Does any else have contentious relationship with your parent(s)

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Smooth88, Dec 28, 2009.

  1. Smooth88

    Smooth88 New Member

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    Preferably for reasons that don't involve sexual orientation. Just that you've never been able to see eye to eye with your parents. You dislike one of you parents or vice versa. Lack of trust, bond, respect etc.

    I come from a single parent home.My parents are divorced but Im resigned to the fact that my mother and I will never even have a decent relationship. It'll just be bad at best. Overbearing, a control freak, untrustworthy, lacks emotion. Can't tell her anything without fear of retaliation (I did go off her once which led to me being kicked out of her house for 6 months and us not speaking for that time). At two separate points since I turned 18 have we not talked up periods of 6 months or longer. And I would be gone already if I felt I was capable of sufficiently supporting myself which I'm in reality far from it. I have a better relationship with my Dad but still my own personal issues and my relationship with my Mom have hampered that relationship. To the point where I really am avoidant of anybody who represents authority in some capacity.

    I just really can't tell her anything important with my life, my basic needs and wants, and things threat are happening with me. And I'm at the point where I realize just doing that is going to make it worse. So I just isolate myself when home. A habit that carries over into a lot of other aspects of life.

    I don't blame my mom really for things that I go through be because its really not her fault and circumstance (I suffer from a developmental/social disorder and severe depression [if you haven't noticed vets of this forum]). My life is hard enough with the inordinate amount of personal and emotional stress I put on myself but the support has never been there and it's like being here its like a constant state where I'm drowning in a constant state of negativity.
     
  2. sxjTheFirst

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    My father and me don't get along that well. I think my mother has been treated unfairly and he is abusive in a psychological way and I tend to be protective of her.
     
  3. lokican

    lokican Member

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    My mom and I have never really gotten along since I was a teenager. My sister and I had a heart to heart at a cousins wedding and we both came to the conclusion she probably suffers from depression and has never been diagnosed. My mom is a needy, emotionally unstable women, who's loving but is also needy and controlling. Her depression manifests itself in to illness that most of the time you can't prove that she is sick but have to take her word for it, such as migraines or now her "fibromayligia" which I'm convinced is a way to get attention I don't see my mom as a I used to, I see her as a problem person I have to deal with. I can't come to my mom with problems or talk to her like a normal person because anything and everything will upset her at any moment. The worse part is how my dad puts up with her temper tantrums and waits on her hand and foot just so she won't be upset. She is wearing him out, he's retiring early because she makes him do everything in the house. It so frustating how he won't stand up for himself. I tiold my sister is he dies due to any stress related diseases I will blame my mom for the rest of her life. She talks now like she's going to die soon, but that bitch will out live us all.

    Errr sorry this kind of touched a nerve with me.
     
  4. amberleafbabe

    amberleafbabe Member

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    I get where you all are coming from.Although I do not know if my situation is as bad.I was raised by a single Mom as well,and was pretty much on my own from the time I was 15.At this time she decided that it was more important to be with her man than to be at home with me.I only saw my Mom on Mondays,when she came home to pay bills or to put food in the house.This went on till I was 19,and she and her man parted ways.By this time my exwife who was my girlfriend at the time was pregnant with our oldest child.I am now 34,and my Mother seems to have an opinon about my whole life.She trys to be the Mother to me now that she should have been when I was a teenager.Don't get me wrong I love my Mother,and she has told me that she was wrong for her past mistakes.I just do not feel she has the right to tell me how to live my life,and how to raise my kids after she did what she did to me.
     
  5. dolfette

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    my mother in nuts.

    like i once came downstairs for breakfast to find she'd stabbed one of the dogs.

    can you love someone like that?
     
  6. TheRob

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    no
    doubly not becasue I love dogs
    but I don't think that really counts due to extenuationg circumstances I mean an insane parent is like, standard that you wouldn't get along or see eye to eye...
     
  7. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    my parents were very conservative, controlling, set in their ways. my mom deemed my brother and I failures because we were not doctors, lawyers, engineers, and my dad went along with it just to get along with her. later in life he loosened up, and we got along pretty well, except for 2 yrs we butted heads and did not speak. I was a hippie and I had run off when I was younger and came back home. after a few years, he told me life would sure surprise a person. he explained that he thought my older brother was the better of the two of us, and would go farther. but he was wrong, I was the prodigal son who had run off, only to come home, be rock steady, capable of anything, have a family. before he passed on, he put me in charge of the family, made me promise to take care of my brother and mother, no matter what she fucked up in my life. and I looked after my mother until she passed and keep an eye on my brother. what changed about my dad was he learned(or remembered) that there was more than just one way to live a life other than his way, and neither was absolutely right or wrong. he got back some of the liberalism he had in his youth before WWII. my mother never changed much, and did not see me as a success and at one point wanted me to quit my construction job and get a job wearing a suit. any job, as long as I could wear a suit. I made good money working construction, I was top 15% of in come for this city doing what I did. I told her I could wear a suit to work but it would get ruined everyday. my mother had an obtuse view of this world, and I sometimes doubted her sanity.
     
  8. B_jeepguy2

    B_jeepguy2 New Member

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    Oh Yeah, Not really a contentious relationship but I think I am HUGE disappointment to my parents. This is because they compare me to my slightly younger sister who is a chronic overachiever. She was a the valedictorian of her high school class and had the highest GPA at the very prestigious business school she attended. She is now the CFO of a large corporation. She is also married and has kids.

    I am just an average dude and although I have done pretty well and have accomplished much in my life, I can't compare to her. I think they consider me to be a loser because I was barely in the top half of my high school class, and although I had a decent GPA in college and grad school but was not at the top of my class.

