Does anyone else feel a bit like an outcast at times?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by TameYoung, Mar 13, 2011.

  1. TameYoung

    TameYoung Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2006
    Messages:
    64
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Texas (US)
    Perhaps everyone does to some extent. But, I think there are those who sometimes feel completely misunderstood by most people around them and most they come into contact with. Strangely enough though, it’s not a bad thing most of the time. Other times it can lead to feelings of isolation and even despair. Especially if you feel you understand many people, but haven't quite experienced the feeling of being "understood."

    To be honest, this doesn't necessarily have to have anything to do with sexuality, though that can play a role in it. I mean, naturally, there can be those elements as well.

    But more so just in general, like how you value people, relationships, emotionality, empathy...etc. Feels like, your intensity and the level at which you experience life, leaves you on the fringe especially within your "age group." Or sometimes, that you experience deeply and are impacted in ways people don't quite get. And ultimately, this causes problems when 'connecting' to those around you.

    If you do feel this way, do you get the sense that perhaps there is someone who feels the same way? And that maybe, there is a part of you that wanders aimlessly towards the distant call of your fellow wanderer(s)? Maybe just to give them a hug, a smile and let them know someone else understands?

    This wasn't supposed to be depressing, lol. Though, there is a melancholy. This makes for brilliant artists, geniuses, authors...etc, but incredibly lonely souls. I just thought I'd ask and see what people think. Anyone know what I'm referring to? How do you handle this?
     
    #1 TameYoung, Mar 13, 2011
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2011
  2. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2007
    Messages:
    5,008
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Los Angeles, California
    TameYoung, I think you're expressing a truth that many people don't understand at all. The whole artistic, creative and sensitive aspects of some of us just don't exist for most people. My take on this is that as you grow older (and perhaps wiser), a sensitive person learns how to find and become close to similar people. I know in my own life as a creative guy I've at times felt very alone and different. But in reality there are a lot of others feeling the same thing. Also I've come to understand my own needs much better and can express them to others in a way that they can understand. I think reaching out to like-minded people is the best way to begin to love yourself and then be loved by others. Make no mistake about it, creative and artistic people are wonderful and we all need each other to be cared for and appreciated.
     
  3. nudeyorker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2006
    Messages:
    42,918
    Likes Received:
    37
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC/Honolulu
    I really don't mean to be crass but if you feel like you are on the outside then you are spending your time with the wrong people.
    If you are willing to be honest with yourself and what you want then you need to focus your energy on what matters to you most and eventually you will find a place where you are comfortable.
    As I have travelled through life I've realized that there are many people who don't understand me; as much as I've learned that there are many that I don't understand as well... but sometimes for professional reasons we have to pretend that we do; it's not selling out as long as the end justifies the means. Sometimes for personal reasons especially when family is concerned we just need to nod and smile.
    One of the most important things I've learned in life is that we can't choose our family or where we came from, but we are in total control of who we choose to love and the choices we make to live a happy life.
    If you live in a place with a small town mentality and can fit it it's a great place to live; if not you need to expand your horizons and find your way to a place outside your comfort level and there you might find the kindred spirits who are looking for you and your opinions.
     
  4. tony0390

    tony0390 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2010
    Messages:
    60
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I definitely understand what you are saying TameYoung, and I feel that way a lot of the time. I just feel like no one really gets me, or excepts me for who I am. For the sake of not being completely alone I have made friends who are great people, and are cool to hang with. But I still feel this void inside of me. Like i don't belong, and don't fit it entirely. More then likely it's because there are creative parts of me, as well as sexual parts that my friends wouldn't agree with or understand. Which is also the same for the society of people that I live around in general. Not sure on how to deal with this exactly, but for me I write about it a lot in poems and stuff like that. And I feel that ones I get out on my own and start to explore more that this void may become to be filled. But for now I just have to live with it until I find that one person or group of people that gives me that. home feeling.
     
  5. willow78

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2008
    Messages:
    5,848
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Australia
    Snap!

