Does anyone else feel a bit like an outcast at times?

TameYoung

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Wow! Thanks for the insightful thoughts everywhere! It is giving me a lot of food for thought, and plenty ideas to contemplate.

I have to say that HungJon is really hitting the nail on the head about the deeper connection and not being able to put it in words. But you know when you have experienced that connection. It may or may not be something romantic, but you know when you meet those kindred spirits who share the uniqueness. And, oftentimes simply "searching for new friends" or "new groups" will not suffice. Because many times, the search is happening subconsciously, and we are being drawn to each other.

This is wonderful! Can't want to hear more perspectives, thoughts, stories...etc. Thanks again!
 

Charles Finn

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yes I felt that way growing up I always was the youngest in the group most of the time.
I just did the best I could at being me
I love good friends good food and great sex and being naked.
 

Charles Finn

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I have always been very emotional as well but i am very smart too
so even in Special Ed in school I was smarter than most of the main stream kids.
took a lot of great teachers to help me learn to deal with my emotions
if i am yelling and screaming and waving my arms you are fine
if I get quiet watch out
 

NoH8

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This is a beautiful thread because of all the thoughtful and kind contributions. I too came to LPSG just to look at some big dicks but I soon discovered that it's a wonderful, open and caring little corner of the Internet. Thanks to you all.

TY you remind me of how I felt when I was younger. HJ you have shown me that I should have taken more responsibility towards others, to connect with someone in a deeper way rather than giving up and trying to escape for most of my life. I admire you both for acknowledging that we have souls that need to connect with each other.

I am very interested in the idea that our souls gravitate towards another that is like a kindred spirit, someone who understands us in a deeper way. I agree that this is not always sexual. I've felt like this with a couple of straight friends as well as with my first boyfriend. Sadly I didn't know how fragile and short-lived this would be and so I suppose I didn't try hard enough to do whatever I could to sustain it. I guess I let them get away.

This is different from being liked or being sociable. I think I'm mostly liked at work and in the past I have been fairly sociable, but something is missing. It always was. It doesn't help that I chose professions that required/offered constant travelling. I was always leaving people behind. I guess I became cynical and was afraid of becoming attached.

The people who mentioned their parents were on to something. I never felt attached to my parents. I was adopted, but this wasn't the real reason. Maybe feeling like my parents didn't understand me caused me to assume that other people wouldn't either. Or maybe I learned to act so that I would put people off somehow. I didn't want to. I tried to fit in mostly when I was younger.

I'm thinking about the idea that perhaps I should have instead tried to stand out, to better know my soul and proudly show off what makes me unique. Is that the way that kindred spirits find each other and slowly drift together?

If that's true, then I know why I don't have a soul mate. I have been uncertain of who I am and what I have to offer. Thanks for helping me think about this.
 

NoH8

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BTW I have this idea that goodness and beauty are connected and that if something is good it shows that goodness in it's beauty. It may be that not all beautiful people are good but I think all good people are beautiful - even if its just a glimmer in their eyes or their smile.

This explains why TY and HJ are both beautiful people. And they're not the only ones here on LPSG!
 
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deleted3782

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I just thought I'd ask and see what people think. Anyone know what I'm referring to? How do you handle this?

[FONT=&quot]Do I feel like an outcast? No. Since I was a kid I was able to surf the dividing line between outcasts and socialites...often managing to be friendly to both. To be honest, that's something I'm more and more proud of. That said, many people have told me that I'm an enigma and others say I'm a hermit...I suppose because I don't follow through with standard social behavior such as hanging out with friends on weekends or maintaining easy long term friendships. I have lots of weekends in which I don't see or speak to anyone at all...but some theorize this is my way for me to balance by introverted character with my extroverted professional life.

I've also found that with age has come the realization that I'm not a very easy person to be with. I get impatient with people, I can be utterly shallow, I can have a short attention span, I over analyze things, and I can be incredibly lazy. Combined, these have created a toxic cocktail that drive sane folks to run for the hills. Knowing this, I don't really seek relationships that will end in heartache. As they say..."[/FONT]Its better to have never loved at all, than to have loved and lost."[FONT=&quot] :wink:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
TameYoung, I would just say it again from my pov that making friends in the most general sense maybe be ok but it doesn't really do it for me at all, unless the word "friend" is meant in some deeper connection. I do feel I have special connections with certain people or "souls" that go beyond what is felt or even sensed in conventional experience.

[FONT=&quot]I have a very limited number of close friends, and a bazillion acquaintances. I recently was asked to buy a raffle ticket for a free trip to New York for four, all expenses paid. I could honestly not think of anyone I could invite locally on a trip like that! That doesn't depress me, I'm ok with the fact that I'd rather spend my time alone than with people I don't get along with. I can latch on to people I get along with very intensely, so I try not to do that anymore. [/FONT]

Thank goodness I found LPSG. I originally just came here to look at dick, but I found so much more! I've met a lot of people who are similar or feel similar to me, even if it's just a little bit. I have made a lot of friends here. I've even developed very strong e-friendships with a few of them, but they're all so far away so unfortunately I still feel that isolation sometimes.

