Does anyone here go to singles clubs?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by basincreek, Sep 12, 2010.

  1. basincreek

    basincreek New Member

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    Because here's how a foray into one went for me awhile back.

    So it started one night when Rick (not his real name), a friend of mine, talked me into trying out the dating scene again. He wanted to take me to this singles club called Fling and I was less than willing........reluctant even. Now Rick does great at these places of amorous, ephemeral vanity because he is himself attractive and promiscuous.....but he was insistent I at least try.

    "Look, I'll talk you up," he said, "I'll say you're back from building orphanages in Africa."

    :rolleyes:<------my thinking of this

    "C'mon," he continued, "I'll talk myself down......I'll say I have a girlfriend and that my doctor is really sure I have a STD." He actually seemed to be proud of this idea and I now knew that, at the very least, it would be an interesting evening, what with everything being built on a foundation of lies, so I relented.

    "Sure Rick."

    So we showed up at the place, which is apparently in an old warehouse district that is becoming gentrified, and Rick got us a table near the wall. I offered to go get some drinks, I don't actually drink but I can handle a soft Rum & Coke every now and then so I figured I'd get one now at least, and headed to the bar carefully avoiding the dance floor. I angled up to the bar, ordered the drinks and, after I finished ordering them, the blonde to my immediate left looked up at me then blurted out, "sorry, not interested," before turning back around.

    Kinda taken aback by that I turned the other way where there was this brunette on the other side of me looking my way and I thought she was going to comment on the other girls rudeness when instead she said, "in your dreams, bub," then walked off also.

    Before I had processed this quick exchange my drinks were up and I turned around to bring them back to Rick and suddenly this other girl, a freckled redhead wearing this odd slinky neon green dress, dropped her blackberry and, with her dress obviously not designed with dexterity in mind, I bent down and picked it up for her.

    "Thanks," she said beaming a halfhearted smile and without even taking a breath, "I'm sorry I already........" she didn't even finish her sentence but instead just turned around and started talking to her friends.

    In less than a minute I'd been rejected three times--and not even deemed worthy of a full verbalization for the last one--and I hadn't even asked a single gal out yet. This was shaping up to be a very rotten evening.

    As I got back to the table I saw that Rick had been joined by three pretty ladies who seemed to be enthralled in whatever Rick was telling them. As I approached I heard the tail end of it, "...pulled the orphans out of the building through a window even as the mercenaries were still pumping bullets into it."

    He was actually telling an orphans in Africa story....that had someone become like some Bruckenheimer produced, Michael Bay directed explosion/gun porn fest. I half considered pretending I had come to the wrong table and go elsewhere when Rick saw me. "Ahh, my man. Girls, this is him, the man himself!"

    I tried to hide the nervous gulp as I meekly responded, "uh, hi everyone."

    No sooner had I sat down then Rick got up to go to the bathroom. Not knowing what kind of story he had been telling I started sweating in anticipation of being grilled by the three women. Where had Rick said the orphanage was in Africa? Had Rick said I used a specific weapon to get the orphans out? However, my fear was misplaced, after Rick was gone they all started talking amongst themselves and didn't even look at me. I figured this was one bullet dodged at least.

    Rick came back and the three girls said they had to leave but wanted his number first. He seemed a bit surprised but wrote it down for all three on three little strips of paper. They all seemed to be confused by what he had written though. The closest one asked, "So is one your home and the other?"

    "The first one is mine, the second is his (pointing to me)," he explained. One girl immediately crossed out my number, the second folded up hers and the third simply tore my half off and discarded it into a waste basket. So much for subtlety.

    "I thought you were going to say you have an STD?" I asked after they were gone.

    "I did," Rick replied. At that I quickly downed my drink not wanting to contemplate the implications of having rated below STD infection.

    A while later a friend of Ricks, that I didn't care for, came by and I excused myself to another table on the other side of the dance floor. As I sat there with another (very unusual for me) Rum & Coke my mind kinda drifted off. It was brought back to earth by an angelic voice, "um, hi." I focused my eyes onto a beautiful brunette that could have been Zooey Deschanel's long lost twin in a sleek gray party dress. "There's like a rumor going around that you were like in a war in Brazil or something."