    If I was more outgoing, I think I'd have a few more real life friends, but I'm difficult to relate to. I've never been 'one of the boys', but I'm not the cliched 'effeminate' type either. But I don't think it's just about sexuality because I've been hard to connect with my whole life. I can clearly remember even in pre-school I never really bonded or played with the other children. I joined 'Boys Brigade' when I was 6 or 7 (maybe even 8 - so long ago I can't remember), after 2 weeks/meetings, my parents were told, "You'll have to keep him at home because the other boys just won't be nice to him". I didn't think about it at the time, but I imagine that had some long-term effect on me - maybe it even affected my parents trying to socialize me with other children.....

    I really think all children start out shy, but once they start interacting with other children, they develop the confidence and self-esteem that will shape their lives. But in every little group, there's always that one child who doesn't quite get there and I think I was that child.....

    Thank goodness I found LPSG. I originally just came here to look at dick, but I found so much more! I've met a lot of people who are similar or feel similar to me, even if it's just a little bit. I have made a lot of friends here. I've even developed very strong e-friendships with a few of them, but they're all so far away so unfortunately I still feel that isolation sometimes. But nowhere near as much as I used to. Being able to post or PM my thoughts and feelings (no matter how trivial the subject) with them makes the distance seem not so big.....

    My heart listens for 'the distant call' of others and makes a 'distant call' of his own, hopefully one day my heart will hear and be heard. (I hope that didn't sound too corny.....)
     
  6. willow78

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2008
    Messages:
    5,848
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Australia
    @virgintony - I hear ya, man! I know EXACTLY that void you are talking about. I love my LPSG friends, but I still have physical needs that net-friendship doesn't fill. I'm not looking for a big circle of RL friends, I just want that one special person. Not just a 'sex' thing, but for intimacy and affection. The kind of intimacy and affection that only comes from a lover. A real lover, not a 'fuck-buddy'. I'm a very romantic person and I have a lot of love to give a man - I'd hate to see it go to waste.

    It's hard to express my romantic side on LPSG. I'm no good at initiating conversation and I'm plain hopeless at small talk so my first comment to a guy is typically about his gallery. It's hard to convince guys I'm romantic when all they've ever heard from me is, "WOW! YOU'VE GOT A GREAT COCK!"
     
  7. D_Rosalind Mussell

    D_Rosalind Mussell New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2010
    Messages:
    1,376
    Likes Received:
    6
    While I've had plenty of friends in my life, I've always been the one that was least understood. I also experience relationships, emotions, etc on a different level than my friends, but I attributed that to the fact that life forced me to grow up faster than my friends. It used to bother me greatly and I felt like something was wrong with me because I wasn't like them. Now I embrace those unique qualities about myself. With maturity comes a degree of self-acceptance about who you are and I find that I don't need the same validation I did when I was younger. I also agree with NudeYorker, if your friends don't understand you and you constantly feel like an outsider it's time to meet more people. It doesn't mean leaving your friends behind, just expand your horizons. No one person is ever going to understand everything about you, but we all have kindred spirits out there. I know it's easier said than done, but the benefits you reap in the long run will be worth it. You may just find those who do understand you.
     
  8. minimag

    minimag Active Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2009
    Messages:
    682
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    154
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Las Vegas (NV, US)
    More than "a bit" and more than "sometimes."

    I don't hang with the wrong people, I don't hang-out at all.
     
  9. B_Bjen2848

    B_Bjen2848 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2007
    Messages:
    950
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Mars, vacate in the bermuda triangle
    why be like everyone else when you can stand out?

    :)
     
  10. scottredleter

    scottredleter New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2009
    Messages:
    748
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    San Diego
    A Soul cannot be lonely. Only the ego that resides in the body can be lonely. If you dig a little for your soul, you will find it happy and carefree.
     