[FONT=&quot]I've been here on LPSG for a long time, and people have come into my life and gone. Although it is indeed a cool site...its hard for me to connect to people who only live behind my computer monitor. In a perfect world, I would have a small number of close friends that would know it is fine to drop in to my house for an unannounced visit at any time...but at this point in my life I don't have those relationships...and my LPSG friends are generally speaking, hundreds if not thousands of miles away. Definately not "drop in" distance.[/FONT]

A Soul cannot be lonely. Only the ego that resides in the body can be lonely. If you dig a little for your soul, you will find it happy and carefree.

I disagree. I think a soul is the amalgam of all past experiences. Some people have "old souls" or "battered souls" or "youthful souls", all the result of their past experiences, actions, and situations. My soul is fairly contented, a bit guarded, sometimes too introspective, and very curious.

Some people say that their father is their best friend. I can't really say that. I have a better relationship with my mom but I can only talk to my dad about certain things. He is very old school and we he is dad. That's all I can say about that.

I tolerate my father, and I have no doubt that I know him and understand him better than anyone has in his life (including his parents). I know this not by being his friend, but by watching his actions and knowing him longer than anyone ever has. That said, I have never sought "friendship" from my parents. We have our roles to play as family members and that is enough to keep my head occupied. :biggrin1:

Interesting thread...though I don't feel as an outcast I certainly do feel distant...for many of these reasons.
 

willow78

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Even as a little kid, I was always taken aside and told "You need to try and fit in more". I didn't realize it at the time, but i think I rebelled a little against this 'lecture'. I don't think I did it consciously but I always felt like I was the only kid who got told this and it bugged me. All the other kids were allowed to be themselves, why was I always the one who had to make the effort? I didn't change, I just stayed in my own bubble. I'd like to imagine it was some great act of rebellion but the truth is I'm just plain lazy. Pretending to be something or someone I'm not is just too much effort - and what's the point? You're only going to have 'friends' who don't even know the real you.
Since I was a kid I was able to surf the dividing line between outcasts and socialites...often managing to be friendly to both. To be honest, that's something I'm more and more proud of. That said, many people have told me that I'm an enigma and others say I'm a hermit...I suppose because I don't follow through with standard social behavior such as hanging out with friends on weekends or maintaining easy long term friendships.
In high school, I was a bit of a fringe-dweller. I could 'float' around each little social group, get along well and have friends in each. But I didn't really 'join in' much, I just 'hung around'. I had friends but outside of school, I didn't see them very often - even the ones who lived in my street. At parties I always felt a bit awkward because I didn't share the same interests as other boys but I wasn't really the 'girlie' type either.
I have lots of weekends in which I don't see or speak to anyone at all...but some theorize this is my way for me to balance by introverted character with my extroverted professional life.

I've also found that with age has come the realization that I'm not a very easy person to be with. I get impatient with people, I can be utterly shallow, I can have a short attention span, I over analyze things, and I can be incredibly lazy.
I can go WEEKS without talking to people - even my own family. I've always been off in my own little world so I'm difficult to talk to. I don't relate well to other people so conversation can be quite strained. Especially when meeting new people. It's usually a one way conversation. They want to get to know me better but my answers are usually vague and only 1 or 2 words. I think it comes from being a sensitive child (and adult) - I've always felt the need to 'withhold' a lot from people, so as not to reveal any weaknesses or insecurities that could be exploited or made fun of (kids can be so cruel). Maybe being 'different' has something to do with it - even though my sexuality was never an issue until my teens, I always sensed I wasn't like the other boys, so I always 'hid' myself a little.....
Interesting thread...though I don't feel as an outcast I certainly do feel distant...for many of these reasons.

I suppose describing myself as an outcast was a slight exaggeration. I think 'distant' is more the right word, maybe even 'hermit' or 'loner' - although 'loner' is usually reserved for serial killers and I'm far too lazy to go on a murderous rampage. Is there such a thing as 'serial passive-aggressive'? Maybe my 'withdrawal' is a psychological problem. A few years ago, I was 'diagnosed' with depression. I think there is a slight element of truth there but I didn't like the way it was diagnosed (hence the apostrophes) so I take it with a grain of salt. But I do think I could have some issues: my father was nearly 51 when I was born and I read 10-15 years ago, there was some scientific/medical study that showed that the older a man is when he becomes a parent, the greater the chance of that child developing some type of mental illness in adult life - and being in his 50's does put me in a danger zone. But it was a long time ago and I didn't read the study itself, just a newspaper article about it and we all know how the media can sometimes 'warp' things out of proportion.....
 
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deleted3782

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my father was nearly 51 when I was born and I read 10-15 years ago, there was some scientific/medical study that showed that the older a man is when he becomes a parent, the greater the chance of that child developing some type of mental illness in adult life -

Hmm, we might be on to something, my dad was older too. :wink:

Thanks for the added comments.
 

Gowheels

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I know the feeling of feeling like an outcast. I am a spinal cord injured quadriplegic. Probably the only one on lpsg.
 

Sharpone

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I really think this is why the Harry Potter books are so popular with kids and adults. Most people deep inside do feel like outcasts and had tough upbringings even if they don't show it publicly.
 

dartanion

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I do feel I have special connections with certain people or "souls" that go beyond what is felt or even sensed in conventional experience. I think that aspect of myself is that which is transcendent and it vibrates in what is transcendent in certain others. That's why we can't describe it in words. For me it comes about when I'm in tune with my soul mate or whatever I can to call that person. It isn't felt emotionally or physically. It's more a level of connection that is bigger than our two egos or ideas about it.

Wow. Serious transcendental truths up in this here post.

Hung Jon, thank you for putting into words that which I've experienced but lacked the vocabulary to describe. The best I've been able to come up with is "vibe." I vibe with another soul when parts of my energy hum in connection with their energy. It's, as you say, beyond emotions and body. I now realize you also used the word "vibrate." Keep vibing, buddy.
 

bigbull29

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if not you need to expand your horizons and find your way to a place outside your comfort level and there you might find the kindred spirits who are looking for you and your opinions.

You got it!:smile:

Some people can live feeling perfectly comfortable in some redneck-kind-of-a town, and to others it is a death sentence for their soul. So it all comes down to where you feel comfortable.

For me, I don't feel comfortable in my own skin around most North Americans, and thus know in my heart say that I don't belong in the average town on this continent. I do, however, feel infinitely more comfortable in some other countries (not all of them LOL), and a few places in North America. I haven't yet found my "spot", though I know that I will in time.

To the OP: A prophet is never accepted in his own town. Now go where you feel people appreciate you for you, where you can connect to people on a much deeper level and make a good friend or two. If you always have to be pretending to like things you don't or be something you're not, it's high time to say to good-bye to that place or entourage.


I'm breathing a beautiful breath now...peace...
 

hung1990

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So I almost never post on here (because of complete laziness), but this thread really got me.

I feel like a complete outsider most of the time. With my family, friends, business associates, I'm always the outcast or outside thinker. I live in an extremely small, redneck ridden, conservative loving town where being a liberal thinker, or anything close to it, is basically socially illegal. People here don't realize there's an entire world out there, which really bothers me. I'm young, and I constantly have anxiety about being stuck here and never getting out. I feel as though I can't completely be me until I'm ok with who I am. I obviously can't be who I am here because I would be disowned and kicked out of my family, so I get very anxious and impatient with getting out of here. I can never turn to my "friends" in fear of being judged. I just feel like this extremely fake shell of a person who's completely different inside than out, and that bothers me far more than I'd like it to. Your thread made me realize I'm not the only one going insane and being misunderstood in my situation, so thank you.
 

DavidXL

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. . . I live in an extremely small, redneck ridden, conservative loving town where being a liberal thinker, or anything close to it, is basically socially illegal. People here don't realize there's an entire world out there, which really bothers me. I'm young, and I constantly have anxiety about being stuck here and never getting out. . . .

There are so many great places to live in this country, you shouldn't stay in one that sounds like it will slowly kill you. You should start thinking today about coming up with a plan, even if it takes a while, for getting out of there. Best wishes.
 

evil_noodles

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This is a very nostalgic thread. You guys could be describing myself. Nice to see I'm not alone with this feeling.
 

bigbull29

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So I almost never post on here (because of complete laziness), but this thread really got me.

I feel like a complete outsider most of the time. With my family, friends, business associates, I'm always the outcast or outside thinker. I live in an extremely small, redneck ridden, conservative loving town where being a liberal thinker, or anything close to it, is basically socially illegal. People here don't realize there's an entire world out there, which really bothers me. I'm young, and I constantly have anxiety about being stuck here and never getting out. I feel as though I can't completely be me until I'm ok with who I am. I obviously can't be who I am here because I would be disowned and kicked out of my family, so I get very anxious and impatient with getting out of here. I can never turn to my "friends" in fear of being judged. I just feel like this extremely fake shell of a person who's completely different inside than out, and that bothers me far more than I'd like it to. Your thread made me realize I'm not the only one going insane and being misunderstood in my situation, so thank you.

No, you're not alone, buddy. There are so many people in your boat. You will find your way, just be strong...
 

D_Gallalye Goodlolly

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[TameYoung, I would just say it again from my pov that making friends in the most general sense maybe be ok but it doesn't really do it for me at all, unless the word "friend" is meant in some deeper connection. I do feel I have special connections with certain people or "souls" that go beyond what is felt or even sensed in conventional experience. I think that aspect of myself is that which is transcendent and it vibrates in what is transcendent in certain others. That's why we can't describe it in words. For me it comes about when I'm in tune with my soul mate or whatever I can to call that person. It isn't felt emotionally or physically. It's more a level of connection that is bigger than our two egos or ideas about it. It's the same as art. If I create something, the process of creating is within time and space as is what I create. But the doing of it is timeless and without form. When it is over, I move on and can never be in that process again. So it's the same with not fitting in or being misunderstood. It doesn't necessarily need to be figured out. I'm thinking that it works itself out over time in the same way we create deeper relationships with those we are soul mates with. Because it's evolutionary, it isn't affected by common experience or descriptions".
even with this response,you lost me.also sorry i neva feel this way. i guess im not artistic at all.