    I am also not a big corporate exec., have never married, and I am pretty sure they probably have figured out by now that I am gay. I also live down at the beach and spend most of my time surfing, sea kayaking, and messing around with boats. I had some fairly serious medical issues a while back so I decided to take a disability retirement from my company at age 36 and live on that plus my trust fund that I inherited from my grandparents.

    I am the black sheep of the family because I did not pursue a career in the financial industry. I majored in Environmental Science instead. I think my dad, a retired bank president, and my mom, the daughter of a retired bank president basicly view me as a complete loser, and think I am a bum because I hang out at the beach and don't work!
     
    #8 B_jeepguy2, Dec 29, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2009
  9. sexplease

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    I'm curious, was it with a knife or a fork?
     
  10. dolfette

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    ahahahahaha!

    a small paring knife.
     
  11. D_Ellerby Eatsprick

    D_Ellerby Eatsprick New Member

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    I am slowly distancing myself from my parents, and I think it's mostly due to my mom. I have a hard time having a decent conversation with her. I'm not comfortable telling her anything because she overanalyzes things or baby me. I feel like the way my mom asks questions or carries the conversation flow that she insults my intelligence.
     
  12. TheRob

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    I have a tough time dealing with most of my family honestly.
    Often times I think, maybe I have the problem...but then I work through it and think about how I would feel if it was happening to someone else and I almost always decide that indeed no, my family is crazy and I am the normal one that has to deal with them.

    As an example, I have an Uncle who simply cannot move on due to the fact that my Grandmother (his Mom) was mean to him. It wasn't like she beat him or molested him or anything, from what he has said she was just mean and bitchy. And he complains about this every day. I'll say it again, EVERY DAY. She has been dead over two decades. It is often everything I can do not to grab him by the throat and tell him if he opens his mouth again I'll end his life. I used to feel bad for him, then I stopped giving a damn at all, then I moved on to wishing he'd shut the hell up. I'm actually closing in on the point of being glad he suffered because of all the suffering he puts the rest of the family through EVERY DAY when he complains about the same 4 or 5 simple little stories. He does manage to keep a lid on it on holidays tho, usually we can get away with out any stories of how horrid his life was cus Grandma made him walk to school if it's Christmas or ThanksGiving. Aside from that tho he is going to let us all know about every problem he ever had in his life.
    I'm glad I got the chance to complain about this, I doubt I would ever really choke him tho.
    I mean, it isn't even like he has a whole bunch of stories, it's 5 occurances tops. That's not exactly a nightmare for an entire 3 decades or so that she was in his life.
     
  13. eyescream

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    Yes, I have parent issues. It bothers me constantly. I love them but especially my mum, she can be very manipulative.
     
  14. D_Ellerby Eatsprick

    D_Ellerby Eatsprick New Member

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    Does anyone here sometimes feel like when they complain to others about their parents, that others just say "S/he's your mom/dad, they just worries about you. They love you, so they are trying their best."

    I find it frustrating when others don't see what I see.
     
  15. sexplease

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    Like almost all children at times, I had basically poor communication skills with my parents.
    Education helped. Reading helped a lot.
    Shutting my mouth and listening, really listening to them and to older educated people helped too.
    and for many years now, we're one big chatty dysfunctional normal family.


    people hear, but they do not listen.
    people look, but they do not see.
    until they are ready and able.

    When someone argues, what is it they are trying to say? "this is my solution."

    take the emotional heat out of an ( one issue at a time!) argument, find common ground, find suitable solutions and implement one.


    now run along and play with your friends.
     
  16. D_Woody_Bush

    D_Woody_Bush Account Disabled

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    Gosh, so much sounds so familiar. I'm the youngest of 6 children, my parents were teenagers during WWII and my mum saw some terrible things when her family had to flee their home.
    Basically, I grew up with a mum who was always ill (migraines, arthritis etc), illnesses became her hobby and she was always swallowing prescription pills, which did not seem to work. This was really hard to take for me as a kid 'cause I did not want her to suffer. Even my dad used to say that my mum would watch a documentary on the telly about a new illness and next week she would see her GP about this.
    Later on, when I was older, any get togethers with my siblings turned into what can only be described as group therapy sessions. Basically, us brothers and sisters would get together to talk about family stuff, our boy-/girlfriends would get together and talk about us and how we are. This really was an eye opener for me when my boyf would then feed back some of their observations.

    Well, there was a time when I did not speak to my parents or saw them for about 5 years. This only changed when my sister called to say my dad was dyeing. Not sure whether my dad realised that I saw him in hospital, but it was a start for a new relationship with my family. I get on reasonably well with my mum now. However, I've no sympathy left for any illness she may have now. Just keep any talk about this to a minimum and on a practical level and don't engage in her dramatised theatrics anymore.

    Unfortunately, my sisters seem to be following into her footsteps (at the same time they're struggling with trying not to turn into mum).

    My view of my family has changed a lot: I do see that they suffer but I can also see that (especially mum) has so identified with her role as the sufferer that she does not want to give it up. And that's where I now refuse to get sucked into. Living in another country really does help ;-)
     
  17. Onslow

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    They are both long dead. While alive it was a screwed up relationship with both of them. They one time moved to anothere state while I was stuck liiving with a perv neighbor I think that tells how we did with each otehre. They did the best they could.
     
  18. TheRob

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    well I hope you don't forget aboutyour dad cus of your mom
     
  19. TheRob

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    I don't think anyone ever sees what I see, and that is very frustrating
    especially when it happens online and I can't reach out and choke them until they profess agreement even if they think I am wrong
     
  20. TheRob

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    you are going on the assumption that the younger party in an argument is always the one that is wrong and must move to compromise, this is plain nonsense. It requires both sides to reach a compromise
     
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