  11. DavidXL

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2009
    Messages:
    764
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    230
    Gender:
    Male
    Verified:
    Photo
    I know what you're saying, T-Y. When I was in my 20s, I felt older than my years and, inwardly, an outcast even though I had a wide circle of friends. Now that I'm in my 40s, I feel younger than my years and like an outcast in some ways, even though I am married, pretty successful, and kind of an All-American type on the outside. I'm a very creative thinker, like it sounds you are, and maybe that comes with it. It comes and goes, but I definitely know what you're saying. I cherish it actually, because I think it makes me more introspective - but it can be lonely inside, even when you're surrounded by people.
     
  12. TameYoung

    TameYoung Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2006
    Messages:
    64
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Texas (US)
    I just typed a long response, and it was all deleted! :-(

    I thank everyone for all of your replies. To those who feel this way, know you have a buddy who may be far away, but I know what you are experiencing. It’s more than just surrounding yourself around people. I don’t want it to come off as a “people don’t like me. I feel unpopular.” It’s not that. I’m not talking about people “liking me” or “feeling bad about myself.” I don’t really have those concerns. In fact, I’ve known people who were quite in “favor” by their peers, and loved by everyone and have felt this exact same way. I believe for someone to understand you deeply is something altogether different from that.

    And a number of "creatives" have responded (which is always nice :) ), and perhaps it is part of what comes with the territory...?

    It’s more so about how one relates to others, and just external things in general. It’s not something I can really articulately perfectly, but I don't think many people who feel like they experience it can explain it either. So I gets tucked away in poetry books, and diaries. It almost goes beyond the "I was misunderstood in my youth," I went through that as well. But this feeling, was there then too. Maybe if I say “I was misunderstood, in my youth” vs. “I was misunderstood in my youth” it highlights subtle nuances. Their subtle, but once you see the difference, its not so subtle, more pronounced really. This thing I am referring to is deeper than my relationship with my immediate surroundings and alliances/relationships.

    Though, I will say, the thoughts of expanding social horizons and groups, friends...etc, those are all excellent suggestions to take to heart. While they may not remedy the feeling itself they certainly will help and I’ve been doing this some. I'm not unhappy, per se. I'm content with my life. This doesn’t make me “unhappy” but it makes me think a lot, and concerns me sometimes.

    I love the "kindred spirits" idea. Beautifully articulated! :)

    And as advised, I guess I better start digging for my soul so I can stand out and be happy about it. J

    I’d love to hear other thoughts and perspectives as well. I'm very appreciative of all of your responses. Thanks a ton!
     
    #12 TameYoung, Mar 15, 2011
    Last edited: Mar 15, 2011
  13. MsThang

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2011
    Messages:
    528
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    276
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    South Florida (recently relocated from NYC)
    Verified:
    Photo
    I think I am an outcast in a sense because I don't want the same things that other people want. I am not materialistic so things just don't interest me as experiences, I don't want to get married or have children and I don't particularly want to be in a relationship. I just want to have fun, I want to talk dirty, I want to have sex, I want to party, have no responsibilities and it is a sex thing for me. But I can't say that to my mother or co-workers or my sisters. No one would understand that the thought of marriage and kids makes me want to gag. The worst part is that I don't feel lonely, I am very content being by myself and the only reason I want to be with a man is when I am horny. Even if I tell them the truth they wouldn't believe me.
     
  14. maxoscar

    maxoscar New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2009
    Messages:
    45
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Great Britain, Alps, Pyrenees, Scandinavia, Adriat
    When I was 15 I had my first proper sexual experience with a girl one year younger than me, we basically had oral sex. A year later I lost my virginity to a girl the same age, she was known to have been around the block a few times. We started having sex around 4 times a week for about a month, as we lived very close to eachother and hanged out with the same friends.
    I had sex with 11 different girls in my first year not being a virgin. Things became apparent when the word was out that I was hung, during my 17th birthday. As I was getting kegged nearly everytime I stood up and during a drunken game around the fire.
    I continued having random fucks with about 35 girls the next year, which was great - I love sex. But at school it became a talking point, getting kegged during PE and fire drills, but I also had made myself a target for some other lads - as I'd stepped on their toes as I was the fella that got off with the girl they wanted.
    I went to college after my GCSEs and my reputation followed me, which at the time I wanted - new girls to experience.