    "Africa," I quickly corrected her before realizing that I had just inadvertently committed myself to a horrible lie. Damn my inability for extemporaneous explanation!

    "Oh, that's like cool," she said almost nervously.

    Damn, I thought, this was it. Go for it and stay the course, explain the war in Africa as a metaphor, an allegory, or something, at some future time, like on a date. "I could explain what it that was all about, like over dinner, perhaps?" I sure hope I didn't look as eagerly hopeful as I actually was.

    "Oh, no, I'm sorry.......this is kinda awkward now," she bit her upper lip and glanced backwards before resuming, "I was just hoping you could introduce me to your friend over there," she said gesturing to Rick.

    Feeling somewhat--scratch that--feeling completely hollow I just got up and walked her over to Rick. "Hi Rick, this is.......," I didn't even know her name, "someone," and I walked, zombie like numb, back to the other table barely missing the couple on the dance floor who looked like they might start fornicating right then and there.

    After what seemed like forever, two DJ changeovers at least, Rick and I left. In the car he explained that the girl I had brought over to him was named Rachel or Natalie (he couldn't remember which) and that she had explained to him her theory on why people do things like my fictitious Africa orphan thing. Her theory was that it was because the beautiful people spend their time having fun and those that are not have to find other things to do; some do crime and some go to Africa for the orphans.........I was not in the mood to explain the numerous holes in her hypothesis so I just let Rick rattle on about it.

    After I got home I woke my dog Toby up as he seemed to be whimpering. Toby was rescued from a dog fighting ring and sometimes seems to have nightmares. I flicked the lights on and off to let my deaf cat Totoro know I was home, located my other cat Tiger (who has epilepsy [in case you're wondering why the weird pets: I help run an organization that gets pets with disabilities adopted out]) and went to get a piece of leftover lasagna. Unfortunately I hadn't run the dishwasher so there were no clean plates. I just gave up on the lasagna and went to my bed, laid down and started reading my latest book, Conspiracy of Fools (which is pretty good so far by-the-way) and as I did so Toby came in and curled up on the rug next to my bed. Then Totoro jumped up and laid down on my chest purring.

    You know, I reflected, the world isn't such a bad place, it's just the people that are the problem......well, some of the people, I wouldn't want to put any blame on the orphans in Africa after all.


    So a few days later Rick went out with Rachel/Natalie (her real name was actually Amy) and he reports that she is a sociology major. I hope that works out for her. :eek:


    So, does anyone here give these places much time? If so what are your experiences like with them?
     
    #1 basincreek, Sep 12, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2010
  2. lopo2000

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    First of all, I enjoy reading your post. Second, I think that many of places like the one you described can be superficial. Places like clubs and all, I always believe that people go there to get some actions, not reality. I always wonder if you actually can marry someone you met at the club without getting in fights after learning the true colors of your partner afterwards.

    By the way, you really could write! I envy, I always wanted to be a writer...
     
  3. Bbucko

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    If "singles club" and "pick-up joint" are essentially the same thing, then very nearly every gay bar in the world qualifies, and I've been going to gay bars regularly since I was 18. I worked in one when I was 19 and have again for the past four years.

    I've always wondered about people who attempt to meet people while wearing a mask, disguising themselves behind a persona. What happens when the mask slips off and the person one has met while wearing it discovers that the persona is peppered with distortions and untruth?

    If I'm interested in meeting someone, I'm on best behavior (usually) but also have a longer-range plan than hustling that person into bed, and try to be as honest and forthright as possible. No heavy moralism here, it just seems that if you meet someone interesting, you'd want to pursue it and actually explore who the other might really be. And for me, that exploration starts at a base-camp of honesty.
     
  4. basincreek

    basincreek New Member

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    Yeah I didn't have much confidence in it working. In a real meat market I knew I was going to be completely out of place so I wasn't surprised that not a single gal there showed me anything but utter contempt.
     
  5. Bbucko

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    Maybe part of it was the "meat market" venue, maybe part of it was the fact that you didn't feel confident enough as is and required a fictitious back story.

    You'll never really know :cool:
     
  6. minimag

    minimag Active Member

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    My experiences are virtually identical to yours. I was rejected by a lady up at the bar. I wasn't hitting on her, I was just trying to find out if she had ordered her drinks yet, because I didn't want to cut in front of her if she hadn't.

    Some people say "Nice guys finish last..." which is a total load of crap. Nice guys don't finish at all.
     
  7. basincreek

    basincreek New Member

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    In cesspools of shallow vanity like that a Nice Guy is just out of place. I'll agree with you on that.
     
  8. minimag

    minimag Active Member

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    I always enjoy the looks of horror and revulsion people give me when I walk by. Maybe I have some sort of "reverse body dismorphic disorder" where I see myself as a normal "Average Joe" but am, in truth, some sort of hideous man-beast.
     
  9. Chase1600

    Chase1600 Member

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    It's probably just your 50% straight side.
     
  10. minimag

    minimag Active Member

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    Possibly. I disgust the women, frighten the twinks, and get nods of respect from the bears. :D
     
  11. Chase1600

    Chase1600 Member

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    Basincreek, I&#8217;ve gone back and read some of your posts.

    This is an interesting conundrum you&#8217;ve constructed for yourself. And I do believe it is a conundrum as in a puzzle or mystery. And of course, I believe it is constructed. You are gleaning pieces of evidence to support a presumption - a losing presumption.

    Why?

    Whether you choose to go to a pick up bar, singles club, or whore house for that matter, is up to you, but neither of these approaches seems appropriate for a man who is what you describe: shy, inexperienced, and tentative about sex &#8211; things,, each of them, which can be very attractive sexually.

    If a woman, who has never seen me before, were to treat me rudely in a pick up joint, I would assume that she is reacting to men in general. She doesn&#8217;t even know me.

    I am gay. If I try to make time with a guy, there&#8217;s a risk. It goes with the territory. Suppose I did a study and discovered that I get shot down 4 out of 5 times. No need to give up, just plan on approaching 5 or 6 guys. Cost of doing business, that&#8217;s all it is. And I have to say, any nonsense about playing within my league or not, is bogus. I can get shot down by &#8220;x&#8221; who ain&#8217;t much to look at and make time with &#8220;y&#8221; a regular knock-out.

    Go figure.

    And dude, I&#8217;m almost 70 years old, and actually do &#8211; sometimes just for the fun of playing the game &#8211; manage to seduce a guy, here and there, now and then.

    Go figure.

    In one of your threads you posted:

    These two sentences seem to me to tell it all. Girls like guys that are interested in them; not in themselves. You&#8217;re not describing how you will feel about a women, you&#8217;re fixed on worrying about what she will think of you.

    I&#8217;m not going to try and seduce a guy I don&#8217;t think is infatuating &#8211; a little wine induced infatuation has been know to occur &#8211; and when I set out to get him interested I&#8217;m fairly audacious in presuming I&#8217;ll know how to give him a really good time. Admittedly, guys are easy and I don&#8217;t recall ever letting one escape without his having a least one, seemingly terrific, orgasm.

    I haven&#8217;t met the guy yet who objects to cumming.
     
  12. Chase1600

    Chase1600 Member

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    My philosophy: know your product and market it.
     
  13. dannyB60

    dannyB60 New Member

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    Agree 100%!

    The time I was most successful at a club was the one time I hung out with a crew of guys who had more BS stories to tell than they had combined IQ. In the process of getting drunk / shooting the shit with them, I started taking the same attitude, and it stuck with me until we hit the clubs.

    I talked so much shit that night and made up so many pathetic and unbelievable stories that I can only rationalize that night's stupidity by saying I was drunk... but funny thing is, I brought 3 cute girls back to my room that night... nevermind that I didn't know a thing about them - not even their names - I told them what they wanted to hear and acted like I believed it myself.

    Nowdays I just can't bring myself to act like that... and hence, I am never successful in clubs... I just never feel comfortable in the conversations that take place in clubs... I just can't shake the sounds in my head constantly screaming "are you kidding me?".

    So, I guess it's like you say, nice guys just don't belong in those scenes...
     
  14. basincreek

    basincreek New Member

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    I'm curious as to what kind of shit you can talk to get three cute girls in one night.

    Not that I want that I'm just curious how it's done since I can't even land one regular girl ever.
     
  15. killerb

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    i don't go to any singles clubs...
    i've never actually made an attempt to go out & meet anyone...
     
  16. basincreek

    basincreek New Member

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    I was hoping to get some female perspective on the single club scene as well. Have none of our female members been in one?
     
  17. petite

    petite New Member

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    I'm not the right person to answer.

    I may be the only person on the planet who hasn't met a stranger at a dance club and ended up having a relationship. I have been in a dance club with friends and met the friend of a friend whom I ended up dating, and there was this one weird time when I was dating someone that I thought was just a friend and I didn't realize that we were dating until I looked back in retrospect (long story, interesting, but too long to tell here), so I don't think that counts. I've run into old acquantances or men I met elsewhere and that started us dating, but they weren't strangers to me when we recognized each other at the club.

    I'm also a little unsure what a "singles club" is. Do you mean a dance club?

    I worked in a "hot" dance club as a cocktail waitress when I was 19/20 years old. I only accepted a date once the whole time I worked there, even though I got hit on dozens of times every night and I got asked out several times an hour, but that guy was quite a bit different from the rest. We didn't date long.

    I've met most of the men I've dated in coffeeshops instead of clubs. I like meeting men when we're both sober, and I feel like the likelihood that they have a good job and they're responsible is higher if I meet him in a coffeeshop at 7 PM than in a dance club at 1 AM.

    I met TheBoyfriend in a coffeeshop!
     
    #17 petite, Sep 15, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2010
  18. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I used to go clubbing a lot between the ages of 18 and 20 (I was over it by then). I used to go with a group of friends (usually 1 girl and a few guys). We played pool a lot, and occasionally did some dancing (only if I was very drunk and my friend was nagging me).

    While I often had sex after a night at the club, there were only two times that I actually picked up/was picked up by a total stranger. The first time, I have almost no memory of (I was utterly wasted), so I can give you no input whatsoever into how it happened.

    This is how the second happened:

    I was in some guy's way when he was playing pool. The conversation went like this:

    Him: 'Excuse me, love'.

    Me: 'I am NOT your love! Do NOT call me love!'

    Him: 'Sorry. What should I call you then?'

    Me: 'I'm subgirrl. Nice to meet you :smile:'

    We ended up chatting for a while - no African orphans, just normal stuff. Then I entered the weekly pool competition (NOT because I can play - I can't). Strangely, I drew him as my partner. He played left handed one time out of three so I could have at least one win (it was still close). We ended up going for a drive and having sex (safety measures were in place).

    Basically, I saw the club as a place to get pissed with my mates, not a place to pick up.
     
  19. basincreek

    basincreek New Member

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    So you never preemptively rejected guys that hadn't even hit on you?

    What about asking a guy that's interested in you to introduce you to his friend? I mean not necessarily in a club but anywhere....because that's happened to me many times outside of the club environment as well and it always makes me feel so hollow.
     
  20. petite

    petite New Member

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    I don't know what this means.

    Is this friend someone that she already knows? Or did he approach her in the club as a stranger? I'd be much more receptive to a friend of a friend at a club as potential dating material, or anywhere else. I have dated a lot of men that were introduced to me by someone else I know at a social gathering or at a club or a coffeeshop or at a party. Someone who is a part of my extended social network is more interesting to me than a total stranger.

    For example, the reason why I met TheBoyfriend is because he became friends with one of my friends and tagged along to the coffeeshop where me and my friends hung out. He fit in instantly, showed how charming and intelligent he was, and that made me interested in him. He wasn't specifically introduced to me, he was introduced to everyone at the table and he socialized with everyone, but he kept making more eye contact with me and trying to engage me more than anyone else, so I knew that he was interested in me, but he was being polite and well-mannered to everyone who was there.
     
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