the first girl invited me to the same club the same night........i was like fuck this im just staying home lol.
     
  9. Principessa

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    I don't know about the girls in question; but I have excellent gaydar. My bi-guydar is however, non-existent. :frown1: Judging by your signature line I would say you are sending out mixed signals. :redface: Girls probably think you are quite nice and a bangin' guy; but most straight girls don't want to become emotionally invested in a guy that will leave them for another guy.
     
  10. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Us girls can to to complicated so much so i feel sorry for you guys sometimes. :redface: Anyway, my guess would be she was interested in you and thought one lunch just to see what its like, but then maybe go cold feet and decided to stick with the boyfriend
     
  11. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Member

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    heh, not the case. trust me :) but anyway the reason for the post is to get a womens advice if i put in effort to be friends again would i be wasting my time or is she going to blow me off.
     
  12. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Member

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    shes not with him anymore(but was at the time), i heard her tell another girl that she broke it off. and she did other things to make it clear she was single. like i was talking to my friend and during the time i wasnt talking to her she came up and was all over him...just to piss me off more. funny part is he loved it, so i couldnt help but smile cuz he was smilling too. another one, where i sit i can see straight through the glass doors to the front desk, and she was covering the desk and saying bye to one of the sales people, and seen me look over. first chance she got she came in the room went to my friend was like omg who was that he was hot. no one she is ever going to see again so she prob did it to piss me off. lol. she did alot more then that too lol.........but i was in the mindset if she was going to reject me that bad, i wasnt playing any games. either come to me and talk to me or fuck off.
     
  13. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Your right. If she is working then she is far to old to be playing games. Move and find someone else
     
  14. F-W-M

    F-W-M New Member

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    Similar thing happened to me awhile back, only she's still with her bf, so I backed off completely (If she was single I'd ask her out, but yeah...)

    My advice - women are complicated, simple fact of life. (Can be good or bad depending on circumstances)
    If you can't or don't want to deal with that fact, stay single.

    If she's single and you'd like to date her - ask her out plain and simple
    (how you'd ask her out, and where to go, etc depend on your guys personalities)

    If you legitimately just want to be friends - then be friends

    Both friendship and relationships aren't meant to be overly complicated (yeah they require sacrifice by both parties at different times, but that's a different topic)

    There are plenty of fish in the sea
    The basic rule though, is: Never date/sleep with someone you HAVE to see/talk to everyday
    i.e. someone you work with, live with (not talking about partners), boss, teacher (think might be illegal), etc

    Personalized advice - come straight out and tell her "I'm getting mixed signals from you, I value our friendship very much and I find it really hard to know where "we're" at some times, I enjoy your company - but I really just want to keep being friends and maybe hand out - outside of work some time?"

    Obviously in your words

    PS: Sorry about the rambling
     
  15. Jovial

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    Sounds like she is trying to get a reaction out of you, but you like to be cool and not get all excited about things. Maybe that is outside her comfort zone. She likes guys that are decisive, they either are obviously into her or obviously not. Since you don't seem to be coming on strong to her, she may take that as an insult. She is just going by how other guys have done things in the past, and is confused by the way you act. I can't tell you what to do. I'm just trying to possible explain her behavior. Good luck guy.
     
  16. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    And of course we need to take into account this is sounding like a very one sided account of the situation. You sounding like Mr perfect while she sounds like Ms Bitch
     
  17. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Member

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    i noticed some things, like she would wear these tight ass dresses, and come over to me and ask me stupid questions(work related) that she already knew and really didnt apply to her. i noticed them, but i didnt know how to react at work. i wanted to keep it professional. everyone else noticed too, because when she wore them that was the talk for the momment. "wow that dress is a little to tight" etc etc. i felt like saying nah, shes just trying to get my attn lol. but nobody knew what was going on between us so i left it. but once she rejected me, she has yet to wear outfits like this again. so it must of been for me. she is hot as shit, like a straight 10. the girl next door type. im sure the guys flock to her. like so hot, i didnt hold the doors for her. i wanted her to think why isnt he holding doors for me. i wanted to stick out.


    heh, i might of pissed her off on the first lunch, i had court that morning(speeding ticket), and they lost my papers. so i had to sit in court for 4 hrs to be the last one left and find out they misplaced my papers when i even told them in break are they sure they know i am here i have not been called yet. i was frickin mad as shit lol. that casued me to be really late to work and also 2.5hrs past lunch, so i just picked up some food thinking it is a new job and wouldnt look good on me if i took lunch 2 hrs before im suppose to leave and was really late. i was like there is no way she is going to wait for me....i didnt know the phone number cuz it was a new job, so i couldnt call and i was screwed. turns out she did wait, was really happy to see me but she said tomorrow would be fine. blah blah.............i really wanted to tell her what happened but she didnt ask/get mad. i was expecting her to ask. didnt just want to tell her and have it a one sided thing, you know??
     
    #17 bigdog83, Jun 27, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2008
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