    But whilst I was 19 my current fiancee moved in as my new neighbour, we were invited to their housewarming party, pretty much the first time we talked to eachother without our parents standing over us. We spent more and more time together, before becoming a couple. I've been on the straight and narrow ever since, I proposed to her on Christmas Day, last year. Just moved into our first home, and have our first child due in about 8 months time!
     
  15. dlfellow

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2011
    Messages:
    349
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    242
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    philadelphia
    Verified:
    Photo
    while reading your post i was just thinking to myself..naaaaah..
    no offense though.
     
  16. rob_just_rob

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2005
    Messages:
    6,037
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Nowhere near you
  17. DV8

    DV8
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2006
    Messages:
    1,071
    Albums:
    5
    Likes Received:
    152
    Gender:
    Male
    I don't feel like an outcast. I am who I am, and people generally respond very well with it, almost with a sense of inspiration. I'm very comfortable, honest, and compassionate with myself and others. I'm very bold and very upfront about my convictions, and I put forth an effort to be as nurturing as possible. I see the world only through my eyes, and I live how I feel is right. I believe it's these qualities and ideas that make me wiser than most. I'm not outcast, I'm just fitting in by standing out, and there's a lot more of us than there used to be. We shall rule this planet!
     
  18. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2007
    Messages:
    5,008
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Los Angeles, California

    TameYoung, I would just say it again from my pov that making friends in the most general sense maybe be ok but it doesn't really do it for me at all, unless the word "friend" is meant in some deeper connection. I do feel I have special connections with certain people or "souls" that go beyond what is felt or even sensed in conventional experience. I think that aspect of myself is that which is transcendent and it vibrates in what is transcendent in certain others. That's why we can't describe it in words. For me it comes about when I'm in tune with my soul mate or whatever I can to call that person. It isn't felt emotionally or physically. It's more a level of connection that is bigger than our two egos or ideas about it. It's the same as art. If I create something, the process of creating is within time and space as is what I create. But the doing of it is timeless and without form. When it is over, I move on and can never be in that process again. So it's the same with not fitting in or being misunderstood. It doesn't necessarily need to be figured out. I'm thinking that it works itself out over time in the same way we create deeper relationships with those we are soul mates with. Because it's evolutionary, it isn't affected by common experience or descriptions. :biggrin1:
     
    #18 B_Hung Jon, Mar 17, 2011
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2011
  19. SR_Manny Manparts

    SR_Manny Manparts New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2006
    Messages:
    448
    Likes Received:
    4

    That is some deep stuff guys. There have been times that I have felt like an outcast myself because of the some of the ways I was brought up. I grew up in a very conservative home that there was some communication between my parents, my siblings and myself. It's pretty sad because then I would go to school and I was exposed to so much, at the same time missing out on a lot. Some people say that their father is their best friend. I can't really say that. I have a better relationship with my mom but I can only talk to my dad about certain things. He is very old school and we he is dad. That's all I can say about that. I have some friends that I love dearly and even that sometimes I do feel like an outcast. Sometimes you have so much to say and you just can't because people don't want to hear 'woe is me' attitudes.
    There have been times that I have struggled with many things. I have failed at some of my goals that I have set out and today I find myself facing the consequences for my actions. It's frustrating and even though I am doing everything in my life to move on like getting a better job, finishing school online, and losing 50+ pounds: sometimes it just hits me and I want to press rewind and start over. But nonetheless, it's March guys.....moving forward. :smile:
     
  20. Ethyl

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2006
    Messages:
    5,476
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    495
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Philadelphia (PA, US)
    Yes. It's not that I yearn to be misanthropic. I don't. But I have found myself in situations where others are scratching their heads at my interests. My surefire remedy is to keep searching for others who share similar enthusiasms.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted